do you think the dc universe has a news site like the onion that’s just like…
“meddling parents still alive, preventing bruce wayne from adopting yet anther orphan”
“new study shows that 87% of all americans class superman as american citizen despite being born on a different planet, but only 49% avoided eye contact when asked about why martian manhunter doesn’t count”
“area woman thanking her lucky stars that batman and superman fell out on the same day she was due to go to boss’ niece’s bat mitzvah”
“arkham guard astonished by trip to iron heights, only now learning what locks are for”
“area man pretty sure he should be making more than $60k a year if his boss has 10 billion dollars to waste on robotic exosuit”
“breaking news: lex luthor sues superman for loss of earnings, claims that continually losing fights to him is negatively affecting his work ethic”
things english speakers know, but don’t know we know.
WOAH WHAT?
That is profound. I noticed this by accident when asked about adjectives by a Japanese student. She translated something from Japanese like “Brown big cat” and I corrected her. When she asked me why, I bluescreened.
What the fuck, English isn’t even my first language and yet I picked up on that. How the fuck. What the fuck.
Reasoning: It Just Sounds Right
Oooh, don’t like that. Nope, I do not even like that a little bit. That’s parting the veil and looking at some forbidden fucking knowledge there.
Probably something to do with one of English’s many root languages.
Everybody talks about Anastasia, which is a shame, because it’s a far less interesting example of Russian fake heir drama than that whole business with the False Dmitries.
Okay, so Ivan the Terrible’s youngest son,
Dmitry, was assassinated in 1591 at the age of 8. Fast-forward nine years, and there’s a guy going about Eastern Europe claiming that he is Dmitry, having secretly escaped the assassination attempt and lived in hiding under a false identity ever since. This sort of business isn’t too unusual, but this guy actually pulls it off, managing to gain the Russian throne and rule for nearly eleven months before being dragged from the palace and publicly executed in early 1606. He’d subsequently go down in history as False Dmitry I.
Here’s where it gets interesting. In mid 1607, a second impostor declares himself. Bizarrely, this one doesn’t dispute the first impostor’s legitimacy; instead, he claims to be the same guy, having miraculously survived his apparent execution the year before. He somehow wins the political support of False Dmitry I’s widow, and with her vouching for his identity, he gains the allegiance of the Cossacks, rallies an army over 100 000 strong, and tries to “take back” the throne. Though his march on Moscow ultimately failed, he successfully conquered most of Southeastern Russia, which he would rule until his untimely death in December of 1610, when he was beheaded in a drunken altercation with a Tartar prince. The history books know him as False Dmitry II.
Now jump ahead three months to March of 1611, when a third fucking impostor pops up. Dude apparently just magically appeared from behind a waterfall in goddamn Ivangorod and declared himself Tsar. Following the lead of False Dmitry II, he doesn’t dispute either of the two previous impostors, instead claiming some sort of spiritual reincarnation and/or magical resurrection – it’s not entirely clear which – to establish himself as the same guy. He must have talked a good game, because he managed to win the support of the same fucking Cossacks who supported False Dmitry II’s claim. Unfortunately, he was a far less able commander, being forced to flee his stronghold only a year later, whereupon he was spirited away to Moscow and secretly executed. Though he never managed to actually rule anything, historians decided to stick to the theme and dubbed him False Dmitry III.
At this point the historical record becomes confused, with some sources asserting there was a fourth False Dmitry, though others insist that the third False Dmitry was simply counted twice due to poor record-keeping. Still, whether we’re talking about three False Dmitries or four, imagine the whole mess from the Tsar’s perspective. Dude just wouldn’t stay dead!
when i was a breeze i blew four dozen trees every morning to strengthen my gales and now that i’m grown i just raze them with ease, so i’m seven times bigger than wales!
ppl on facebook sarcastically saying “well why don’t we do 40 year background checks on EVERYONE in congress?? there’d be nobody left!1!!”
…..that’s a great idea, let’s do that!!
Yeah, like, if we got rid of all the pedophiles and rapists and racists and replaced them with good people, how does anyone have a problem with it?
I legit had someone unfriend me after they shared that post and I was like yeah, let’s do that!
Seriously though. If you did a forty year background check on me, you’d find lots of immaturity and stupidity, but you wouldn’t find any sexual assaults or attempted rapes because I’m a decent fucking human being.
Like, this is… not a hot take? This is seriously just keeping abusers out of positions of power. How does anyone have a problem with that??!?
This has happened to me before when I was in college at a frat party. This girl comes squeezing herself in between me and my friend and throws her arms around me. “Amanda, I am so glad you decided to come!” I was so confused and just figured she was drunk and mistaked me for someone else, until I saw the panic on her face. She leaned close and whispered that a guy was following her, was certain that he had put something in her drink and if I would please play along. I looked behind her and sure enough, some creep was watching her like a hawk. We invited her to hang out with us the rest of the night and even waited until her ride showed up just to make sure she was safe. Always look out for each other!
If you ever feel scared like this just come up to me like we have been friends since kindergarten, call me any name u can come up with ill play along.
🗣
👌🏾
Stay together, stay safe
Perfect advice. I’m reblogging this as a guy, because first of all, if you”re a guy : DON’T DO THAT. Don’t be that creep.
And if you’re a guy and you notice some creep is following or stalking a girl, and that she’s obviously uncomfortable or panicked, go ahead and say hi, long time no see, pretend to be her cousin, and tell her discretly you noticed there was a shady guy. Ask her if something’s wrong, if she feels unsafe, if she wants your help (very important – she may not trust you enough, no one could blame her, don’t take it personally). (and don’t you dare take advantage of the help you offered for a flirt opportunity, that would make you no better than the creep)
We can all stop “witnessing and do nothing”, and set an example.
Alternative option for a guy: if you feel safe doing so, go up to the creeper who’s following her and be like “hey WHAT’S UP bud do you like SPORTS? My favourite team is the redsox what’s YOURS my man? What you DRINKING dude that looks GOOD.” and be friendly and just loud enough to blow his cover. Draw attention to him and see what he does. He won’t feel as safe creeping if he knows people are looking at him, and maybe he’ll leave. It also means the woman won’t have to worry that you are *another* creeper she has to be wary of, and you may distract the bad dude enough to give her a chance to lose him.
Steel Phoenix Studios 