AU where instead of going to Samwell, Jack starts a widely successful Publicly Broadcast show for children.
Jack learns that he is great with kids after coaching them for a little over two years. Moreover, kids are good with Jack. There is no pressure to be anything other than who he is.
It all starts with a local news program doing a fluff piece on Jack Zimmermann’s coaching ability. But then it turned into something completely different when Jack skated onto camera and started to introduce every single one of his kids and what was special about them. He was…really enchanting actually. He didn’t ever really talk down to them. Jack just treated them as a tiny friend.
They ARE his tiny friends, but that’s not the point.
The footage they got of “snack time” was really the best. Imagine a good 16 kids piled around this massive man teaching them the best way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
It should have been obvious that a local channel would contact him. It still surprises Jack. They want him to host a show? Why? Everyone always teased him about how impersonable he was during interviews. Is it because he’s Jack Zimmermann’s son? Or Alicia’s?
Jack asks all of these questions to his mother and she just laughs. “You made a PB&J interesting to 16 kids just by being you”
I’m just going to point out that Hall and Murray totally had a Stanley Cup Watch Party so what does everyone think they’re doing right now? Cheering? Freaking out? Wondering if they made this happen? Feeling vindicated because they FUCKING CALLED IT? I NEED TO KNOW.
*sighs* fine I guess I’ll write it
Quick question why are y’all reblogging my resignation
*throws this in the general direction of the fandom* DON’T LOOK AT ME
‘Surprised’ is the wrong word. Murray hadn’t exactly expected the Stanley Cup final to end with his favorite former team captain kissing his current team captain, but seeing as it’s Bittle and Zimmermann, it’s not exactly outside the realm of possibility. Zimmermann may have a “Hockey Robot” reputation, but the kid has a flair for the dramatic that’s actually hilarious once you understand his personality. (Game winning goal in the final seconds of final overtime? Really, Jack?) And Eric Bittle iss the living embodiment of thinking with your heart.
“Huh,” says Hall, sitting to his left. He’s the only other person in the bar not completely shocked. “That’s one way to do it.”
Murray snorts. “You expected any different?”
“Not really,” Hall replies, with a smile. “This is kind of our fault, you know.”
“What do you mean ‘kind of’?” Murray laughs. “This is at least seventy percent our fault.”
Growing up, Canadian billionaire Jack Zimmermann had heard countless stories about Captain America from his father. But when Eric Bittle was pulled from the ice and brought back to life, Jack found he wasn’t impressed with the overly cheerful man and his diminutive stature. The two of them have to put their differences aside when SHIELD recruits them–alongside a ragtag band of superhuman weirdos–to save the world from absolute destruction.
OHMYFUCKINGGODDDDD YES PLEASE!
Oh my god tho but really: “Never fall for a straight boy” …what if that was Bitty’s childhood best friend, who died in the war? One-sided pining for a teammate? That only ends in heartbreak. There are no happy endings for a little guy like him. AND OH GOD WHAT IF THIS WAS LIKE THE AU WHERE ERSKINE’S SERUM DIDNT PHYSICALLY CHANGE HIM SO HE STAYED SCRAWNY BUT JACK, JACK HAD NO IDEA BECAUSE THE ALLIED GOV’T, THE PROPAGANDA MACHINE LIED
Jack clawed his way out from under the Lon shadow of his father, tooth and bloodied nail, and then this little shit comes along??
In today’s Picarto stream, someone made a joke about Bitty being asked by his Youtube followers to play Fuck, Marry, Kill with the Providence Falconers. Merry speculation ensued.
(Elsewhere, meanwhile, sylviarachel commented, “I am imagining Bitty’s vlog followers being like, Poor Bitty’s boyfriend, it must be hard to be dating someone who has such a massive crush on someone else, especially if the someone else is gorgeous and rich and famous”)
Then Ngozi, who is wonderful, made a joke about Jack watching the video and sweating nervously, going, “I hope I get picked -.- I wonder who it will be” like a giant dingus who just worries and is insecure sometimes. Which was SO ADORABLE.
CAN I PLS SEE THESE THINGS IN FANFIC???
“Oh, lord,” Eric groaned. He bit his lip as he read through the three paper slips again, then threw himself back onto the coverlet in frustration. Little jump-cuts gave the sense of time passing, of the agitation the decision caused him. “I love all these guys–” he said, then threw himself backwards again. After wrinkling his brow and shuffling through them a little more, he finally came back and settled himself crosslegged on his bed, facing the camera.
“This one,” he said, holding up one paper slip, “is a fine man, and a fine hockey player. And he said some very nice things about my pie. But there are some things I can’t abide, and let me tell you a secret: Jonathan Nowicki cheers for the New England Patriots.”
“So that’s a kill,” he said, throwing Snowy’s slip over his shoulder.
More thought.
“Now, there are pros and cons on both sides here,” he said, flipping between papers. “Randall Robinson is an excellent family man. He’s proven time and again that he is dedicated to nothing more than being a husband–even the team that has his number-one loyalty knows that if his girls call, they come first. And I have got to say, I really admire that. But, you know… I’m not a homewrecker. I can’t break that up. If his wife would ever let it happen–not that she would, and if Carrie asks please let her know this excercise is strictly hypothetical–and if he ever asks, this is just for the sake of followers and subscriptions like the soulless Youtube shill y’all know I am, I hope he understands–then yeah, I’d fuck Thirdy.”
One slip left. Eric pursed his lips softly.
“You know, marriage is a serious business. It’s not just being in love. It’s loving someone and knowing that you can live your life with them. I mean, what if you find somebody hot and all, but they can’t stand you blasting Katy Perry during your morning shower? What if they don’t understand the importance of pie?”
