i was a little apprehensive to watch this because it’s four minutes long and i have a short attention span, but within the first 30 seconds i was hooked.
for the record, ‘not feeling anything’ is a valid and not unusual response to trauma or grief
so if you feel empty and devoid of feeling, it’s not because you’re a cold and uncaring person.
Sometimes, not feeling anything is the only way you can cope.
Be prepared for a delayed reaction, too. It’s very common to be totally calm during a crisis, and then days or weeks (or years) later suddenly get hit with a tidal wave of “HOLY SHIT THAT HAPPENED.”
Sometimes your mind waits until it feels safe to start processing things emotionally. It’s a powerful survival strategy, but it can really blindside you, because just as you start to feel like things are okay, you’re overwhelmed by the realization of how not-okay things were before.
This may not happen, and that’s okay too. But it’s something to watch out for when your initial reaction is numbness.
It’s also okay to have seemingly inconsistent reactions sometimes, or reactions that seem contrary, especially if you’re exhausted or in shock. Be open to how you feel, and accept it.
It is also okay if you are fine and calm for years afterward and then one single thing sets you off but not for long and then you are fine again until who knows what else might make you feel like that again.
Grief is a weird thing and everyone feels it differently.
you know that shit that happens where you eat a bag of assorted candy but theres one flavor in there you dont like and eventually, like, you get down to the point where its like a huge bag of just that flavor and you try your best to eat it anyway bc it feels weird to throw out?? sundays feel like a solid 24 hours of that feeling. idk why. this isnt like, an analogy. dont try and break down like how theres an equivalency bc theres not, im not drawing one, im saying there are a finite amount of vibes in the world, and sometimes the universe has to repurpose them, and “being alive on a sunday” and “possessing a whole bag of just the worst kind of candy” is a case of that
By far the most heart wrenching but also the most incredibly wonderful and powerful part of this concert for Chester Bennington is how they handled Numb.
The band played and a spotlight shown on a microphone stand, all alone. The band didn’t sing. But the crowd picked up the words and sang the song, and it only grew more powerful with each moment.
This was by far the best tribute the band could have given: no one could do that song justice without Chester, so they gave it to the fans.
Rest In Peace, Chester. Thank you for your music, it helped keep me alive.
Steel Phoenix Studios 