Still reading “You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Crazy or Stupid?” – a book for and about adults with add. And this is all me, especially that last bit.
rbing again to add that I want to thank op for posting this. seeing this on my dash several months ago was the very first time I ever considered I could have ADD/ADHD inattentive. I never had the slightest idea before. fast forward to now and I’ve been going to therapy and on medication and things have turned around so much for the better.
I’m so glad to hear that! That’s why I posted it, because I knew I couldn’t be the only person that this rang I giant bell with.
I WAS THAT LITTLE GIRL. THAT WAS ME.
I was AT THE SAME TIME this little girl and the “trouble with bright girls” little girl–I was told that I was smart enough to “compensate” so I didn’t need treatment/help, so anything I had difficulty with I had to avoid like the plague because even though I knew why it was hard for me because I had been told I had ADD, I also knew that my status of smartness was at risk any time I struggled with something, and had no idea how to actually consciously deal with my ADD when natural ability/terror of deadlines didn’t get me through.
I haven’t been using tumblr much recently, but for those who do follow and haven’t read it on other social media, I am now working as a measurer for a Hong Kong tailor and acting as a tailoring agent, specifically helping LGBT+ people and women in the UK (London) who have difficulty getting clothes that fit them.
Right now I am working pro bono, and since I am not taking any profit (and therefore don’t need to factor in tax), this is an opportunity to get MTM clothing at much cheaper than possible otherwise (since I don’t charge anything but have access to industry prices).
Those interested, shirts are between 20-50 pounds, suits are anywhere from 100-400 pounds, depending on tailor and material. Doesn’t include shipping, alterations, and other logistics stuff like fit guarantee and so on.
Here are some photos of clothes I’ve gotten from the HK tailors. Not all of the mare from the tailors I will be using, and it took quite a few fittings and commissions to get the fit how I wanted it, but should give some indication as to what can be done.
Anyway if you or anyone you know might be interested shoot me a message and I’ll be happy to answer any questions. I’m also happy to help as a stylist/consultant in general for dressing in menswear and buying suits, alterations, and so on, which might not be readily available.
I’m happy to give general advice and potentially help those overseas to get shirts or even suits made, so don’t hesitate to contact me if you don’t live in the UK/London either, but I will have to make it clear that without a fitting with someone who is experienced, it’d be more difficult to get a suit/jacket that fits very well.
So I’m going to be bitter and old here for a minute.
The absolute refusal to allow anyone to use queer as an umbrella is both novel and regressive (I know, I know). For decades, queer was an accepted and neutral way to concisely refer to a coalition of loosely connected communities and identities. Queer theory, queer film, queer spaces, queer history.
This use came after another few decades of committed work in reclaiming the word from oppressors who flat out stole it from us.
It took a lot of effort to wrestle it back out of their hands, and now I’m expected to just give it over to them because decades of unity and collective action and shared experience don’t matter because a handful of (usually white, almost exclusively american) kids on this godawful website have deicded it’s illegal for me to “force it on others” and that I should instead just let them for LGBT or gay or whatever else on me.
Like, fuck off?
Fuck off.
I am going to refer to my community in the way that I have been doing for an entire lifetime. Not just my specific identity, which is queer as fuck, but the whole fucking shebang.
And I will not hand the word back over to straight people with a nice little ribbon and a coat of polish and say “here, some kids decided it was cool if I let you stab them with this word so here you go” like
Fucking, why would I ever.
Frankly, and I know how people are going to react to this but, frankly?
I damned well will use queer to refer to my community as well as myself, and anyone who wants to take it away from me can take it over my COLD DEAD QUEER LITTLE FINGERS.
I will not sit by and let antsy, nervous kids who don’t know a damn thing about our history talk down to me about how “well, actually” when they can’t even recognize the fact that trans people were still being policed out of here literally three fucking years ago.
The presumption and the ignorance are staggering.
So yeah.
Queer as in fuck you people in particular.
And, to my followers who are made uncomfortable by this, well. I will regret losing you on some level, but not enough to stop.
I fully intend to use queer as the umbrella term it has been for my entire life. LGBT never did my intersex, pansexual ass any favours anyway.
