Here. Have fun, because I sure did.
An example of my genius at work:
Bant Eerin is a freighter captain and Mon Mothma is a victim of sex pollen. They run afoul of the Hutts on Corulag. Optional plot: Camping happens.
These are fantastic!
I got Shaak Ti and Feral (THANKS FOR INCLUDING HIM, HOLY SHIT) being menaced by a rancor while camping on Felucia. Shaak Ti’s a Republic soldier and Feral’s an adopted Mandalorian.
… Adopted Mandalorian Feral has a whole lotta potential, given his brothers’ relationship with Death Watch.
I was thinking of your lament about variety when I made this generator. XD
I got:
Quinlan Vos is a trade-unionist and Obi-Wan Kenobi is an escort for hire. They are taken prisoner by the CIS on Mandalore. Optional plot: Zombies
First of all, this thing is amazing and almost every one of them makes me think or laugh. Second, I can see this happening, but why the hell would the CIS want that kind of trouble?!?
*cries* This is beautiful. Please, enjoy these highlights:
Anakin Skywalker is a university professor and Fives is trying to share the message from the Church of the Sacred Sarlacc. They are drugged and hallucinating on Arkanis. Optional plot: One of them is actually from the past.
1. Why and how did Anakin get put in charge of a class.
2. LOL.
Anakin Skywalker is a member of a royal family and Wolffe is unemployed. They are petting tookas on Bespin. Optional plot: One of them ALMOST gets hurt protecting the other.
SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME PRINCE ANAKIN AND WOLFFE PETTING SMALL ANIMALS FOR NO REAL REASON.
Anakin Skywalker is a Sith Lord and Yoda is a musician. They are lovers on Falleen. Optional plot: One of them has inappropriate feelings
THIS ENTIRE AU IS INAPPROPRIATE FEELINGS.
Quinlan Vos is a diplomat and Quinlan Vos is a trade-unionist. They are lovers on Ord Mantell. Optional plot: Someone is wearing a tracking device without realizing it.
TWO Quinlans.
Padmé Amidala is a droid mechanic and Obi-Wan Kenobi is a member of the Grand Army of the Republic. They are helping refugees on Kadavo. Optional plot: Thrawn. Somehow Thrawn.
I am in favour of ALL the Somehow Thrawn. I would pay good money to die of the snark level with Padmé, Obi-Wan, and Thrawn in one room.
@deadcatwithaflamethrower I don’t know, for the weirdness?
I laughed until I was on the verge of crying. Utter win.
I got:
Mina Bonteri is a pilot and Feral is a fallen Jedi. They are old
acquaintances on Ryloth. Optional plot: One of them is on the run from
the law.&
Siri Tachi is an adopted Mandalorian and Barriss Offee spends time
picking up dropped credits in order to eat. They are being hunted by
assassins on Bothawui. Optional plot: One of them is planning on killing
the other.and will now spend a lot of time contemplating these things when I should be doing other things.
Especially that last one.
Tag: fic
I’d like everyone to see this
{Credit to amalasrosa on Twitter}
#real #not to be salty but this is what ive been saying#like everyone out here really still acting like fanfic isnt really writing#like its subpar and like it cant be good and have amazing lines#even fanfic writers treat it like its LESS and like theyre PLAY writing and not actually writing#like friend buddy ican ASSURE YOU that fanfic is every bit as real and good as writing from books#the only difference between fic and actual books is that books go through several stages of processing and editing and filtering#and are worked on by professionals who studied the craft of editing#while fanfiction cuts that filtering and everyone gets a chance to be heard and to be read#and instead of editors we have peer editing and reviewing#dont be fucking tricked by the mass notion that anything that young girls and queer people are interested in is immediately bad and subpar#bc it is fucking not #i will FIGHT for it #fanfiction (tags by @crossroadswrite bacause they add so much to this post)
There are three basic categories of fic writer:
type one: fan fiction is a love letter to canon, only small changes unless it’s an au!!
type two: the source material can bite me, I don’t give a fuck
type three: horny
sorry, I forgot one
type four: canon COULD be so good if it wasn’t so straight/white/horny, so I fixed it while holding unblinking eye contact with the creator and mouthing ‘die’
Two, Three, Four. Guilty.
