gallusrostromegalus:

To Be Clear: Tiggy is my former biology teacher’s cat, not mine.  

Tiggy was found on the street by her six-year-old son and they thought he was a teenager, except his teeth weren’t in great shape, and he never got any bigger.  He’s lived with them for 15 years, and Mrs. A thinks he’s probably 17 now.

Tiggy is SUPPOSED to be an indoor cat, but he is Cunning and Apparently Feels No Pain, so he’s managed to get out may, many times by jimmying window locks open, working doorknobs knocking a hole in the roof from the attic, and straight-up running through single-pane glass once.  So Mrs. A, attempting to mitigate his environmental impact, has him permanently wearing a neon yellow, reflective strip vest/harness, with bells, a flashing light and a beeper that goes off every 12 minutes, in case he gnaws the bells off.  It also has a GPS tracker made from a modified Ankle bracelet, that tells her when he gets out.

IN SPITE OF THIS, he’s still murdery little shit.

The Loud Harness seems to have slowed down his genocide of the local small vertebrates, but had a curious backwards effect: The large carnivores come over and try to throw down with him.

If you’re wondering how  6lb kittykat takes down a 45 lb coyote:  Stone-cold bastard kills them the same way a lion takes down a fucking zebra-He latches onto their windpipes and either asphyxiates them by clamping down or actually rips their throats out.  The ruff does nothing.

We know this, and his estimated body count, because he likes to bring back particularly difficult kills to the porch to show off.

In 2012, Mrs. A’s son brought home a malamute/GSD puppy and Mrs. A was terrified that Tiggy was going to kill him too.  Instead, Tiggy took Tobasco under his proverbial wing and went from “Mighty Hunter” to “Overprotective Parent”, staying in the yard and guarding Tobasco from any potential harm with the same murderous zeal as he’s always had.  

…He also taught Tobasco how to stalk, chase, and corner the local wildlife and last year Mrs. A came home to find a six-point mule deer buck in her kitchen, attempting to hide on top of the stove.