You’re one of the very last humans surviving amid the apocalyptic wreckage of earth; your salvation comes in the form of aliens interested in conserving endangered species.
@deadcatwithaflamethrower, @obaewankenope, @maawi, @stonefreeak, @meabhair, @lilyrose225writes, @eclipsemidnight y’all in the mood for some morbid funny?
It was a fucking accident.
That’s probably all at once the best and worst thing you could have to say about our species. We were sitting on a powder keg—global warming, loose ice shelf, a supervolcano in Yellowstone, and fuck knows what political shit-throwing competition. Russia was surfing the hacker waves and North Korea was finally building successful baby-nukes. With borrowed engines. Probably from Russia.
It was a perfect storm all its own without any additions. But it all hung in the balance, and nobody really paid it much mind except in the moment every new bit of nonsense was achieved and announced.
One thing I’ll say for my species, we’re amazingly good at archival. Literally every single blasted event was reported, overreported, reviewed, turned, twisted, viewed from one point or another or yet a third, analysed, reported again, filed away for a week and then dredged back up again for a few more kicks to the corpse. Of course, when you’re trying to keep up with the vagaries of a seventy-year-old disorganised orange mop-haired husk, you have to step up your natural talent a bit, so in the last year or so it’s been something of a necessary obsession.
All this archival is a bit pointless without the internet. The old information systems—radio transmission and all that—lived the longest after our little Big Bang.
So when I say, it was an accident, that’s from back when we still had information at our fingertips. No one had the chance to twist it up yet or anything. Or at least I think so. It’s either a mark of the human condition that we’d go out in a massive flare of irony, or it’s my personal perception—either way I find the futility of it all morbidly appealing and I’m (one of?) the last ones here to tell the story, so my version is what you’re getting.
A ship wandered out into the middle of what was supposedly contested area because they were trying to outrun a storm and some freak accident knocked out their electronics—you know, like it did with those couple of planes a year ago? Shit, was it two years now? Whatever. A hostile power viewed the situation as a threat and fired off a little nuke. What’s a couple rads between friends, anyway?
Probably shouldn’t have hit Yellowstone. Fucked up their vector in a hurry, I guess.
So. For those (whoever’s left? I guess?) who don’t know, Yellowstone National Park was sitting pretty right on top of a damn supervolcano. Which is to say, there’s this absolutely giant lake of heated molten rock under a pretty thin surface. And we’d been talking for years about how the continental shelf on the West Coast of the United States was one day gonna fucking move, and we’d lose—heck, Japan and coastal states at least? And that could spark Yellowstone anyway?
Well, about that.
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