So let’s talk about Bucky’s new togs for a moment: Sergeant Barnes’s Commando Kit (the Winter Soldier remix). Same color scheme, same reinforced double-breasted front panel with the styling being a true hybrid. The shoulder accouterments sort of reference the Winter Soldier’s harness, especially if that’s a D-ring on his left shoulder for weight-bearing.
If these are all Bucky’s choices, then they reflect who he thinks he is now: much more Bucky, but not quite rid of the Winter Soldier.
The Star Wars Wiki says, “While C-3PO underwent a memory wipe, R2-D2 was allowed to preserve his memories.” And I am delighted, because 1) I was pretty sure this was the case, but couldn’t remember exactly (R2 is a conniving sneak and I was pretty sure it wouldn’t have worked even if anyone had been foolish enough to try), and 2) this means one of my favorite Star Wars headcanons is actually canon.
It means that during that one scene in Empire Strikes Back, these two assholes know EXACTLY who the other one is.
You are decorated war veterans, you absolute trolls.
Yoda had 20 plus years to prep for this moment and this is probably what he picked on like the second day
Yoda had 20 plus years to prep for this moment and this is probably what he picked on like the second day <- Holy shit, this is the truest thing I’ve ever read. That is absolutely what he did.
Also, I have a couple of things I want to clarify on this post.
Because of the Luke and R2 exchange right before they land on Dagobah, when Luke is explaining that they’re going to find Yoda, an old Jedi Master, and R2 appears to be like, “whomst??” I now hold the headcanon that while R2 knew who Yoda was, he didn’t actually know Yoda’s name. So when they got down to Dagobah, R2 was absolutely like, “OH SHIT, IT’S YOU. HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL ALIVE, GIVE ME BACK THE FLASHLIGHT, WHY DOES NO LISTEN TO ME, BACK OFF YOU GREEN SOCK, I’LL FINISH THE JOB MYSELF, I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE.”
And since droid rights are absolute shit, for R2, when I say “decorated war veteran”, I’m not referring to medals. (Although Anakin absolutely made medals for his droid too, because R2 was there and did, like, ALL the work.) I’m referring to arrest warrants.
Most of R2’s memory is called The Shit List (With Receipts), with file folders on some of the galaxy’s most notorious and significant figures. Yoda has three folders. Anakin/Vader has five. So does Obi-Wan. The person with the most folders is Threepio (Designation: Useless Husband), bc R2 has never really let an argument go in his life.
The only person who doesn’t have a shit list is BB-8, who has Never Done A Blessed Thing Wrong In Her Life. (R2 can and will fight you.)
Wired: Werewolf Karaoke, and all the locals are really invested in it. So the werewolf pack initiation ceremony is actually just singing “Bohemian Rhapsody.”
Have you thought of bulk club runs for giant jars of peanut butter and hotdogs by the gross? I know some werewolves who have.
Hunting licenses are great and deer are delicious, but city doggos can buy a whole cow and have it delivered already in eatable bits. (Sometimes your meat guy will call you and say “so a guy offered me some ostriches, how many do you want” and then family dinners are glorious.)
Don’t think about werewolves who take turns shifting so they can give each other belly rubs.
2. Not to got off on too much of a tangent but consider: At Costco (and probably other bulk stores with butchers but def Costco) you can call in and special order as much beef blood as you want*, so consider:
Werewolf at the checkout at costo with dog toys, a frankly suspicious amount of beef, carob because brownies are great but chocolate is not such a great plan, and an industrial-size lint-roller in her cart. And a giant thing of aresol cheeze whiz. For Cover. And definitely NOT for spraying across the room into her buddy’s mouth while he’s shifted.
And they look over at the cart behing them and it’s a lady with a drum of beef blood, a 12-pack of spf 5000, the order forms for a coffin**, and off-season halloween decorations and-
“Look, I get some cheez. Ya gotta have some cover.” Wolfie sighs. Must be new.
