zdartstuff:

fuliajulia:

bugchat:

the word ‘bisexuality’ is a taboo

it isn’t said on tv. orange is the new black, for example, features a bisexual protagonist who points out the biphobia at one point in assuming she can’t be attracted to multiple genders, but no one Ever says the word and she is ignored and referred to as a straight girl or a lesbian depending on the situation

other bisexual characters later turn out to have been Really Monosexual All Along. or are attractive, promiscuous women with commitment issues

this isn’t a coincidence.

people who are attracted to multiple genders, when asked about it, often describe themselves as “Fluid”. “I’d rather not label it.” “I don’t need to define it.” “It’s just whatever.” as if people are afraid of even implying the b word

this isn’t a coincidence.

the word ‘bisexual’ gets you different reactions in different places. straight people think you’re either faking for attention or a deviant. straight men are afraid of bi men and think bi women are just particularly promiscuous straight girls who want to have threesomes with them

gay men accuse bi men of being in the closet. lesbians accuse bi women of being straight girls going through a phase. and the ones who don’t do either of these things still often assume bisexuals are promiscuous, indecisive, and can’t settle down.

the theme throughout is that bisexually is illegitimate, deceptive, and always a front for something else.

this isn’t a coincidence

people are constantly encouraged to ‘settle down’, to ‘just pick one’, to ‘not be greedy’. abandon bisexuality. you’re really gay. you’re really straight. you’re too young. how can you know you’re bisexual at 16? 18? 20? 25?

this isn’t a coincidence

the word ‘bisexuality’ is constantly, persistently manipulated, by people who aren’t bisexual at all. the meaning twisted on shallow rationale. accused of being transphobic, or of being exclusionary. this has been happening for over 20 years now despite the existence of outspoken trans and/or non-binary bisexuals. whatever they can do to make you not say the word. pick a different one.

this isn’t a coincidence

bisexual people – whether implied or literally, deliberately saying they are bisexual using the word – are constantly rewritten as gay or as straight. gay icon. he was never interested in men. bi actor comes out? headlines say ‘came out as gay’, or articles outright ignore it

it’s never, ever a coincidence. bi erasure is a constant, ongoing thing.

I never thought this was a thing, but it totally is.

When I told my best friend (who is gay) that I’m bi it was like I had to prove myself to him as not simply gay and too afraid to admit it.

I mean, can’t you just take my word for it???

this is why i feel the scene in brooklin nine-nine where rosa says “im bisexual” and his dad says “there is not such a thing as bisexual” is important because she answers with this:

believe it or not, like the show or not, it was a sincere moment and one that all bisexuals go trought at some point

we all talk about representation, but we need more of it, in all fronts, bisexuals exist, we are alive and we dont have to explain ourselves to everyone

queeraro:

accelgors:

prokopetz:

lierdumoa:

prokopetz:

prokopetz:

I’m not ace myself, so I’m coming at the whole acephobia thing from an outsider’s perspective, and as such, it’s not my place to speak to the experience of those on the receiving end of it.

However, as a bisexual dude, I can observe that many of the arguments that are employed to establish that ace folks have no place in the queer community are strikingly similar – indeed, at times practically word-for-word identical – to the arguments that were for many years (and in some circles still are) employed to establish that bisexual folks have no place in the queer community.

It’s enough to make a guy suspicious on general principle, you know?

I’ve gotten a few messages asking for (well, in some cases more “demanding”) elaboration, so: here are a few of the primary areas in which I’ve observed that arguments against bi inclusion and arguments against ace inclusion tend to exhibit significant overlap. There may well be others – these are simply the ones I’ve run into most frequently.

The Passing Argument

It has been argued that bisexual folks don’t have any grounds to complain about discrimination and violence suffered in relation to their orientation, because a bisexual person is able to pass as straight simply by choosing partners of the appropriate gender. Therefore, any discrimination and violence that a bisexual person does experience must be construed as voluntarily undertaken, since they could have passed, and freely chose not to.

