you know I once googled how very organized housewives kept their homes super clean. And one thing they suggested was, if a task can be done in less than 2 minutes, do it right away.
And I have to think about this very often when depression tells me to delay doing things, if it tells me something is too much work right now etc.
If I can do it in less than 2 minutes I can do it no matter how exhausting it seems.
That’s what I tell myself. And it works!
I get more done and after 2 minutes I usually realize the pain doing this thing is not so horrible as my brain suggested. And then I keep going and expand the task and get real work done, holy shit
That’s…. actually brilliant. Two minutes is so short, it’s relatively an easy amount of time to FORCE yourself to work on something, even when you’re just completely deflated.
What works really really well for me is to compound annoying tasks that don’t require much thought with something actually pleasant. It took a long time to find the actual pleasant thing, but with audiobooks I can actually end up looking for chores to do because I want to continue listening to the book, and it doesn’t combine well with anything except the most mindless work.
That’s how I cleaned my bathroom top to bottom two weeks ago, after barely being able to pick up empty loo rolls from the floor for…well, months.
And if the task was as taxing as you thought it’s over and you can lie down now knowing it’s done. There’s no shame in doing the two minute task and leaving it there.
I do this and the timer is ‘the time it takes for the kettle to boil’. I try not to walk away when making tea, I stay in the kitchen and while waiting I tidy/put stuff in the dishwasher etc. It kind of works because I’m there anyway
-appreciate simple physical pleasures, like a warm home, soft bed, and a full stomach. life isn’t always easy for goblins, so be mindful of the comforts you have now.
-savor the taste of food, especially meat or fresh bread
-make comfy pillow and blanket nests when it’s cold out
-if possible, sleep or snuggle in piles of your loved ones. Goblins are all about community. plus its basically a form of hoarding
-save things that you could reuse or recycle later
-save and wash plastic food containers (ex coolwhip) -use as tupperware
-thrift shop. cheap clothes!! usually the smell comes out in the wash.
-make your room your own space. mark it as your territory. fill it with your hoard. turn your bed into a nest fit for a gobling creche.
-arrange your life to be comfortable and utilitarian without worrying about what others think of it. if ur depressed and need food, you can grocery shop in ur pjs without showering if that’s all u have the energy for. necessities first! go to ur 8 am without makeup.
-adorn yourself in all the tacky, fun things you want without worrying about “fashion”
-free yourself from the idea that you need to be attractive to deserve respect and love in this world.
-free yourself from the idea that you always need to seem to be put together in public. your life is not a performance and you owe nothing to no one
When communicating to someone about a sensitive topic, I’ve found it’s helpful to explain why you want to talk about it. If you say you’re worried, or hurt, or just needed to get it off your chest, it can help the other person not get defensive and then more completely process what you’re saying.
Many relationships die by a thousand little cuts. Little problems that on their surface are penny-ante. But the real offense, the hurt, is unresolved. And the little hurts pile up and the resentment builds until things fall apart.
It’s very easy for people to read a bad intent when you’re communicating a problem. Sometimes it’s a natural defense mechanism, if you think someone is just being shitty then you don’t have to really hear them. But it can just as often simply be an incorrect assumption. Communicating your intent can stop that from happening and help the conversation come to a more fruitful resolution.
But if you break it down, your intent is not just a lubricant to keep the conversation productive. Your intent is the point of the conversation. More often than not the problems we have with each other are not the real issue, it’s how those problems make us feel. When you communicate your intent, you’re fully explaining the issue that needs to be resolved.
“I’ve been missing you, could you skip your TV show tonight so we can play a video game together?” works better than “You don’t give me enough attention.” or “you watch too much TV.”
Or “I suspect it’s just my anxiety, but I’m worried that you’re angry with me because you’ve been kind of quiet.” is better than just “Why are you so distant?”
For years I worried that we couldn’t discuss problems because it would cause a fight. That was how the world I lived in as a kid worked. Having a partner who is open to hearing you is huge, but choice of wording helps even when you have a partner who wants to hear you.
very good advice. it really helps when you give the other person something actionable. a request, a suggestion, an offer to brainstorm. don’t complain; troubleshoot.
you don’t have to be emotionless or conciliatory. it’s ok to express anger. just be mature about it, and respect the other person. don’t go on a power trip, don’t leverage your legitimate gripes to make them grovel. keep your eyes on the prize. if you don’t know what the prize is, the next step is to tell them so and invite them to help you figure it out, not to moan until they miraculously do the right thing at random. even when you’re super upset you can still apply these skills.
wrong: “this place is a damn landfill because nobody but me does any housework!”
right: “there is some serious housekeeping fail going on around here. it’s kinda driving me bugfuck. i want to sit down and take a look at how we do the housework, because how we’re doing it right now sucks.”
see how the second one doesn’t blame? blame’s not important. responsibility is important, but that has to be worked out calmly or it’s not going to be functional. the first person is picking a fight; the second person is trying to solve a problem. you’ll notice they’re not smoothing ruffled feathers or acting apologetic, they’re clearly quite annoyed. but they’re aiming their anger at the situation, not the person.
even if they are angry with their housemate, working those feelings out is beyond the scope of the conversation. trying to combine venting with chore planning is, imo, the number one cause of screaming kitchen fights on planet earth.
And for the boys, no not wanting it doesn’t make you gay, less of a man, or anything to that effect, you’re allowed to say no too, and when she says “am I just not hot enoughy for you” that is an attempt to guilt you into sex.
