brb dying of laughter – Page 32 – Steel Phoenix Studios

nestofstraightlines:

albinwonderland:

I really try to challenge Canadian stereotypes at every opportunity but today I was walking down Young St. in Toronto and a firetruck honked very loudly and I clutched my chest and said “MY WORD” and as it drove past, a fireman leaned out of the window and apologized to me
so I just don’t know

Once I went to the pub with my Canadian friend and my Irish friend and they both offered to go to the bar and ten minutes later were still politely arguing over who got to buy the round.

ao3tagoftheday:

The AO3 Tag of the Day is: I’ve never hated this meme more

charadreemurr:

Friend just posted a meme on facebook like “the cake is an alternative fact” and i havent laughed at a cake is a lie joke in at least five years but

blueandbluer:

pulltheotheroneithasbellson:

kariachi:

mrtacomam:

defilerwyrm:

thatickything:

seasonoftowers:

equalistmako:

disgruntledturtle:

Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? fat is like the grossest part of meat

“Why hello there, little children~. Please follow me to my magical… FITNESS ROOM. NO P A N S I E S ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT. LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE IT’S LEG DAY AND WE’RE ABOUT TO GET R-R-R-RIPPE D.”

Because they’re always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens – aka long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft. If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone.

well you did ask

Also there’s wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat.

you are arguing over the semantics of EATING CHILDREN

Well yeah, you gotta get this shit right or it’s a waste of 40-80 lbs of meat.

plus if you feed them a high fat, low nutrition diet, they’re easier to subdue and less likely to run away, which would be a concern for an elderly crone.

Thank you, Old Witch With Candy House side of tumblr.

isaygoodqueen:

There’s a spanish “my name is cow” poem translation floating around, but its a word for word translation, without the same rhyme and meter so i.. fixed it

Yo soy vaca

en la noche,

cuando el sol

es ausente

y los hombres

se acuestan-

Yo trasnocho

lamo el pan.

(literally: I am cow/ in the night/ when the sun/ is absent/ and the men/ go to bed/ i stay up late/ i lik the bread)

glintglimmergleam:

thoodleoo:

archaeologistforhire:

anarcho-shindouism:

I am still 10000% baffled as to how/why this exploded over the weekend and now it’s circled back to Tumblr. All glory to thoodleoo for the OP.

every time i see this post it has more realistic indiana jones movie titles and i’m overwhelmed with trying to read them all both on twitter and tumblr because they’re all so funny i love y’all

@terrasigillata

queenanthai:

osheamobile:

The real reason Bruce Wayne keeps training kids is so that there’s eventually a gradually cascading order of vigilantes protecting Gotham. When you defeat one, there’s a slightly smaller one just behind, ready to pick up the slack.

Batryoshka dolls.

I am going to fucking set you on fire

bisexualkrisletang:

wearecanadians:

saw this, thought it was funny

My school does this too listen, it gets cold on there, my fingers get so sore

the-vaudevillain:

generally:

you know sometimes it shocks me too but google really is free and it’s right there in your hands

I love that this post is both a really wide-eyed appreciation for the amazing time we live in and a really sarcastic passive-aggressive way to tell people to just fucking google shit

This post feels like my heart

srsfunny:

Mr. Martin the Chillest Teacher of all Time