pristinepastel said: Hey, i know you like the first mummy, but what about the mummy returns?
I HAVE RETURNED…after like a day.
but what the people want, the people get!
RIGHT SO THE MUMMY RETURNS!
aka the only sequel that is 1000% just as good as the first one. like holy shit.
ten years later and we meet our heroes again. rick and evie are happily married, going on adventures, and evie’s dream of becoming a respected scholar has come true and they’ve made a tiny human!
the only unrealistic part being that they only had one kid, i mean they are still all over each other ten years later and you’re telling me they only had ONE kid.
okay. sure jan.
but boy o’ boy is that one kid awesome!
alex o’connell. this kid is literally:
50% evie super-klutz-genius.
50% rick screams-at-things-that-are-illogical-to-scream-at.
50% uncle jonathan’s sheer dumb luck and wit.
10% i’m really bad at math.
you get the point. HE’S GREAT. also the actor passed on harry potter because, JUST LIKE ME, the mummy 1999 was his favorite movie and he just HAD to be in the sequel. alex is just such a smart-ass little shit. that much like his mother, accidentally brings about the apocalypse by opening something he shouldn’t have:
ARDETH BAY TIME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. he has a much bigger role in this one. GOD BLESS.(because he was supposed to die in the first one, but test audiences loved him as much as we do, so they kept his fine ass around) he still looks prettier than everyone and is still so done with white people once again.
*after almost being killed on he bus* “this was my first bus ride.” *after realizing they’re gonna make him fly again* “why can’t you people ever keep your feet on the ground?”
he’s just such an awesome A+ friend goals, because while he probably needs to go be with other medjai to prepare for battle against anubis’ army (yikes), he stays with the fam to rescue alex. it wasn’t even much of a thought for him really, rick and evie just batted their eyelashes and he was like: *sighs* “these white people are always messing my shit up, but they are my white people.”
jonathan: still beautifully the same as ever. witty, clever, and would do anything for his family.
“be quiet alex! if there’s going to be any hysterics, they’ll come from me!”
“if you see anyone come running out screaming, it’s just me.”
when he boasts about being a good shot and ardeth is internally like “i’m gonna die.” THEN HE SAVES ARDETH. hell yeah.
rick: he’s still screaming at things. BUT IN DAD MODE. he’s the ultimate dad.
“you, lighten up. you, big trouble. you, get in the car.” *sweetly* “honey, what are you doing, these guys don’t use doors.” “knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever you’re about to do to him, but this is my house and i have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment.”
evie: still a super-klutz nerd, but with C O N F I D E N C E. little baby librarian is now a honey badger of ASK ME IF I GIVE A FUCK! and also a re-incarnated princess
“no harm ever came from opening a chest.”
rick: “i swear that kid gets more and more like you every day.” evelyn: “you mean more attractive, sweet and devilishly charming?”
we meet izzy, another one of rick’s ex boyfriends, who is a much more reliable mode of transportation than previously mentioned murder buses.
imhotep: still emo. still wants to make out with his gf.
anck su namun/meela: hella good villain. she bomb af and 100% wants to take over the world. amazing. she actually has like a really cool role this time too!!! like so much screen time.
the rock…i mean the scorpion king, he’s another emo villain with goofy cgi rendering and like 4 million terrible made-for-TV spin off movies that you are lying if you haven’t watched at least one of them and felt that utter disappointment. but who cares the rock is pretty. and this was his first acting role and the reason we have him where he is today.
thank you mummy returns for giving the world actor rock johnson #blessed
THE ROMANCE AGAIN:
normal action movie sequel romance: same guy. different girl. repeat of first movie’s romance. hehehehhehehehhEHEHEHEHHEHH.
not here bitch.
rick and evie’s love has only grown stronger. they still bicker like old ladies at bingo night. the still look at each other like they hung the moon. they’re still disgusting jonathan because they CANNOT KEEP THEIR HANDS TO THEMSELVES. one kid my ass. they still support each other and protect each other like crazy. they love each other so much and it’s so healthy and pure and there is some good in this world mr. frodo.
the bottom line here is. what’s the point of watching the mummy 1999 if you aren’t going to watch the mummy returns immediately after?
Artist Rob Gonsalves was born in Toronto, Canada in 1959. During his childhood, he developed an interest in drawing from imagination using various media. By age twelve, his awareness of architecture grew as he learned perspective techniques and began to do his first paintings and renderings of imagined buildings.
