executive dysfunction is telling yourself for two and a half hours that you need to shower bc you smell like your workplace and you absolutely Cannot do Anything Else until you shower, doing Any Other Thing before showering is illegal!!! but you still haven’t for some reason??? you’ve just been sitting on your bed in a towel scrolling tumblr for 2+ hours thinking “I need to shower right now immediately” and growing increasingly frustrated that you are still not clean and you haven’t eaten or done your laundry either
ok actually no I’m reblogging this because a) I am clean now (and I smell amazing, thank you), and b) I had a heckin Realize and I wanted to share it with y’all in the hopes it’ll help someone else with a brain like mine.
I figured something out about myself a long time ago– it’s only just now occurred to me that I was in fact solving a problem caused by executive dysfunction, and I haven’t been implementing this solution lately because my brain went “that’s a relatively new term to me and therefore a Different problem that requires a Different solution”. thanks a lot, brain.
anyway, long long ago, before I knew these fancy schmancy Official words, the problem, as I phrased it to myself, was such:
sometimes I get Stuck. I was doing something, or on my way to doing something, and then… I just. got stuck.
“Stuck” looks like refreshing my feed or dashboard repeatedly. or it looks like staring at a spot on the wall. or chewing my fingernails. or picking at a stubborn sticker. all the while, my brain drifts through various unrelated topics I wouldn’t be able to recall if asked. sometimes I can get Stuck for hours before realizing I am Stuck. sometimes I get so Stuck that I go to bed that way (feeling especially bad for being unproductive) and I have to just reset everything by sleeping.
one day I asked myself, “why is this happening? why am I stuck, right now, at this moment in time?” the answer, as it turns out, was pretty simple: I was trying to make a decision, and I got distracted. I haven’t moved forward because I haven’t answered that one question or made up my mind.
let me rephrase this in terms of executive dysfunction: many people have expressed that it feels like knowing you need to do a thing but not feeling “ready” to do it. many with ADHD may also be familiar with the feeling of needing things to be “just so” before you embark on a task- you need your setup to look a certain way, or you need to set a timer, or have the right music playing, etc.
when I get Stuck it’s often because I got lost somewhere in that setting-up process, and my brain took the opportunity to nyoom off into Distraction Town.
getting myself Unstuck is solved, 95% of the time, by tracing my steps back to the original decision I was trying to make- often something small and inane- and then troubleshooting from there. (out loud! verbal processing is totally punk.)
“what was I trying to do?”
“was I trying to decide between two things?”
(the answer’s usually yes.)
“what were they?”
“okay, let’s decide.
“okay, that’s settled. let’s move on.”
and then I am free as a bird to nyoom in the direction of The Thing I Wanted To Do All Along, in the amazingly disorganized, scattered, yet rapid-fire way that I do many things.
so!!! in the case of my first post, where I hadn’t showered for 2 hours? turns out I had been trying to decide what music to listen to in the shower. (another hack: my chances of getting Stuck while showering decrease by 75% if I have music playing to help me keep track of time.) I couldn’t immediately make up my mind, got lost in thought, got distracted, and drifted. once I stopped and asked- “why am I stuck?”- then I remembered- “oh yeah! I wanted to listen to music”- and then decided- “I want to listen to Daft Punk’s Discovery album”- I was finally heckin able to shower. and also eat, and also throw my clothes in the dryer.
and may I add I only zoned out once, during the slow part of “One More Time.” 😛
I’m not saying this is a foolproof method. sometimes I don’t have a reason for being stuck, and that’s okay! I’m also not saying this is how every adhd brain works. it’s just how my brain works, and I’m sure there’s at least a few who can relate. for those few, I hope this helps!!
a lot of people are reblogging the original post without the update and leaving frustrated comments and that makes me sad! if I can find ways to hack my brain than so can you! executive dysfunction is a real and frustrating challenge, but don’t buy the lie that there’s no way to work with it or around it!!!
