a harry potter au where potions is taught by gordon ramsay
neville: *messes up his potion*
gordon ramsay: *holds neville between two slices of bread* what are you
neville: an idiot sandwich
no no no!
Imagine that this is Gordon Ramsay a la Masterchef Junior
Neville: *messes up the potion, realizes it, starts crying quietly*
GR: What’s going on?
Neville: *explains how he messed up*
GR: Oh gosh okay…we can fix this, don’t cry, see, it’s fine now? Just be more careful when you’re adding the Newt’s eyes, all right? Drop them in gently. There we go. No more tears.
Neville: *giggles wetly, wiping eyes*
Yes, he only screams when he’s dealing with people that claim to know what they’re doing and clearly dont, when he’s teaching he’s very kind and patient because they’re still learning.
He’d probably do the bread thing to Malfoy.
nononononono. I get that Malfoy is a bit of a twat, but he’s still a kid. It’d be the teachers fucking up that he’d have trouble with.
Ramsay: All you had to do was treat it with a fucking Beozar!
Slughorn: It was a stressfu-
Ramsay: How long have you been teaching potions?!
or
Ramsay: So you’re going to raise this boy SPECIFICALLY so he can die as part of your twisted little scheme?
Dumbledore: It’s for the greater good, professor.
Ramsay: The greater fucking good?! *holds two slices of bread either side of dumbledoor’s face* What are you?
My favorite Gordon Ramsey moment is from the latest season of Master Chef Jr.
Gordon had run in to help a group of struggling kids with a team challenge and one of the older kids, a 12 year old boy, wasn’t passing attention while taking a pan out of the oven and not only spilled all the food but scalded Gordon.
It’s clear Gordon’s leg is in pain. He’s been badly burned without warning. But he doesn’t scream. He doesn’t yell, not even in pain, and he doesn’t go off on the child who is now frozen in fear. He calmly tells the child to set the pan down and to close the oven, safety first. Then tells him to go restart the food he was making, calm instructions.
My husband and I grew up in abusive homes where any mistake meant parents getting angry (my husband is terrified of spills or broken glasses because that meant beatings growing up, for me, anything going wrong, that could upset my mother, even if it wasn’t my fault meant screaming and emotional abuse).
I didn’t know someone could be so calm. That someone could not get angry, and put aside what they’re feeling (in this case a lot of physical pain) and not take it out on those around them, even when someone around them had messed up, because that person is a child.
Gordon Ramsey is a survivor of child abuse himself and as an adult, the most non-abusive person ever when it comes to kids.
im going to cry can gordon ramsey be my parent this sound so beautiful
It bothered me that there were no Squibs allowed in Hogwarts. Fine, I can get that Squibs would not be able to do any wand magic, and would not be able to fly a broomstick. They still apparently possess enough innate magic to see the school and other magically hidden locations. Out of the classes at Hogwarts that the kids take, a Squib could take and benefit from the following classes: History of Magic, Astronomy, Divination, Care of Magical Creatures, Herbology, MUGGLE STUDIES, Potions (there will be little foolish wand-waving here), Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, and partially theoretical classes on Defense Against the Dark Arts and Charms.
That’s a long list of classes. And some of them are particularly upsetting to me because there’s stuff like History of Magic being left out- that’s their own history they’re being barred from learning. Since Squibs are often forced into the Muggle world, a Squib would make an ideal Muggle Studies teacher and would no doubt be able to teach a more realistic and informative class than someone going off of biased wizarding texts. Squib kids looking into living in the Muggle world would absolutely benefit from learning Muggle studies, especially if they’re from a mainly pureblood family who doesn’t venture out all too often.
And then there’s the rest of them! Arguably you could have a Squib gifted with prescience, and Divination is supposed to be a very accessible branch of magic. Squibs being excellent at taking care of magical plants and animals and making groundbreaking advancements, Squibs working in tandem with each other to breed different magical herbs for potions, Squib potion masters creating all sorts of amazing concoctions. Squibs working with muggleborns and using logic and science to advance magic theoretically, Squibs being huge pro-muggleborn/pro-muggle advocates, Squibs making star charts and Squibs going into the muggle world to use their healing potions in their jobs as nurses and doctors.
