There are a lot of strange courses that make it into a college course catalog. What would artificial intelligence make of them?
I train machine learning programs called neural networks to try to imitate human things – human things they are absolutely are not prepared to understand. I’ve trained them to generate paint colors (Shy Bather or Stanky Bean, anyone?) and cat names (Mr. Tinkles is very affectionate) and even pie (please have a slice of Cromberry Yas). Could it have similar “success” at inventing new college courses?
UC San Diego’s Triton alumni magazine gave me UCSD’s entire course catalog, from “A Glimpse into Acting” to “Zionism and Post Zionism”, a few of which I recognized from when I was a grad student at UCSD. (Apparently I totally missed my opportunity to take “What the *#!?: An uncensored introduction to language”) I gave the course catalog to a neural network framework called textgenrnn which took a look at all the existing courses and tried its best to figure out how to make more like them.
It did come up with some intriguing courses. I’m not sure what these are, but I would at least read the course description.
Strange and Modern Biology Marine Writing General Almosts of Anthropology Werestory Deathchip Study Advanced Smiling Equations Genies and Engineering Language of Circus Processing Practicum Geology-Love Electronics of Faces Marine Structures Devilogy Psychology of Pictures in Archaeology Melodic Studies in Collegine Mathematics
These next ones definitely sound as if they were written by a computer. Since this algorithm learns by example, any phrase, word, or even part of word that it sees repeatedly is likely to become one of its favorites. It knows that “istics” and “ing” both go at the end of words. But it doesn’t know which words, since it doesn’t know what words actually mean. It’s hard to tell if it’s trying to invent new college courses, or trying to make fun of them.
Advanced Computational Collegy The Papering II The Special Research Introduction to Oceanies Biologrative Studies Professional Professional Pattering II Every Methods Introduction study to the Advanced Practices Computer Programmic Mathematics of Paths Paperistics Media I Full Sciences Chemistry of Chemistry Internship to the Great The Sciences of Prettyniss Secrets Health Survivery Introduction to Economic Projects and Advanced Care and Station Amazies Geophing and Braining Marine Computational Secretites
It’s anyone’s guess what these next courses are, though, or what their prerequisites could possibly be. At least when you’re out looking for a job, you’ll be the only one with experience in programpineerstance.
Ancient Anthlographychology Design and Equilitistry The Boplecters Numbling Hiss I Advanced Indeptics and Techniques Introduction in the Nano Care Practice of Planetical Stories Ethemishing Health Analysis in Several Special Computer Plantinary III Field Complexity in Computational Electrical Marketineering and Biology Applechology: Media The Conseminacy The Sun Programpineerstance and Development Egglish Computational Human Analysis Advanced A World Globbilian Applications Ethrography in Topics in the Chin Seminar Seminar and Contemporary & Archase Acoa-Bloop African Computational for Project Laboration and Market for Plun: Oceanography
Remember, artificial intelligence is the future! And without a strong background in Globbilian Applications, you’ll be left totally behind.
Just to see what would happen, I also did an experiment where I trained the neural net both on UCSD courses and on Dungeons and Dragons spells. The result was indeed quite weird. To read that set of courses (as well as optionally to get bonus material every time I post), enter your email here.
In Grímnismál, Odin states, “Never a single name have I had since first I fared among men.” And indeed, we have a very large number that are attested, as well as many that have no doubt been lost to time.
One of the more well known heiti is Hrafnaguð, the Raven God. In turn, his blood brother Loki is called Gammleið, “the vulture’s path.”
Because of Odin’s connection with ravens as well as his role of selecting those slain on the battlefield for an afterlife in Valhalla, I propose that it is feasible, perhaps even likely, for Odin to have been named “the raven’s path” by viking age skalds.
Another notable name is the one commonly used for him: Odin. The word it most likely derives from, óðr, is usually associated with ritual ecstasy and battle frenzy, but it could potentially extend to other forms of “madness.” For example, of his twin ravens, Huginn and Muninn, traditionally translated as “thought” and “memory”, Odin states, “I fear more for Muninn.” He embodies anxiety about not only the temporary abandonment of ritual or battle, but also a more permanent loss of history and self.
One final aspect of Odin that his heiti point to but is rarely explored is his connection to the night and blackness. He is Fjölnir, concealer, Herblindi, blinder of hosts, and Tvíblindi, twice blind. He is Grímnir, the hooded one. He presides over Yule, the longest night. Ravens are so closely associated with their color that the word is used as a synonym for black. And according to folklore, he notably rides forth with his forces, known today as the Wild Hunt only between sunset and dawn.
