Tag: lulz

prokopetz:

amaranthinearchives:

prokopetz:

It strikes me that the lyrics to “Mr. Sandman” are inordinately concerned with ensuring that the resulting man of our dreams has only the customary complement of various anatomic features.

“Two lips”?

“A pair of eyes”?

As opposed to what?

“Two lips like roses and clover,” as opposed to “a gaping, lipless maw that I suppose smells like roses,” “two leathery black lips, dripping with blood,” or “six lips arranged such that the mouth looks like a three-leaf clover when fully opened.”

“A pair of eyes with a come-hither gleam,” as opposed to “one eye, hypnotic and unblinking, which will rob you of your free will upon first eye contact,” “two eyes that barely bother to look at me, and really don’t care if I’m around or not,” or “six hundred eyes nested in a body of pure flame, like the angels of old, that no mere mortal can resist.”

Honestly, I’m not sure they were specific enough about the sheer banality they’re hoping to receive here. They didn’t specify the number of arms and legs, for example, so they could totally end up with a centaur or a mermaid. And that line about “lots of wavy hair like Liberace,” which entirely fails to specify where that hair should be? Might as well be asking for a particularly well-groomed Sasquatch at that point.

Just saying. If you’re going to ask a supernatural being for a favor, be very specific, because it probably won’t make the same basic assumptions about desirability that you do.

To be fair, we can’t say for certain that the vocalist wouldn’t be perfectly happy with a well-coiffed Sasquatch.