jenroses:

negressive:

in a relationship with healthy communication, arguments should end with understanding on both ends

you have to keep the goal in mind

do you want to win? or do you want to understand that person and resolve the issue? (ask yourself once, then ask again)

the ego loves to win an argument, but relationships are not about feeding your ego

healthy relationships dilute the ego

if you find yourself arguing to win in your relationship, consider what you value more: the love you share with that person, or protecting your ego

This is 100% accurate. Hubby and I don’t fight often, but when we do we know the following:
1. We’re on each other’s sides
2. We’re trying to reach understanding
3. We’re trying to find a solution that will work for both of us
4. We won’t always get what we want
5. Getting what we want is less important than making it work. 
6. Usually the one who cares the most wins. That is not always the same person. (For example: I have stronger feelings on things like breastfeeding and circumcision. He has stronger feelings about which conventions we go to. I tend to defer to him on areas of law (his professional expertise) and he mostly defers to me on parenting (my professional expertise))
7. We both have vetos. We don’t use them often. I don’t whistle around him, he keeps the kids away when I’m trying to fix a computer. 
8. If someone is getting upset, it’s probably not about the surface issue we appear to be fighting about, and we need to stop, regroup, and figure our own shit out and then talk about it. 

We don’t, as a matter of policy:
Namecall
Try to score points
Keep arguing when someone says they need a break from arguing
Have the same argument over and over again without resolution

We work very hard to:
Avoid putting each other in the middle of other people’s problems with one of us. (For example, if one of my parents has a problem with something they’re doing, I will NOT carry that to him. They can talk to him themselves, or it’s not that much of a problem.)
Be the bad guy for each other. (i.e. he always has the option to say, “My wife needs me at home” when he wants out of a social obligation. I have the option to say, “I need to talk to my husband about that” when I don’t want to commit to a major expenditure, even though it’s incredibly rare that I would tell him I needed him too much for him to go do a fun thing, and I can authorize purchases without talking to him, but sometimes this avoids a whole fuckton of sales pressure. My kids get to make me the bad guy, too, when they want to avoid peer pressure.) 
Be each other’s safe space
Make sure we’re taking care of ourselves. “I need to put my oxygen mask on” is a code for “I feel like I’m drowning and I need a little bit of time to regroup where I”m not being asked to do anything for anyone else, give me that time and I’ll be more useful.”

TL:DR?
Our marriage vows included not only “Love, honor and cherish”, but the more concrete “Support, respect and defend.” 

Honestly, if you do the later, the former is easy.