Vamp looks up at them from under thier broad-brimmed hat, and slowly grins, before picking up a high-end videocamera. “I’m shooting a movie, Don’t you know? this is all props and special effects. Your… dog can have a cameo, if I can have your number.”
“Fanged Flirtations” Doesn’t have wide distribution but it’s a cult hit on the cryptid circuit.
New skill: using sign language when mouth is not right shape for words.
In her essay Tik Tok the great philosopher Ke$ha declared that ‘the party don’t start till I walk in.’ which is clearly meant to convey that any recreational gathering is not truly a party until Ke$ha herself arrives.
But what if Ke$ha were to leave the party for some period of time only to then walk in again? This paradoxical scenario in which a party must simultaneously already exist and not exist yet is known as Ke$ha’s Quantum Party and has stumped theoretical physicists for decades.
Personally, I don’t really see anything wrong with giving Luke to Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. What else was Obi-Wan gonna do? (He pretty much raised Anakin and look how that turned out, he’s not gonna risk Round 2.) (He could have given both kiddos to Bail and Breha Organa, actually. Luke and Leia Organa is a cool as heck AU.)
I like Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. As much as people like to say Luke really is Padme’s son, he didn’t get those morals from her. (Keeping in mind I have read no comics or novelizations, and not seen the Clone Wars TV show) It’s pretty clear that Luke’s iron spine and goodness and refusal to abandon his friends come from his upbringing. Owen and Beru Lars are kinda the Ma and Pa Kent of the Star Wars universe.
And they are Luke’s family. Owen is Shmi’s stepson. Owen and Beru probably knew Anakin’s mother for years. It’s a neat circle, and in some ways it has the feelings of an apology, for Obi-Wan to bring Luke back to his family on Tatooine in the same way that Qui-Gon took Anakin. Obi-Wan can’t undo what’s been done, and he can’t start over, but he can give Luke what the Jedi denied Anakin: a loving family and normal upbringing.
Tatooine is Darth Vader’s home planet? Yeah, sure, but did Anakin ever go back to Tatooine? (Probably once or twice, I’m guessing, in the comics at least.) Darth Vader hates that place. Bad memories. Damn sand would fuck up his suit. He’d burn it all down and then the Hutts are gonna be pissed. And how many people actually know that Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker? Like, about five? (Bail, Obi-Wan, Yoda, R2-D2, and Ahsoka?) Dude is not exactly getting invites to school reunions and the weddings of childhood friends, is all I’m saying.
Even if Darth Vader ever went back to Tatooine, Tatooine is a big place. The Lars Farm is in the middle of nowhere and Obi-Wan is hanging out left of the funky rock five miles past nowhere. Anakin met his stepbrother once in the entire film trilogy and idk if they even exchanged words, much less space e-mail addresses. I kind of doubt that Uncle Owen and Darth Vader are sending each other Life Day e-cards. (That’s really funny, actually.)
Anyway, the point of this rant is that I want you to imagine new parents Owen and Beru Lars caring for toddler Luke, it’s just after Life Day, and someone rings the doorbell. Owen Lars opens up to Darth Vader holding a fruit basket, because he didn’t know what else to do for Life Day and spontaneously decided to visit distant family rather than mope in his Evil Castle again.
(Everything Obi-Wan hoped would never happen, just… happening.)
Owen, after introductions, panicking, “Uh… the suit is… new.”
He has to invite Vader in, because it’s Life Day and how exactly do you tell Darth Vader to fuck off? Then Owen and Beru have a hushed argument in the kitchen while Darth Vader is sitting awkwardly in their living room with a drink that he can’t actually drink but took to be polite. When they come out, they introduce Luke as Luke Whitesun, Beru’s late brother’s kid, which they guess makes Luke… Darth Vader’s… nephew. (They can’t hide him, Vader’s already seen this 2-3 yr old Luke and the house is COVERED in baby and kid stuff.)