Holy shit. Holy fuck. I got my little sister the book “sex is a funny word” because she’s at that age where she’s reading a lot of puberty books and I’d heard that this one was lgbtq+ friendly, but I was checking it over for accuracy and I gotta say, even with the totally gender neutral language they were using to talk about body parts and the really respectful way they talk about gender and their portrayals of same sex couples I was so fucking sure that I would have to mention that not everyone gets crushes or feels attraction separately. Because these books never talk about that. But here it is. The one thing I was so absolutely sure wouldn’t be included.
I honest to god dropped the book when I saw this I was so shocked. And I’m so fucking happy right now. I can’t exspress how much I wish this was mentioned in the books I read when I was a kid. It would have saved me so much confusion, and I’m so happy that kids today are gonna read this and know that it’s okay and normal to not get curses. I’m so so fucking happy you have no idea.
The whole medical Industry is a scam, I’m not surprised. This is exactly why there’s so much money in pharmaceuticals in the US!
That’s why it’s better to get the generic brand pills it’s cheaper and legit the same thing
Oh yes.
this is pretty funky if legit
It’s Martin Lewis of MoneySavingExpert. It’s legitimate.
Could someone please caption this to where I can actually read it. The giant “grmdaily” thing covering the subtitles makes it impossible to actually read.
‘Dude: if they have an identical PL Code, which is on the back of the packet, they are the same tablet
Lady: Oh wow
Dude: Not the same active ingredient, the same tablet
Lady again: Oh Wow
Dude: so big pharmaceutical companies spend millions of pounds promoting this “Go with the name you know, go with the name you know” and that’s just bologna in most cases, and I’ll prove it to you, they’re identical
So let’s take this, Beechams all in one Hot Lemon Menthol Powder 10 sachetes, 4.99. Active ingredients paracetamol, phenylephrine and guaifenesin. Wilkos, 1.85 10 sachetes, look in the back hopefully the graphics will turn over as I do that, there we go, the PL code 12063/0104, they are the same tablet
Other dude: Just remind us again, the price difference?
Dude: 4.99 for the one branded Beechams, 1.85 for the one in Wilkos
Lady: Wow
Dude: This happens all over the place’
Sorry I don’t have the pound key on my keyboard cause I’m American. But here is the transcript
This is true, but it’s specific to the sale of drugs in the UK. PL is the Product License number, which is issued by the Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) which is an agency of the UK government.
I always send an email to my professors about a week before the semester starts that says this:
SUBJECT: Preferred Name
Body:
Dear [PROFESSOR’S PREFIX AND LAST NAME], My name is [YOUR FIRST AND LAST NAME], and I will be attending your course [COURSE TITLE] on [DAYS OF CLASS] at [TIME OF CLASS] this semester. I am transgender and have not yet legally changed my name. On your roster is my name is [LEGAL NAME]. I would greatly appreciate it if you refer to me as [PREFERRED NAME] and use [PREFERRED PRONOUNS] when referring to me. Thank you for your understanding, and I look forward to starting your course this week. Sincerely, [PREFERRED FULL NAME]
Also, look into seeing if your school has a preferred name policy! My school just implemented one last August! It still has some loose bolts so I email my professor’s still anyway but it can be helpful on school IDs and such!
As a prof, this is both overkill and perfect – very polite and very thorough.
I only say ‘overkill’ because I get a lot of email in August and September and would be happy with something that got to the point a little faster:
Dear Professor [name],
I’m in your [course number or title] class, [section number if applicable] this semester. My name on official documents is [legal name], but I would greatly appreciate it if you would use [preferred name] and [preferred pronouns].
Thanks for your understanding, [etc.]
I don’t need to know why, unless someone is comfortable disclosing. I just need to respect it.
(I’ve even had “hey, my name on the list is [name] but I go by [name] and [pronouns] instead. cool?” … But I teach in a very informal department, and while I was fine with it, I wouldn’t actually recommend that course of action as a first contact. XD )
This will work, I used to be a recruiter. Recruiters don’t got time to read every single resume they see, they look for keywords, find what they want, Call and do a preliminary interview. That’s it lol
never make a suicide joke again. yes this includes “i wanna die” as a figure of speech. swear off of it. actually make an effort to change how you think about things.
find something to compliment someone for at least 4 times a day. notice the little things about the world that make you happy, and use that to make other people happy.
talk to people. initiate conversation as often as you possibly can. keep your mind busy and you wont have to worry anymore
picture the bad intrusive thoughts in youe head as an edgy 13 year old and tell them to go be emo somewhere else
if someone makes you feel bad most of the time, stop talking to them. making yourself hang out with people who drain you is self harm. stop it.