He tapped his lips thoughtfully with the last piece of paper, having worked it into a roll with nervous fingers while he talked.
“I mean, it’s easy to say, ‘Yeah, of course, I’ve lived with a guy, we prob’ly won’t kill each other, let’s get married.’ But here’s the thing. I’m rememberin’ this time. It was, oh, year and a half ago now. There was a big snowstorm, left three feet of snow on the ground. Campus shut down, couple houses in town without power. I’m stayin’ at home, hiding under my blankets. And this guy comes back and goes, oh, I was just walking all over campus, checking up on everyone in the team and making sure they had power and heat and food and water. I stopped by Stop’n’Shop and picked up some supplies. And hey look, I even bought butter.”
“And that’s when I knew.” Eric smiled, soft and wide. “I would absolutely marry Jack Zimmermann.”
au prompt: through their rookie goalie, chowder, the falcs discover Bitty and his baking and end up basically with the same obsession/arrangement as in the comic. then jack zimmermann gets traded to providence and he’s baffled by this random, really cute baker who’s been adopted by his new teammates.
bonus points if jack thinks Bitty is Chowder’s secret boyfriend for a good week or so
Bad Bob diversified his assets in the 90s and bought, among other things, a small maple farm.
That’s the reason Jack is so particular about providing the maple syrup Bitty uses in his pies, because it’s literally his maple syrup. He goes home every year and makes it himself.
Somehow it takes a really long time for Bitty to figure this out.
Bitty and Jack return to Georgia the summer between Junior and Senior year only to find a large refrigerated shed in the back yard, filled with what looks to be two dozen unmarked oil drums.
“What the heck is all this?” Bitty questions, examining the barrel and finally cracking a seal to take a sniff. “It’s … maple syrup?” Jack is curiously silent, and when Bitty looks up at his boyfriend, he finds Jack’s face is very red.
“Honey?”
Jack hesitates. “Remember that farm I wanted to take you to, the one Maman and Papa went to every spring?”
Bitty nods, because how could he forget the way Jack raved about the ‘little patch of land’ his father had purchased outside Beauce.
“It’s a maple farm,” Jack whispers, and Bitty is somehow even more confused than he was before.
“That doesn’t explain why it’s here.”
“It’s syrup,” Jack breathes, counting the barrels. “It’s about . . . thirty-thousand dollars worth of maple syrup.”
“And why would there be thirty-thousand dollars of Canadian maple syrup at my parent’s house in Madison, Georgia?”
“Papa’s been fined several times by FPAQ for distributing his stock outside approved channels.” At Bitty’s confused expression, Jack explains, “The Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers. You know OPEC, in the middle east? How they control oil prices by controlling the supply? Same basic principle, but with maple syrup. Producers in Quebec have to sell through FPAQ or they can get frozen out of the market. Papa has the money to pay the fines, but he takes it personally now.”
“That’s insane, still doesn’t explain why there’s several tons of syrup hiding out in our shed like a secret meth lab.” Bitty goes back to the barrel and presses the stopper closed when it hits him. “Wait, is your father using my mama to fence illegal maple syrup?”
Jack shrugs. “Probably. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is all very illegal.”
Canadian Breaking Bad au.
Bad Bob, in full hockey gear, “I am the one who knocks!!”
jack in the nhl definitely was offered a brand deal for something like “applesauce for men” or “man shampoo” or “manly dish soap” and his immediate, instinctive reaction was “why.”
OMG but what if a big ass company tried to sign him up and it was practically a done deal, but it didn’t happen in the end.
A lot of rumours start going around about why, like people are hoping for drama, wondering if Jack was being a ‘diva’ and the company is maybe trying to use this for their advantage and it totally gets blown out of proportions.
So George forces Jack to address it in a press conference and Jack can’t help himself from being a little shit, because he has better stuff to do than deal with this and so instead of just replying with the prepared statement, he pulls out a +50 power point slide.
Some highlights of the topics Jack’s talks about to the press and members of the Falconers: toxic masculinity, heteronormativity, the perpetuation of gender roles and the ‘pink tax’.
Everything is properly referenced and there are print outs distributed for people to fact check if they feel like it. Tater takes notes.
“We should stop him!” Says one of the PR people in horror, George grabs him by the elbow in a death grip and gives him a stare that will haunt him for the rest of his life.
She says nothing, preferring to listen to Jack passionately talk about the ludicrous difference between pay for female and male athletes.
The video of the lecture goes viral. Memes and GIFs are born, Shitty cries, he has never been prouder in his life.
The company issued an apology and rebrands their product, Jack does sign with them this time and companies learn not to screw with him.
This was his face during the whole presentation. The media was mystified, they’d never seen such an emotive Jack Zimmermann.
AU where instead of going to Samwell, Jack starts a widely successful Publicly Broadcast show for children.
Jack learns that he is great with kids after coaching them for a little over two years. Moreover, kids are good with Jack. There is no pressure to be anything other than who he is.
It all starts with a local news program doing a fluff piece on Jack Zimmermann’s coaching ability. But then it turned into something completely different when Jack skated onto camera and started to introduce every single one of his kids and what was special about them. He was…really enchanting actually. He didn’t ever really talk down to them. Jack just treated them as a tiny friend.
They ARE his tiny friends, but that’s not the point.
The footage they got of “snack time” was really the best. Imagine a good 16 kids piled around this massive man teaching them the best way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
It should have been obvious that a local channel would contact him. It still surprises Jack. They want him to host a show? Why? Everyone always teased him about how impersonable he was during interviews. Is it because he’s Jack Zimmermann’s son? Or Alicia’s?
Jack asks all of these questions to his mother and she just laughs. “You made a PB&J interesting to 16 kids just by being you”
Steel Phoenix Studios 