I just don’t understand how this happened. But here’s a picture of a lemon from my backyard
WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK
when life gives yoǘ̻̬͓͎̣̟̩̦͢ ͪ̂̀̆҉̳̘̝̺̀l͇̬̹̞̻̥͕̥̗̒̎ͩ̋ͥ͆e͙̭̭̠̣̠̊́ͩ̂̓̀ṃ̛̍̂͛̈̏o̠̪̪ͤ͗͘n̵͉̣ͭͧ̿ͧ͛̀s̷̠͑ͬͫͦ̅͡ ̸͐ͤ͘҉̦̺M̰̹͙͇ͮ̉ͫͅȦ̻̔̅̇̑ͭ͛͋͘K̠̻̫̤̇̀ͥE͂ͪ͏̱̤͚͕ ̞͔̜̬̑ͯ͑͢ͅŞ͔̦̩̳̣̖ͮ͊ͨA͈̓͂̈́̀̀̚͘C̡̠̟͉ͪ͆̔ͤ͂ͪR̬͙͕ͪ̀͠Ĩ̵̖͚̑̊̓́F͎͕̄Iͬͧ̀̂̑ͪ͟͏̴̪̤ͅC̢̰̝͓̗͛ͬ̔̍̓́́̚̚Ḙ̶̠̰̳̩̳̊ͭͮ̇̇̚̕S̻͖̣̰̒̈͟
it’s back
Satan lemon
every villain is lemons
And finally, dear listeners, a reminder; several concerned citizens have brought to the city’s attention an irregularity surrounding this summer’s citrus harvest. City council would like to remind all enterprising fruit pickers to exercise reasonable caution when acquiring these fruits. Grasp the fruit firmly around its circumference, pull slowly but steadily to avoid damaging the tree, and under no circumstances heed its demands of you. Do not acknowledge or obey the depraved whisperings of the demon fruit.
And now: The Weather.
This kind of looks like a Buddha’s hand to me
they’re a type of Citron, a citrus closely related to lemons. I wonder if whatever causes that twistedness in Buddha’s hands is present but dormant/recessive in other citruses?
a lot of people having been messaging me about this, and honestly i had no idea that Buddha’s hands existed and it totally seems likely to me??? like honestly that seems like a really plausible explanation, especially because when we look at the demon fruit, the twisty ‘arms’ are going off in all different directions when the only place i can see a twisty arm happening on a lemon is on the top. like if the fruit is developing from the original growth point into a body then why are the offshoots developing the opposite way, from a body into a twisty thing? when in a Buddha’s hand, it totally makes sense because the twisty things are growing outward anyway.
im no pomologist but the similarities in the growth patterns really do reflect in The Demon Fruit.
click through to see whats what – fun fact the dragonfruit was the First One made but as i had no plans to make the rest of em at the time theres a noticable difference in quality and size a h h ah a
FRUIT FRIENDS!
I will reblog this every time I see it. Just to let everyone know.
For those of you who were asking how to eat pomegranates- this is a little ornate but it’s also very effective!
To add to this- after you get it cut and want to get the seeds out individually, put the slices in a bowl of water; when you get the seeds out they will go to the bottom and the white stuff around the seeds will float at the top, so you can scoop it out and then drain to get the seeds! Voilà
have y’all ever had communion bread that was just so….nasty? like i know we have to suffer as christians, but do we really need to have whole wheat bread as the body of christ?
my old church used hawaiian bread. my standards are high
Some old housemates of mine were Syrian Orthodox. At their church different members of the church took turns baking the bread that would be consecrated for the Eucharist. This was all well and good until one woman baked raisin bread. This led to the memorable occasion of a rather flustered priest, who had not seen the bread until that moment, declaring, “This – except for the raisins – is the Body of Christ.”
La pomme d’eau. La pomme de terre. Le pomme de feu. La pomme d’air. Il y a très longtemps ces quatre patates vivaient en harmonie. Mais un jour, la pomme du feu décida de passer à l’attaque.
You really don’t need to know a damn thing about French to understand this whole fucking post.
One day, that “secret family recipe” will just be that recipe their ancestor looked up online years ago and everybody liked.
I found out one of my family’s “secret recipes” is on the back of the pudding box. Uncle Rich bakes up some lies.
