AU where instead of going to Samwell, Jack starts a widely successful Publicly Broadcast show for children.
Jack learns that he is great with kids after coaching them for a little over two years. Moreover, kids are good with Jack. There is no pressure to be anything other than who he is.
It all starts with a local news program doing a fluff piece on Jack Zimmermann’s coaching ability. But then it turned into something completely different when Jack skated onto camera and started to introduce every single one of his kids and what was special about them. He was…really enchanting actually. He didn’t ever really talk down to them. Jack just treated them as a tiny friend.
They ARE his tiny friends, but that’s not the point.
The footage they got of “snack time” was really the best. Imagine a good 16 kids piled around this massive man teaching them the best way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
It should have been obvious that a local channel would contact him. It still surprises Jack. They want him to host a show? Why? Everyone always teased him about how impersonable he was during interviews. Is it because he’s Jack Zimmermann’s son? Or Alicia’s?
Jack asks all of these questions to his mother and she just laughs. “You made a PB&J interesting to 16 kids just by being you”
Jack figures it wouldn’t hurt to give it a shot.
Tag: eric ‘bitty’ bittle
I’m just going to point out that Hall and Murray totally had a Stanley Cup Watch Party so what does everyone think they’re doing right now? Cheering? Freaking out? Wondering if they made this happen? Feeling vindicated because they FUCKING CALLED IT? I NEED TO KNOW.
*sighs* fine I guess I’ll write it
Quick question why are y’all reblogging my resignation
*throws this in the general direction of the fandom* DON’T LOOK AT ME
(also posted here on ao3)
Murray Loves His Dramatic Children
‘Surprised’ is the wrong word. Murray hadn’t exactly expected the Stanley Cup final to end with his favorite former team captain kissing his current team captain, but seeing as it’s Bittle and Zimmermann, it’s not exactly outside the realm of possibility. Zimmermann may have a “Hockey Robot” reputation, but the kid has a flair for the dramatic that’s actually hilarious once you understand his personality. (Game winning goal in the final seconds of final overtime? Really, Jack?) And Eric Bittle iss the living embodiment of thinking with your heart.
“Huh,” says Hall, sitting to his left. He’s the only other person in the bar not completely shocked. “That’s one way to do it.”
Murray snorts. “You expected any different?”
“Not really,” Hall replies, with a smile. “This is kind of our fault, you know.”
“What do you mean ‘kind of’?” Murray laughs. “This is at least seventy percent our fault.”
It’s just gonna be so so hard keeping all that to myself.
Maple
Bad Bob diversified his assets in the 90s and bought, among other things, a small maple farm.
That’s the reason Jack is so particular about providing the maple syrup Bitty uses in his pies, because it’s literally his maple syrup. He goes home every year and makes it himself.
Somehow it takes a really long time for Bitty to figure this out.
Okay, now I want a fic about Bad Bob as a maple syrup smuggler: http://business.financialpost.com/features/how-a-maple-syrup-rebellion-is-growing-in-quebec
Bitty and Jack return to Georgia the summer between Junior and Senior year only to find a large refrigerated shed in the back yard, filled with what looks to be two dozen unmarked oil drums.
“What the heck is all this?” Bitty questions, examining the barrel and finally cracking a seal to take a sniff. “It’s … maple syrup?” Jack is curiously silent, and when Bitty looks up at his boyfriend, he finds Jack’s face is very red.
“Honey?”
Jack hesitates. “Remember that farm I wanted to take you to, the one Maman and Papa went to every spring?”
Bitty nods, because how could he forget the way Jack raved about the ‘little patch of land’ his father had purchased outside Beauce.
“It’s a maple farm,” Jack whispers, and Bitty is somehow even more confused than he was before.
“That doesn’t explain why it’s here.”
“It’s syrup,” Jack breathes, counting the barrels. “It’s about . . . thirty-thousand dollars worth of maple syrup.”
“And why would there be thirty-thousand dollars of Canadian maple syrup at my parent’s house in Madison, Georgia?”