My point is, I’m not going to be referring to the “LGBT” community at all, anymore. It’s going to be 100% queer here, in a more conscious and consistent way than it has been before. Because, you see, even people who do use queer as an identity unashamedly have gotten into this pattern of being apologetic or conditional about it, with a constant, overbearing tone that even when we do use queer as a community term with have to hedge it and gentle it because it’s so dangerous.
but it’s fuckign not.
We spent decades pulling the danger out of it.
And ‘m not going to let it sneak back in.
Every time someone says “queer is a slur, you shouldn’t use it” I feel like they’re trying to fucking gaslight me. Like, I was there when it got reclaimed. I read “Queer Science”, I saw the “Queer Studies Departments” in college and the majors in Queer Theory. Kids do not get to invalidate my life out of ignorance. And I can’t help but think that someone who knows exactly what they are doing was behind it to begin with, because how would the kids who don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about know to invalidate that word?
You go. Reclaim that reclamation. I’ll probably use LGBT+ and queer interchangeably, like I always have, and if some kid tries to lecture my 47-year-old ass on the matter I’m just going to have to look at them over my imaginary librarian glasses and tell them “no. you’re wrong. Go back to school, kid, you need to remember you’re sharing the world with adults and there is a consensual reality you have entered into. You don’t get to make it up from scratch any more than I did.”
And I can’t help but think that someone who knows exactly what they are doing was behind it to begin with
Because it’s absolutely surreal to see someone who is fifteen years old speak as if queer’s been used to constantly attack and smear and belittle and insult them, when they’re about twenty years too late, at the very least, to have gone through that as a teenager. I’ve seen it happen so many times, with so many teenagers on here, that it reads honestly like a script – like a Discourse Point someone’s taught them that they need to trot out as an argument, always and forever, amen. I made this connection over a year ago, when the screaming against ‘queer’ started in earnest on here and thought about it more in-depth when a number of very young activists both here and on Twitter told me unironically and with a straight face that they took all of their discourse points from the likes of leftbians and other exclusionists, starting with your garden-variety aphobes and biphobes and ending with outright radfems / TWERFs / SWERFs.
That was the lightbulb moment for me. Question:
what group has managed to spread their posts and their ideas far and wide on Tumblr, because people reblog without checking the source or reading between the lines?
and what group has had a vicious ideological axe to grind against ‘queer’ as both a self-descriptor and an umbrella-term for decades now?
The answer to both is radfems. I was there ten years ago when they were absolutely driving themselves into a frothing lather over the fact that a very large number of LGBTQIAP+ youth were describing ourselves and our communities as queer uncontroversially – seriously, this was so common on the English-speaking queer youth forums I used to frequent back then that no one batted an eyelash, specifically because the work of reclamation had already been done for decades and if, asked, the vast majority of people answered that they preferred queer because it was INCLUSIVE (which is and has always been the kryptonite for groups of people whose ideas revolved around gatekeeping the community and their precious selves being the arbiters of who gets in and who stays out), Radfems quickly realized that they weren’t going to be able to demonize the word in the eyes of Gen Xers or people at the older end of the Gen Y generation in the community, because we’d either contributed to the work of reclamation or spent our whole fucking lives in communities where queer was a badge of pride.
So, in what is honestly an absolutely brilliant move and which I’d be almost tempted to admire, if I didn’t want to spit everyone involved right between the eyes, radfems and other exclusionists targeted much younger LGBTQIAP+ people, leapfrogging a generation. Tumblr, in this sense, has been absolutely vital, both in giving them access to very young people who were just discovering themselves and whose knowledge of community history was nonexistent and in being built in such a way that radfems could make their posts go viral and attract tens of thousands of reblogs, if not more, if they knew to word them in just the right way (I’ve lost count of the number of what, at a shallow glance, seem like very decent PSAs on consent, but that at a closer reading were actually anti-BDSM screeds, easy to see for anyone who knows the dogwhistles).
If radfems have managed to mire this place in their ideas intensely enough that they’ve turned their anti-kink crusade into an omnipresent thing in certain progressive communities on Tumblr, it’s not impossible to make the logical leap that they’ve managed to do so with their decades-long anti-queer crusade as well.
I’d laugh and clap at the ingeniousness of it all, if it didn’t involve obliterating decades of community history, solidarity and reclamation efforts.
