action movie about a guy who pretends to be a hitman and does the whole “25% up front and the rest when the job is done” thing but then just keeps the down payment, doesn’t kill anybody, and stops responding to the client’s calls, knowing that they can’t sue him for breach of contract without confessing to trying to hire a hitman. problem is now a lot of people who are comfortable with the concept of paying someone to kill someone else are mad at him
none of his former clients know his real identity, due to him using a fresh fake for each con, so he decides that his only hope of making it out of this mess unscathed is to land the inevitable contract for his own assassination and fake his own death. thus begins his deadly race against the clock and against other actual bounty hunters, former clients, and a smoldering ex lover, whom he must betray, persuade or kill. darknet: the catfish bounty
Someone make a movie please.
Just send me 25% of the funding up front and the rest when I deliver the completed movie. I’ve got a kickstarter and
Tag: A Concept
Concept: a TV series consisting entirely of “filler episodes” from some notional story of grand adventure whose ongoing events can only be inferred from the incidental context of whatever character-driven bullshit is happening this week.
Like, maybe they’re a D&D-style adventuring party, and we only ever see them during downtime between adventures. Sometimes one of them is suffering from some improbable injury or bizarre curse, and the particulars of how it happened are only vaguely alluded to – their entire professional lives are basically one big Noodle Incident from the audience’s perspective.
I think you could get some use out of “previously on” and “next time on” segments showing footage that never happened.
For example: “Previously on, Champions of Karamore!”
*Shot of a scepter lying on a pedestal in a tomb somewhere*
Wizard: “The Scepter of Aratoom is the key to Garroth’s Ascension”
*Four Seconds of the Heroes engaged in epic combat*
Warrior: “I’LL HOLD THEM OFF, GET THE SCEPTER”
Rogue *Looking at empty pedestal*: “IT’S GONE! WE’RE TOO LATE!”
*Dark cloaked figure that the audience has never actually seen before, holding the scepter* “At last…it begins”And then the entire episode consists of them hanging around the nearest inn, looking at maps and arguing about different ways they could have gotten there, and if any of those methods would have gotten them to the Tomb fast enough. “I told you we should have sold the horses in Roksport and taken a ship to Veremen” “We paid good money for those horses! Staying overland cut at least three days off our trip!” “It would have, HAD THE HORSES NOT BEEN EATEN BY WEREWOLVES!” “There’s no way we could have known about the Werewolves.” “THE TOWN WAS CALLED LYCANSBURG JEREMY!”
On Saturday I went to the opera with a friend and we started putting together an Objectively Perfect romantic fantasy. It goes like this:
SHE is a high-powered highly paid something in the City. Executives tremble before her. She is in her forties and wears exquisitely tailored suits and works fourteen hour days. She does not have time for love.
YOU are a poverty-stricken late-twenties millennial who will never be able to afford a house.
You meet by chance (you are a waitress at a corporate event, perhaps.) She has been thinking of setting up a mistress for a while. She buys you a cottage in the country. She does not live there: she has a flat in central London worth seven figures. Every other weekend she comes down to visit you, in your cottage, and her only requirements are that you need to have cooked something and you should be wearing a low-cut top. She has given you a credit card so you can buy the kind of clothes she likes to see you in. She really does not mind what you do with yourself the rest of the time. Every once in a while she needs a date to an event (an opera, gallery opening, colleague’s wedding to his fourth wife). Sometimes this involves flying you out to New York. The flight is always business class.
She is pretty bossy in the bedroom, but you’re into that.
Eventually you fall in love, but it takes a while because she is so, so busy. Meanwhile you look after your little cottage, practice cooking delicious food, and work on your book. It is heaven.
(She looks a bit like Cate Blanchett in a designer suit. You look like whatever your favourite result is when you Google ‘cute floral dress’.)
Some important addenda to this post:
– Robin Wright is an acceptable alternative to Cate Blanchett
– if Googling ‘cute floral dress’ doesn’t work for you, try ‘cute florals + your body type’
– there is no such thing as not being cute enough for this fantasy. this fantasy is for everyone.
– people who would rather identify with the successful career woman who uses her financial and social power to scoop her cute girlfriend out of poverty and misery: you are extremely valid, I bet you look incredible in a suit, and half of tumblr would like you to call them
Hear me out here:
A television show done in the style of The Office or Parks and Recreation, except it takes place backstage in a touring company of a failing Broadway musical.
We never find out what the musical is ever about. We just get shown bits and pieces of dialogue, songs, and choreography throughout the episodes. But every new piece of the musical that’s revealed only adds to the mystery… it’s just a confusing hodgepodge of genres and seemingly unrelated side plots and characters.
Steel Phoenix Studios 