This argument is similarly applied to ace folks via the assertion that being ace poses no particular barrier to seeking a partner of a socially acceptable gender, so any failure to do so must likewise be construed as voluntary.

The Performativity Argument

It has been argued that bisexual folks ought to be excluded from queer communities because sexual orientation is purely performative; i.e., being gay is defined in terms of currently having a sexual partner of the same gender.  A bisexual person who has a partner of a different gender is functionally indistinguishable from a straight person, and must therefore be regarded as straight. Conversely, a bisexual person whose current partner is of the same gender must nonetheless be regarded with suspicion, because they could “turn straight” at any time simply by leaving that partner.

This argument is similarly applied to ace folks via the assertion that their orientation has no discernible performative component; an ace person is functionally indistinguishable from a straight person who simply isn’t involved in a sexual relationship at that particular moment, so ace folks must therefore be regarded as straight by default.

(An astute reader may notice that the passing argument dovetails neatly into the performativity argument: those who choose not to seek partners of a socially acceptable gender may be dismissed because any violence and discrimination they experience is a consequence of their voluntary failure to pass, while those who do seek such partners are performatively straight and therefore to be shunned. It’s a neat little system.)

The Mistaken Identity Argument

It has been argued that, while bisexual folks may suffer discrimination and physical and sexual violence, they’re not targeted by such acts because they’re bisexual. Any discrimination and violence a bisexual person suffers in relation to their orientation is suffered because they were mistaken for a gay person. Any effort on their part to discuss such experiences is therefore to be regarded as appropriative, in spite of the fact that they personally experienced it. In short, a bisexual person’s own experience of violence and discrimination doesn’t truly “belong” to them: it “belongs” to the purely hypothetical gay person their persecutors allegedly mistook them for.

This argument is applied to ace folks practically verbatim – no particular adaptation is necessary.

I’ll add The Contribution Argument, which involves one of these gatekeeping behaviors:

1) rewriting history to erase bisexual and asexual contributions to political LGBTQ rights movements, and then claiming that bisexuals and asexuals have never done anything for the community at large

2) arguing that modernday bisexuals and asexuals should be excluded from current political movements because our goals are distinct from, or even contradictory to the goals of the LGBTQ rights movement at large

3) interpreting any attempt on the part of bi/asexuals to make safe spaces for ourselves within the community as an attack on LG safe spaces, generally by reframing bi/ace pride as homo/lesbophobia, or by dismissing accusations of bi/acephobia as inherently homo/lesbophobic

In other words, arguing that bisexuals and asexuals, rather than being contributing members of the community, are parasites on the community, leeching from, and undermining the community and its goals.

The Contribution Argument is an interesting one because it goes way beyond popular biphobia.

It’s often been asserted that bisexual folks ought to be excluded from the LG community because that community is specifically for folks who experience homophobia, and bisexual folks don’t experience homophobia, save by misidentification. (See the Mistaken Identity Argument, above.)

However, anybody who’s over the age of 30 can tell you that the positioning of the experience of homophobia as the community’s great unifier is, itself, a relatively novel development.

Up until quite recently (and by “recently” I mean as recently as the mid 1980s), even lesbians were routinely characterised by the leaders of mainstream gay rights activism as unwelcome parasites, riding on the movement’s coattails and contributing nothing in return.

Not only is identifying the experience of homophobia – defined narrowly as discrimination against those who are actively involved in sexual relationships with persons of the same gender – as the sole qualifier for inclusion a totally arbitrary place to draw the line, it’s baldly ahistorical.

Historically, a great many folks who do experience this type of homophobia have routinely been left out in the cold by mainstream activism for gender and sexual minorities – and the Contribution Argument, as you’ve outlined it here, is one of the primary tools that’s been used to justify that exclusion.

this post is literally just “why won’t those big meanie gays let asexuals in their club??? :(” written in the form of a jargon-filled essay for a philosophy class

I love your wording; because that’s precisely it. Its the “gay club.” As in, its the same fuckers who wanted us bi people to be excluded. It’s the same people who argued that we should drop the “T” to focus on the “gay movement.”

