i hate math tests because all throughout the chapter it’s like really easy shit and then you think you’ve got it and then the test is like
if i throw a triangle out of a car and the car is going 20 mph and wind resistance is a thing that exists, how many cupcakes can pedro buy with one human soul
A Human soul is worth $660,326.82 according to “The devil went down to Georgia” where the Devil offers a fiddle of gold as an equal bet against a soul.
assuming a fiddle weighs about 450 grams and is primarily made out of spruce and maple. The density of spruce is 0.43 g/cm3, and the density of maple is 0.6 g/cm3. As an estimation, we’ll just average these and suppose that the average density of the material of a violin is 0.515g/cm3. so If the Fiddle weighs 450 g and has a density of 0.515 g/cm3, that means that the volume of the wood of the Fiddle is 873.8 cm3. Our hypothetical golden prize had gold in lieu of wood. So 873.8 cm3 of gold weighs 16.9 kg — almost forty pounds! — or 543.3 troy ounces.
Since the selling price of gold today is $1215.40 per ounce that gives us our value, but as for cupcakes it’s a little harder, most cupcakes sell for $2.50 to $4.00 at a bake shop, so let’s average that to $3.25, some simple division and we get our answer
Pedro can buy 203,177 cupcakes and have $1.56 left over.
when the fuck did i do this? i have no memory of this
Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month
this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life
You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex.
Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS???
… guys
….. Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this? “HE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX.”
… I mean. Comparatively…
Like, in My Immortal, it’s at least implied he knows where he’s supposed to put it. It’s very simplistic, Ikea-style sex (insert tab A into slot B) but that’s better than this vague, useless composition of random, nonsensical placement and movement of body parts.
So yes, the sex in My Immortal is, in this sense, better.
OK so I’m sure people are aware of this, but just in case you’re not: there is an annual ‘award’ given every year by the Literary Review for bad sex scenes in fiction. The above entry (sorry) by Morrissey won this illustrious award in 2015 (and yes, he threw a massive tantrum about it, because he’s Morrissey):
The best part of this is that the 2016 nominations were just announced, and OH BOY, there are some absolute crackers this year:
And in case anyone is interested, these are some of the entries that Morrissey beat to the top prize last year:
I agree. We are spoilt by fanfiction.
I literally never want to hear anyone badmouth fanfiction again, I have never in all my years of internetdom read anything as troubling as, “Under that sling, her breasts were like young fawns, sheep frolicking in hyssop – Psalms were about to pour out of me.”
tag urself i’m “Come, sonny boy!”
I kind of see what the fawn thing was going for – imitating Song of Songs – but (a) it does so badly, (b) it then brings up the Psalms INSTEAD OF Song of Songs. If you’re going to do literary allusions at least get them right, my dude
My worst (first) written sex scene is like literary gold compared to what I’ve just writnessed with mine own two eyeballs.
I suck at writing sex scenes and… well. I feel positively gifted, compared.
Steel Phoenix Studios 