Please note this. Regardless of how you personally feel about the word, this backlash against it happened much more recently than many people seem to think. And it’s worth pointing out who benefits from the backlash, and it sure as hell isn’t the people who gave decades of their lives to make the word a sign of inclusivity and acceptance.
Coming soon:MyTransHealth, an app connecting trans people to knowledgeable, reliable and affordable healthcare providers.
19% of trans people have been refused healthcare because of their gender identity. 50% of trans people have had to teach their doctors about trans-related medical care. 28% of trans people have been harassed in medical settings. This app is desperately needed. Follow them at mytranshealth.
I AM CRYING HOLY SHIT. This is so important. You know I’m serious because I am actually using these things called capitalization and punctuation. You guys. Please. Please boost the hell out of this. It means so much.
*SLAMS THE SHIT OUT OF THE REBLOG BUTTON*
omg pls make this international / not just US-centric!
We won’t rest until every trans person on the planet has access to safe, affordable, and reliable health care.
My brother works for Sesame Street with their touring shows. The day after the election, the company he works for decided they would not be able to keep the tours going because they were going to lose a significant amount of funding due to Trump’s presidency.
It’s happening now. Disney bought out all of the venues they usually go to and they couldn’t compete with the cost so he and his fiancee aren’t going to have jobs after they get married. This is officially the last set of tours by Sesame Street, indefinitely.
He and his fiancee don’t really know what they are going to do. They think they might move to Atlanta but, honestly, they’re going to have to go where they can find work. That’s part of being a freelancer and one of the reasons I had to get out of theatre (constantly being on the lookout for a job is mentally taxing).
It sucks that they’ll be starting their marriage like this.
The reason I posted this is because a while ago there was a lot of upset about Sesame Street airing shows on HBO a week earlier for kids whose family can afford HBO. And people were so disappointed with Sesame Street for agreeing to that.
But, like, honestly, Sesame Street is struggling and has been for a while. Their agreement deal with HBO was a good thing. Sesame Street’s funding is dying and I will be really shocked if it survives the next four years or remains publicly available. The people in power don’t want Sesame Street to exist. It teaches kids empathy and kindness and thoughtfulness. It exposes kids to diversity and teaches them openness and caring about others, which is exactly what fascists DON’T want. It’s exactly what CONSERVATIVES don’t want.
Sesame Street is dying and it will be a goddamn miracle if lasts through the next four years.
In case anyone is curious, PBS has always taken donations. The federal government has always shortchanged them horrifically, and various shows have had to be saved in the past. Here’s a lineup of press releases from them that display the diversity of their underfunded original programming (because it’s basically all underfunded). There have been threats to Sesame Street before; we can overcome this. Part of that is making sure local partner stations remain in the black.
Financial statements for 2016 for PBS are not yet available, but several previous years’ financial statements are. It would take an accountant to read those statements properly, but the for-profit subsidiaries of PBS were paying 200+K and 300+K in corporate taxes respectively. That indicates they were probably turning a small profit in those years. However, I’m not sure such profits could cover Sesame Workshop’s potential losses.
Want to make a difference? Make a donation to your local PBS station or send a postcard to your Reps/Senators in Washington telling them you want funding for PBS left untouched. Or both! Both is good.
So this has been the news of Ireland for the past day. 796 remains of children where discarded and hidden away by the Bon Secours nuns in a septic tank on the grounds of an old “mother and babies” home in Tuam Co. Galway from sometime in the 1920s until the 1960s. These homes were common in Ireland to where unmarried mothers were sent to because they’ve brought shame on their family in the eyes of their religion.
I’d appreciate it if this was spread around on tumblr because many people don’t realise that this was what happened in this country. The General reaction from Irish folk was dismay and disgust and most importantly many were “not surprised” when this report’s findings were released. And The Catholic Church still has a stronghold on the country today.
And in unsurprising news the Irish pro-life groups and infamous spokespeople have been silent so far in condemning the actions and atrocities of the Catholic Church.
I’d add this comment, from a pissed off Irish bloke on fb:
^ these people covered up the deaths of born children in a septic tank but they are the moral authority on whether women can get rid of unwanted pregnancies?
