tenderlesbian:

women, especially questioning women, need to be aware of the difference between liking when guys are attracted to you and wanting that attention, and actually being attracted to guys. this was my biggest comp het issue and sometimes still is, over the years i tricked myself into thinking i liked many men because i loved the validation and approval i got from them. society teaches women that approval from men, especially sexual approval, is the most important thing and we should strive for it. here are some examples that might be able to help women recognize when this is happening:

• you are hyperaware of your appearance and “sex appeal” around him
• you often ask him “do i look pretty today/do you think i’m pretty?” “where would you rate me on a scale of 1-10?” questions that focus heavily on your appearance, etc
• you find yourself desperately wanting his attention, but as soon as you get it (he wants to kiss you, have sex with you, etc) you start to feel a little uncomfortable
• stop and think about some things. ask yourself, “what am i getting out of this relationship?” “what am i focusing on the most?” “do i really and truly like this man, or do i like how he makes me feel about myself?”
• you start to get super self-conscious about very little things that you think he might find unsexy. you are willing to change anything about yourself so that he is pleased
• basically, you spend more time in the relationship focusing on how you look for him, how he perceives you, craving that approval, etc. more than you’re focusing on having an actual relationship with this man

i hope this helped at least one woman out. it took me years to accept my lesbianism and the main reason why was because of this subset of comp het (by the way, i’m not saying this only happens with lesbians)