okay i know Hardeen was a Terrible arc for everyone involved, but what if Obi Wan had told Anakin about faking his death? Anakin’s like no worries dude I Got This, except he really. does not,,
the only reason his “acting” is remotely believable is because almost no one has seen him like this before, so it must be due to all the grief and loss and heartbreak and anger and whatnot
he starts by sobbing over Obi Wan’s supposedly dead body for a solid two hours when Obi gets shot down. “LOOK at him, so cold and Lifeless. D: HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE WARM AND FULL OF LIFE, SNIPS. I know last week I checked his pulse because he was meditating so calmly I thought he passed away in his sleep, BUT HE’S USUALLY SO WARM AND FULL OF LIFE.”
It goes on until Anakin has finished everything on his painstakingly written Outline from last night. At least half of Coruscant hears part of this speech. Mace sends Obi the security footage later, at a time he knows Anakin will be there to sit through it with Obi, because if we had to suffer then you do too, Obi Wan.
then at the funeral, Anakin pulls out a twenty foot scroll of real actual paper, because he would appreciate this, I think, and clears his throat loudly and messily before telling the council that he has prepared a few words for the greatest jedi this order, nay, this GALAXY has ever seen, and will ever see, no matter how long any of us live—
five hours later,, he’s still going strong. half the eulogy is Terrible and V Cringeworthy, but the other half is actually v heartfelt and moving. even Mace and Yoda have to blink away some tears.
it becomes easier after Anakin starts going into Unnecessary Details about obi wan’s life, like how he’ll miss holding onto those heavy 327 thread count woolen robes when he’s saving obi’s ass (curvature 48.5 degrees) for the 23094th time, and how he’ll never see a more sincere expression of Compassion than he saw when reading line 83 of Obi Wan’s eighth letter to Duchess Satine last month, quoted now as follows—
Ahsoka enlists Plo Koon’s help and they finally shuffle him over to the side, promising him they can finish his fake eulogy at the council dinner tonight. Obi Wan’s death may be fake, but MY WORDS ARE REAL, SNIPS, HOW DARE YOU. says Anakin, before he (a little gleefully) starts destroying the walls to show how Emotionally Compromised he is over this 100% real death.
he takes the 212th drinking, after having told all of them, too. so now there are 293637 men crying about Obi Wan (relatable af, y/y), all of which have the acting talent of a wilted blade of grass. there are 283747 toasts, and every single person there cries for each and every one of them, despite everyone knowing obi is still alive
All of this has the unlikely effect of making Palpatine rethink his plans, because he was expecting rage and barely concealed hate, not this melodramatic weepiness. Oh the angry lashing out is expected, but maybe Skywalker isn’t as ready as he thought… Still, at least Kenobi is out of the picture now.
Dooku is completely convinced. Obi-Wan faking his death and not telling Skywalker? Believable. But a performance this bad is something someone of Kenobi’s calibre would never risk – no, this is no farce and Skywalker is apparently just that infantile.
20k+ pls and thank
20k+ just for the uncut funeral scene, the rest of Anakin’s histrionics take up at least another 25k on their own, please get to work on this soon, fandom.
BLACK VEIL AND BLACK LACE HANDKERCHIEF ARE NOT NEGOTIONABLE.
If Anakin has to mourn, he’ll go full Sicillan Widow.
Ah but we cannot forget the memento mori! The lock of hair kept close to his heart in a cameo locket depicting Obi-Wan’s profile on the cover (Anakin of course refuses to cut his own until his first year of mourning is done). Or the carved ebony frame with skull and rose motifs that hold holos of them looking dashing together. And the beautifully decorated box that holds his lightsaber so that it will be forever on display to those who miss him (there’s a lovely point in the funeral where Anakin hands the box to Satine with great ceremony and she makes a heart moving speech about how no one set of hands could encompass Obi-Wan’s great love and passes it to Ahsoka who passes it to Cody and then we get the strangest game of pass the parcel ever until it makes it back to Anakin).
When Obi-Wan asks “How was my funeral?” He is met by hysterical laughing from Yoda and the loudest groan he has ever heard from Made.