I don’t read the news and I haven’t listened to the radio in the last few days so I’ve no idea if this has been widely reported in the British news, but this is the first I’d heard of it. I’ve done a bit of reading now. My mum grewup in C Cork, near Galway (where the grave was found), and was a teenager in Ireland in the 60s. The thought that getting pregnant, whether consensual or not, could have landed her in one of these places, and my resultant half-sibling in a septic tank grave, is horrifying.
It’s worth noting this is not the first time mass graves have been discovered attatched to former Mothers and Babies Homes and Magdalene Lanudaries. In 1993, 155 corpses were exhumed from a Sisters of Our Lady of Charity home in Dublin. In that case, even as the bodies were exhumed (the Sisters had sold the land to a property developer to recoup losses they’d made on the stock market, yes really) it was not reported. However, as word spread outrage did grow, leading to the enquiries and damning reports into these institutions later in the decade.
In the above more recent case, it was apparently fairly common knowledge locally that the site contained a mass grave since two boys stumbled across it in 1975. It’s horribly safe to assume that these two cases aren’t isolated and that there are many more mass graves in Ireland.
The children died of ‘natural’ causes, but neglect, malnutition and abuse hurried many on their way, or killed otherwise healthy children outright.
I am all for poc being cast in roles that highlight their cultural history and struggles
But can we also campaign for giving poc roles that are about an average person with average problems????? Roles that are given to white people by default…….
A black girl in a romance movie where the greatest obstacle isn’t her race and the greatest reward isn’t that she ends up with the white dude…….
A romantic comedy where all the poc characters aren’t stereotyped by what Hollywood classifies as their culture…..
A coming of age story starring a diverse group of children instead of a token (stereotyped) minority character…..
Can we make movies that don’t make the family dynamics in black or latinx culture dramatic or toxic?????
Can we have more Muslim representation in general????????
Can we show non-christian religions as more than oppressive?????
Can we give poc more roles than the ones that were “written for them”?????
Can we make movies showing the true diversity of society rather than trying to convince ppl that poc are just sprinkles in a white world ????????
“ In August, 1968, the country was still reeling from the assassination of Martin Luther King four months earlier, and the race riots that followed on its heels. Nightly news showed burning cities, white flight, radicals and reactionaries snarling at each other across the cultural divide.
“A brand new children’s show out of Pittsburgh, which had gone national the previous year, took a different approach. Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood introduced Officer Clemmons, a black police officer who was a kindly, responsible authority figure, kept his neighborhood safe, and was Mr. Roger’s equal, colleague and neighbor.
“Around the first anniversary of Martin Luther King’s death, Mr. Rogers invited Officer Clemmons to join him in soaking their tired feet in a plastic wading pool. And there they were, brown feet and pasty white feet, side by side in the water. Silently, contemplatively, without comment.
“25 years later, when the actor playing Officer Clemmons retired, his last scene on the show revisited that same wading pool, this time reminiscing. Officer Clemmons asked Mr. Rogers what he’d been thinking during their silent interlude a quarter century before. Fred Rogers’ answer was that he’d been thinking of the many ways people say “I love you.”
– Carl Aveni’s FB page
Mr Rogers was one of the good ones.
^^^^^
Considering the fraught and painful history of excluding black people from swimming pools in that era, there is no way this wasn’t a very pointed commentary to the people who were being exclusionary. This was a specifically chosen visual.
It’s not a fuck-you. Mr. Rogers didn’t do fuck-yous. But it was a clear, decisive, pointed statement. It was more than just showing inclusion; it was a deliberate response to what was going on in the world. This was him saying “you can do better. We can all do better. What you are doing is wrong.” This was a sweet, simple, and relatable thing to show little kids, to give them a view of a black man as kind and professional and a trusted adult – but also a lovely and strong statement to their parents and to the world.
It could have lost him his show, or at least his national distribution. It could have gotten him attacked both in the news and personally in person, but he did it anyway. I wish I knew if he ever talked about this, and how aware he and the show producers were of the statement this made.
Man, do we need more Fred Rogers in the world.
Always reblog Fred Rogers.
The washing of feet, which this alludes to very nicely, is also heavily symbolic in a lot of Christian denominations: hospitality and humility, the call to care for each other. Well-played, Mr. Rogers.
Steel Phoenix Studios 