Two, three (sometimes) and four. Yup.
two and four
Two, three and four in various combinations.
Whump prompts: fluffy AU edition
Inspired by the very cool @whumpershaven, who brainstormed fluffy coffee shop AUs for The Man From UNCLE with me last night.
1. I live at the end of the line and usually no-one else is on the train at this time of night. You’re sick and slept through your stop, which was about an hour and a half ago.
2. I run a diner on a freeway in the middle of nowhere. This is the worst storm we’ve had in years so I may as well close up for the night. No-one would be stupid enough to be out… oh. You were riding a motorcycle, you’re soaked through and – did you fall off your bike or something? You’re limping pretty badly.
3. I see you every morning when we walk our dogs, but this morning you look like you can barely stand, let alone keep up with your dog. Let me help.
4. You’re my neighbour and you’ve never smiled at me or returned my greetings. But these apartment walls are paper thin and I’ve heard you cough during the night all week. Have you even slept? (I know I haven’t.)
5. Alternatively: you’re my ridiculously cheerful, overly friendly neighbour. I just want you to leave me alone. But this week you’ve been quiet and withdrawn and I can hear you coughing all through the night. Are you even capable of looking after yourself? I’m only bringing you medicine because I need to sleep and your coughing won’t let me.
6. I told you that I needed this suit made by today. Now I’ve turned up to find the suit in pieces and you asleep at the desk? Uh… I’m having trouble waking you up. Do I need to call an ambulance?
7. Sorry, you’ve got the wrong number. Hey, no need to be so upset. It’s ok. Why don’t you just hang up and try again? You don’t sound very rational or coherent. Are you ok?
8. Ugh, this airport is so crowded! Whoops, sorry, didn’t see you there. Oh no. You’ve gone white. It was only a tiny bump! Ok, sit down before you fall down. I think your problems may be more serious than a stranger bumping into you.
9. I walk my dog every morning before dawn, and I’ve always been afraid I’d find a corpse in the woods. You are officially my greatest nightmare, thanks a lot. Oh, wait. You’re not a corpse. You’re just in really bad condition…
10. I know it’s subzero out here but you can’t sleep across my bakery doorway, it’s against regulations. I’ll make you a coffee and give you breakfast, but then you need to go, ok? You’re ravenous… what happened to you?!
11. You didn’t buy a ticket and now the inspector is going to kick you off. Here, I’ll buy you one. It’s pouring with rain and our destination is hours away. Take my coat, your shivering is making me cold just watching.
12. I paid a premium to have a private cabin on this cross country train, so why are you in it? You’re a stowaway and hiding from the people who hurt you before they can hurt you any more? I’m pretty sure that wasn’t in the brochure.
13. I picked up this cleaning job to make ends meet. Your house is easy to do because it’s so empty, but… is that blood on your sheets? And on your dirty laundry?! You look fine, but I think that might be just an act.
14. You may be gorgeous but you’re an arsehole of a boss. Lucky for you I’m a great personal assistant. Even when you’re grumpier than usual. Even when you’ve started popping mystery pills at work in addition to your caffeine and alcohol addictions. Wait, what are those pills?
15. I’m a summer intern and you’re the partner I’ve been assigned to for months. We’re finally about to go to trial! Oh god, you look terrible. You can’t even stand up straight. I’ll call one of your associates. What do you mean, no?! There’s no way you’re capable… there’s no way I’m capable!
16. What do you mean you’re taking three days off sick next week? What kind of scam are you pulling? You seem perfectly healthy to me. You’ll turn up, or you’ll wish you were sick by the time I’m done with you. Ohhh. Malaria’s a bitch, hey?
17. You alternate between practically living at my cafe and disappearing for weeks on end. You’ve barely said two words to me, but I worry about you when you go missing. You look so exhausted when you get back. I may have rewritten my menu to include all your favourite things.
18. I work the graveyard shift at a pharmacy while I finish my studies. It’s 3am and that’s a lot of bandages you’re buying. I’m not sure I want an answer, but… do you need help? You’re looking pretty rough.
