deadcatwithaflamethrower:

recklessprudence:

kyraneko:

gay-jesus-probably:

So if an Obi-Wan Kenobi movie does get made, there’s three different settings it could have, each with its own pros and cons

Option one: Pre-Phantom Menace, during Obi-Wan’s apprenticeship

Pros:

• Would be Obi-Wan’s least stressful canon apperance
• Qui-Gon
• Mace Windu
• Could move Xanatos from the EU into canon
• Squishy baby face teenager Jedi
• No Jar-Jar
• Palpatine’s dickishness is all firmly backstage; if it’s even involved at all

Cons:

• Ewan Mcgregor can’t play teenage Obi-Wan
• No Anakin
• No Ahsoka
• No Padme
• No R2-D2 or C3-PO

Option two: During Anakin’s apprenticeship, in the ten year timeskip between TPM and AOTC

Pros:

• Ewan can and would play Obi-Wan
• Anakin’s wonderous adventures in the early/mid teen years
• Parenting hijinks
• Mace Windu
• Perfect opportunity to give some canon elaboration on normal Jedi life, as that has literally never happened beyond tidbits here and there
• Plot could be Obi-Wan obliviously fucking over Palpatine’s repeated attempts to assassinate him, and almost pushing Palpatine into a stress aneurysm because how the hell does Obi-Wan not even notice the assassination attempts what the fuck

Cons:

• Qui-Gon is dead
• It’s all downhill from here
• Still no Padme, considering she’s specifically stated to not interact with the other two until AOTC
• Still no Ahsoka
• We have to look at Palpatine being trusted and respected by the Republic and know that there won’t be a happy resolution for a good 20-30 years and I mean even then oh my god

Option three: Set it during the time skip between ROTS and ANH

Pros:

• Still Ewan Mcgregor
• It makes perfect sense for Ahsoka to be involved
• It makes perfect sense for Bail to show up as well
• We might actually get to see Breha Organa
• Small child Luke! Small child Leia! Both viable cameos!
• Rebellion era, meaning the overall tone of the movie would be ‘fuck the establishment, fuck the government, fuck fascism’ which are very positive messages that should be sent these days
• Qui-Gon’s ghostly hijinks
• Darth Vader

Cons:

• This is the saddest possible Kenobi
• Oh my god it’s so sad
• STILL NO PADME
• LETS JUST GIVE PADME HER OWN MOVIE THIS IS RIDICULOUS
• The Jedi are dead and everything is painful
• …Darth Vader
• Oh my god it would be so sad
• The title would probably have to be ‘Obi-Wan’s Adventures in Crushing Depression and Toppling Governments: A Star Wars Story
• Seriously it would be like Rogue One but worse because we already know how fucked Obi-Wan is and oh my god
• Star Wars is a family franchise but the setting would just feel wrong if Obi-Wan didn’t yell fuck at some point. lets face it he’s earned it.

Conclusion: Make an Obi-Wan trilogy. Don’t let George Lucas write the dialogue.

Personally I want a post-ROTS-pre-ANH movie that starts with Obi-Wan, Bail, and several of Padme’s handmaidens kicking the Rebellion into gear, finding Ahsoka on the way and dragging her into the mess, all with everybody running themselves ragged trying to keep various secrets from various other members of the squad—and from Vader, who eventually shows up to take issue with their attempted revolution.*

• Obi-Wan trying to keep from Ahsoka that Darth Vader is/was Anakin.
• Bail trying to keep Leia’s origins from everybody.
• Obi-Wan trying to keep Vader from finding Ahsoka without letting Ahsoka know why.
• Everyone trying to avoid Darth Vader.
• Everyone trying to figure out who the fuck Darth Vader is.
• Seriously, freaking scary-powerful Force user shows up out of nowhere already high-ranked in the Empire, what’s up with that?
• The handmaidens looking for Padme’s missing baby.
• The handmaidens looking for Padme’s missing husband.
• The handmaidens looking for Padme’s missing killer.**
• Clone troopers joining, supporting, working for the Rebellion.
• Clone troopers suffering over their part in the Jedi massacre.
• Clone troopers doubling down on their loyalty to the Empire to shut up the cognitive dissonance and bury the guilt.
• Who’s who?
• Have fun guessing.
• Saw Gererra, Steela Gererra, Cham Syndulla, Mon Mothma, Bail, Breha, Draven, other Rebel group leaders all joining forces to coordinate this massive push and arguing over how to do it and what’s okay to do.
• Is Maul still alive?
• Maul conflicted as to whether to kill the Emperor, kill Vader, kill Obi-Wan, all of the above.
• Maul offering his services to the Rebellion in the assassinating-the-Emperor field.
• Hondo.
• Boba Fett.
• Vader has been sulking growing strong in the Dark Side and wants to end this rebellion and prove himself to the Emperor, and will hunt down everyone involved.
• Fuck why do all these Rebel ladies look so damn much like Padme?
• Vader vs Feelings.
• Vader vs the not-so-vague suspicion that there are some Force-users scurrying about behind the scenes.
• Anakin’s former friends and colleagues and soldiers agonizing over what they find out about Vader’s origins.
• The Canon Ping-Pong of keeping people who aren’t supposed to meet yet from meeting and recognizing each other.
• Ahsoka in face paint pretending to be an entirely different Togruta when she encounters Vader.
• Boba Fett taking off his armor and going undercover as a clone.
• Seriously massive large-scale conspiracy to overthrow the Empire.
• That comes crashing down on them hard enough that people think each other killed, to explain why they aren’t in contact by ANH-time.
• Clone rebellions as the primary reason why troopers in the OT-era are mostly recruited regular citizens.
• Clone rebellions as the primary reason it’s referred to as the Clone Wars and not the Clone War.
• The handmaidens figuring it out and trying to kill Vader.
• Vader probably kills the handmaidens.
• It probably fucks him up a bit.

*Yes, revolution. I want there to be plans in the works for a full-on, top-down HULK SMASH level attempt to gut the Empire and reinstall the Republic. None of this passive waiting on their meta-destiny as though they’re aware of the restrictions of canon. I want the Rebellion to throw almost everything they’ve got into this, and fail hard enough to put years between them and fighting strength again, make them hesitant and dubious of each other, explain why ANH seems to act like the Rebellion is a newish threat rather than one that’s been at their throats for twenty years.

**They are Padme’s bodyguards and sisters and confidantes and they know a lot more about her than anyone expected, and they know how to investigate and read signs and read between the lines and they prepared her body for burial, they know there’s a baby that didn’t die with her and they know Anakin Skywalker was the father and they know Obi-Wan was lying when he said Anakin was dead and they know she didn’t just randomly up and die, and their priorities are 1) get baby, 2) find baby’s (loved, trusted, loving) father and reunite them, 3) figure out who killed Padme and kill them. Isn’t misinformation fun?

@deadcatwithaflamethrower, that last one – plotbunny for you or someone you know? *nudge*

@recklessprudence, you are cruel. Someone else. Please. *shoves plunny in different direction*