all right. so. this is a Harry Potter AU, in rambly and abbreviated form.
this is a version of events where, on the morning of November 1st, 1981, the police are called to a house in Surrey.
when they arrive, a large man with a red face and a moustache is waiting for them, brandishing a baby.
to be more accurate: he is brandishing a basket. the basket contains a baby.
he tells the police that his wife found the basket on their doorstep that morning. “Gave her the shock of her life,” he says, with a chuckle that does not seem the least bit sincere.
the police officers have a lot of questions about this, but the man does not have any useful answers. his wife, he tells them, is not in any shape to be interviewed. “she’s been poorly,” he says, “and we’ve got a baby of our own to worry about, keeping us up at all hours.”
the baby in the basket seems to be about a year old. he is cheerful, seems healthy aside from a cut on his forehead, with a crooked sticking plaster on it. he has startlingly green eyes.
there is no identifying information in the basket, except for a torn scrap of paper with ‘his name is Harry’ on it in a delicate hand.
there is nothing else to be done, it seems. the officers take baby Harry, and leave.
one of them comes back a few days later for a follow-up interview with the woman who found the baby. she seems a little fragile, and her own baby, in the next room, keeps up a constant shrieking tantrum the whole time the officer is there. “I’m sorry,” the woman says, with a brittle smile. “this has all been a bit much. I recently lost my sister, you see.”
i love the idea of a soulmate au where any kind of ink on your soulmate’s skin appears identically on your skin bc the potential for angst is astronomical (imagine the letters little amy would write to little jake after she wakes up to find dad left in his handwriting on her arm!!!) but in all honesty 90% of their conversations would be
have u ever thought abt fish
Be more specific
they breathe water amy!!! conspiracy!!!
Gills??
y r u the way that u r
Why are you thinking about fish conspiracies at two in the morning
i got a fish he’s blue i named him mcclane
Why??
die hard is the best we’ve been through this 1000 times
No I mean why did you buy a fish??
u & i both know charles is my impulse control
He didn’t stop you??
he bought one too!!! we have matching fish!!!
You know what? As long as it’s not a tattoo of a fish, I’m fine.
BRB
NO
anyways i should really really write this
Amy’s a month old, too young to remember anything, and he shows up on her skin for the very first time in the form of an explosion of color.
Her mother documents every square inch of it (within reason) in photographs. Long, blotchy stripes of color stretching across her skin in the erratic pattern unique to a doodling toddler who’s found the markers, up and down her arms and legs and across her chest and down her stomach.
Camila Santiago is delighted. Victor Santiago is not.
(“Her soulmate clearly doesn’t have any adult supervision – how did they even get it behind their ears?”
“Relax, mi amor, they’re obviously an artistic child!”)
She’s three, in the hospital waiting room with her brothers and her grandmother waiting for the latest addition to the Santiago family to join the world, and he shows up on the inside of her forearm in scrawled and messy handwriting.
for the self-conscious beginner: No one makes great things
until the world intimately knows their mediocrity. Don’t think of
your writing as terrible; think of it as preparing to
contribute something great.
for the self-conscious late bloomer: Look at old writing as how far
you’ve come. You can’t get to where you are today without covering all
that past ground. For that, be proud.
for the perfectionist: Think about how much you complain about things you love—the mistakes and retcons in all your favorite series—and how you still love them anyway. Give yourself that same space.
for the realist: There will be people who hate your story even if
it’s considered a classic. But there will be people who love your
story, even if it is strange and unpopular.
for the fanfic writer: Your work isn’t lesser for not following canon. When you write, you’ve created a new work on its own. It can
be, but does not have to be, limited by the source material. Canon is not the
end-all, be-all.
for the writer’s blocked: It doesn’t need to be perfect. Sometimes you have to move on and commit a few writing sins if it means you can create better things out of it.
for the lost: You started writing for a reason; remember that
reason. It’s ok to move on. You are more than your writing. It will be here if you want to come back.
i’m teaching a fanfic primer workshop tomorrow and here’s the generative activity i came up with. i thought i’d post it as a prompt generator if anyone’s interested
brain: …hey, so. *nudge* me: dammit brain we’re busy, no we are most certainly not re-writing old fic just because you had a momentary itch! brain: okay but it could be cool me: I KNOW THAT BUT WE’RE STILL NOT DOING IT
update: am now looking for the particular fic in question with a morbid sense of curiosity if I ever typed it up
the good news: can’t find it the bad news: that doesn’t mean it isn’t digitally out there somewhere, and there’s still the hard copy in my handwriting over there on the shelf
@tinytalkingtina can verify that my first attempt at smut was a) horrible, and b) entirely too ambitious by a third and pretty indicative of how I go about writing nowadays
I am tinytalkingtina and I can verify this statement. However her skills have vastly improved since then
y’all this is why @tinytalkingtina‘s still one of my closest friends after, what, a decade or so? and blundering my way out of the closet, and mangling the English language, and so on. she’s still got my back on fics that i’d rather disown.