19. We’re long distance runners, and I thought I was going to win this race without any real competition. Who are you and I can’t believe you make keeping up with me look easy. Steady on there, you nearly tripped. Oh no, down you go. Oh my god, you kept up with me all this way while in that condition?!
20. I’m spending this summer at my grandfather’s property, getting it in order to sell since he passed away and left it to me. Are you my new neighbour? I’ve never seen you before, and I grew up here. You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, and it’s clear you’re trying to recover from something. I’ve got nothing but time. I mean that almost literally. Let me help.
……..also while I firmly believe that T’Challa, Nakia, and W’Kabi went to the same schools that all children in the capital city attend (because Wakanda isn’t about to socially stratify its educational system—rich or poor, royalty or no, all children from all tribes attend the Wakandan schools) they also had a whole bunch of additional lessons. As royalty and de facto nobility, they were being raised with the expectation that they would one day rule, so they were stuck in lots of boring English/French/Mandarin lessons; lessons on the laws of Wakanda and the intricacies of the Council’s etiquette, etc.
And then, when they’re a little older they have combat and warcraft; statecraft lessons with the Dora-in-training, and this is when they meet Okoye. She’s a gawky teenager—taller than all of them, she had her growth spurt first—who scowls whenever they whisper or giggle in class. (She is not from the capital city, her Wakandan still accented; later they learn she traveled hundred of miles with nothing but her pack, just to come before the head of the Dora and throw herself on her knees, begging to be considered. She has sweat and bled for it, and she thinks they are not taking their duty to Wakanda seriously enough.)
Still, despite being stiff and disapproving, she’s smart, and fierce; the other Dora-in-training seem to look up to her and like her. (They also have gone disapproving and haughty when it comes to the Trio.) However, maybe a year into their lessons, the Dora-hopefuls play a hilarious prank on their Modern Politics instructor. It involved a jackfruit, a pun on the Wakandan word for colonialism, and their teacher’s inability to remember anyone’s names; it was extremely funny.
And T’Challa, Nakia and W’Kabi are floored when they discover it was Okoye who planned it—they didn’t think she had a sense of humor, or was capable of something like a prank, even if it was a hilarious and generally harmless.
They decide they like Okoye immensely, and she should be their friend. They put their heads together, and carefully plan charm offensive—behaving in class so she doesn’t glare at them, asking to sit with them and eat with them; inviting her to the market with them and encouraging her to tell stories. The Dora-hopefuls live in the barracks, so they cannot invite her to sleep in T’Challa’s rooms, the way W’Kabi and Nakia often do, but they would have her study with them there.
This, they think, is a good plan.
She looks spooked, the first time Nakia asks her to sit and eat with them in the gardens beyond the Dora training building. Okoye sits cross-legged and stiff, barely touches her food, her eyes darting around as though she is a trapped animal. When Nakia reaches out—just to indicate the tattoo on her shoulder, ask about its meaning, she was not going to touch her—Okoye flinches.
Published erotica: terribly written, costs money
Fanfiction on ao3: Free, isn’t affaid TO JUST USE THE WORD ‘COCK’ FFS
“His genitals, his privates, his hot length, his trobing rod, his magic meat stick-”
Me, in tears: Just say cock
published erotica: the parts that aren’t purple prose about vanilla sex are occupied by dithering and made up problems
fanfiction on ao3: the parts that aren’t sharp, clear prose about scorching kinky sex are occupied by tightly plotted suspense and slam-bang action
published erotica: not interested in the 99% of the market that’s heterosexual? that’s fine, we also have tender white middle class lesbians and slutty white middle class gay men!
fanfiction on ao3: one trans partner? both partners trans? genderswaps? how about a loving long-term threesome that does heist capers? we’ve got non-gendered angels, hermaphroditic aliens – some of whom lay eggs, if you’re into that – oh, and have i mentioned the robots –
published erotica: there, i put in a vampire, i’m such a genre rebel
fanfiction on ao3: i sent the avengers to hogwarts with the winchester brothers, i fear nothing on earth or heaven and only one thing in hell which is that my laptop will overheat in the fires of abaddon so i’ll have to write the sequel longhand
Fanfiction is just the best isn’t it? You can go read a 5k little dribble about your otp having a morning cuddle with a side of pancakes, and then go to a 100k full fucking space epic au that someone just wrote cause they wanted to. We have heartwretching fics, coffee shop au’s, westerns, modern fantasies, arranged marriages, medieval stories, I’m so grateful to fanfic writers for giving us stories (some better than published books) about our favorite characters to read on the daily for free.