Newsflash: no one wants an invitation to that party. No one is “invading.” No one wants to be included in your “gay club.”

What we want is shits like you to quit perpetuating intra community bigotry and hatred in the LGBT+; because the only ones treating it like a “club” are those of you that check the “queer credentials” of everyone looking for a safe space and stamp their hands with “gay enough I guess” to let us pass through the gates. (Not that we get the same treatment as the ~VIP cis gays~ anyway.)

Anyway, nice to know that you people are still ignoring when bi ppl speak and repurpose that biphobia as ace hatred in the same breath :)))))) kinda :))))))) reinforces the points above :))))))))))

aussiekirkland:

nightcoremoon:

simply-a-work-of-art:

shodaw:

shodaw:

superimagery:

shodaw:

Let bi boys date girls

Who isn’t letting them……

Gay boys who see me with a girl and say I shouldn’t be allowed in lgbt spaces because I’m actually really straight

Straight girls who see me as their “gay friend” or who say they don’t care about sexuality but wouldn’t date a boy who’s had sex with a boy

Straight people in general who say “isn’t he really just gay” or telling girls that I’m actually gay and faking it with them

Gay people who say that because I have the option of dating a girl I’m the same as the straight people who oppress our community

Gay people who say I’ll never understand oppression or what it’s like to “actually” be gay

So there’s quite a few people not letting them!!

Keep reblogging this post all the comments are people showing how much they hate bisexual people

Biphobes unfollow me, you’re not welcome here. LET👏PEOPLE👏LOVE👏WHO👏THEY👏WANT👏

I haven’t seen a post like this for bi boys, only for bi girls. let’s fix that.

Reblog this post to cleanse your follower count of biphobes 💖💜💙

kateordie:

andrewminyardy:

y’all: bisexuals are fake bc they usually end up in m/f relationships

me, an intellectual: it’s easier and statistically more likely to find a straight person who is attracted to you and compatible with you than to find a lgb+ person who is, especially in small towns. not to mention the fact that a big part of lg community won’t date us, because they are biphobic. also a huge number of bis are nb, so m/f rhetoric doesn’t even fit us. also. there is nothing wrong with bis being in a m/f relationship if it’s healthy. also. stop being biphobic it’s 2017 when will this stop

A-fucking-men

I’m sorry if you’ve been asked this many times, but I have no one else to talk about this with. Why do radfems dislike bi women so much? I made the awful mistake out of curiosity visiting a radfem space on Reddit, and was taken aback on how many straight, lesbian, and even bis being negative towards bi girls. It was as if I walked into a far right community. It hurt the most reading other bi women saying stuff like “most bi girls are entitled/ignorant”. I’m newly out and this depressed me….

geekandmisandry:

hai-hai-sictir-deactivated20170:

Don’t apologize, anon! I’m always here to answer questions, even if they’ve also been answered before.  

In regard to radfems, it’s all about men. Or, rather, their blind hatred of men and anything they ‘touch.’ For example, you will see even radfems who don’t espouse TWERFy sentiments instead redirect them from trans women to trans men and some nonbinary people, on the ‘reasoning’ that ‘they’re men, that means they’re inherently misogynistic and I don’t have to give a single shit about them. What do you fucking mean ‘that’s not how intersectionality and intersectional oppression is supposed to work?’’

The way this affects bi women and all m-spec women, for that matter, is that the closer we seem to be to men, the ‘worse’ we are in the eyes of radfems. Lately, some of them and the young girls to whom they’re spreading their ideas in this place, have made a big show about how much they supposedly love sapphic women or WLW, but make no mistake – that love and that acceptance are purely conditional. And the condition, as far as radfems are concerned, is that we ‘prioritize women’ (translation: that we have relationships predominantly, if not always, with women). 

@autismserenity put it very well and I quote: 

Lots of assertions that bi “women loving women”, and trans lesbians, and lesbian asexuals, are precious cinnamon rolls who must be protected at all costs. That all “women loving women” are the best and must be protected at all costs. And at the same time, this constant insidious theme that the *reason* to protect them at all costs is because they are “women loving women”. That you are worthy of love and protection and adulation to the precise extent that you act and look like them – and no further.

