signs as The Adventure Zone quotes

telnaga:

aries: i very flirtatiously hit it with my warhammer

taurus: 

and instead of using castor sugar like i normally would, i went with uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhʰʰʰʰʰʰʰʰʰʰʰʰʰʰʰ splenda

gemini: 

PERCEPTION CHECK i want to see if he wet his pants

cancer: 

no dogs are allowed on the moon. they just run right off the goddamn thing

leo: “the second ruffian –” “give them names.” “

–……..craigory”

virgo: 

it covers all of his essential, uh, oils, but it does say “juicy” where his butt would be

libra:

“and when i take my hand away, i’ve stuck a ‘kick me’ sign on his back” ”i kick him”

scorpio: 

i need to do a check to see if him being on fire gives me the idea for spicy food

saggitarius: 

somewhere in the distance, ludacris smiles

capricorn: “you run up and tear the box open, it explodes, you die. no, you tear the box open, it DOESN’T explode, you DON’T die –” “i’m fine either way.”

aquarius: abracafuck you!

pisces: the three of you walk into this room singing showtunes, and everyone inside this building looks at you, and kills you