The worst thing is – when Anakin burst into sobs – he’s genuine, despite all that funeral fashionista nonsense. His elegy for Kenobi is just so good and moving and sad and longing and full of Unspoken Feelings. Not a single eye is dry. Even YODA STARTS SOBBING AND HE’S BEEN ON THE THING FOR THE WHOLE TIME.
All Obi’s holos have digitally added black ribons in the corner.
Anakin insists on having trizna (a funeral feast) in his master’s memory, a glorious affair full of wine and mead. If he weren’t so sure that burning a ship with all of his worldly possesions was pushing it a bit too far (regardless that the possessions were Obi-Wan’s who was still, technically, alive and would probably be very pissed if Anakin torched what little he has), he’d be the one with a gas can and a torch.
Mace is just glad he managed to hide the holocron on Space!Egyptian funeral practices.
The best part is, Obi Wan comes back and Anakin refuses to go out of mourning. He does it properly too, first black, then grey and lavender. Obi Wan is like is this necessary? And Anakin is like YES OBVIOUSLY HOW CAN YOU EVEN ASK THAT MASTER???!!!
“I miss him… so much. Sometimes, I swear, I feel his presence. That familiar warmth, his cologne. There are days I can glimpse his face behind the Veil. I hear him, calling for me, whispering my name. In a way, he’s still alive in my heart.”
“Anakin, I’m standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.”
“Why can’t his spirit go on? What holds him so chained to this miserable plane of existance? Master, where art thou?”
“For fucks sake, Anakin…”
LOOOOOOOOOOL, and you know Ahsoka gets in on the fun as well. Both of them refuse to talk to Obi Wan directly except through seances. When they get called before the council they have “episodes” where the “sense the presence of an unquiet spirit.” Sometimes they have exorcisms where they attempt to “put Obi Wan’s wandering spirit to rest.” Obi Wan is so tired. Everyone else thinks it’s hilarious.
The exorcism involves the use copious use incense (a light floral fragrance), offerings to the dead (in the form of delicate cups of steaming tea and accompanying sweets), ritual chanting (aka soft singing) and forcible removal of the ghost to its final resting place (his quarters). All in all it does a rather good job of forcing the poor spirit to rest !😉
The best incident however comes during the big reveal where, on facing Dooku on Naboo Anakin loudly declares that he is not outnumbered, for his dear Master’s spirit is right beside him! And Dooku starts on a spiel about how his weak willed dependency on Kenobi has finally turned him mad, except there’s a blue lightsaber at his throat and a familiar smirk asking if the Count had missed him on his little sojourn to the underworld…
AHAHAHAHAHA putting a spirit to rest takes on a whole new meaning!!!! What if the 212th gets in on it? The first time Cody tosses a ration bar at Obi Wan’s head and starts walking around Obi Wan singing the ‘time for all spirits to lay down and rest’ song, Obi Wan knows that he’s doomed. XD
This is hilarious.
And the best thing would be that when finally Anakin leaves mourning and Obi-Wan Returns ™, it is a galactic wide event of celebration. “The Force has returned him to us,” Anakin reports.
When Palpatine is defeated and it comes out what really happened, Anakin’s eulogy and mourning is nominated for Best Actor in all the holo award shows (never mind that he isn’t an actor and Obi-Wan’s death wasn’t scripted), and Anakin wins. He takes the stage and give his acceptance speech which of course includes him telling the galaxy that he still misses Obi-Wan and “sometimes I can still hear his voice.” And Obi-Wan who is Anakin’s plus one for this event yells from the audience “Because I’m not dead, Anakin!”
For the rest of his life, Obi-Wan deals with people assuming he is dead and who are surprised to hear he is alive. It becomes the biggest conspiracy theory. Is Obi-Wan dead or alive? There are huge fights even amount academics about whether he is or isn’t.
When Obi-Wan finally does pass into the Force of old age, for decades afterwards people swear he’s still alive and kicking.
