hobbular:

melifair:

moonlitmoth:

Male news anchor shows off makeup blending skills in hilarious video

@fearofablackteeshirt

Please please please let him start a makeup channel omg

“This is concealer, it is for concealing…..things”

“I kinda feel like Bob Ross” “Happy trees on my face”

“Violently blend, violently blend, violently blend like you’re ashamed of your face” 😂

“I sweat like there is something glandularly wrong with me”

“I’M JUST TRYING TO LET PEOPLE IN ON THE PROCESS JEN”

jasmiinitee:

roachpatrol:

perspicaciousembroiderist:

consolecadet:

shrikestrike:

moggiepillar:

i can no longer take any description of a male protagonist seriously if the writer describes him as ‘brooding’

because i used to think ‘oh, that’s sexy and mysterious, etc’

and now i think of this

image

once you’ve been loudly cussed out by 2.5 lbs of feathers, that word only ever means one thing

This is the kinda brooding i WANNA see

#so this behavior basically translates to nonstop cuddling of offspring and vocal aggression towards anything that tries to prevent that #tbh i would be delighted to see male protagonists do just this sort of thing (via starfoozle)

I just had to explain what I was cackling at to my roommate. It automatically passes the Laugh Rule.

She found her reluctant fiance, Erstad, brooding out on the rainy moors. 

“Is that a baby rabbit?” she asked, observing his huddled form. 

“IT’S SIX BABY RABBITS AND YOU CAN’T TOUCH THEM,” replied Ernstad, contriving to look twice his usual size and at least three times his usual fierceness. 

“Whoah okay damn,” she said, and backed away. 

i’d read the gothic romance novel of ernstad and his baby rabbits like right now

literatecephalopod:

valencing:

so exodus says that aaron stretched out his hand over the waters and the frog came up and covered the land of egypt and while english translators usually render “frog” as “frogs,” today at shul the rabbi challenged us to consider whether it could in fact have been one giant frog so we spent literally forty-five minutes arguing about whether there were swarms of frogs from the beginning or rather a single monstrous godzilla frog that split into multiple frogs once people started trying to destroy it and the congregation got so worked up that even after we’d sung aleinu and were heading out of the sanctuary people were still excitedly debating the moral implications of one frog versus many so what i’m trying to say is @judaism never change

Giant frog excellent.

greenandhazy:

little bit of Jewish history: for several centuries, Jews didn’t have fixed, hereditary surnames. they went by “Name son of Father” or similar. Ashkenazi Jews mostly didn’t start taking on surnames until the 18th and 19th century, when surnames were made a condition of being recognized as citizens of modern nations. and apparently there was one Jew in Germany who thought hey, if we’ve got to take it a surname, let’s make it a damn good one.

so this is the name he picked:

Wolfe­schlegel­stein­hausen­berger­dorff­welche­vor­altern­waren­gewissen­haft­schafers­wessen­schafe­waren­wohl­gepflege­und­sorg­faltig­keit­be­schutzen­vor­an­greifen­durch­ihr­raub­gierig­feinde­welche­vor­altern­zwolf­hundert­tausend­jah­res­voran­die­er­scheinen­von­der­erste­erde­mensch­der­raum­schiff­genacht­mit­tung­stein­und­sieben­iridium­elek­trisch­motors­ge­brauch­licht­als­sein­ur­sprung­von­kraft­ge­start­sein­lange­fahrt­hin­zwischen­stern­artig­raum­auf­der­suchen­nach­bar­schaft­der­stern­welche­ge­habt­be­wohn­bar­planeten­kreise­drehen­sich­und­wo­hin­der­neue­rasse­von­ver­stand­ig­mensch­lich­keit­konnte­fort­pflanzen­und­sicher­freuen­an­lebens­lang­lich­freude­und­ru­he­mit­nicht­ein­furcht­vor­an­greifen­vor­anderer­intelligent­ge­schopfs­von­hin­zwischen­stern­art­ig­raum

and the fun doesn’t stop there. roughly translated, this name means “Ages ago, there were conscientious shepherds whose sheep were well tended and carefully protected against attack by their rapacious enemies. Twelve hundred thousand years ago there appeared before these first earthmen, at night, a spaceship powered by seven stone and iridium electric motors. It had originally been launched on its long trip into stellar space in the search for neighboring stars that might have planets revolving about them that were inhabitable and on which planets a new race of intelligent humanity might propagate itself and rejoice for life, without fear of attack by other intelligent beings from interstellar space.”

and then this gentleman’s great-great-grandson was given a 26-word “first name” featuring names beginning with each successive letter of the alphabet: Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus.

but of course that’s impractical for everyday use, so he often went by the name Hubert B. Wolfe + 666, Sr. he was born in Germany in 1904 or 1914, emigrated to Philadelphia, and died in 1997.

there is no part of this that is not incredible to me.