… 8|
That’s some pretty good advice. I don’t know what’s left of my humor after ‘guess I’ll just die’ jokes but it’s worth a shot.
Personally i went from “guess I’ll die” jokes to “IF I HAVE TO BE HERE FOR 5 MORE MINUTES I PROMISE YOU I WILL BUY JUST, AN ARRAY OF CLOTHES.” and other wild hyperbolic stuff. Just replace the death part with something ridiculous and off topic. Its very entertaining
This also works with calling myself things like stupid, worthless, trash, etc. Even if you do this jokingly to yourself, your brain still believes it, and keeps up the cycle. Seriously, I found that when I stopped saying these things about myself, even jokingly, it made a massive difference.
Here’s a tip I picked up from a friend that’s helped me a lot — replace self deprecating jokes with ironically self aggrandizing jokes
Like every time I trip and fall, instead of saying “l’m just a disaster human” I say “I’m the epitome of grace and beauty”
Or like, when I draw a picture I’m not 100% happy with, instead of saying “my art is trash” I say something like “you know I think it’s time we replaced the Mona Lisa”
When you do that you get to make a joke, but you’re ALSO getting practice building yourself up, y’know?
And eventually it becomes a reflex and you get so used to it that you can say nice stuff about yourself even when you AREN’T joking
I love and endorse this. I wanna tack on another way to deal with intrusive thoughts that i’ve found overall effective & helpful to reduce them altogether.
explain to yourself why that thing would be bad in terms a 7 year old would understand. a lot of the time intrusive thoughts are your brain trying to process why something is scary, but the brain takes a wrong turn and winds up just thinking about the thing instead. consistently explaining in simple terms why the thing it’s thinking about is bad helps the brain to resolve those thoughts.
tell yourself you’re not in any danger. the other half of the time, in my experience, i get intrusive thoughts bc of prolonged past traumatic experiences. my brain expects me to be in danger so it looks for danger where there is none & intrudes on me in insisting that something in my environment isn’t as it should be. when i realize that’s happening i tell myself there’s no danger here, and i’ve found that helps too.
A lot of the time when people give advice intended to relieve anxiety, they suggest doing “relaxing” things like drawing, painting, knitting, taking a bubble bath, coloring in one of those zen coloring books, or watching glitter settle to the bottom of a jar.
This advice is always well-intentioned, and I’m not here to diss people who either give it or who benefit from it. But it has never, ever done shit for me, and this is because it goes about resolving anxiety in the completely wrong way.
THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO when suffering from anxiety is to do a “relaxing” thing that just enables your mind to dwell and obsess more on the thing that’s bothering you. You need to ESCAPE from the dwelling and the obsession in order to experience relief.
You can drive to a quiet farm, drive to the beach, drive to a park, or anywhere else, but as someone who has tried it all many, many times, trust me–it’s a waste of gas. You will just end up still sad and stressed, only with sand on your butt. You can’t physically escape your sadness. Your sadness is inside of you. To escape, you need to give your brain something to play with for a while until you can approach the issue with a healthier frame of mind.
People who have anxiety do not need more time to contemplate, because we will use it to contemplate how much we suck.
In fact, you could say that’s what anxiety is–hyper-contemplating. When we let our minds run free, they run straight into the thorn bushes. Our minds are already running, and they need to be controlled. They need to be given something to do, or they’ll destroy everything, just like an overactive husky dog ripping up all the furniture.
Therefore, I present to you:
THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHEN ANXIOUS
–Go on a walk
–Watch a sunset, watch fish in an aquarium, watch glitter, etc.
