Me as a 14 year old: Man Lydia Bennet is an idiot.
Me as a full grown adult: Yeah okay Lydia Bennet is still an idiot but holy fuck she’s 15 years old. She wasn’t supposed to be out in society till she was 17 or 18. What the fuck were you thinking Mrs Bennet?
Me, at any age: Wyckham is an asshole. What grown adult man seduces a teenager?
ancient guy: i want all the dicks of persia in my ass, i love dicks, give me dicks until i drown modern historian: well what you have to keep in mind is that ancient cultures had different ideas of how to show affection and express themselves, so it’s actually probable he was talking about his brotherly affection for his people
Every time I recommend Discworld to someone, I get asked “where should I start?” There are several reading order guides floating around the internet, but they just give the order of each series, they don’t give you any information on which to base a choice of starter novel. For that, use this handy (and very biased, okay, I admit it) flow chart!
I hate how on Tumblr, a username like lisa486 is almost certainly a pornblot, while someone named solidsnakesasscheeks is almost certainly a real person
You know how people working in retail always have ‘weird customer stories?’
Sam and Dean Winchester are those weird customers.
There are probably whole online forums dedicated to this, now that I think about it. Started as a joke on reddit and then people from all over the country start to chime in.
Two huge guys came in today and bought 20 cartons of Morton’s salt and a box of Hello Kitty bandaids. Nothing else.
Had a similar experience! Two guys come in: one guy buys a ton of salt and like 50 pocket-sized lighters, the other puts a divider between them and buys a single slice of cherry pie from the bakery. They leave together.
Lol same here. Salt and bandaids. Did one of em have long hair? XD
I work at the butcher’s downtown. We had two super buff scary dudes come in asking for any buckets of lamb’s blood we might have “lying around.” Past closing time. I gave it to them but it was freaky as hell.
Omg what’s with the salt conspiracy? But yeah same I work at a Christmas tree farm and sometimes we catch these two guys cutting down trees at night. It’s always the same two guys and they only cut the stumps off. Why. EDIT: one of them did have long hair actually!!
This is unrelated but I once had a guy in a trench coat physically assault me because we were out of pie. This was AFTER he cracked an egg onto the floor and knocked over everything in sight.
Greetings, Exalted One. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight and friend to Captain Solo.
I know that you are powerful, mighty Jabba, and that your anger with Solo must be equally powerful. I seek an audience with Your Greatness to bargain for Solo’s life.
With your wisdom, I’m sure that we can work out an arrangement which will be mutually beneficial and enable us to avoid any unpleasant confrontation.
As a token of my goodwill, I present to you a gift: these two droids. Both are hardworking and will serve you well.
Similarly, I once saw a question about how to start a Statement of Purpose for a grad school application, since the common “I’m applying for this program” is redundant, and someone replied that the first sentence should be “Call me Ishmael.”
Steel Phoenix Studios 