Squibs being so completely shut out of magical education was such a sore point for me in the books, especially viewing the treatment of our only prominent Squib- an angry, bitter, glorified janitor often at the mercy of brats with wands. I’m not justifying or endorsing his abusiveness at all, but this was an awful character to use to explore people without magic in a society that bases your worth on it. A lot of time Rowling seems to validate Wizarding prejudices more than she challenges them. While I really enjoy reading the headcanons about Hogwarts being very accessible to people with disabilities, I can’t bring myself to see that as the case with Squibs being treated as they are.
Bolding mine. Squibs always read to me like the learning-disabled of the wizarding world and the fact that they were just sort of shoved under a rug is such a perfect metaphor for how students with disabilities are treated in most schools BUT IT DIDN’T FEEL LIKE SHE WAS CRITICIZING THE ACTION and just. So much about Hogwarts gets so gross the more you think about it.
There was a quote from Rowling about how she was conflicted about how to treat people with disabilities in HP when magic cures things, and I felt like screaming SQUIBS ARE DISABLED BASED ON YOUR LAWS OF YOUR UNIVERSE, and how you JK Rowling are treating them is SHITTY.
this is so true omg. from the harry potter wiki:
“Even families that are tolerant of Muggles and Muggle-borns seem to regard Squibs poorly. For example, the Weasley family seems embarrassed to have a Squib who works in the Muggle world as an accountant in the family. Also, many wizarding families are anxious to see early signs of magical ability and are upset by the prospect that a member might be a Squib.”
“The term likely comes from the English expression “a damp squib” (dud firecracker), an expected delight that disappoints.”
this sounds exactly like the shitty narratives written by non disabled parents of disabled children :///////
For all of you who are reblogging this, I highly suggest reading Leigh A. Neithardt’s “’Spinched’: The Problem of Disability in the Harry Potter Series” in Critical Insights: The Harry Potter Series (I can’t find a version of the essay accessible online, sorry). Neithardt goes into a couple of the disability issues in the series, and one of the characters specifically examined is Filch:
“Filch is pained by having to admit that he is a Squib. Even though readers, like Harry, do not know what one is, they likely guess that it is something negative. Filch believes that it is the reason for the cruelty inflicted on Mrs. Norris. Ron’s amusement at Filch’s condition demonstrates an immaturity that actual people may have when discussing someone’s disability. Likewise, Ron’s assumption that Filch is bitter is akin to the assumption that people without disabilities may make about those who have them – that the wish they were like “everyone else,” and are bitter toward those who are “normal.” … Rowling doesn’t just “make him” a Squib, however. She makes him despised by most of the students. She then has Ron attribute bitterness and, perhaps, jealousy to Filch because of his disability… the only substantive pieces of information [readers] get about him are that he has a disability and a nasty temper.” (279-280)
Highly unfriendly reminder that Neville Longbottom was subjected to abuse by his uncle until the age of eight in repeated attempts to “surprise” him into doing accidental magic.
At least two instances of this were clearly life-threatening (being dropped off Blackpool Pier and nearly drowning, being dropped head-first out of a window), so the train of thought seems to have been “well if he’s a Wizard he’ll survive and if not…oh well, he was a Squib anyway.”
Note that apparently his grandmother had no problem with this, since she allowed his uncle to keep coming around Neville after the drowning incident, and her primary reaction to Neville being dropped out of a window was tears of joy that he finally displayed some magic.
Recall that in the book (SS chapter 7, original hardback U.S. edition, page 125) Neville’s recounting of this was written as though it was no big deal, and he happily relays how his uncle basically “rewarded” him for surviving this abuse and proving himself magical by buying him his pet toad, Trevor.
sHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THAT
it’s been so long since i read that i had completely forgotten about that wow
Steel Phoenix Studios 