laporcupina:

The Avengers cost money to run and while Tony’s insanely wealthy, he didn’t get to be a billionaire in addition to the genius/playboy/philanthropist by being foolish when it came to money-making opportunities. 

Thus, the comic books. 

It’s a great idea, he knows it is. With the return of Captain America, there was a resurgence of all kinds of vintage Cap memorabilia and, among them, are the comics that featured Steve and the Commandos in daring (and, by today’s standards, incredibly racist, sexist, and everything else-ist) adventures. Tony’s got still a few – Dad had the whole run – and he thinks an update will go over well. The Avengers’ PR staff wholeheartedly agree, possibly not because Tony is paying their salaries. 

The New Adventures of Captain America is first off the press, packaged with a reprint of the original Captain America #1, and they have to go to a second printing within a month. Steve himself is perfectly happy to sign copies because at least it’s not the beefcake shots that Vanity Fair dug up and ran in the January issue. 

The Black Widow comes out next and it gets mixed reviews because the girl-power message got undermined somewhat by the cheesecake art. Tony doesn’t think Natasha’s the kind of pissed that will get him murdered in his sleep, but he can’t promise the safety of the next guy who catcalls out that her boobs aren’t as big in real life. 

Invincible Iron Man is the third and, okay, maybe the title’s a bit much, but c’mon, since when has humbleness been part of his toolkit? It’s a detective story with lasers, which is precisely what he asked for. That, and to make him look as tall as Cap if they were ever in the same panel. 

Thor has plenty of suggestions for his book’s story arcs, which is why the writer is credited as “scripted by.”

Bruce won’t give permission for anything to do with the Hulk, despite Tony’s assurance that this is a way to ‘demonster’ the Other Guy. Bruce says the Other Guy is a monster and should stay that way. Tony tries a few more times, but Bruce won’t budge. Which is why Tony’s sidekick in his own book is a genius named Bruce, no last name given. 

Clint will let them do a Hawkeye book, but the creative team is left to their own devices because he won’t even return their texts or emails. What results is possibly payback because it’s not even a superhero story. It’s an ironic hipster drama where the putative hero is really a shlemiel who is a complete failure at everything but being a superhero. Hawkeye is a runaway success, however, and wins an Eisner. Clint won’t go to the awards ceremony.

When Tony finally sees Barton’s home – and gets over the shock that it is a farm with cows and chickens and a wife and children – he notices that there is not only a framed and autographed copy of Hawkeye #1 under glass in the family room, but there is a commissioned full-color drawing by the series artist. Clint might not want anything to do with it, but Laura Barton is very sure this is the most hysterical thing in the history of ever and trawls eBay for merchandise. It’s been a shitball of a day, of a week, but the mischievous smile Laura gives him when he promises he can hook her up at the source makes it a tiny bit less awful.