When I suggested that R2-D2 has a Shit List and a long list of meticulous petty-to-terrible offenses for each person on it, some people have suggested that this Shit List (which obviously stars the Skywalkers) somehow excludes Leia.
Like, on one hand, I could see R2 telling others (Luke, Han) that Leia “has never done anything wrong in her life (how dare you)” to mess with them. But, on the other hand, I am deeply and sincerely offended by the notion that Leia’s Shit List isn’t just as long as any other Skywalker, if not twice as long as Luke or Han.
(I will give you that Anakin and Obi-Wan’s lists are probably incomparably hideous, where some of the many, many entries (especially Anakin’s) are just one to three words and a lot of offended exclamation points. Like: “SHIT LIST -> Category: Jedi -> My Boy -> New Entry -> CRASH!!!!!!! >:(!”An example which surely matches at least a dozen entries.)
Like, for one thing, Leia’s Shit List would obviously have an entire section dedicated to “Illegal Things Leia Needed To Hide So She Dumped Them In Me Like I’m A Fucking Trash Can Or Her Purse”, with items ranging from “a secret blaster she couldn’t hide up her skirt” to “proof of Senator X’s corruption and/or drug dealing” to “stolen Death Star plans”.
Yet another installment in humans being fuckin weird compared to aliens: humans give blood, organs, and tissue to each other, because our race is built around being able to function under as much stress as possible.
So of course, what do we do when another human will die without something we could live without?
We go to our local hospital and undergo trauma to provide them with it, for no compensation.
Sure you might need to eat and drink more, take antibiotics or anti rejection drugs, but hey!
B’ril over there had to wait until HIS race figured out stem cells and lab grown organs, because ALL their organs are vital, and losing a pint of fluid flat out kills them or sends them into shock.
“You… you lost… your toxin filters?”
“Well, we’ve got a few things that do that, but yeah, like… four of them?”
“….Four?”
“Well, counting tonsils.”
“You are… How are you alive, again?”
“You make it sound so weird. I still have two kidneys- One’s synthetic, the other was donated.”
“…….donated?”
“Yeah, my girlfriend was compatible.”
“Donated.”
“….Yeah? Like, we had the same blood type and everything, and she volunteered. What, you guys don’t do that? What do you do when someone needs a liver, or something?”
“We… clone one.”
“Okay, sure, but what did you do before cloning? You didn’t just like, give someone a piece?”
“….. we died? Wait, what do you mean, ‘give someone a piece’?”
“Well, our livers can grow back. You can give someone a piece of yours, and they can grow their own. You guys don’t do that?”
I absolutely adore these ‘humans are the hardiest aliens’ stories.
Humanity: tell them they can’t do the thing and they will do it out of spite and then improve the thing until it is Ultimate Badassery. Just to prove a point.
Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue.
I have been waiting for this post all my life.
They are indeed purple, But one thing you’ve missed: The concept of “purple” Didn’t always exist.
Some cultures lack names For a color, you see. Hence good old Homer And his “wine-dark sea.”
A usage so quaint, A phrasing so old, For verses of romance Is sheer fucking gold.
So roses are red. Violets once were called blue. I’m hugely pedantic But what else is new?
My friend you’re not wrong
About Homer’s wine-ey sea!
Colours are a matter
Of cultural contingency;
Words are in flux
And meanings they drift
But the word purple
You’ve given short shrift.
The concept of purple,
My friends, is old
And refers to a pigment
once precious as gold.
By crushing up molluscs
From the wine-dark sea
You make a dye:
Imperial decree
Meant that in Rome,
to wear purpura
was a privilege reserved
For only the emperor!
The word ‘purple’,
for clothes so fancy,
Entered English
By the ninth century
.
Why then are voilets
Not purple in song?
The dye from this mollusc,
known for so long
Is almost magenta;
More red than blue.
The concept of purple
is old, and yet new.
The dye is red,
So this might be true:
Roses are purple
And violets are blue
.
While this song makes me merry, Tyrian purple dyes many a hue From magenta to berry And a true purple too.
But fun as it is to watch this poetic race The answer is staring you right in the face: Roses are red and violets are blue Because nothing fucking rhymes with purple.
Hirple – To limp or walk awkwardly
Cirple – An old Scots word for the hindquarters of a horse
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