briarroseella:

littlewitchlingrowan:

partywithponies:

painthekiller:

blue-mood-blue:

epersonae:

lucretia-the-director:

ruffboijuliaburnsides:

lecorbeau:

miscreant-side-puffs:

blueelectricangels:

cool-wears-a-trenchcoat:

fanboying-ace:

alexandraya:

crystallinecrow:

do-what-the-knight-tells-you:

o-kau:

pepelover22:

elliesugw:

hell-or-wonderland:

bird-motif:

deliciouslactobacillus:

kitchenwitchupinthisbitch:

salvi-bruja:

reformchassid:

sarahcakes613:

thefeatherofhope:

westeroswolf:

allthedances:

thehundredtimesobsessed:

teacoffeebooks:

thelawfullawblr:

katyasupernova:

pdxjenni:

emmeetslawschool:

the-pigeon-queen:

itrieddontjudgeme:

merlinsearsarebeloved:

nonbinarybuckys:

nurseys-long-lost-chill:

samwellhaus:

elizabethan-ho:

lighteningmccain:

ckret2:

specsthespectraldragon:

wiwaxia:

officiallordvetinari:

somesortofabstractcat:

hauntedpamplemousse:

palamate:

smashtheshell:

rebel-without-a-cunt:

gaydicks420:

kaguramutsuki:

shoutout to those random peacocks you find in places that are probably unsuitable for a peacock to inhabit in the first place

what the fuck kinds of lives are you guys leading. i’ve never seen a peacock in my life. where are u guys finding them.

Random neighborhoods in Florida

a gas station in morocco

middle of a busy road in england

middle of the woods in a rural town in Mississippi 

Irish farms??

Roof of a house in a tiny English village

Screaming their heads off in abandoned fuel stations in the back-blocks of the Rangitikei

with a group of pheasants in the woods in maryland

Strutting outside the window of an elementary school library in Texas.

Walking down the street of a California suburb on a hot summer afternoon like he owns the place

At a golf club in Long Island

At a strawberry festival in SoCal

Outside a café in Ayia Napa

Walking thru my neighborhood in nebraska

watching over fish near a pond in switzerland

walking around the zoo parking lot

on a car roof pulled over on the interstate on the way to Myrtle Beach

Friend’s neighbor’s yard in suburban Maryland

Stealing the dog food off our back porch in rural Oregon.

There’s a big house on a major road across from a college in Salt Lake. They must own peacocks because I somewhat regularly see them on the sidewalk in front of that property.

A cattle farm in rural Australia. 

In a buddy’s back yard fighting with a neighborhood cat in Arizona in the middle of fucking summer.

Walking through Lisbon Castle like a tourist.

Chastising its cat friend while strolling along a reforestation trail in northern Ontario, Canada.

Pub garden in England 

At the Los Angeles Zoo. He doesn’t belong to the zoo, he just walks around displaying his plumage and posing for pictures. Occasionally chases small children with snacks.

chasing childhood me in Stanley Park in Vancouver. probably because I had snacks.

A hotel lobby in central Mongolia

The Glendale, Arizona library

Chasing dudes down a country highway in Northwest Washington.

At a campsite in South Carolina

Buddhist temple in West Virginia

My backyard in michigan

My cow field s i t t i n g on a back of one chilling, North Carolina

standing right in the middle of the sidewalk in san diego, like he was waiting for me

a viking village in western norway

Casually strolling through an open-air Celtic Festival just outside of Las Vegas.

They wander around inner city Cincinnati. They escape the zoo, and the keepers have to go with nets and grab them on occasion.

The zoo has officially stopped supporting the population because there are too DAMN MANY of them. They reduced the flock from 40 to 6 in 2008. I think they have more now. 

They just LEAVE. 

Roosting in our barn in Ohio. Roosting in our trees, roosting in our pool shed, just hanging out on our back porch. Look we just had peafoul everywhere for something like four years, and we’ve no idea why.

A breeding pair or two must’ve made it across the river from Cincinnati because I’ve seen a few wandering around northern Kentucky

Grass farm in Texas

suburban roof in small-town Saskatchewan

Southwestern college back in Chula Vista when I was attending an child development conference. Went outside for some fresh air and there was a couple peacocks chilling in the middle of the quad at 6pm. Guess they had a conference too. 🤷🏾‍♂️

cow farm in rural southwest virginia. it’s a convenient street to cut through, but they used to charge at cars that went through too slowly so you kinda had to watch yourself–it was a delicate balance between being wary of not wanting to accidentally hit them as you went over a blind hill, and not wanting to be going slow enough to suddenly attract them to risk that happening anyway.

Gibsonton, Florida. aka Gibtown. aka the place where circus performers have, traditionally, lived when not touring.

(they seemed to belong to this REALLY LARGE FANCY HOUSE that was settled between two trailer parks)

Also the phoenix zoo.

A tiny diner in southwest Michigan

In the backyard of my childhood home in suburban SoCal when we first moved in; they disappeared and I don’t know why or to where.

