poplitealqueen:

poplitealqueen:

Luke is either gonna be Jokester Yoda Master or Salty Sad Ben Master in Episode 8. There is no in-between.

Although I personally would love it if he developed an Obi-Wan level of depressing sass.

“Back in my day, our Death Stars only destroyed one planet at time. This is just ridiculous.”

“Are we sure Han died? There may have been a vat of Carbonite down there. Someone go visit Jabba’s son, just to be sure.”

“Why did I choose Ahch-To? Well, I’ve been on planets of all sand, cloud, and ice, and I hated all of them. I thought maybe all water would be a good change of pace. It’s not. Get me the fuck out of here, my ship malfunctioned years ago and everyone thought I was being edgy when really I was just stranded.”

“Oh great, another helmeted murderer I’m related to.”

“Rey, pray to the Force that you’re not actually part of this family. Nobody wants to be part of this family.”

“If Yoda could do it at 900, I can do it at 60.” *promptly dies out of spite*

“Your friend is a stormtrooper, huh? You know, I was a stormtrooper once. Yeah. Yeah, I was great. Tallest one there.”

“There is no luck, only the Force… and the Force likes to be very unlucky around me.”

“Uh, thanks for bringing the lightsaber that holds only memories of pain for me, but I have my own. In green. With a custom handle. You can keep that one.”

“Just kidding, watch me duel-wield.”

So, judging from the only trailer that wasn’t so minimalistic that I could learn more about what I’m going to see in theaters from an ancient Mesopotamian erotic terra cotta plaque that jokingly states: “Putting the fertile back in the Fertile Cresent”, it turns out that Luke is but a humble Porg breeder that stares at Rey in silent terror every moment they have screen time together.

He’s basically Yoda with Anakin in Episode 1, except he doesn’t have Mace’s resting bitch face and Qui-Gon’s piss-poor child care skills to help hide the fact that he’s scared shitless by the sand-covered young person.