so, i was exploring the map and i was pretty far away from my home base, basically using a boat to cross deep ocean biomes and investigating islands and smaller landmasses and such
one of the islands i came across had an ABSURD amount of wolves roaming about. “holy shit,” i thought, “this swamp biome is full of free dogs.”
so of course i go on a wolf-taming spree. i wasn’t paying attention to how many i was amassing. by the time i’d covered the island, i had a pack of about twenty dogs in my entourage.
i think, ok, perhaps it’s time to go home, at least so i can leave some of these pups in a safe place while i keep exploring.
problem: there’s a huge fucking ocean between Dog Island and the continent my home base is on.
my stubborn ass thinks, “ok. ok. dogs can swim. we’ll FORD this river ocean.”
this, obviously, did not go well. the dogs are v good swimmers, but also very slow, and if i get too far ahead of them, they don’t catch up, because they can’t teleport to the player if you’re not on land. it took forever to get to the nearest small island, and i’d lost about a third of my dogs.
“i need a better plan,” i think to myself. i mean, i could abandon this ridiculous ‘transport 20+ dogs at least 5000m across multiple deep ocean biomes to my home base’ idea and find some free dogs closer to home. i mean, they’re not really that hard to find. but these are my dogs. i gave them bones and now they love me. i must not abandon them.
…and that’s how dog water skiing was born:
ishouldhavejustdonethisinthefirstfuckingplace.jpg
anyway, by the time i got to the next landmass, i hadn’t lost any more dogs. success!
and not only had i not lost any more dogs, but this new landmass was ALSO full of free dogs. and i still had some stacks of bones, which obviously trumps my own sense of self-control.
fast forward ten minutes:
look at all these pups! and also a really rude spider.
still more pups!
…oh jeez.
this is basically Homeward Bound, but instead of two dogs and a cat, it’s just me and like thirty goddamn dogs. they were continuously teleporting in front of me, i was tripping all over them. it was chaos.
now, i should mention, this was a long-ass trek home.
at some point my sword AND my backup sword broke, because frankly i just was not expecting my expedition to last this long and i did not bring a backup backup sword, so i was flailing at creepers with an axe.
i definitely lost some good pups, especially since at least half that travel was at nighttime peak monster spawn time. AND i have the Mo’ Creatures mod installed, so not only do i have to worry about the standard monsters, but also lions, tigers, bears (which are usually pretty chill but apparently can become hostile when thirty dogs suddenly teleport on top of them), manticores, ogres, SPECIAL wolves that instead of being tamable are just Very Angry All The Time, etc.
but the thing is, i kept finding more free dogs. and, sometimes when i’m walking, two dogs will just breed out of nowhere, so occasionally i’d turn around and there’d be a puppy. who did this. we’re, like, climbing a mountain here. control yourselves
anyways, by the time i got back to my home base, i counted forty-eight doggos.
just look at these Good Dogs. i couldn’t get them all to fit in the frame.
i have nowhere to put them. i feel like Roger and Anita at the end of 101 Dalmatians.
i work as an actor at a haunted house and this little girl who was dressed as a cat came through she saw me and was like “no thank you please dont get closer i am already scared” and i was like alright i appreciate the good manners ill back off. so her dad picks her up and starts going down the rest of my dark hall and i just hear her yell “everybody wait! i dropped my ears” so i find them and give them to her dad and she goes “thank you but i hope i never see you again goodbye” and waved over her dads shoulder. i waved back and she gave me a thumbs up. honestly this kid has a lot of guts props for being so polite when shes terrified i hope she gets a lot of candy this year
this dog that i dogsit for is an actual angel sent from heaven, evidence:
he’s 100 lbs and so gentle i don’t need any special collar or leash or harness to walk him, ever
he was meant to be a service dog but he was too shy so he became a rescue, can u even imagine
so well behaved he waits for me at the tops and bottoms of flights of stairs until i tell him it’s okay to go ahead up/down the next flight
he somehow communicates to his dads how much he loves me bc they tell me every time i leave and they come back he’s sad ?? my son !
he knows that if it rains or snows or he gets wet he needs to wait at the bottom of the stairs inside their condo to be towel dried
he is trained to towel dry himself; i hold out the towel and he wiggles his body through it back and forth until i dry his tail and that’s his signal to go ahead and go inside
he hangs out by my feet all evening making big impatient huffing noises until i go in the bedroom with him and sit up in bed doing whatever i’m doing so he can sleep by me
like i feel the need to reblog this post bc i neglected to include evidence:
loves pets and attention but is shy so once given pets and attention basically loses his mind and rubs his face all over you while not knowing what to do with his entire 100 lbs self
always a slut for chin scratches
spots of white on chest and toes and chin
will pretend to be scary at men when they come into the house until i reassure him it’s ok
other dogs Love him bc he’s so big and so sweet and so chill and it’s fun to walk the best looking dog who is also the nicest dog while everyone around you is like “wow ur dog is so cool” like thanks i made him
if u ask him ‘who’s a good boy?!?!’ he seems genuinely concerned it might not be him until you confirm such to be true
Please always confirm to him that he is not only a good boy but the best boy
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