OH GOD YES. The reports on ObiWan’s age vary between 5 to 458. Having a babyface doesn’t help at all. Having Yoda as great-grandmaster doesn’t help either. There are theories about corellation between Yoda’s height and Obi’s height.
OBI-WAN’S RETURN is, of course, accompanied by Clone Army Choir providing Hopeful Latin Chanting ™ to underline the hopeful atmosphere. His face is for a few weeks the most famous in the whole galaxy.
(And Anakin throws away the lavender lace veil. His mourning is at its end!)
(”I should have never told him about the undercover mission,” Kenobi grumbles.)
When i was like 13 was allowed to use the internet unrestricted for the first time and i spent a lot of time on Runescape. One of the people i talked to on there was this person who had much higher levels than me in every skill and had, to my perception, a seemingly overflowing amount of game resources. One day i was taking about wishing i could get gold ore to level my smithing and not having access to any and they like “here, you can have this gold that i have” and just gave me this big stack and i was like “i don’t even have anything to offer back”. They told me they didn’t need anything and just wanted to be nice. I said that they didn’t have to and what they told me honestly has stuck with me since, they said “life’s too short to spend it being mean to people” and like it’s such a simple thing to say but combined with their actions and the weight they bore to me at the time was hugely influential on my outlook on life and the way i treat others. I don’t know who that person is but they changed my life that day and I’m so thankful to them.
high level MMO-ers are either the nicest people on earth or the spawn of Satan there is no in between
Runescape was a big part of my formative years for better or worse. Age twelve left me impressionable at best and the free lobster this guy gave me one day just stuck with me. We fished together for days on end and we talked about our parents and stuff. If you’re out there NinjaKirby69 I miss you buddy.
I forgot to type it up yesterday but one of my best experiences didn’t even involve me. It was when my younger sister, Runescape user cooldudetha, crashed the steel market single-handedly out of sheer boredom.
I need to know this story
So if you’re not aware, Runescape has the Grand Exchange, which is basically a global trade market controlled by supply and demand. It’s an incredible system, and deserves a lot of commendation.
Well one day back in…I think Summer between 2010-2012? my younger sister and I had nothing to do but play Runescape in our free time. I did what all aspiring heroes do, I was happy to go out and commit mass goblin murder. My sister was more creative. At first she went to train Smithing in Al Kharid, which is this desert area with easy access to iron, coal, a player bank, and a smelter. So basically she made craploads of steel for hours on end for like a week. But then she realized she had nothing to do with the steel. She could go find a smith with an anvil and train Smithing further, but that was boring since she’d already been grinding forever. So she went to the Grand Exchange and sold it all.
Thousands of units of steel ingots.
And it sold like immediately, since there was always a large amount of people training Smithing at the level they could use steel.
Obviously she became fabulously wealthy and didn’t know what to do with her newfound wealth. But since she spent a lot of time at the Exchange, she knew basically how the market worked. I’m not 100% sure on what the thought process was for her, but she essentially realized a basic economic principle: If she could control the supply and demand for steel she could accelerate her profit margins.
So like any reasonable 12-14 year old, she bought out about twice as much steel as she sold. Flooding the market had almost halved the price, and she now was both the supply and demand. Of course, as a result of some mystery person buying tons of steel, the price went up again. So she went and sold it at the higher price. She spent about another week or two playing Carnegie before it got old and she retired to Lumbridge with fat stacks of gold and the finest armor money could buy (but she couldn’t wear due to low Defense level).
I found out from a friend later who was part of one of the big trade guilds that the big market guilds were all pissed that somehow the steel market had crashed, skyrocketed, then crashed in quick succession for no goddamn reason and all of them had lost thousands of coins in the process.
The Fresno, California Sheriff’s Department raided a “beehive chop shop” and uncovered $1m worth of bees stolen in “great beehive heists” that have taken place across the bee-starved state.
The sheriffs arrested Pavel Tveretinov, a beekeeper who faces 10 years if convicted. A warrant has been issued for his alleged accomplice, Vitaliy Yeroshenko, who is still at large.
Steel Phoenix Studios 