Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? fat is like the grossest part of meat
“Why hello there, little children~. Please follow me to my magical… FITNESS ROOM. NO P A N S I E S ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT. LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE IT’S LEG DAY AND WE’RE ABOUT TO GET R-R-R-RIPPE D.”
Because they’re always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens – aka long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft. If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone.
well you did ask
Also there’s wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat.
you are arguing over the semantics of EATING CHILDREN
Well yeah, you gotta get this shit right or it’s a waste of 40-80 lbs of meat.
plus if you feed them a high fat, low nutrition diet, they’re easier to subdue and less likely to run away, which would be a concern for an elderly crone.
Thank you, Old Witch With Candy House side of tumblr.
i had a dream about fucking… vampire discourse on tumblr like;
“reminder that blood sucker is a slur”
“vamp-born-vamps are valid if u got bitten later in life you’re not part of the vamp community”
“support vamps who drink human blood, support vamps who drink animal blood, support vamps who drink animal and human blood”
“half bloods who are human presenting don’t belong in the community”
fantasy tumblr would be fucking insufferable
god can you even imagine
“If you only have two legs you’re human-passing and don’t belong in the fantasy community”
“What about satyrs?’
“You can wear shoes”
“Just a reminder that if you appropriate mermaid culture you’re a piece of shit”
“Actually we don’t mind because a lot of our culture comes from humans”
“Shapeshifters aren’t valid because they can be human if they want”
Oh my god it gets worse and worse
Listen Sweaty 🙂 🙂 🙂 Bigfoots and Jersey Devils aren’t REAL mythfolk 🙂 🙂 You r just confuused humans :)))
stop fetishizing incubi
stop fetishizing incubi
stop fetishizing incubi
stop fetishizing incubi
stop fetishizing incubi
stop fetishizing incubi
ONLY
👏FAIRIES
👏CAN
👏MAKE
👏FAIRY
👏RINGS
Why the FUCK did no one tag me in this
Werewolves are still werewolves no matter what form they’re in. We don’t stop being werewolves when we’re in human form, we don’t stop being werewolves when we’re in wolf form. Stop werewolf erasure!
Listen, I’ve been in a committed relationship with a selkie for over ten years. I can tell you that whole hiding-the-pelt-thing is total bullshit. If he wanted to leave he could, I am not holding him hostage. Please, stop spreading this hurtful misinformation.
Support veelas who dance naked at the crossroads
Support veelas who seduce random townspeople
Support veelas who take shepherds as lovers
STOP SLUT SHAMING VEELAS!!!!!!!
friendly reminder that “ghost” is a term reserved for noncorporeals. if you’re semicorporeal you’re a poltergeist. stop calling poltergeists ghosts.
destroy the idea that zombies “need” to eat brains
some zombies can’t eat brains due to physical conditions that make them too weak to gnaw through the skull
some zombies can’t digest them
some zombies just don’t like the taste
all of these zombies are STILL VALID
DONT 👏 HOARD 👏 ITEMS 👏 UNLESS 👏 YOU 👏 A 👏 DRAGON
This post gets worse every time I see it
OhmyGOD
LET👏SHIFTERS👏INTO👏THE👏COMMUNITY👏👏👏👏 THIS INCLUDES ALL SHIFTERS!👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty
hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty
hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty
hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty
hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty
hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty
STOP ASKING ROBOTS WHERE TO FIND THINGS IN SUPERMARKETS
stop calling demons evil just because they defied an oppressive system
demigods have a right to both halves of their heritage!
Repeat after me kids: Kelpies do. not. have to look like horses to still be Kelpies. Kelpies who take non-equine forms are JUST AS VALID as the Kelpies who take equine forms. Stop Kelpie purism and erasure.
Friendly reminder that Wendigos are possessed by cannibalistic spirits and can’t actually help their cravings.
Stop judging Wendigos for something they can’t control!
Don’t date underage elves! Human years and elf years are not the same!
Stop the pedophilia!
Support tieflings with horns. Support tieflings without horns. Support tieflings with tails. Support tieflings without tails.
Support tieflings.
This gets longer and better every time I see it
When I first reblogged this it had 3 additions to it and now… How far we’ve come
@gingerlantern7
Support young werewolves. They are not confused if they like both human and wolf forms!
so if there’s one single trope i’m always down to fight it’s the animal bride (folklore motif 402??) which a lot of you are probably familiar with as the selkie – the fisherman either falls in love, steals her skin to trap her on land/gain power over her, or they fall in love and THEN he steals her skin to keep her from leaving, and either way she spends a lot of time gazing sadly out to sea and then she or her child finds the skin and never returns again. and that’s awful on a whole lot of levels – it’s not love, it’s control.
BUT. but the thing is. you how selkies/seal women was a pretty common variation of this? another really popular one was swans.
i just want you to think about that for a moment. swans. like…I get it, they’re pretty, graceful birds, certainly it’s easy to imagine them magically becoming pretty graceful ladies? but have you ever fought a swan. swans are awful. swans are the devil’s geese. imagine seeing a pretty magic lady and being absolutely enchanted by her, and stealing her magic feather cloak, and then you go up and say ‘hey i’m in love with you, let me make you my queen, it will be great, we’ll be so happy’ and she just looks at you for a moment and…
you know i was going to say maybe she just shouts for her sisters and suddenly you’rerealizing you’ve made a terrible terrible mistake bc you’re surrounded by big fucking birds who are all hissing. but honestly if this swan lady is as aggressively down to brawl as any other generally unhappy swan, then she’d straight up fuck you up on her own. she’d just deck you roundhouse, honestly. you don’t fuck with swans. why does this trope exist
okay but consider this: a woman walks to the park every day and feeds the swans and watches them paddle gracefully around the lake, sighing to see how beautifully they swim.
finally one day, a swan comes up to her and says ‘why don’t you come and swim with us? you always sigh so wistfully to see us on the water, and you would be most welcome to join our company, for you have always been a true friend to our kind’
and the woman says, ‘i can’t swim’
and the swan says, ‘we’ll teach you’
and the woman says, ‘literally i can’t swim, my husband stole my sealskin and should i venture into deep water i would surely drown’
and the swan says ‘your husband fucking WHAT’
the next morning the woman’s front yard looks like this.
and neither the woman nor her husband are ever heard from again, though for very different reasons.
Steel Phoenix Studios 