And Darth Vader just… fucking falls for it.
And the Lars family has to spend the holidays with Uncle Darth Vader who is super keen to have a step-nephew-in-law. Beru is showing off her cross-stitching to Darth fucking Vader as Luke plays at their feet. Owen is in the kitchen sending a desperate space text to Obi-Wan, who basically has a heart attack on the spot when Owen sends a shitty stealth-pic of Darth Vader on their couch.
Bonus points if the Lars’ don’t even move after this, because Vader left without issue and Uncle Owen afterwards was like, “It turned out fine. I don’t want to move, that’s too much hassle.” So, every major holiday, Luke gets a visit from his Uncle Darth Vader, which works out fine so long as they instigate a “Don’t Talk About Politics” rule when Luke starts getting excited about Rebellions and starts bad-mouthing the Empire (Vader making small talk at a Star Destroyer water cooler to his terrified staff: “Ugh, I’m going to have to debate my liberal 13-yr-old nephew at the dinner table again.”), and Vader even helps with the dishes and stuff, and every time Obi-Wan ages an extra year from stress.
Guys, please, the way this continues is that the general events of the Star Wars universe continue as normal (Leia, having literally just left a space battle: “Darth Vader, the AUDACITY of attacking an innocent diplomatic vessel!”) UNTIL the stormtroopers show up at the Lars Farm. (Luke is desperately chasing down the droids he lost and properly meeting Obi-Wan Kenobi.)
At first, it’s business as usual, y’know? Stormtroopers break down the door and interrogate the occupants and start prepping to burn the place down, and the leader is in the middle of shouting, “TELL US WHERE THE DROIDS A-” when he pauses and just… stares… at the mantlepiece.
Because on the Lars family mantlepiece and walls are, like, a hundred family photos and roughly half of them have Darth Vader in them. There’s Darth Vader wearing a Life Day party hat at a dinner table. There’s Darth Vader holding a toddler and playing with model ships. There’s Darth Vader and a pimply thirteen year old in the stands at the Boonta Eve Classic. There is a cross-stitched pillow on the couch that says OUR FAMILY on it, consisting of a man, a woman, a boy, and Darth fucking Vader.
Stormtrooper Grunt #1: “What… what… what the fuck.”
Aunt Beru, who has HAD it with these guys wrecking her house, already angrily jabbing at their space phone: “I am calling Mr. Vader RIGHT NOW about this.”
Darth Vader, excusing himself from the bridge of his Star Destroyer to take a call from his stepsister-in-law: “Beru. This isn’t a good time-”
Beru: “Well, MAKE TIME, because your stormtroopers broke down our door and tracked SAND all over my nice clean floors and they won’t stop yelling about the droids we just bought! You better have a good explanation for this!”
Darth Vader does not, actually, have a good explanation for this. The stormtroopers can feel his wrath from across the galaxy. It’s a work thing and he’s very sorry and he’ll make the stormtroopers fix their door, but he does really need those droids and could they hand them over, please? He’ll have the Empire compensate them. Yes, he’ll pay them back and send new droids. Yes, kicking doors down is very rude, Beru, you’re absolutely right.
So Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru promise to pick up Luke and the droids, and hop in the spare Landspeeder to go looking for them. Owen is Not Happy to find that Obi-Wan’s given Luke a lightsaber, and Aunt Beru is Not Happy to find out that the Empire’s made some superweapon. Of course they have to get these plans to the Rebellion! Yes, she promised Vader, but he should have told her it was for such a terrible thing! Yes, Owen, they’re all going to Alderaan.
So the Lars family runs away to Mos Eisley and get on the Millennium Falcon to Alderaan, while the stormtroopers are standing around like, “Are they… coming… back???” And Han Solo does not know what the hell is going on or what to do about the Weird Old Wizard talking about “universe-penetrating magic”, or the Grumpy Farmer who keeps trying to fix his “piece of junk” ship that excuse you does not need fixing, or the Sunny Farm Boy waving a light sword around, or the kindly old woman who is currently cross-stitching in his back seat and gossiping with Chewie like he’s not even there.
