the line between not going out as an act of self-care and not going out as a symptom of depression is but a gossamer thread
how i tell the difference: i ask myself if i would like to be out by myself in the park, reading in the shade. if yes, then declining an invitation to be around people or handing off an errand run to someone else is self-care, because it’s a stressful activity i’m avoiding. i’m not self-isolating.
if reading under a tree doesn’t sound good, it’s anhedonia, and i need to make myself get up and move around to encourage my body to step up brain chemical production. so i make myself go for a short walk, and after about two blocks i’m usually feeling a lot less meh. i mean, not ‘all better’ or anything, but i no longer want to curl up like an ammonite and fossilize.
Nyquil fucks me up every time I take it and furthermore, has the audacity to make me forget what fucking happens every single time. Since taking it at about midnight last night, My day:
Woke up at 4-6 AM and apparently did the dishes
Fiance gets up at 8:00AM, allegedly has fully cognizant conversation with me about his plans to stay late and tutor classmates. I don’t remember even being awake.
at 9:32 AM, my Dad called me and i had a 23-minute phone call with him that I have no recollection of, but apparently I spent most of it discussing the merits and drawbacks of the various tablets my mother is interested in. I was mad about how expensive updating storage capacity was for most of them.
Felling way more sober than I actually am, attempt to drive to school at 10:12. and spend enough time confused why my keys aren’t working on my car that my neighbor actually comes out of his apartment to ask what I’m doing to his car. I decide to stay home.
10:40: Send emails to professors to tell them I’m in no shape to be in class. I think I am eloquent. Upon opening my email later I realize I’ve sent them emails with the subject line “fuckt up” and message: “sorry, love you.”
Benefits of going to a small college: they know I’ve got exciting drug reactions already and are sick as well and reply with “I understand and hope you are feeling well soon, here is today’s lecture slides” and “lol” respectively.
~11- 12:30 : Get lost in neighborhood walking dog. In my defense, it’s 99% off-beige generic prefab housing on nonlinear-bordering-on-noneuclidean streets and Charlie had no interest in going home either.
12:30-3:00: Wall
3:00 : phone alarm goes off and I suddenly realize fiance was supposed to be home an hour and a half ago. Fly into immediate panic, try to find phone to call him and/or the sherrif becuase he’s obviously dead in a ditch or something. I am holding my phone the whole time.
3:16 : Fiance gets home, I cry like a bitch, the dog also cries, everyone has a really bad 15 minutes.
3:33 : Realize I haven’t actually ate or drank yet today. Immediately consume a quart of apple cider and plate of taquitos. Make pork chops and potatoes and don’t stop talking about what happens if a werewolf has sex with a dog while shifted the entire time.
4:00: pass out on couch to the soothing sounds of Mario Oddesy
1AM: Why is it thursday?
The moral of the story is that you should always write down any drug reactions and label medication you should take with a large index card that says “DO NOT TAKE THIS IT FUCKS YOU UP THEN YOU FORGET” in large, friendly letters.
some days you do big things and conquer the universe and other days you’re really proud of yourself for making a spectacular grilled cheese and not killing yourself but either way it’s all good
a very important post
this post literally just turned my whole day around
If you did something that made you really proud, it doesn’t matter what it is. You got out of bed, you interacted with people, you got through another day. Be proud of that.
And don’t be afraid to be proud of “tiny” things, either. Be proud you got out of bed! Was it difficult? Yes? Then be proud you did it! Nothing has a set difficulty level, for some people things are easy and for others they’re hard. As my therapist said, “Don’t ‘should’ on yourself.” Don’t tell yourself you should just get up and do things, or it shouldn’t be hard. If it is, it is, and that’s what you’re working with, so keep your expectations within your current capabilities.
Okay so I’m sure you’ve all heard of the quiet place project. Well if not I am going to tell you because it has stopped me from doing serious damage more than once.
This gem right here is where you can literally create a 100% anonymous username and just absolutely spill your guts. Then people can read it and give you advice, and it honestly is so helpful. Because the other people on it are in the same situations as you, and they understand. You can comment and give advice on other peoples posts too, and it’s just really great.
This little beauty is similar to the comfort spot. Except instead of posting your thoughts, you type them into the box and then when you press enter they disappear and turn into stars against the blue sky. There is a whole bunch of different languages to choose from at the start, so if English is not your first language then you can probably find it here. There is the most comforting music that plays in the background as well, which is so great.
Which is so good for panic related things because it silences all of your other tabs and when you make it full screen it talks to you very calmly and then literally forces you stop for just 30 seconds and do nothing and just breathe.
Okay, so this is my actual favourite, it’s called the dawn room
The dawn room is so great for stopping you from self harming. It begins by telling you that its going to be alright, then it asks you to write something about someone you love. After that messages from other people, just like you, appear on the screen, one after the other, and the background slowly become brighter and happier. This page has genuinely stopped me from hurting myself more times than I can count. I’m not suggesting that it will work for everyone, but it is an absolute gem.
This page runs for about 5 minutes, and it is basically a typing simulator that tries to convince you that everything is going to be alright. It is very calming, and good for lonely times.