So basically, it’s 100% lore compliant to say that Odin is Ebony Darkness Demtia Raven Way.
I can’t believe you did this and am utterly torn between impotent fury and seizing hilarity. Wow. Wow.
why have the multiply-cursed, shabby, jackal-laughing PACK of you CONSPIRED to put this in front of my eyeballs so many times that I was FORCED TO READ IT TO THE END.
do y’all wanna here about some ridiculous celebrity drama my family is caught up in right now because I am LAUGHING
OKAY SO I’ve mentioned on here before that my uncle owns a business that caters for a bunch of concerts (see: me almost accidentally killing Will Smith, me accidentally getting a private concert from Leslie Odom Jr, my mom eating dinner with Ed Sheeran, my cousin trying to hook up with someone who tours with Panic at the Disco, my mom getting backstage when Woody Harrelson was denied access, etc) but anyway. It’s a really successful business! He knows a ton of random celebrities, and apparently now Netflix is interested in making a docu-drama about when he toured with the Grateful Dead a million years ago???? So that’s fun.
Anyway. Upcoming is Jay-Z’s big concert on the parkway- and for years my uncle always worked it. Because he’s like, a highly recommended company and he’s Right There, so it was just natural for him to work it. But then, last year, he decided my uncle was charging too much money.
Two Things:
My uncle FAMOUSLY undercharges people!! A couple years ago, Kevin Hart did a huge comedy special for HBO and my uncle worked it- when he got the bill, Kevin Hart literally told my uncle he wasn’t charging enough money, paid what he believed to be the correct amount of money, and then tipped an obscene amount of money, leaving my uncle with like 10k more than he was expecting, and that’s the story of the time my uncle Survived The Winter
AM I SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE JAY-Z CAN’T AFFORD IT??? He’s Jay-Z! Isn’t he a billionaire! Isn’t he married to Beyoncé! He can definitely afford to feed concert performers and workers! Like dude!
But ANYWAY, he like. Proposed a lower price??? And my uncle was like “that’s enough to get maybe half a hoagie from Wawa and one can of soda for everyone working” lmao that’s how bad the price cut Jay-Z wanted was. I’ve worked for my uncle before- usually backstage there’s like an Array of main course meals, snacks, desserts, and drinks (water/soda/alcohol). Just a shit-ton of food, most of it prepared by his own company. Plenty in case people wanted second helpings. But with this proposed price drop, the best they could budget was half a sandwich and a can of soda like!!! Come on.
So he refuses to do it, so Jay-Z just…either Creates his own catering team on the spot, or used whoever he uses when he goes on tour, idk, but they agreed to that budget and my uncle moves on with life.
Except EVERYONE who worked that concert ended up complaining about the catering! lmao
So NOW he’s trying to get my uncle back this year (the concert is like…this weekend, mind you) but my uncle isn’t answering any calls because he’s currently hanging out….with Ozzy Osbourne.
They’re old friends because my uncle toured with him Back In The Day, and during most of the tour Ozzy was terrified of my uncle, because, like, the drugs made him think he was trying to steal his family or something, but by the end of the tour he had practically fallen in love with him, and when he learned my uncle was leaving he reportedly demanded “You’re LEAVING me??? Why??? Did Sharon do this?!?!?!” and listen idk they’re still friends and Ozzy’s still in love with him. Ozzy’s got a concert in the city or surrounding area right now, so my uncle’s out working that.
Now, the other thing about my uncle- remember how I said he famously under charges? Well he also famously over pays his workers, and like half of them are assholes who take advantage of that, so despite the fact he runs a hugely successful business and should be rich and with money to spare, he’s actually just…a terrible business man who is always borrowing money off people. Specifically, my mother and grandmother. Like, he’ll get a job, and then be like ‘oh shit! 5000 dollars short!’ and they have to transfer money into his account (my mom works in banking and handles pretty much the whole families money) and wait until he gets paid for the job to get the money back, it’s ridiculous. But because of this, my mom is more involved with this company than she’d like to be.