Later, after the Death Star’s been destroyed, Owen and Beru Lars are now a part of the Rebellion with Luke. Beru sends Darth Vader a piece of fabric in the Space Mail, and it’s the little cross-stitched Vader from her OUR FAMILY pillow who’s been cut out because she’s mad at him. (Except her note says DISAPPOINTED and that’s worse.) Darth Vader is more upset about this than the Emperor being mad at him for the destruction of the Death Star.
This is such a wild ride and I want more.
Please, kind writer, may I have some more?
See, the thing about Uncle Darth Vader is that the Lars family lives in the middle of nowhere Tatooine. Luke has to get his news off his friends, who have to get their news from shitty Space Radio, and the Empire’s suppressing a good three-quarters of the terrible things it does. The Lars family, largely, has no idea who this Darth Vader guy is except that he’s Anakin, who did a bunch of shit in the Clone Wars and he’s evil now? (Obi-Wan is dying, guys. He’s dying.)
Oh, yeah, quick summary: the events on the Death Star proceeded more or less as they did in canon. Except Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru don’t make convincing stormtroopers, so they tagged along with the droids and found the Death Star Laundry Service and dressed up as an Empire officer and his wife on their way to a vacation on Beach Resort Planet. Luke and Han sneaking Leia out is a lot easier with Admiral Lars and his wife loudly complaining to every stormtrooper they come across that their ship isn’t being fixed fast enough and sending stormtroopers marching off in every direction.
(The Empire… does not… have high standards… for officers. It is corrupt as hell. The stormtroopers look at this middle-aged, slightly chubby guy complaining obnoxiously about his ship not being fixed fast enough, and his overbearing wife complaining shrilly about not being able to get their deposit back, and are like, “This is legit. Also, sir, I’m part of sanitation, I don’t fix ships. I don’t know where customer service is… this is a Death Star. We don’t have customer service. Uh, I guess my ‘manager’ would be Admiral Bob??? Oh, well, you’re right, I should go clean up that mess you saw on the other floor. I will agree to literally anything you say to get away from you.”)
So, Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru get to the Rebellion, right? (And they have already adopted the heck out of Leia, who has been given ALL the Aunt Beru hugs.) And someone starts listing off ALL of the awful stuff that Darth Vader has done, like, the dude is SUPER EVIL. And the Lars family is just… what. (And it’s a good thing that Obi-Wan is already dead by this point, or Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru would bring him back just to kill him again.)
Luke goes to destroy the Death Star and Vader is just like, “Luke???? What are you doing???” And Luke is ignoring all of Vader’s attempts to comm him and blows up the Death Star while giving his uncle the cold shoulder.
And later, at the Rebellion, people are like “Darth Vader is your uncle???” And Luke’s just like, “YEAH, AND A LIAR!!!” (Later, Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru will have a long talk with Luke about the truth and the lies they told. And Luke will forgive them because he loves them and they love him, but this doesn’t really change much, especially about how mad he is at his dad.)
Later, when they finally meet again. The rebels are just… completely stunned… because Darth Vader is desperately trying to get through to Luke, like, “Luke, nephew, please, let’s just talk about this. Beru won’t answer my voice mails. Owen unfriended me on Space Chat. We can talk about this.”
And Luke is angrily shooting at Darth Vader and shouting, “What’s there to talk about?! It’s not like you LIED TO US ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU DID BY TELLING US YOU WORKED IN I.T.?!??”
“Luke…”
“YOU DON’T WORK IN I.T.!”
@makiruz said: I have questions, like WHAT did Obi-Wan tell Luke? Does Luke know how is “Uncle” Darth Vader related to Uncle Owen? Does he think he’s a Whitesun? Does he know how he’s related to Darth Vader? Since Owen and Beru aren’t Jedi do they tell Luke the truth eventually? Do they know about Leia?