Reblogging for IMPORTANT addition.
You are allowed to only sleep with people you like & WHEN you want to. Don’t let anyone else tell you different, ever.
Reblogging for my teen and high school age followers (because I know y’all are out there!)
Also important: the condom is never too small for a person’s junk. You can fit your whole damn arm in a condom. If said junk is that big, that person shouldn’t be having sex with anyone because they would risk injuring them and possibly themselves. Please inform that partner they should seek medical help immediately. People can get tumors on their junk, and there are other diseases that cause abnormal size which a medical professional will be able to help with.
Also also important: dental dams exist for a reason. no, they are not particularly attractive, but they serve their purpose, which is to protect both the giver and receiver of cunnilingus. unless you’re fluid bonded with your partner and have ensured you’re both free from communicable diseases, it’s just as important to be protected when someone goes down on an individual with a vagina as it is to go down on human with a penis.
Also also also important: If someone says they are allergic to the material of the condom/dental dam or don’t like the way it feels to them, politely decline shenanigans and walk away. Your health is more important than someone else’s momentary pleasure. The fact that this person clearly prioritizes their wants over your needs means you’re better off without them.
life tip whatever dumb ass name you get siri to call you is what your iphone automatically signs your emails as. i have been applying to jobs for 2 months as queef.
other tips for new cat owners / people who may get cats soon:
no, getting a grown cat won’t be boring / less cute! they’ll become just as attached to you as a kitten. get a cat that speaks to you (literally or figuratively, maybe you want a cat that’s chatty). older cats will be so appreciative to have a home. people get rid of their cats for all kinds of unfair reasons. just the ones i’ve seen on the craigslist listings in the last 5 minutes: “i am just more of a dog person (7mo old kitten)”, “we hoped she would get over her kittenish behavior, she has not (2yr old cat)”, “i need to get rid of my cat before my baby is born (3yr old cat)”. you can totally pick up a beautiful, loving, grown up kitty who will be needing some comfort after getting dumped. just look at this girl.
(taken off craigslist) she would be more than happy to live her cat life with you. is she not cute? she is. she is cute. so, ultimately, adopt whatever cat you like, but don’t rule out older cats!
nextly: no no, do NOT declaw your cat. DON’T DO IT. I’M TELLIN YA. it’s a deeply painful procedure, actually removing the entire first knuckle, not JUST the nail. it causes long-term and potentially permanent pain in the cat, and can lead to nasty infections, behavioral problems, and helplessness if they ever find themselves outside and in need of protection or climbing abilities. “but i don’t want my cat to scratch me / my kid / my furniture!” okay, i feel you, but there are other, cheaper, less inhumane options. my favorite of which are claw caps.
you gently press on your cat’s foot (to unsheath their claws), and place the soft cap onto their claw using the glue that’s included in any soft paw kit you get. it might take some getting used to on the cat’s part, but it should under no circumstances be painful, and when the kitty’s claws grow, the cap just kinda falls off, and you’ll put another one on. you can also file or clip their nails down! if you’re too nervous or clumsy to do it, your vet will usually do it for a small fee, or a groomer can take care of it. Personally, I just let my cats’ claws hang out and accept the pokes when they knead on me, since i don’t have any little babies or expensive upholstery in my home.
No, cats ain’t “low maintenance”. This is a living, social creature, not a chiapet. Especially if you’re raising them from kittenhood, they need a lot of attention and resources. cuddles, playtime, training, health care, feeding, cleaning up their facilities. you get a pet to interact with, not to buy and leave it be! a cat that you don’t socialize is going to be very moody and sad. get a pet if you plan to invest the time and energy they need- if not, maybe we can come back to that cactus idea?
Cats need meat. I repeat, cats cannot survive without meat. Dogs need meat too- but cats are incapable of creating taurine in their own, and where do you find taurine? meat! hallelujah!! Feeding cats a vegan or vegetarian diet is a slow form of starvation and animal abuse. If you’re not comfortable feeding an animal meat, please do not adopt a carnivore. There are plenty of vegetarian mammals that you would be much better suited owning, but do not abuse your cats just because of your own feelings about protein. Without enough taurine in a cat’s diet, severe health problems will follow, like blindness, weak and decaying teeth, weak heart, and digestive issues. This is terrible. This objectively sucks. So pretty please give your cat a proper diet!
It’s way way safer to have an indoor cat. I don’t need you to tell me that you want your cat to be with you for many years, ‘cause I already know you do. Outdoor cats are exposed to wild animals, animal abusers, poisonous substances, cars, harsh weather, kidnapping, and diseases. Cats like rolling around in grass and grabbing birds from trees, and that’s great, but having an outdoor cat makes for a steep decrease in their estimated lifespan. The average lifespan of an indoor cat is 16.8 years, whereas outdoor cats average out to a hard-hitting 5.6. Ouch. So it’s definitely safer to keep a cat indoors! If you’re adopting a young kitten, it won’t be hard, since they won’t be expecting outdoor time already. If you’re still really into that whole grass idea, you should totally grow some indoor grass for your cat to chill in.
good.
that’s everything i can think of for the moment, but please don’t be afraid to do your own research on animal care. there are tons of resources out there, and if you have a good vet, they’ll answer any questions you have!
thank you for readin’ about cat care. as a reward, i’m adding a picture of toby as a baby. enjoy.
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