While researching his book The Nordic Cookbook, chef Magnus Nilsson found that every family in Sweden has a special, unique family recipe for pickled herring passed down secretly from generation to generation. He got about 200 of these. They were all exactly the same. He traced the origin point back to a popular cookbook published in the late 1960s. I think the moral of that story is everyone’s grandma is a liar.
Guys, I can top this.
It’s time for the tale of Great-Grandma’s Macaroni and Cheese.
My Great-Grandma Mary was famous in her family for her macaroni and cheese. By all accounts it was an amazing mac and cheese- a baked casserole-style concoction of perfectly cooked elbow noodles and creamy, lusciously cheesy sauce. Because Dad loved it so much, it was always, without fail, sitting bubbling and golden in the dish set out on the dinner table just as he and his family arrived for visits, a testament to grandmotherly love and culinary mastery.
Fast-forward a couple dozen years.
My mother had never made macaroni and cheese. At the time she married my dad, she was a very good cook. She’d been cooking since she was about six or seven and had outstripped both her parents’ abilities in most areas. So when Dad started raving about Great-Grandma Mary’s macaroni and cheese, she did what any loving newlywed would do: she attempted to make macaroni and cheese.
According to all reports, it was an unmitigated disaster.
The sauce broke. The noodles turned to mush. The entire concoction was, in a word, inedible. Dad took one bite and spit it out. Horrified that her husband would do such a thing. Mom took a bite- and spat it out. It was vile. Mortified, Mom threw out the remains and vowed to obtain Great-Grandma Mary’s secret recipe.
Not long afterwards, they went and visited Great-Grandma for the holidays. As usual, there was the macaroni and cheese, laid out in golden splendor upon the dinner table when they arrived. Mom was finally able to sample the famous macaroni and cheese and pronounced it quite as good as Dad’s stories made it out to be.
After dinner, she cornered Great-Grandma Mary and spilled the whole debacle about her failed attempts to recreate Dad’s favorite dish, and begged Great-Grandma Mary to share her secret.
Great-Grandma Mary smiled and brought her and my father into the kitchen. Rather than reaching for a cookbook of family culinary wisdom, or into the pantry for a secret ingredient, she went to the freezer, opened it, and, as Dad looked on in horror, drew out a family-sized box of Stouffer’s frozen macaroni and cheese.
“I have a casserole dish just this size,” she said. “I just pop it in there, sprinkle a little extra cheese on top, and nobody knows the difference.”
You would have thought someone had just stolen Dad’s teddy bear.
To this day, nearly twenty-seven years later, we still refer to Stouffer’s as ‘Great-Grandma’s Macaroni and Cheese’.
I made a more advanced recipe here for all y’all that want something that looks more like a tide pod here, but that recipe is… intricate. So for all y’all who want just a simple detergent pod like these juicy looking packets, I’m here for you!
Two components: edible plastic and juicy inside
First, the Plastic:
Ingredients:
2 packets (14g) Knox unflavored gelatin
6 tbsp water
Parchment paper
rectangular brownie pan
optional: ½ tbsp 7up or sprite
Instructions:
Boil the water, add gelatin mix (optional: add soda for flavor). Stir in until mix is completely melted. Let cool slightly. Cover brownie pan with parchment paper, and pour a very thin layer of gelatin mixture onto parchment. Place brownie pan into fridge and let sit overnight until hardened.
The next day, the juicy inside:
Obtain your favorite flavor of jello. Follow the instructions on the jello mix to make the jello, but don’t put it in the fridge. Let cool until room temperature.
Put it Together:
Remove edible plastic from the fridge and gently remove plastic from parchment. Cut into 5×2″ rectangles. Fold rectangle in half to create 2×2.5″ rectangles. Seal together long ends and use indirect heat to melt sides together. Leave the short end open. Pour room temperature jello into pouch and seal final end with indirect heat. Let cool in fridge a few hours, and then enjoy.
If any of you guys really have feelings for tide pods please use this recipe and don’t eat the real detergent pod. Stay safe friends!
One of my neighbors had a REALLY FAT golden retriever she adopted, that needed to be put on a diet, but even super-low-cal food wasn’t working, becuase Ella was still hungry and would open the cabinet to eat the whole bag. Vet suggested that she needed a filler Food so she could feel full without the extra calories, and suggested canned green beans, which are mostly fiber and lean protein.
Ella fucking LOVES green beans. She does a dance for them if you mention them. Her ‘sibling’ the police academy washout shepherd, thinks she’s insane.