THE INTERNET DOES NOT NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MY WEREWOLF STORY THAT WAS AN ELABORATE METAPHOR FOR MENSTRUATION. Ahem. That being said Lily is an excellent writer and I will fight you if you disagree.
can i disagree
is that allowed
I’m pretty sure best friends will fight their best friends in these particular instances, yes.
Other, More Considerate People: I like to keep my story as close to canon and ship-free as possible so everyone can enjoy it. 🙂
My Self-Indulgent Ass: ‘Sup, assholes, here’re all my implausible OTPs, their future children, a bunch of OCs that play prominent roles, and all my sexuality headcanons are in effect.
“To understand this fic you’ll need to refer to page 15, side A of my Extensive headcanon timeline of the entire history of this character and everyone he ever met, the contents of which are helpfully provided absolutely nowhere.”
“behold as I construct the precarious scaffolding of this story from discarded tumblr shitposts, my id, a dream I had once, poorly concealed psychological projection, the abstract concept of the way it feels to look out at the sea, and a bunch of dumb jokes I couldn’t stop cackling to myself about. oh, but it’s fanfiction.“
if you’re struggling for AU ideas take a look-see at this list i wrote for my friend who dubbed it “better than the 10 commandments"
1) Coffee shop AU
i)
Barista and person who has a ridiculous coffee
order
ii)
I’m worried about your coffee dependency
iii)
you accidentally poured boiling hot coffee over
me so you’re responsible for taking me to A&E
iv)
you give me a different fake name every time you
come into starbucks and I just want to know your real name bc ur cute but here
I am scrawling “batman” onto your stupid cappuccino
2)
Flower shop AU
i)
You buy a weird amount of flowers and I’m
concerned as to why
ii)
I’m allergic to flowers but I work in a flower
shop – you’re a customer who’s very confused as to why I’d do that
iii)
(this is also a good way to incorporate flower
meanings eg, buying certain colours/types for person to represent feelings etc.)
3)
Library AU
i)
You’re overdue on this book and I want it so I’m
tracking u the fuck down
ii)
I work in the library and I’m a little concerned
for your health bc you never stop studying
iii)
The library’s pretty empty save for you and me
and OH that couple making out loudly in the shelves somewhere
4)
Awful first time meeting
i)
I accidentally punched you in the face when I
was too overexcited about something
ii)
I thought you were my friend who’s just done
something awful to me (read: cut my hair while I slept, dyed all of my clothes
pink, etc. etc.) because you look similar from behind so I stormed up to you
and shoved you from behind while calling you an asshole
iii)
You get the gist to this one
iv)
Oooh when you told me your name I thought you
were joking because it’s fucking awful and I made a joke about it and things
got awkward real fucking fast (perfect for a Hannibal au just saying)
5)
Weird places to meet/awkward meetings in general
i)
We live in the same block of flats but haven’t
ever talked and Sunday morning we were both doing the walk of shame and had to
stand in the lift together
ii)
“okay I know that being in the woods at 2am is a
weird thing to be doing but my friend called me and- wait, why are you in the woods at 2am, fuck I’m going
to die aren’t I?”
iii)
A personal favourite of mine – first day at a
new job and oh fuck my boss is the person I drunkenly hooked up with last
weekend/night
iv)
We keep accidentally running into each other I’m
not a stalker I swear
v)
You live across from me in our apartments and we
smile when we see each other but we don’t really know each other and oh you’re
the stripper at my friend’s stag do/hen night fuck this is really uncomfortable
vi)
“My shower’s broken but I’ve got a date tonight
could I possibly use your shower please?” “Oh sure (neighbour that I’ve been crushing on for the past six months) of course you can use my shower to get ready for your date (fuck fuck fuck)”
6)
Friends to romance – pining and all that
wonderful shit
i)
You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for
advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you
ii)
I really like you but you’re my best friend’s ex
iii)
You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious
about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really
miss it and fuck I think I like you too?