Loooove these
These are so incredible because it looks so much like Canada, as though the Group of Seven did surrealism. So beautiful
youngblood hawke’s album wake up makes me want to write a rollicking fantasy adventure story that still manages to be light-hearted despite all the loss and death surrounding the protagonists’ impossible quest
“bodies associated with cis women are harshly stigmatized, made taboo, and policed as part of misogyny, often in violent ways or with the threat of violence” and “not all women have vaginas and not everyone with a vagina is a woman” and “trans peoples’ bodies are harshly stigmatized, made taboo, and policed as part of transphobia, often in violent ways or with the threat of violence” are not mutually exclusive facts and in fact all of these things are deeply interlinked, and should not be used as gotchas! against each other
well he really should have worn more protective clothing if he didn’t want that to happen sounds to me like he was asking for it
Are we really sure he was actually shot and decapitated? Idk, sounds like something he would’ve made up. Guys make false decapitation accusations all the time, you know.
If he didn’t want to be decapitated, he shouldn’t have worn a shirt that showed off his neck
I mean, not all woman decapitate people. I’m not like that.
Was he alone? He shouldn’t have been alone. I mean what was he expecting?
It obviously wasn’t a legitimate decapitation, if it was the body has ways of shutting it down.
He probably enjoyed being shot. Most men don’t like to admit they actually enjoy being shot and having their head cut off.
Obviously. If he didn’t like it, he wouldn’t have let her shoot him 10 times. He would’ve stopped her. Basic logic.
A lesson to learn, kids. Always be on guard by wearing a bulletproof vest.
He shouldn’t have run into her bullets. Ten times.
I heard he’d been at a bar before it happened, so he probably just got drunk and tripped over the blade that decapitated him. Men really need to be more careful when they drink or these things are bound to happen.
I’m not misspelling procrastination, alright, I am a master wordsmith. But I’m totally unable to write while this story unfolds.
So my dad is a very smart, quite reserved man who loves animals. He maintains that he is not fond of our very needy cat, who is basically shaped like a feather boa with little stubby black fox feet. She’s stupidly long and soft and fluffy, and they are Not Friends.
Okay, guys? They are Not Friends. This will be important.
So she had a paralysis tick and gave everyone a scare, and while she’s recovering, she’s on The Good Shit and not particularly mobile. And still very needy. So she doesn’t want to be alone but can’t follow people around tripping them the fuck over or ambushing them with her fluffy body the second they sit down. So she takes to mewling sadly while in a collapsed puddle of fluff, her soft belly fur turned up in that weird cat-doughnut shape.
Okay, right. So I come to visit and this is sad. This is a sad thing to happen to a cat I love, so I pick her up. Wait, why is she still mewling? How curious. Am I not good enough for you, cat? Guided by rising or falling levels of purring, I find myself standing next to my dad. The mewling is now incessant. The cat is basically vibrating off my arms. My dad is looking especially reserved and pointedly looking away from me and this cat he Does Not Like and Has Never Liked, Thank You, No I Don’t Find Her Little Fox Stubs Adorable.
I place the cat on his shoulder, where she promptly shifts around until she’s basically a scarf draped around his neck and falls asleep drooling on his ear. Purring. My dad is still refusing to look at me at this stage, but it’s hard to pull off Stoic Man while be-catted.
“Dad,” I say. “Can’t help but notice that she’s only interested in hanging out with you.”
“Not my fault. Don’t even like this damn cat,” he says in a manful fashion, walking quickly off. Wearing his scarf-cat.
From her hysterical cries when someone tries to remove her, it quickly becomes apparent that the cat is only interested in being with my dad. She becomes inconsolable when she can’t see him and my dad, who you would think would be resistant to this, has taken to wearing her as a scarf-cat and lovingly hand-feeding her through her convalescence. There’s nothing stopped her from eating under her own power, just so you know.
Turns out they are actually Best Friends. My dad has been hiding this with remarkable consistency for almost a decade now. He’s been living a double life since we got her nine years ago.
She’s totally fine now. He’s still wearing her like a scarf and if you give him a funny look about it, he will absolutely pretend he is not. This is the hill he will die on. Wearing our fluffy feather-boa cat around his neck.
Steel Phoenix Studios 