WHAT did Obi-Wan tell Luke?
Everything Obi-Wan was beginning to plan flew out the window when Luke was a toddler. So he just went with what he said in canon, that Luke’s father was a Jedi Knight and Darth Vader murdered him. And Luke was like, “?!??!? Uncle murdered somebody?? (That doesn’t sound unlikely, actually.)”
Does Luke know how is “Uncle” Darth Vader related to Uncle Owen?
Yeah, Luke knows Vader is Gran Shmi’s son. But idk, he’s not really sure, but it doesn’t matter? You know how you have those people in your life who are “Aunt This” and “Uncle That” and sometimes you look them in the eyes and you’re just life, “I have no idea how or if you’re related to me.” It’s kind like that. It just is.
Does he think he’s a Whitesun?
Yes. He does. His parents died in a Tusken Raider attack and they don’t talk about it. (According to the story, which makes Darth Vader not ask questions but also unfortunately endears Luke to him even more because they have stuff in COMMON! My mother was also murdered by Tusken Raiders! 10-yr-old Luke, “That’s… neat… I guess.”)
Does he know how he’s related to Darth Vader.
Nope.
Since Owen and Beru aren’t Jedi do they tell Luke the truth eventually?
Yes. Owen and Beru meet up with Luke and Obi-Wan, and Luke is like, “Old Ben’s been telling me weird stories. I thought my parents were farmers? He says my dad was Anakin Skywalker and a Jedi Knight? And that Uncle Vader killed him????” And Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru spent most of the way to Alderaan glaring at Obi-Wan and trying to sort out the lies and the truth.
As above, after the Death Star is destroyed, Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru tell Luke the truth and everything they know, including that Darth Vader is his father. They’re very sorry about it. Ghost Obi-Wan is like, “What are you doing? You’re not supposed to communicate and tell Jedi-in-training the truth about stuff??”
Do they know about Leia?
No. But they basically adopt her anyway. And so when the truth eventually comes out (sometime between ANH and ESB, probably through some medical emergency or blood test, or Luke just shaking down Ghost Obi-Wan for info), Luke is just upfront like, “Leia, we’re siblings.”
Leia, “Yeah, sure, I guess we’re kind of like siblings. I’m the favorite.”
Luke, “No??? You’re not??? I’m the favorite. Also, no, like, these medical results show that we’re literally siblings. Didn’t you once say you’re adopted?”
Pippin: finally i’m getting the respect i deserve from these peasants
so accurate i am choking on my carrot. this is making me giggle harder than it should. I love Pippin so much.
I don’t think there will come time when I’m not reblogging this. Sorry guys.
no no no you guys don’t understand, Pippin is someone really important in the Shire! The books don’t talk about it a lot, and the movies won’t touch that stuff with a bargepole, but Pippin will be inheriting land rights to about a quarter of the Shire. He’s second in line to becoming military leader of all Hobbits. His dad is currently in charge of that stuff, but he’s completely aware of it, and educated for it, and that’s why he’s such an over privileged little shit in the books.
I thought it was a shame the movies didn’t talk about class differences in the Shire. Also puts M&P stealing food in an uglier light.
To be fair, at the time of the Party, Pippin would have been 12, which puts it back into a more acceptable light. And they’re stealing food from Bilbo, a wealthy and eccentric family member, which again makes things a bit different.
But yes, when they call Pippin Ernil i Perrianath – Prince of the Halflings – they are actually completely spot on.
And when Pippin tells Bergil “my father farms the land around Tuckborough” he’s deliberately downplaying his class so that he can greet the boy as an equal rather than a superior. It’s Pippin’s most adult moment in the series. Bergil is engaging in a status contest which Pippin can totally win – but instead chooses not to compete. Pippin is a gilded and spoiled lordling in the Shire, but he becomes a Man of Gondor.
