Tag: me

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

maxiesatanofficial:

maxiesatanofficial:

for real, though, why do recipes consistently tell you to use less herbs and spices in than you should. fuck your “two cloves of garlic,” fuck your “half teaspoon of cinnamon,” and you can absolutely go to hell with your “dash of black pepper”

I’m pretty sure that the only time I’ve ever actually managed to overseason food was when working with balsamic vinegar, which is the most overpowering motherfucker of a sauce known to man

i appreciate the energy and anger in this post, which is righteous and just

You say balsamic vinegar, I raise you traditional Chinese fish sauce.

halleycomets:

confession: i am Not sick of uptown funk at all i still throw down every single time i hear it and will for the entire rest of my life. catch me at 100 years old hearing “DUP. DUT DOODOOT DUT DOODOOT,” launching out of my wheelchair and screaming WOOAHHH THIS HIT THAT ICE COLD

lesbi-antigone:

women are most attractive when they’re not even thinking abt it. and i don’t mean that in a “girls look better without makeup” way so much as a “i love seeing girls be their natural selves where they forget the pressure of perfection placed on women” way.

i love the goofing off double chins and the too-loud near-obnoxious laughter, the gruff and scratchy voice in the morning when they’re too tired to bother with sounding soft, and the not brushing their hair bc they can’t be bothered to deal with and what are you going to do about it anyway?

i love the boldness of women who forget that they have been told to be delicate.

aichu-chu-chu:

howilearnedtocope:

dsudis:

eupheme-butterfly:

icecream-eaterrr:

I just heard this woman say “you procrastinate because you are afraid of rejection. It’s a defense mechanism, you are trying to protect yourself without even trying.” and I think I just realized what was wrong with me.

Yep, this is a very, very common reason for procrastinating.  It’s also why procrastination, even though it’s often associated with laziness, is a fairly common trait in a lot of people with anxiety and perfectionism issues.

This idea – You’re not lazy, you’re protecting yourself – hit me really hard while reading, of all things, Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are, which turns out to be as much about how brains work and how relationships work as how orgasms work.

In an early part of the book she talks about Fight/Flight/Freeze responses to threats–the example she uses is being attacked by a lion. You fight, if you think you can defeat the lion; you run away, if you think you can escape the lion; and when you think there’s nothing you can do, when you feel the lion’s jaws closing on your neck, you freeze, because dying will hurt less that way. You just stop and go numb and wait for it to be over, because that is the last way to protect any scrap of yourself.

Later in the book, she talks about the brain process that motivates you to pursue incentives, describing it as a little monitor that gauges your progress toward a goal versus the effort you’re expending. If it feels like too little progress is being made you get frustrated, get angry, and, eventually, you… despair. You stop trying.

You go numb and wait for it to be over, because that’s the only way left to protect yourself.

So it occurred to me that these are basically the same thing–when facing a difficult task, where failure feels like a Threat, you can get frustrated and fight it out–INCREASE DOING THE THING until you get where you’re going. Or you can flee–try to solve the problem some other way than straight on, changing your goal, changing your approach, whatever. Fight or flight.

But both of those only apply when you think the problem is solvable, right? If the problem isn’t solvable, then you freeze. You despair. 

And if you’re one of those Smart Kids (Smart Girls, especially) who was praised for being smart so that all tasks in the world came to be divided between Ooh This Is Easy and I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN DO THAT AND IF I FUCK UP I WILL DIE, then… it’s pretty easy to see how you lose the frustration/anger stage of working toward a goal, because your brain goes straight to freeze/despair every time. Things are easy and routine or they are straight up impossible.

So, you know, any time you manage to pull yourself up and give that lion a smack on the nose, or go stumbling away from it instead of just falling down like a fainting goat as soon as you spot it on the horizon, give yourself a gold star from me. Because this is some deeply wired survival-brain stuff. Even if logically you know that that term paper is not a lion, it really is like that sometimes.

Yes! We actually had a perfectionism group in treatment and one of the things they taught us was how perfectionism can actually lead to avoiding stuff & doing less. It’s definitely important to understand this.

One long term strategy I’ve heard is to promise yourself you’ll only work for a smallish period of time (at a date before it’s last min of course). Do you work for that time, and then you congratulate yourself for what you accomplished even if it’s not as much as you wanted, and then no matter what you actually stop. Your brain realizes that doing work can actually be a manageable experience & it starts breaking the association between doing work and stress/sadness/guilt etc. *Lowering* your standards & working before it gets super bad can help with this

I do this all the time and it is the most frustrating thing in my life. Combine 1) problem I do not feel I have the authority to solve easily (especially dealing with older men) with 2) moving target for success or unclear parameters, and 3) other, less fraught things to do at the same time and I will ALWAYS procrastinate like crazy and wait until the problem is on fire and giving me high blood pressure and insomnia and dehydration from stress. Over and over again and it makes me absolutely insane. Every time I lower my standards it works, and I am good enough at managing relationships + being hard to pin down on specifics + willing to work insane hours for a few days/weeks to make up for the procrastination, but it sucks. This advice is worth trying.