Hanging out next to a dairy farm in Louisiana, just chilling on the fence and watching the cows.

Outside the window of a high class hotel in Texas

In a hedge maze in England.

Sahuaro Ranch Park, a public historical park where I got married

The terrace of a restaurant in Noord-Brabant, the Netherlands

At a metal festival in Germany.

libertarirynn:

phantomrose96:

squidpop:

thejazzykittykat:

verbivore8642:

brigwife:

kidouyuuto:

how did they learn to translate languages into other languages how did they know which words meant what HOW DID TH

English Person: *Points at an apple* Apple

French Person: Non c’est une fucking pomme 

*800 years of war*

Fun fact: There are a lot of rivers in the UK named “avon” because the Romans arrived and asked the Celts what the rivers were called. The Celts answered “avon.” 

“Avon” is just the Celtic word for river.

Fan Fact #2: When Spanish conquistadors landed in the Yucatán peninsula, they asked the natives what their land was called and they responded “Yucatán”. In 2015, it was discovered that in those mesoamerican languages, “Yucatán” meant “I don’t understand what you are saying”

W H E E Z E

I love entomology so much because so many words kind of happened by accident or by a native speaker trying to say “WTF are you saying?“

wintersblight:

twentyonelizards:

twentyonelizards:

twentyonelizards:

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twentyonelizards:

twentyonelizards:

twentyonelizards:

twentyonelizards:

twentyonelizards:

twentyonelizards:

twentyonelizards:

has any song ever gone harder than sweet transvestite tho

i am watching rocky horror picture show for the first time so i might as well liveblog it

so far brad is quite incredibly useless. it’s incredible.

question: how attractive am i meant to find frank-n-furter? because i feel like the answer is ‘not as much as i do’

local man born thirty seconds ago immediately begins elaborate song routine about how he wishes he was dead. relatable content 

i’m convinced mary shelley would have loved this 

wait what the fuck?? what th fuck??

did meatloaf just drive out of a freezer????

WITH A SAXOPHONE????

frank-n-furter just murdered a man because only they are allowed to do solos. gotta respect that artistic integrity.

“yes i’m afraid so”

he tried it with BOTH of them???? what a fucking power move

fucking riffraff cockblocking brad and frank??? completely unfair. very cruel. not acceptable. let rocky wander naked outside in the rain, he’s fine. 

‘i’d only ever kissed before’

well that’s just not true, is it, janet. nobody randomly fucks a spooky man in a corset in a tent for their first time. come on.

also can she please put a shirt on? i’m finding it very hard to focus on like. plot. or whatever. she has very nice rockies.

OH SHIT THE OTHER SCIENTIST IS HERE IT’S ALL KICKING OFF

did they just drive his wheelchair through a brick wall

the way that scary sexy lady bangs the gong and cries ‘dinner.. is served!’ and then stands there looking so incredibly proud of herself for like five full seconds until she’s acknowledged is like. that’s truly a mood right there.

that awkward moment when you accidentally killed someone’s nephew and you’re sitting around with a party hat on trying to ignore it

oh what the fuck frank!!! literally what the fuck!!! why do you have a coffin under the dining table! why is there a body there! frank!! come on!! the people were enjoying dinner!

frank!!!!!!

frank’s an alien?????????

this… should probably not be as shocking to me as it is

HE TURNED THEM INTO STATUES???????????

btw as far as i’m concerned the musical numbers in this film are 100% diagetic. i will not be convinced otherwise. 

wait they split a brain between two people? they split a brain? transylvania is a planet? 

this film has two modes: no plot for forty minutes and forty minutes of plot in thirty seconds

‘they had both tasted… forbidden fruit’ is a nice way of saying ‘both had ole frank stick it in ‘em’

who even IS this guy

this is literally the only valid remaking of frankenstein

once again, i have no idea what’s happening, but i am most certainly into it

frank is so consistently extra

honestly a role model (except for the, uh… murder)

where did he get a POOL?

is now a good time to admit i did not realise they had been eating eddie until i read the wikipedia page 

i guess it’s just like that sometimes

when did the professor get stockings and heels? is that just something that happens with exposure to frank-n-furter? do you like, wake up one day and suddenly you’re in full drag and can’t do anything about it?

“I can explain!” and he whispers in their ears

i honestly thought he was telling them he loved them or to hide or something

no, he was just giving them lighting and sound instructions

we stan a legend

again, a surprisingly canonical adaptation of frankenstein here

had victor been murdered by his fellow aliens, that is

the castle just flies up and into space because of course it does

aaaaaaaaand it’s over!!!

i honestly did not think i would enjoy that as much as i did

but i really really liked it

i’m hopefully gonna go see it in my city for halloween and i’m going to be really disappointed if everyone isn’t crossdressing and yelling stuff at the screen

I laughed so hard I cried at this