“Papa’s been fined several times by FPAQ for distributing his stock outside approved channels.” At Bitty’s confused expression, Jack explains, “The Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers. You know OPEC, in the middle east? How they control oil prices by controlling the supply? Same basic principle, but with maple syrup. Producers in Quebec have to sell through FPAQ or they can get frozen out of the market. Papa has the money to pay the fines, but he takes it personally now.”
“That’s insane, still doesn’t explain why there’s several tons of syrup hiding out in our shed like a secret meth lab.” Bitty goes back to the barrel and presses the stopper closed when it hits him. “Wait, is your father using my mama to fence illegal maple syrup?”
Jack shrugs. “Probably. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is all very illegal.”
Canadian Breaking Bad au.
Bad Bob, in full hockey gear, “I am the one who knocks!!”
NHL!Bitty – Pens AU
@kit923 requested NHL!Bitty playing for the Pens (@sergeantsexface seconded Pens!Bitty!) and this is a little more pre-Penguins, but it counts, right??? Takes place after the NHL hack that leaks homophobic emails. Eric is fed up with the entire league and planning to make a statement by not signing with anyone. Then this happens.
Origin: From Samwell to Seattle | Part I – Hug Check | Part II – Chirping | Part III – Post-Season | Part IV – RPF | Part V – Dating
It’s just another godawful luncheon, but today Jack has the added pleasure of every other donor asking Jack’s opinion about his ‘homosexual’ teammate going pro. After the third locker room joke, Jack excuses himself, desperate for air, only to find his father and Uncle Mario nursing their drinks on the club’s back patio.
He’s about to find somewhere less conspicuous when he hears:
“That’s not even debatable, Bittle is going to be scouted. Even if he’s just shipped down to a farm team, Bettman isn’t going to-”
Oh. Of course, Mario would be involved in all of this, he’s an owner. Jack knocks his knuckles against the railing, his manners winning out over his morbid curiosity. They stop talking abruptly, but his father visibly relaxes when he sees it’s just Jack and not another donor.
Okay, so here’s the irony about this.
This sounds like a conversation that would have occurred late in 2016 – shortly after the Penguins won their fourth cup (second in the last decade). It’s also a time period when Crosby was rotating through wingers as they tried to find him one that would fit as well as Pascal Dupois.
If Bitty signed with the Penguins, and joined up in 2017 there are clear real life analogues to his game play (as far as we know based on the comics and what fandom has assumed) in the Penguins pipeline. Basically, other players and rookies actually playing at the moment with the Penguins who are also short and fast: Jake Guentzel, Connor Sheary and maybe Brian Rust.
i.e. all young players who are known for being very fast wingers who have or are currently playing in Sidney Crosby’s line.
Basically Mario isn’t wrong, Eric Bittle‘s play would really suit the fast play of the Penguins and, specifically, Sidney Crosby. And, ironically, if you were going to write a story about Bitty being signed by the Penguins, it isn’t actually that far fetched that he’d end up starting on Sidney Crosby’s line – because that’s what happened this past year with at least two other speedy short players.
And if he joined up after Guentzel and Sheary were already on that line? Well, Evgeni Malkin has also been going through wingers trying to get a good fit.
And if Evgeni Malkin doesn’t fit, then I bet they’d be wanting to try out a speedy winger with Bonino or Cullen alongside Phil Kessel or Carl Hagelin.
This entire reblog has made me realise I low key want a story where Eric Bittle moves to Pittsburgh to play hockey with the baby Pens, gets called up half way through the season due to injury and isn’t ever sent back down because he’s an amazing player, very fast and scores goals like it’s easy.
And then he discovers that Crosby’s rumoured sweet tooth is less rumour and more an invitation to come stay at Crosby’s home and make use of his no doubt ridiculously large kitchen.
Jack’s not worried, Bitty and him are forever.
Okay he’s a little worried, Crosby’s got an Aga. Bitty was so excited he was nearly crying over the phone.
@tienriu *hands over keys to Pens!AU*
Steel Phoenix Studios 