Yeah, to add a bit of unnecessary trivia/level of preciseness, Frodo is the oldest of the four; he was born in 2968, was (obviously) 33 at the time of the Party, and so he’s 51 here. Sam’s second-oldest; born in 2980, he was 21 when Bilbo left and is 39 at this point. Merry’s two years younger than Sam, making him 18 or 19 in 3001, when the Party took place, and Pippin was born in 2990, so he was actually 10 or 11 during the Party, and during this scene they’re ~37 and ~29, respectively.
So yeah, Pippin’s the youngest by a lot. Plus, taking hobbit aging into account, he really is still in the equivalent of his teens; remember the Party was half to celebrate Frodo’s coming-of-age at 33, and Pippin’s around twenty years younger than Frodo.
This fucked me up. I didn’t read the books and in the movie it was shown like Frodo took off with the ring like 2 days after Bilbo’s gone away, but it was 17 years after that. OMFG.
Also worth noting that “Merry and Pippin stealing food” isn’t in the book – raiding Farmer Maggot’s fields, specifically the mushrooms, is something Frodo used to do when he was a kid, before his parents died and he moved to Hobbiton to live with Bilbo. Frodo’s still afraid of Maggot’s guard dogs, but the farmer himself is sympathetic and helpful when he finds Frodo & Co. cutting through his field.
And this is specifically invoked in the books at the Council of Elrond, where Elrond argues against Pippin in particular going, because he is so young. He’s okay with Merry going but wants to keep Pippin in Rivendell. Elrond has serious misgivings against sending an early-teenager off to face the Shadow, and given what happens to Pippin in The Two Towers, he was not wrong.
Merry is also a prince of sorts – his father is Master of Buckland, which is the semi-autonomous boundary community between the Brandywine river and the Old Forest (never, alas, discussed in the movies). Merry and Pippin are friends in the books in part because they’re of relatively equal status and in part because they’re cousins (like all nobs, Shire nobs mostly marry each other).
However, the books also clearly make Merry the Responsible One, even though he’s only been a full adult for four years. (Think early 20s in human terms.) Merry buys and prepares the house at Crickhollow. Merry figures out the secret of the ring before Bilbo even gives it to Frodo, but Merry keeps Bilbo’s secret. Merry convinces Sam to spy on Frodo. Merry explains that they’re all joining Frodo on the Quest, whether Frodo wants them to or not. Merry cautions about the Old Forest and doesn’t go down to drink in the taproom at the Prancing Pony.
So in the books, Merry isn’t Pippin’s partner in pranks – instead, Merry and Pippin spend all their time together on the Quest because Merry’s looking after his younger cousin. Can you imagine what his mother would say if he came home without Pippin? Merry can, and that’s why he takes some pretty absurd personal risks during the books to make sure that doesn’t happen. Like, he literally rides into battle on the back of someone else’s horse, in disguise, because Pippin is probably somewhere in that battle.
Merry is 99%* common sense unless Pippin is involved, and then he is 100% save/rescue/protect/support Pippin. The character growth and maturation we see in Merry in the movies isn’t in the books; instead he has almost the exact opposite arc of becoming an extreme risk-taker, driven by his protective instincts.
(*The other 1% stabbed a ringwraith in the calf that one time, but we can argue that this was due to a natural expansion of Merry’s protective instincts toward Eowyn, with whom he’d bonded quite a lot recently, and toward Theoden, who he deeply respected as being kind of like his dad.)
^ALL OF THIS.
The irony of Pippin’s title of Ernil i Pherianath being that Gondor called him that because he used informal grammar with everyone, even Denethor, because inferior-to-superior inflections had vanished from Shire Westron. He was accidentally giving himself airs while trying to be humble, which just made him look better.
