As funny as this is, as someone who has met a European badger, all I can say is at least the American one has the decency not to hide the fact that it will tear your kidneys out via your toes if you so much as look at it funny.
one of my favorite things is how badgers and coyotes will hunt cooperatively. as in not just like happening to go after the same thing at the same time but actually combining efforts to bring down prey; coyotes are faster and can chase down prey species, while badgers are adept at digging them out of their burrows
I really want a science fiction story where aliens come to invade earth and effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to be fought off by the wildlife.
They were expecting military resistance. They weren’t counting on bears.
Imagine coming to a hostile alien world and being attacked by a horde of creatures that can weigh up to 3 tons, run at 30 km/h (19 mph), and bite with a force of 8,100 newtons (1,800 lbf).
By the time you realise that they can traverse water, it’s too late. The surviving members of your unit manage to make it back by shedding their excess gear and running for their lives; the slower ones were crushed to death within minutes.
You later describe the creature to one of the humans you captured, wanting to know the name of the monstrosity that will haunt your nightmares for cycles to come.
The human smiles as it speaks a single word, slowly and distinctly, in its barbaric tongue.
“Hippopotamus.”
This is giving me the biggest, creepiest grin I might have ever grinned
Imagine being the next crew to go down to earth and thinking “it’s fine, we got this. We have the weapons and equipment necessary to deal with bears and *shudders* hippopotamuses. We’ll be fine.”
And at first you are, you’ve learned how to dodge. You’ve learned where their territories are. You know how to defend yourself.
But then one night you are sleeping in your shelter. You’re in a tree covered temperate part of earth. It seems benign. There are been no sightings of the dreaded “hippos” around. Not even any bears. But there is a slight rustle of the undergrowth. You try and ignore it telling yourself it is just the wind.
Then you hear the rustle again. closer this time.
You peer out into the darkness but see nothing amongst the trees.
The rustle again and now you realise you can smell something. It’s musky and slightly foul. It’s the smell of an omen, a warning. But what of? Where is this smell coming from.
You sit up, but it’s too late. The foul smelling creature is on you. You are hit with 17kg of coarse fur and vicious bites. Long dark claws tear in to you and you are pinned down white the striped creature tries to bite your throat.
It takes some doing but you manage to wrestle free. Blood drips from your wounds and already they itch with the sign of infection. The creature has a bloodied snout, rust rad, mingling with the black and white hairs. It lets out a terrifying growl from the back of its throat and looks to attack again. It’s between you and your knife, so your only choice is to back away.
Eventually the creature gives up and snuffles off in to the undergrowth, down a hole near your shelter you hadn’t noticed before.
When you make it back to your base you once again consult the captive human.
“Badger.” they say, with a solemn nod.
One word: Moose
“Our vehicles are far superior to the local human models, in range, speed, armament, and any other metric you care to name! Nothing could possibly-”
BAMrumblerumblethumpcrash!!!
“That’s called a moose.”
“We have determined that there is no life in the water that is larger than we are. Future assaults will spend as little time on land as possible.”
Two days later, you return missing your boat and half your team.
“So what was it this time? Multiple rows of sharp teeth? Or so big it just smashed the boat?” Your human asks. You’re starting to think that if they can survive on this planet they must be better fighters than their lack of claws or hide imply.
“One row of teeth. Black and white. Ate my buddy whole.”
“Ooh, killer whale!”
The desert recon team returns two days late, covered in dirt, and missing half their members.
Emotions are a sign of mental breakdown, and all of the survivors are terrified. You manage to get the story out of them slowly, brokenly.
They’d been traveling according to regs, close line formation, nothing on the sensors. It was just the desert, right? Small animals, nothing more than knee-high. There simply wasn’t enough water or vegetation to support larger life.
And then the medic had disappeared. They’d found signs of a brief struggle, but then ze had simply vanished.
They found zir corpse two hours later, hanging in a sage tree. Zir abdomen had been sliced open, and the corpse dangled in mute warning.
They still had seen nothing on the sensors.
They had pressed on until the third disappearance. Some of the bodies, they’d found. Some of them were complete mysteries, vanished into the desert. One of the survivors claimed to have seen a pair of glowing golden eyes.
“Sounds like a cougar,” your human says. “Or maybe a puma. Could have been a painter or a catamount, too. …or a mountain lion.”
“Have you considered that you might just be too delicious to conquer the earth?” the human asks, baring zir teeth.
You hadn’t noticed how sharp zir teeth were before, or the little stubby fangs tucked away in the corners of zir mouth. A chill runs up your back and you feel a hint of a strange terror…
Steel Phoenix Studios 