iv)
Somewhere along the way of getting into bar
fights together, staying up all night with movie marathons, other friendship
things, I’ve fallen in love with you but oh my god this could ruin EVERYTHING
v)
Friends with benefits oh wait I like you
7)
FAKE DATING HOLY SHIT I LIVE FOR THIS
i)
It’s my highschool reunion and I need a hot date
so I can rub it in the faces of the people who hated me
ii)
My homophobic parents are coming to visit will
you pretend to date me as an extra “fuck you”?
iii)
There’s a person who won’t stop bugging me will
you pretend to be my partner so that they’ll fuck off?
iv)
I told my sister I have a boyfriend so she’d
stop trying to set me up with people but now she’s coming to visit and I’m in
too deep I need a fake boyf ASAP
8)
Soulmate aus
i)
The first words your true love(s) will say to
you are tattooed on you and why the fuck are their first words something really
ridiculous like ‘I’ll pay you a tenner to punch me in the face’ or ‘quick
what’s your favourite animal’ or ‘fucking shit hell holy fuck wow oh my god
jesus h Christ fuck me’ etc. or even worse a really ridiculous song lyric like the opening lines of uptown funk or a high
school musical song or smthing did you have to serenade me the first time you
saw me asshole?
ii)
You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when
you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or an
overwhelming feeling that Thatcher was a good prime minister or an image in my
mind of a fucking unicorn
iii)
The more ridiculous the better actually
iv)
Something like whenever your soulmate sings a
duet you can’t help but join in and my fucking soulmate is in a goddamn band
but I can’t sing for shit
v)
Or maybe something like soulmates always sneeze
at the same time and I cant be sure but me and this kid in my French class just
sneezed at the same time are we soulmates or was it a coincidence (proceed w
character trying to make themselves sneeze around said person to see what’s
what)
9)
Alternate universes for real
i)
Mermaids
ii)
Siren and asexual pirate who doesn’t understand
why all his crew are losing their shit that person has a nice voice sure but
what the fuck is happening
iii)
Hogwarts
iv)
We live in a world where the greek gods are real
and you went and got yourself cursed and now I have to go on a fucking quest to
sort this shit out why do I love you again?
v)
Pacific rim au (either they’re drift compatible
or one of them is a ranger and the other stresses constantly bc what if they
die yes I have read a fic like this no I didn’t come up with this one but it’s
fucking good) (also if you haven’t seen that film go watch it now)
vi)
Literally any movie or book universe you like
tbh just go for it
10)
Other aus that I like
i)
I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has
to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck
at the top? Fuck
ii)
We work in the same office and you have a
goddamn squeaky chair and you wONT FUCKING STOP SQUEAKING IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW
IT ANNOYS ME
iii)
Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and
I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this
iv)
It started to snow and I’m the only one of our
friends who would go outside with you – I soon found out why none of the others
would go out in the snow with you (this works best if they’re new friends who
don’t know each other all that well) when you shoved a handful of snow down my
back and declared snow war
v)
It’s nowhere near Christmas it’s literally still
November would you calm down about Christmas wait no why are you getting the
tree out no stop please stop (if you do this pre-relationship you can have the
grouchy one secretly finding the other’s excitement endearing and falling in
love with them actually that works for established relationship too)
vi)
Current partner got a new job in America (or
other country far away) and we’re getting by on skype calls and emails but it’s
not easy and then I met someone new (can be poly or can be finding the OTP person)
vii)
You want us both to get in shape and I hate
working out/running but your ass looks really good in shorts oh the things I do
for my friends and their nice asses
viii) Carrying
on from 10.vii. you’ve caught me checking you out in what I thought was a
subtle way too many times and now you’re calling me out on it what do I do???
ix)
You’re an actor/other famous person that I
really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or
not to say hi you came up to me and
started flirting what do I do??
x)
You were waving at your friend behind me but I
got confused and waved back at you and now I’m dying of embarrassment but you
think it’s cute
xi)
I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking
but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think
it’s hilarious and shut up you dumb fuck you don’t know me aahhh
xii)
I’m a waiter at this wedding and you’re a drunk
guest who will not stop hitting on me please I’m trying to work no I can’t
dance with you omg let me find you some water
xiii) Our
best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each
other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about
how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”
xiv) You
pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention
and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait
you’re cuter up close and the way you talk is kind of nice actually oh fuck no
Okay I could go on forever but this is over 1,500 words of
auing already I have too many ideas christ
Steel Phoenix Studios 