Now my uncle has this business partner, except he’s not really a partner because he refuses to let my uncle pay him, and he’s this aging hippie who I’ve never seen not high, and he may or may not live in his car, but he’s also Super Fucking Rich, but he’s not a dealer so no one knows for sure where the money is coming from, my mom went to high school with him and says he’s literally always been like this- but anyway, he ALWAYS has my uncle’s phone for some reason. You wanna call your uncle and wish him a happy birthday? Nope, it’s Victor, fuck you. Literally ALWAYS has his phone unless my uncle takes it so he can call his mother or sister for money lmao. But so that means…if the Hippie Friend needs to get in touch with my uncle….he has no way of doing that. So hippie friend, armed with my uncles Only Phone and access to his email, is getting a barrage of messages from Jay-Z’s people trying to hire him by??? fucking tomorrow??? to cater a weekend long event??? and the Aging Hippie is like ‘maybe his sister can get a hold of him!’ so he calls my mom- with my uncle’s phone- to tell her she needs to get in contact with my uncle- who does not have a phone on him right now- because Jay-Z wants to pay him money finally- ‘how will I be able to tell him that Victor’ – ‘well you can just leave a voicemail he checks those a lot’ – ‘you are using his phone Victor’ – ‘well we can hang up so you can call him’ – ‘VICTOR’-
so basically my uncle’s blowing off Jay-Z to flirt with Ozzy Osbourne, and I think that’s rather iconic of him
AZHSJSSK UPDATE:
Jay-Z just went with his own people like last year and the food is SO BAD- reportedly stale sandwiches with expired ingredients and brownies that are so rock hard they’re impossible to eat safely- and we know this because the STAGE HANDS STRAIGHT UP CALLED MY UNCLE!! WHO FINALLY HAS HIS PHONE BACK!! Like the people who handle the stage and lights and sound and are used to his catering literally called him to complain, to beg him to come Fix This, and he’s like ‘this is LITERALLY not my job??’
So now they’re demanding to just. Order food like from a pizza place or something and they want Jay-Z to reimburse them for that- but Jay-Z doesn’t want to reimburse them if they order edible food….except stage hands are literally in a Union and legally, if they turn the stage dark, no rehearsals or show setup is allowed to happen- So straight up if Jay-Z doesn’t just buy these dudes pizza they’re threatning to darken the stage so nothing can happen- the show starts Tomorrow
So now because my uncle is off getting lit with Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, Jay-Z’s workers are threatening to strike on the EVE of his big music festival…I’m screaming
Ok so I was looking for historical slang terms for penis (gotta be era-accurate when writing vintage dick jokes) and I came across….something
some linguist compiled a literal timeline of genitalia slang–a cock compendium, if you will–that dates back all the way to the fucking 13th CENTURY. This motherfucker tracked the evolution of erection etymology through 800+ years, because if he doesn’t do it, who else will? Thank you for your service, Johnathon Green.
Some of my favorites include:
Shaft of Delight (1700s)
Womb Sweeper (1980s)
Master John Goodfellow (1890s)
Nimble-Wimble (1650s)
Corporal Love (1930s)
Staff of Life (1880s)
Spindle (1530s)
As good as ever twanged (1670s)
Gaying Instrument (1810s)
Beef Torpedo (1980s)
and last but not least, the first recorded use of the word Schlong, which was in 1865 CE. Tag yourself, I’m Nimble Wimble
And are the lovely ladies feeling left out? not to worry! Johnathon’s got you covered, gals, because he also made one for vaginas. Highlights:
Mrs. Fubb’s Parlor (1820s)
Poontang (1950s)
Spunk Box (1720s)
Ringerangroo (1930s)
Ineffable (1890s)
Itching Jenny (1890s)
Carnal Mantrap (1890s – a busy decade apparently)
Bookbinder’s Wife (1760s)
Rough Malkin (1530s)
Socket (1460s)
and a personal favorite, crinkum-crankum, circa approximately 1670.
13 years ago today, Pepsi’s Super Bowl commercial starring Beyoncé, BritneySpears, Pink & Enrique Iglesias was premiered. #PepsiGladiators
Damn these were simpler times
so lemme break this down
-lord caesar iglesias, who does not sing in this musical commercial, has captured britney spears, pink, and beyonce to battle it out gladiator style -our trio decides instead of fighting, they will instead rock so hard that the audience forgets about their battle to the death -their musical prowess is so damn powerful they rock the foundation of the earth and overthrow caesar iglesias along with his stash of ancient roman pepsi -beyonce, britney spears, and pink drink pepsi while the audience cheers -enrique iglesias is eaten by a lion
Steel Phoenix Studios 