But although hobbits don’t stand much on ceremony, they certainly have their hierarchies, and Merry and Pippin are in fact near the top–even though they’re young enough they’ve never had to deal with any of the responsibilities of being important. Their inherited statuses are a factor in why their rallying of the countryside in the Scouring of the Shire (also not appearing in the movies) goes off so smoothly. When the Thane’s son or the heir to Brandy Hall sends out a call to arms, that’s a very different thing than just two lads who’ve gotten hold of some weapons doing it.
Bonus: Sam is also recognized as central to the Scouring and even more to the recovery efforts, because of the magic item Galadriel gave him, and gets elected Mayor of Hobbiton. Part of the reason Frodo left him his house (besides, you know, a lack of anybody else he would want to have it) is that owning such a fine smial (and by extension presumably the rental properties adjoining) allowed him to cement his social elevation to gentlehobbit.
What was the reason for the Tragic Death of Cenn Obi and the Destruction of Da Thféider’s Hostel? (1) Not difficult that.
There was once a great queen of Alt Da Rann and Leia was her name. War had sprung up between her people and those of Da Thféider. She sent messengers to ask for aid from the wildman, Cenn Obi. He lived in the wilderness far to the west. These were the messengers she sent: Síd Tríphe Óg, who knew all the languages of man and beast,(2) and the dwarf, Artú.
My favourite thing about it is that Tom O’Donnell (the author) used the name Finn for Luke, on grounds that you wouldn’t find anyone called Luke in Irish mythology. Finn is a calque for Luke: both mean white, and secondarily, pure. Tom did not know at that point that there would be a Finn in Ep VIII.
The bandits sold the messengers to a farmer, Eogan his name. He gave them to his nephew, Finn Aiércoisige, (4) to look after. Artú told Finn why they had come to the region: to seek Cenn Obi, the wild man. Their lands and people were being destroyed. Finn knew the holy man who lived in the woods. The geilt would fly from treetop to mountain peak and lived on brook lime & fresh water.(5) The next day Finn and Artú set out into the wilderness to find the wild man. They see him on a hill and he recites this poem:
Come not near to me Finn Though I knew your father The wilderness is sweet to me Who has not heard your name in a long time
Cenn Obi recites random and cryptic poetry throughout, it’s glorious. Also glorious: the passage that combines the passing on of the lightsaber and the death of Owen and Beru:
“This is a powerful weapon from a better age. Do not point it at your face” said Cenn Obi. With his senses returned Cenn Obi agreed to help the princess and journey east with the messengers. Finn will not leave. Da Thféider’s warriors came to Eogan’s farm. They burned it down and killed Eogan, his wife and his livestock. This is an ill omen for the hospitaller. With right on his side Finn decides to journey with Cenn Obi to Mag Eisleigh.
This is an ill omen for the hospitaller. BRILLIANT.
Look, just go and read the post, to find out about the shining eye of Da Thféider that destroys armies in a single glance, and Finn Aiércoisige’s daring efforts to throw a spear through a small window and knock over a cauldron, thus setting on fire the hostel of Da Thféider.
built around two solid points: 1) Lois Lane is the lead character; and 2) The audience dose not know who is playing Superman going into the movie.
So the movie centers around a young Lois, who’s desperately trying to get a job as a reporter at the Daily Planet, despite a hiring freeze as the printed journalism business struggles to keep up, and despite the fact she has no prior journalism experience (at least, not outside of an expensive degree that has yet to start paying for itself). Even though no one at the Planet will even return her calls, she barges in in the middle of a work day, trying to get an interview. She bounces off a lot of people (a number of them tall guys with dark hair and nice eyes who she barely notices) until she tracks down Perry White, who tells her, sarcastically, that he’ll hire her on the spot if she can bring him a properly sourced article revealing the story Metropolis’s new hero, who just yesterday stopped a runaway train with his bare hands.
