so I’ve got this headcanon that Guardians of the Galaxy is really the Avengers playing a table top roleplaying game, where Bucky’s the DM who suffers through heaps and loads of trolling
Mostly from Steve
Especially from Steve
Which means Natasha was the one who sat down and wrote out the long, comprehensive backstory for her kickass space assassin Gamora, that Bucky keeps trying to work into the campaign but they keep getting sidetracked by –
Tony who just created what he sees himself as – the suave, wise-cracking space vagabond.
Thor who needed a lot of help building his character and decided on a couple easy to remember traits (Strong, honor, doesn’t get metaphors)
and Bruce who’s actually too busy to pay full attention so any time Bucky asks what he wants to do he just says “I am Groot” and lets Steve decide
Oh my god.
Headcanon accepted so hard
now in light of GOTG2
Sam joined in last minute so Bucky gave him a pre-rolled NPC That no one really cared for just to mess with him. Sam actually put a lot of thought into it though and managed to turn Yandu into a loveable character. (imagine Sam throwing a critical saving throw then excitedly yelling “I’M MARY POPPINS Y’ALL”)
Bruce, after making a sacrifice play at the end of the last session (hoping this would get him out of future game nights so he could focus on work) had to star over even though he insisted on keeping the same character. Baby Groot was the compromise.
Clint, who at first refused to join in something so ‘nerdy’ was convinced (forced) to participate by Natasha. Since he had no experience Bucky set him up and gave him Nebula. Clint then proceeded to screw with Natasha the entire night.
Wanda, wanting to reflect her experience of coming to america and suddenly facing unknown culture, plays Mantis.
Okay but, stick with me here, what if Clint Barton’s junker of a car (”Have you seen my life? Why the hell would I waste money on something that’ll be blown up before next tuesday??) finally craps out on him so he hits the local places to scout out a new car he can care for and become overly attached to. He finds this super cool looking (but dirty and dented in a few places, but it has great bones!) car. Yeah it’s yellow, but he can fix that later. It has these cool stripes that almost look like arrows.
Clint’s friends all generally lovingly mock his newest project, but it rolls of his back because who doesn’t mock the ones you love? And he’s really enjoying the new car,that puppy had an amazing engine under the hood and Clint is a huge fan of running away faster than the bad guys, when the time right anyway. The one thing he can’t quite get right is the radio, it’s finicky and jumpy but always manages to play exactly the music he’s in the mood for, so whatever.
The weekend before he starts the research into repainting a car (or just paying someone else to do it, believe it or not Clint doesn’t actually want to be completely purple, skin included, no matter WHAT Natasha or Kate might imply and let’s face it, his life has a way of… well, he’s probably gonna pay someone to paint the car, let’s leave it at that) and a Thing Happens.
Truthfully, being kidnapped by his own car who brings him to meet OTHER cars (and one really bitchin truck rig with awesome flames on its sides) that CAN SPEAK isn’t actually anywhere near the top ten of weird shit that happens to Clint. Optimus is a bit of a talker, sometimes, but Clint finds himself making a tank cry with laughter so it’s all good.
There’s a lost weekend (maybe week, it got blurry in the middle) but Clint reappears on a Tuesday, driving into the parking lot of Stark Tower. He’s got a nose bandage, an air cast, a black eye and maybe some bruised ribs. The car he’s driving (bumble bee and Clint may be planning on looking up those cool blue bees as part of the Purple Would Look Great On You argument) looking slightly worse for wear. The guy at the junkyard assured him that bumbles would heal himself as long as there was a high metallic diet and Clint plans on enticing stark for that particular meal, god knows what that man has hidden away. But currently Bumble bee is missing a headlight, has his bumper being held on with duct tape and a chain, one wheel is slightly deflated giving his driving the appearance of a sad limp and on the slightly dented hood, the black pattern now shows the front end of two arrows that follow the length of the car and end in fletching over the trunk.
As he pulls in past the the rest of the avengers, the car stereo starts blasting “Princes of the Universe” by queen and Clint just leans back in the seat, hands behind his head, thinking, ‘this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.’
WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS THING I would watch the shit out of this.
Growing up, Canadian billionaire Jack Zimmermann had heard countless stories about Captain America from his father. But when Eric Bittle was pulled from the ice and brought back to life, Jack found he wasn’t impressed with the overly cheerful man and his diminutive stature. The two of them have to put their differences aside when SHIELD recruits them–alongside a ragtag band of superhuman weirdos–to save the world from absolute destruction.
OHMYFUCKINGGODDDDD YES PLEASE!
Oh my god tho but really: “Never fall for a straight boy” …what if that was Bitty’s childhood best friend, who died in the war? One-sided pining for a teammate? That only ends in heartbreak. There are no happy endings for a little guy like him. AND OH GOD WHAT IF THIS WAS LIKE THE AU WHERE ERSKINE’S SERUM DIDNT PHYSICALLY CHANGE HIM SO HE STAYED SCRAWNY BUT JACK, JACK HAD NO IDEA BECAUSE THE ALLIED GOV’T, THE PROPAGANDA MACHINE LIED
Jack clawed his way out from under the Lon shadow of his father, tooth and bloodied nail, and then this little shit comes along??
Steel Phoenix Studios 