National Coming Out Day is coming up (October 11) and I just want to remind everyone:
1) Please do not out anyone (even if you “think you are doing them a favor.” Trust me when I say you aren’t) and make sure you don’t accidentally do so.
2) It is okay to be in the closet. Please do not feel pressure to/obligated to come out because there so happens to be a Coming Out Day. (Do it for you if it’s what you want).
3) don’t “come out” as LGBT+ as a joke. Don’t “come out” as kinky/a furry/whatever, either.
4) Don’t force/coerce your friends and/or loved ones to come out, and do not get mad at them if they choose to stay closeted.
So this couple walks in- a broad-shouldered man with an accent (Italian, I think) and a man that I can best describe as looking like Cecil Palmer.
“Okay- weird question. So you guys did our wedding- amazing by the way. And it’s been a month and just about all the flowers in the vases have died by now except for this one thing that’s really holding on in there. And we want to know what that plant is and how to take care of it to keep it alive. And we don’t know how to like… describe it and it sounds kind of weird to go to up to a stranger and say ‘hey what’s this weird wiggly green plant you put in our vases a month ago?’ but I guess that’s what I’m asking.”
“Sounds like curly willow. If you keep it in water it will eventually start rooting and you can grow a new plant from it from the cutting.”
“That is too cool! What do you suggest we do?”
“Well, you can keep it in the water for now, but eventually you’ll want to pot it in soil because that’s how it’s going to get its nutrients.”
“Can we,” the Italian guy asks. “Can we plant it in the floor?” I figure he means ‘plant it outside.’
I nod. “It’ll keep growing.”
“What does it look like when it’s bigger? Does it stay like a wiggly stick?”
“Oh, no, it’ll branch out. It’s actually a tree.”
The skinnier one turns to his husband and says:
“Did you hear that, honey? They gave us a tree! We have a tree now!”
He was white, middle-aged, nothing terribly exciting. But he was very friendly and we talked the entire time about what he does (works for a company that manufactures cable) and what he was doing down here (a conference) and that segued into where we’d visited and where we’d LIKE to visit and I mentioned I wanted to move to Canada, so we talked about that—it was a good 20 minute drive.
And then we got downtown and he was like “damn, where’s this traffic coming from” and I told him it was the football season opener but not to ask me anything else because all I could tell him was football had a pointy ball.
Me: “Ask me about HOCKEY and I can tell you some stuff.”
Him: “I USED TO PLAY HOCKEY!”
So then he said he wasn’t exactly agile enough to do it anymore and I said yeah, that’s why I write about it instead and I’d just written a hockey romance.
Him: “Wait, what, you’re published? Where can I find your books??”
Me: “Well, that depends, are you okay reading gay romance?”
Him: “You mean male/male?”
Me: “Yes.”
Him: “Well… I’m married.”
Me: *braced for him to have some kind of bullshit excuse about it makes him less of a man or his wife doesn’t like it*
Him: “And my husband’s name is David.”
No lie, we looked at each other like:
So then I gave him my card and he promised to look me up on FB after he’d read my stuff and told me I was “the actual best” and he was giving his husband my books and tipped me 50% the end
This whole thing started out with ‘white middle-aged male’, and ngl, I braced myself for the bad, but instead this adorable thing happened, and thank you OP. Good way to start a Monday.
“Obviously ‘bihet’ offends a lot of bisexuals, so we need to come up with a better term for bisexuals in m/f relationships.”
How about… and hear me out… this may sound crazy…. but you… continue to call us bisexual… because (and I realize this gets confusing for you people so read this next part slowly) it turns out we continue to be bisexual regardless of who we’re dating.
Okay, this shit gets me all heated up. I’m just a cisgay dude up in here, but I have Some Opinions about this nonsense.
Bisexual people in relationships with folks of the other gender are not only themselves still bisexual (I’m really ashamed of a bunch of all that this shit even needs to be said, like c’mon), but their relationships are queer.
Yes, I just said that straight people can be involved in queer relationships without they themselves being queer.
The reason for this is simple: folks who are in relationships with queer people will always have to deal with their partner’s marginalization impacting their relationship. Always. Even if their bisexual partner chooses to be entirely stealth about their queerness (and that’s their right, by gods, fight me about it), their relationship is still impacted by that very choice existing. It’s a facet heterosexual relationships never have to negotiate.
Frankly, bisexual folks have to deal with active marginalization from multiple angles: heterocentrist and homocentrist. And in case I actually have to say this aloud? We should not be fucking marginalizing our own, y’all. That makes you a bad person, and you should feel bad.
To sum up: Bisexual folks are queer as hell. Straight folks can be in queer relationships without themselves ever being queer. And FFS please stop harassing bi- and pan-folks already, man. It’s 2018. Find hobbies that are not shitty.
I love this addition to my post so much thank you.
The national conversation about trans identity and community tends to focus on the newest crop of trans youth. But why don’t we hear about older trans and gender-nonconforming individuals who manage to overcome the at times seemingly impossible odds and survive — and thrive — in America?
Photographer Jess Dugan’s latest project To Survive on This Shore aims to bring attention to those voices. For over five years, Dugan and social worker Vanessa Fabbre have traveled across the United States photographing and interviewing older trans and gender-nonconforming individuals to ensure their stories, largely untold, are finally shared. See more here (x)
can we please stop pretending heterosexual relationships are inferior to gay relationships? i’m pan but it’s not cool
i don’t mean this to sound rude in any way but being condescending to our straight counterparts is not the way to achieve lgbtq+ acceptance and equality. all healthy relationships are just as good and cool and positive and beautiful, let’s agree on that.
all healthy relationships are just as good and cool and positive and beautiful, let’s agree on that.
Preach
also it’s really alienating to bisexuals and pansexuals who are interested in a m/f relationship or are in one. and like, straight trans people
Steel Phoenix Studios 