She gets to work. Her friends tell her she’s crazy. Her sister bails her out of jail at least once (maybe a montage of times). Her father, General Lane, threatens disownment and/or military arrest. This “menace” broke a muggers arm last week, and is wanted for vigilantism. If she really does find out the identity of this man (who’s been gaining notoriety with every feat) and brings it to a newspaper before the military, her father would have to take action. (This country is his family, after all.)
But the more Lois looks into this ‘super man’, the more she likes what she sees. It’s hard without credentials, but she’s been collecting eye-witness reports for months trying to find the pattern to track; the pattern that everyone’s been looking for. She has dozens of interviews with police, and store owners, and caught criminals, but it’s in the interviews of the regular folk that she finds the pattern:
This man is kind.
Every headline is about a larger-than-life figure who catches falling statues, wins chases with cars, and stops bullets with his pecs. In the words of the innocent people of Metropolis though, is someone else. Someone who flies broken cars to the shop from the highway during rush hour. Someone who takes a sobbing child from the scene of a bike accident and drops off a smiling one with their parents. Someone who’s been spotted leaving flowers by the headstones of the ones who didn’t make it out of that train crash. Someone who sits in a secluded corner of the park and plays chess with the old woman who’s husband can no longer leave the house. Someone who literally pulled a dog out of a river and a cat from a tree.
So, to find the Man of Steel, Lois searches for kindness – and she finds it everywhere. She finds all the coats freely shed for someone cold. She finds all the grocery carts paid for by the previous customer. She finds lonely veterans offered a seat at the family table in restaurants. She finds hate symbols painted over with cute cartoons and symbols of love. She finds dozens and dozens of volunteers who help clean up and serve food and rebuild after train crashes and car wrecks and robberies.
She finds Superman.
And then she finds a man in the park.
He’s not doing much, just sitting on a bench with his head in his hands. The copy of the Daily Planet on the bench next to him speculates on the dangers of super humans, as it has every day for the last two weeks. Some have even suggested that the Man of Steel is an alien, though those theories have only barely broken into mainstream. Whatever this man is worrying over, whatever weight is on his shoulders, seems much heavier than a newspaper, though. Lois hasn’t worried herself with the same issue’s as her prospective employer, either. Thoughts still on the group of teens she’s just passed, each promising to beat up on some boy for their friend, are still fresh on her mind, and she takes the spot next to the stranger on the bench.
He’s not a stranger, though. Lois recognizes him. She doesn’t know his name, but she saw him that day at the Daily Planet months ago, and she’s seen him across the police tape at scenes she’s investigated. He wrote today’s front page article: “Man of Steel, or Menace of Steel?”
He’s politely flustered when she sits down, and she promptly tells him that everything about his article – she’s already read it, of course – is absurd. She doesn’t care who “made him write it”, the entire thing is just plain wrong. She finds herself repeating stories she’s read and re-read at all hours of the morning. Stories of regular people who’d told her how they’d been inspired by Superman. How they’d taken leaps of faith toward recovery and new lives thanks to Superman. Teenagers have chosen to live because of Superman. She quotes sources, and sources of people, including herself, who have said that the city of Metropolis – maybe even the world – was so much better because of Superman.
“Superman?” the reporter asks.
“It’s just something I’ve been calling him. He’s got that big S on his chest, right?”
The reporter laughs. He hasn’t smiled the whole time, only looked at her with wide eyes. His smile is… nice. His glasses are dumb though.
“Yeah,” she admits, “it’s a dumb name.”
“No,” he says. A weight has fallen off his shoulders while she was flipping through her notebooks. He sniffles a bit. Lois had just torn into his article with all the fury she could muster, is he crying about it? No, he’s smiling, still. “I really like it. Have you written all this down?”
Lois Lane writes it all down. Her new friend (who proofread the hell out of it because Lois is driven as hell but can’t spell) Clark Kent turned it in to his boss. The newest headline reads:
The Story of Superman -by Lois Lane
She’s getting paid more than Clark in under a year. He just seems to be so distracted all the time. Maybe she should look into that…
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