–Go anywhere where the main activity is sitting and watching
–Draw, color, do anything that occupies the hands and not the mind
–Do yoga, jog, go fishing, or anything that lets you mentally drift
–Do literally ANYTHING that gives you great amounts of mental space to obsess and dwell on things.
THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHEN ANXIOUS:
–Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or any other mind teaser game. Crosswords are the best.
–Write something. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. Write the Top 10 Best Restaurants in My City. Rank celebrities according to Best Smile. Write some dumb Legolas fanfiction and rip it up when you’re done. It’s not for publication, it’s a relief exercise that only you will see.
–Read something, watch TV, or watch a movie–as long as it’s engrossing. Don’t watch anything which you can run as background noise (like, off the top of my head, Say Yes to The Dress.) As weird as it seems, American Horror Story actually helps me a lot, because it sucks me in.
–Masturbate. Yes, I’m serious. Your mind has to concentrate on the mini-movie it’s running. It can’t run Sexy Titillating Things and All The Things That are Bothering Me at the same time. (…I hope. If it can, then…ignore this one.)
–Do math problems—literally, google “algebra problems worksheet” and solve them. If you haven’t done math since 7th grade this will really help you. I don’t mean with math, I mean with the anxiety.
–Play a game or a sport with someone that requires great mental concentration. Working with 5 people to get a ball over a net is a challenge which will require your brain to turn off the Sadness Channel.
–Play a video game, as long as it’s not something like candy crush or Tetris that’s mindless.
THINGS YOU SHOULD DO DURING PANIC ATTACKS ESPECIALLY:
–List the capitals of all the U.S. states
–List the capitals of all the European countries
–List all the shapes you can see. Or all the colors.
–List all the blonde celebrities you can think of.
–Pull up a random block of text and count all the As in it, or Es or whatever.
Now obviously, I am not a doctor. I am just an anxious person who has tried almost everything to help myself. I’ve finally realized that the stuff people recommend never works because this is a disorder that thrives on free time and free mental space. When I do the stuff I listed above, I can breathe again. And I hope it helps someone here too.
(Now this shouldn’t have to be said but if the “do nots” work for you then by all means do them. They’ve just never worked for me.)
This would’ve been great an hour ago
If your anxiety includes rapid heartbeat for no reason then it may help to exercise! It helps for me because I’m focused on whatever moves I’m doing and breathing, and it gives my heart rate a reason to be that high so that I can start the slow cooking down process and (hopefully) bring that heart rate down with it. Look up a quick cardio workout on YouTube or something and just do it in your room!
This is so, SO true.
All ‘doing something relaxing’ ever did for me was give my brain MORE free time to FREAK THE FUCK OUT.
Drawing and making stuff does occupy my mind so I mean YMMV
women, especially questioning women, need to be aware of the difference between liking when guys are attracted to you and wanting that attention, and actually being attracted to guys. this was my biggest comp het issue and sometimes still is, over the years i tricked myself into thinking i liked many men because i loved the validation and approval i got from them. society teaches women that approval from men, especially sexual approval, is the most important thing and we should strive for it. here are some examples that might be able to help women recognize when this is happening:
you are hyperaware of your appearance and “sex appeal” around him
you often ask him “do i look pretty today/do you think i’m pretty?” “where would you rate me on a scale of 1-10?” questions that focus heavily on your appearance, etc
you find yourself desperately wanting his attention, but as soon as you get it (he wants to kiss you, have sex with you, etc) you start to feel a little uncomfortable
stop and think about some things. ask yourself, “what am i getting out of this relationship?” “what am i focusing on the most?” “do i really and truly like this man, or do i like how he makes me feel about myself?”
you start to get super self-conscious about very little things that you think he might find unsexy. you are willing to change anything about yourself so that he is pleased
basically, you spend more time in the relationship focusing on how you look for him, how he perceives you, craving that approval, etc. more than you’re focusing on having an actual relationship with this man
i hope this helped at least one woman out. it took me years to accept my lesbianism and the main reason why was because of this subset of comp het (by the way, i’m not saying this only happens with lesbians)
Steel Phoenix Studios 