And the nearer you get to guys, the faster they throw you out. I don’t know why it’s called radical feminism in the first place; it’s not about women as a group at all. Women who have anything to do with men get reviled to such an extent that even asexual women are labeled as “basically het”. (source)

I made a very bleak joke about this to a friend, a couple of months ago and it went something like this: I’m at an art event and I meet a fellow I like and who seems interested in me as well. He asks me if I want to go out sometime and instead of answering, I pull out a giant-ass Excel spreadsheet and say ‘wait, wait, I have to see exactly what ratio I’m at if I date you. Because, you see, there’s a whole bunch of people ready to start shouting ‘traitor’ and ‘bihet’ and ‘you’re not oppressed for sucking cock!’ at me unless I carefully monitor the number of different-gender people and particularly of cis men I choose to date.’ Sounds completely and utterly fucked-up? That’s how you end up feeling as an m-spec woman, due to the fact that radfem ideas permeate far too many LGBTQIAP+ communities. You end up feeling guilty for who you’re fucking attracted to, instead of it being a natural, normal thing that’s, frankly, no one else’s business but yours and your partner’s.

This is what I mean when I keep snapping that conditional acceptance (no matter the reason or situation) is complete fucking bollocks and should’ve died in a ditch a long time ago. 

‘It’s as if I walked into a far-right community’ is entirely correct. Radfems will deny this until the cows come home, but their politics are inherently reactionary, no matter how you slice it. This is one of the reasons why they’ve been natural allies to conservatives over anti-trans legislation and why, when you read one of their anti-kink screeds, for example, you sometimes struggle to figure out if the thing was written by a radfem or a religious fundamentalist (the funniest thing I ever saw on here was a bunch of anti-kink radfems liking and reblogging a post written by an ultra-conservative Catholic!) Their attitudes toward m-spec women are no less reactionary and exclusionary. 

Listen to me, anon. I know it’s often hard to see, particularly in this place, but there are people who constantly push back against radfem ideas in LGBTQIAP+ spaces , who fight against bigotry toward m-spec people or a-spec people (the two often go hand-in-hand – watch a radfem aphobe say that she loooooves m-spec women… only two posts later to deny the existence of biphobia!) and who work to make sure that individuals don’t end up in a situation where they’re shat on by Straight society and then they’re also shat on by what is supposed to be their community. You’ve always got people who love and support you without placing any conditions on their affection and support, remember that.  

This. I’ve seen radfems openly mocking posts about letting bi girls date men because they mistakenly believe that het society gives us a pass and thus they don’t even need to listen to what is being said. They believe we are protected when we are with men and any posts about us in that manner are superfluous.

I’ve been told, by these women that I “carry the taint of men” that they don’t trust women who are “sexually available” to men that I’m a “barely gay” or an “attention seeking straight” and the absolute refusal of some people to engage with what this lateral aggression can do is damaging.

You’re not edgy if you reply to a post about bisexuals in different gender relationships needing to be accepted with “ok, but who doesn’t?” and tagging it with “lol” and “people need a positivity post for anything these days”. All you are doing is ignoring the issues faced by bisexuals when we try to tell you what they are.

The broken notion that “society loves you so you don’t need love here” is SO giving damaging, because, NO… Society does NOT love us. We shouldn’t have to say that when rates of domestic and sexual violence against bisexuals are SO damn high. We don’t have passing privilege, we are viewed as sexual objects for abuse and objectification.

You don’t get to pretend you’re not a biphobe if you ONLY care about a part of our identity, if you ONLY care about us when we are with women.

If you don’t care about the whole then you don’t care at all.

bee-hole:

Being bisexual is weird because like I don’t know about other bisexuals, but bi-erasure is so strong that even I think I’m faking it sometimes?? like one day I’ll wake up and be like “I’m obviously living a lie I’m a giant homosexual??” but then a second later I’ll be like “Am I just a straight person lying to myself???” Its like I forget my own orientation exists