Even if your pet doesn’t like green beans*, offering them a canned green bean is inevitably HILARIOUS becuase they’ll either be thrilled or otherwise make strange faces. Results so far:
Ella (golden retriever): Overjoyed. gets up on her hind legs to dance without prompting.
Sampson (Black shepherd): Offended, yells until you give him REAL treats.
Cody (Gentleman shepherd): is concerned, becuase this is Obviously Not Food. Gently takes it to be polite, leaves it out in the yard.
Minx (Domestic Shorthair cat): Smelly Toy Is Hilarious, batted under the couch.
Tiger (Really Fat Domestic Shorthair cat): Total disgust, hissing and sulking in the Prosciutto box. Came out and ate it later anyway.
Wanda (corn snake) we didn’t expect her to be interested but she spent like three minutes licking it.
Sadie AKA Marquis De Sade (Hyacinth Macaw) ignored bean in favor of dumping can on the floor, sticking head in can and screaming. Did not attempt to bite, which is Very Nice for her.
Arwen (Australian Kelpie): ate bean, waited until humans were out of the room to consume rest of the can, got costco-sized can stuck on face and pooped green for three days. Regets nothing.
Empanada/Anderson Cooper/#3 (Plymouth Hens): Excited screaming, kickboxing tournament over possession of beans/can. #3 was ultimately victorious, becuase She is Fattest.
Big Angus (scottish highland cow, I know, ironic): very polite and delicate acceptance of beans for appx 1700 lbs of beef, will now run full-tilt across pasture to meet me, which scared the crap out of me tbh.
Will post further updates as I am allowed to try.
*Please always cionsult a vet before making any dietary changes or offering your pet new foods, but green beans are pretty safe for most pets you can keep in America
YOU HAVE SO MANY ANIMALS
Oops! just to clarify- only Charlie, Cody and Arwen belong to my family, and the rest are pets for friends and neighbors. (I only offered green bean with their parent’s permission). I do have some Updates:
Potato (domestic shorthair cat): Disgruntles hissing, bit the crap out of his owner’s hand, dumped the can out and took the can into his kitty hole. refuses to let her remove the can.
Oingo Boingo (betta fish): Got real poofy, bit the shit out of it, discovered the beans, loved them, tore the snot out of the case for more. (Pls note: frozen beans were used for this as the sodium in canned ones can be dangerous)
Dorito (Sun Conure): Delighted shrieking, happy dance, grabbed entire bag out of owner’s hand, tore it open and threw beans everywhere. climed inside bag, ate a whole bunch before he could be retrieved and returned to his enclosure.
Maureen (Domestic Longhair Cat): Small, awed “mew” before awkwardly gnawing on it. Didn’t actually eat it, but apparently she loved chewing on them, becuase whenever someone opens the freezer, she runs over and sits up on her hind legs to bed for them.
My Chiweenie back in WA is utterly obsessed and got rather round in a way that wasn’t healthy for her back so the vet suggested green beans. She thinks they are almost as good as cheese, which was the gods gift to dogs as far as both she and I are concerned. When the can or bag is retrieved she will sit up on her short little back legs and make a garbled howl like the world’s smollest hound and then end it in a sharp, pleading bark. It is fantastically adorable.
1. That’s Adorable. 2. As many people have pointed out, canned green beans can be high in sodium, so be sure to rinse the beans off or use frozen/fresh ones, and always check with your vet before making any dietary changes. 3. UPDATES:
Ravenna and Esme (former racing greyhounds): Ravenna snarled at the bag, ripped it open and barked at the beans for five minutes until Esme started to nibble at them, then they ate a 2-lb bag of frozen beans in about twelve minuts and farted for three days.
Rozencrantz and Guildenstern (Garden Snails, kept by my Nintey-five-year-old neighbor becuase he loves them) I’ve never seen snails go bananas over something but they devoured a fresh bean each in under an hour. they now get them every Sunday.
Dennis (Tennesee Walking Horse): wonderfully gentle and lippy taking the beans from me the first time. Nearly swallowed my hand in eagerness the next time they were offered. He’s a special boy.
Hagrid (Domestic hog): *Open Maw and Demonic Shrieking as I toss them in from the other side of the fence. He’s very enthusiastic about catching them and didn’t miss one, even though I’m terrible at throwing things to the point of failing PE in high school.
Steel Phoenix Studios 