I can honestly say that this website has done me so so much good. I appreciate it with every bit of my being.
please reblog
this sounds so lovely
I love this
if you wanna help people, please.
reblog it.
So I reblogged (rebloged?) it before using, and now that I used I can say.
There’s a song that’s been proven
to reduce anxiety by 65%. It’s called
Weightless by Macaroni Union, and it
was specifically designed to slow your
heart rate, reduce blood pressure, and
lower cortisol levels. It’s so effective
that it’s dangerous to drive while
listening to it because it
can make you drowsy. SourceSource 2Source 3
Sound therapists and Manchester band Marconi Union compiled the song. Scientists played it to 40 women and found it to be more effective at helping them relax than songs by Enya, Mozart and Coldplay.
Weightless works by using specific rhythms, tones, frequencies and intervals to relax the listener. A continuous rhythm of 60 BPM causes the brainwaves and heart rate to synchronise with the rhythm: a process known as ‘entrainment’. Low underlying bass tones relax the listener and a low whooshing sound with a trance-like quality takes the listener into an even deeper state of calm.
Dr David Lewis, one of the UK’s leading stress specialists said: “‘Weightless’ induced the greatest relaxation – higher than any of the other music tested. Brain imaging studies have shown that music works at a very deep level within the brain, stimulating not only those regions responsible for processing sound but also ones associated with emotions.”
The study – commissioned by bubble bath and shower gel firm Radox Spa – found the song was even more relaxing than a massage, walk or cup of tea. So relaxing is the tune, apparently, that people are being Rex advised against listening to it while driving.
The top 10 most relaxing tunes were: 1. Marconi Union – Weightless 2. Airstream – Electra 3. DJ Shah – Mellomaniac (Chill Out Mix) 4. Enya – Watermark 5. Coldplay – Strawberry Swing 6. Barcelona – Please Don’t Go 7. All Saints – Pure Shores 8. AdelevSomeone Like You 9. Mozart – Canzonetta Sull’aria 10. Cafe Del Mar – We Can Fly
One of the comments suggests pairing it with Rainymood.
When I was literally unable to sleep at all, my senior at work gave me this song to listen to!
My wife uses this song when she’s having near-meltdown levels of anxiety right before bed and it helps her relax and shed some of that stress enough for her to attempt to lie down and sleep.
While it;s not a substitute for my meds, this song is really, really great for breaking the must-stay-awake cycle for me and really helps me sleep. There’a 10-hour version on yourtube.
This is a really helpful page in my CBT textbook for tackling some of the maladaptive beliefs we often hold. The first column lists the rules and assumptions we often may tell ourselves, while the second column is a more functional belief. Just thought I would pass this along. Be kind to yourselves, friends❤
Oh my god, number 5. And 6, and 7.
I frigging needed that.
Failure is not a permanent condition.
The text on the image:
Maladaptive belief:
If I don’t do as well as others, I’m a failure. More functional belief:
If I don’t do as well as others, I’m not a failure, just human.
Maladaptive belief: If I ask for help, it’s a sign of weakness. More functional belief: If I ask for help when I need it, I’m showing good problem-solving abilities (which is a sign of strength).
Maladaptive belief: If I fail at work/school, I’m a failure as a person. More functional belief:
If I fail at work/school, it’s not a reflection of my whole self. (My whole self includes how I am as a friend, daughter, sister, relative, citizen, and community member, and my qualities of kindness, sensitivity to others, helpfulness, etc.) Also, failure is not a permanent condition.
Maladaptive belief: I should be able to excel at everything I try. More functional belief: I shouldn’t be able to excel at something unless I am gifted in that area (and am willing and able to devote considerable time and effort toward it at the expense of other things.
Maladaptive belief: I should always work hard and do my best. More functional belief: I should put in a reasonable amount of effort much of the time.
Maladaptive belief: If I don’t live up to my potential, I have failed. More functional belief: If I do less than my best, I have succeeded perhaps 70%, 80%, or 90%; not 0%.
Maladaptive belief: If I don’t work hard all the time, I’ll fail. More functional belief:
If I don’t work hard all the time, I’ll probably do reasonably well and have a more balanced life.
Diagnosing someone doesn’t have to be like fitting them into a box. It can be like drawing a map of them. There are thousands of types of maps. Topographical maps; road maps. Water table maps. Population density maps. They are all very different ways of understanding a space. None of them tells the complete story of it, and none of them are the same as the space itself.
A correct diagnosis, like a good map, should serve to orient and clarify; to make the relationships and distances between things easily apparent. The map of depression can draw together anger and poor memory and stomach pain into a coherent space, letting you see the lightless void where grief is hiding like a deep aquifer. The map of autism can link a hundred days alone on the playground and the small pinpricks of light that were understanding and acceptance into a constellation of stars, something with hope for the future.
Bad diagnoses obfuscate, confuse, lead astray; they end in ROAD CLOSED signs of failed therapy or plateaus of stalled progress. The worst diagnoses come from hardly glancing at the ground; they’re a single session, “That looks like a river i saw once.” The best diagnoses are drawn by hand, using the best grids and measures available, with frequent reference to the land itself.
And the land is never, never the map. It is always so much more.
Steel Phoenix Studios 