Thank you ❤
Harmonia’s daughters
Everyone’s really-really-dead, Marvel? Fine. Let’s roll with it.
Introducing the all-female Avengers team:
1500 words, many of them spoilers.
susie grits her teeth and grinds her jaw and spends the entire spring of their fourth grade year plotting how to get back at calvin for stealing mr. bun and dropping him in a mud puddle.
(it involves putting hobbes into a dress and taking polaroids; she still has the photos, even thirty years later)
she does her homework. does his homework too, sometimes, because mrs. wormwood gives them different math problems to discourage cheating, and susie likes math. his mom finds out when they’re in sixth grade, and offers her four times the going rate to tutor calvin in math. she agrees, because even at twelve she knows college isn’t cheap (not the ones she’s eyeing, anyway).
she has to learn quickly about superheroes and dinosaurs and aliens, because calvin won’t listen unless there’s at least one. she has her own opinions of aliens (real, but not the tentacled fanged monsters calvin draws in the margins; her aliens are gorgeously strange monsters, elegant, like a degas painting reflected in rainy puddles, glittering in distorted neon), and dinosaurs are cool, but they’re a boring sort of cool, not black hole kind of cool, so it’s only superheroes she lets him go on about.
this turns out to be a mistake. though he draws aliens and ray guns and flying saucers on the back sides of his homework, he has a whole thing built up around stupendous man. she’s seen the costume, but didn’t know there was lore. she doesn’t want to know the lore.
it’s stupid. no one can just fly. that’s not how the world works. capes are dumb. she can’t believe his mom made him another costume after he hit a growth spurt.
she still tutors him, but they drift apart in high school. calvin and moe somehow become friends, become even bigger assholes together, and susie discovers calculus and girls. she gets into harvard and yale and stanford and others, chooses to go to california. he waves at her from his driveway while she drives away in the moving truck.
“you were never stupid,” she tells him on the phone when they’ve drifted back into each other’s lives her senior year. “you just didn’t care.”
“yeah,” he laughs, and she pretends she can’t hear the desperation in it; his girlfriend kicked him out, he lost his job, and he’s now in the unfortunate position of acknowledging that his father was right and education was important. she has two finals to study for, the nasa interview next week, and a grant application to finish, but he’s had a rough week. she can take an hour to listen.
“the community college isn’t bad,” she suggests, though she knows it sounds patronizing coming from someone set to graduate stanford with honors.
“you mean i can’t just put on my stupendous man costume and live off the media attention?”
susie snorts. “not spaceman spiff? there’s a tv show there, i’m sure.” she’s been watching a lot of star trek in what little spare time she has.
“nah,” he says, “spiff’s always been your territory.”
they drift apart again, she goes to houston and he goes to art school. she loses track of him entirely right around curiosity’s landing. she skips their twenty-year reunion; she’s in the middle of a move down to chile for a three-year stint at atacama.
a package arrives the middle of her second year in the desert.
it’s a comic book. spaceman spiff, volume one. hardcover, full color. one of his signature tentacled fanged aliens takes up most of the entire cover, while a small astronaut with a ray gun hides behind a rock. he’s gotten much better, but it’s still unmistakably calvin’s art.
except – she squints at the astronaut. she flips open the book, thumbs through a few pages.
spiff isn’t the calvin-insert she remembers from their youth.
it’s her.
mousy brown hair, button nose, mr. bun tucked away in the back of her rocket ship.
she flips back to the first page.
thanks for not giving up on me. – c
Steel Phoenix Studios 