mattygrovesfic:

“No,” John said, standing up straight for maybe the first time in his life.

“No?” Landry raised an eyebrow and the screen flickered momentarily as the connection through wormhole fluctuated. “What do mean, ‘no,’ Colonel?”

“I mean I’m not coming. Tell them there was an emergency. Or tell them the truth for all I care. I’m not traveling to another galaxy to shake the tiny hand of a racist, sexist, xenophobic cheeto and pretend to like it.”

“I might be persuaded to go just to see the look on his sorry excuse for a second in command’s face when you introduce me as your husband,” Rodney piped in sarcastically from behind John. “We can tell him all about the gays in space who save his ass every day.”

“Yeah, just tell him we’ve all caught the gay and had to be quarantined so it doesn’t spread to the rest of his precious, totally straight military. Nobody’s ever relieved the stress of living in a combat zone with a little guy on guy hand job exchange,” John drawled.

Landry rubbed his temples.

“I’m afraid I stand with Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay on this issue, General,” Woolsey interjected. “This is an IOA expedition after all, and the, er, man’s policies have the potential to be incredibly divisive among our expedition members, many of whom are from the very countries the, er, president–” Woolsey swallowed, as though the word caused bile to rise in his throat–“Has continuously vilified without cause.”

“I see,” said Landry after considering them for a moment. It lasted so long, John was beginning to think the screen was frozen. “Off the record, I can’t say I blame you. To be honest, I’m a little jealous of your current position in another galaxy. On the record, I’m so sorry to hear of Atlantis’ recent outbreak of Athosian Whooping Cough. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.”

With a brief nod, Landry ended the call.