Yall I think I may have been cursed by a very muscular cat that lives outside
???
Okay I’m gonna tell yall the Legend of Buff Cat™
So we take care of a family of cats that live on our back porch basically. There’s Cat Stevens the mom, her four kittens, and Joe, a grey kitty that hangs out with them. We put food and water out every day and they come out and hang around and lounge and play and shit.
There’s a few other stray kitties that come in and bully them to get to the food. Big Head Cat, Tiger Kitty and Buff Cat. Buff Cat is the most RIPPED cat I have EVER seen. He’s all black and he has like a tiny white patch of fur on his chest. I only ever saw him ONCE until the other night when I heard cats fighting outside. Thinking it was my cat being a dick, I went to break it up, but he was upstairs and no where near the other cats. So I went downstairs and Buff Cat was there, by himself, sitting on top of the wooden fence and staring me down. It was creepy as SHIT. Like this cat has an ENERGY about him.
A few days after this incident my dad tells me he has a dream about my cat getting outside and then he looks out there and FUCKING SEES BUFF CAT STARING AT HIM. He has only seen this cat ONCE.
Anyways I go downstairs to get ready to walk to work at 7AM and I see him, again, just STARING at me, and manage to get a picture:
I swear to god I took this picture, BLINKED and he was gone. Like, looking at this picture makes me feel super wrong. I showed it to a friend and they told me I shouldn’t take pictures of Eldritch Beings.
So I JUST get finished telling this story to my good friends @maris-solstice and @foxcoloredcat and I decide I want to get a snack, so I walk downstairs and
THERE HE IS AGAIN IN THE SAME POSITION, STARING RIGHT AT ME. YOU’D THINK IT’S THE SAME PICTURE BUT THESE WERE, IN FACT, TAKEN 11 HOURS APART.
So there’s the story of how I am now cursed by a cat that is probably a demon or was probably at one time a person that was turned into a cat.
Oh my god thats so weird!
That reminds me of a cat i called Atilla the Hun who was a big mf and would linger by the pool during winter. He had like a mane of beige fluff around his neck
OP it sounds like you have a fairy.
The Cat Sìth (Scottish Gaelic: [kʰaht̪ ˈʃiː]) or Cat Sidhe (Irish: [kat̪ˠ ˈʃiː], Cat Sí in new orthography) is a fairy creature from Celtic mythology, said to resemble a large black cat with a white spot on its chest.
So I just woke up and my first thought was “what if in the four horsemen of the apocalypse, pestilence was one of those anti-vax moms?”
quite frankly the four white suburban soccer-moms of the apocalypse would scare me way more
War is the one constantly screaming at retail workers
Famine is a diet nut, one of the really annoying ones who is all ‘OMG PALEO IS THE TRUE WAY TO EAT AND IF YOU DON’T EAT PALEO YOU’RE GOING TO DIE OF CANCER’
Death drives a minivan
I’m sorry I just really had to draw this _(:’3_)_
YES GOOD
I will ALWAYS reblog this.
I want someone to put this in a book or a movie and I need it to be called “Death Drives a Minivan”
Cafés don’t have clocks because they are timeless places
there’s a cafe in my town called time and it has clocks all over the walls, but none of them are the same or the right time, so like, #confirmed
That café is the entry to the faery world sorry I don’t make the rules
“Do not eat or drink fairy food.”
“I know… but have you tried their lattes?”
okay but the whole thing about not accepting fairy food or drink is that they give it to you and you then owe them something for it
so like, if it’s a normal cafe and you pay for your coffee & muffin you’d technically be okay since you paid them
so what I’m saying is, fairies starting coffee shops because it’s actually pretty profitable and more interesting than just waiting for humans to stumble into fairy circles
Some Fair Folk Cafe’s are fine, you go in, pay for your food, and if you leave wanting to go back that’s normal. These guys want you returning, they like humans, want to watch them and interact with them and learn about them.
Some, less so. You feel an urge, an itch under your skin to take more than you paid for. “We can upgrade you for free, if you’d like!” The cashier says. There’s something a little off in her smile. Sharp teeth are uncanny at this angle, you think. You shake your head, refusing politely.
“Samples, take one!” The person stocking the cabinet says, holding out a plate of small pieces of cake. They don’t say free, they don’t say what they cost. You know better than to take them at the implied meaning. Fair Folk don’t do ‘implied’.
“I just ate, but thank you,” you reply gracefully. The smile fades, sharp teeth hidden, before it widens again.
“Next time then,” they say, and you feel the promise brushing over your skin.
“Maybe,” you reply, still smiling. You know better than to agree with one of the Fair Folk. Words have weight after all, and none more than the echo of a promise to one of The People.
I’d be screwed. I love free samples.
But that’s where they get you – they never say it’s free.
I’ve seen posts lumping venom & the fish monster from shape of water together into the same category as pennywise and I must say it is…. Astounding to even imply they are all on the same level whatsoever like….
pennywise fuckers are the lowest of the low like… a monster that is ugly asf and just eats kids & minorities? hard pass. disgusting.
venom fuckers are a little better bc he’s got the whole tongue & teeth thing going for him but yr still gonna get eaten at the end of the day so? u know. unless ur into that
shape of water monster? the good gender neutral fish god? he’s the ONLY valid one out of the bunch you fuck him you get the package deal. get you a fish god that can kill for you, die for you, make you immortal so you can be together forever. get you a fish god with a sensitive side who will treat you R I G H T
I mean, if you wanna talk about ‘fuck, marry, kill’…
this is the funniest possible response to this post it belongs to you now
110% wrong.
Venom doesn’t eat people for funsies, he only eats the brains of bad people, and he’s canonically good with kids
Secondly, the symbiote, once bonded will be 100% loyal to you and will fight to protect you. Feeling sick? Boom, white blood cell booster. Feel underdressed for a formal event? Boom, instant fancy suit. Bought a big ass box of Valentine’s Day chocolate and don’t have anyone to share it? Boom, symbiotes canonically love chocolate.
Venom/Symbiote is waaaaaay higher on the list than the Abe Sapien clone, but enjoy your home constantly smelling of fish, high water bills, and painstaking algae cleaning every couple of weeks I guess.
Seriously, how could you say “no” to this lil guy?
these are all very good points! thank you for educating me on how badly i misranked venom !! fuckable AND friendly
Can we talk about how in zombie shows/movies/books they always find a veterinarian and not a surgeon? Are veterinarians deemed more likely to survive the apocalypse?
Yup.
One of our professional skills is ‘not being bitten by patients’
We actually have a good broad knowledge base for both surgical, medical, and GP things
We’re used to improvising equipment because a lot of stuff is just not made for animals
Meat safety is part of our training
Our cars are often full of equipment, especially in mixed practice
We probably weren’t in the human hospital at the initial outbreak
vampires always like “i could kill you if I wanted” like? yeah? so could another human being. so could a dog. so could a dedicated duck. you arent special
A werewolf film written by a woman wouldn’t be as interesting because they know how unrealistic it is to be caught by surprise by something that happens regularly every damn month.
And then there’s that werewolf who goes three full moons without transforming, then transforms one night during a waxing crescent moon.
Now I’m imagining some on the werewolf form of the pill and having to regularly keep up their schedule and one werewolf telling another that they used to have such irregular changes but the pill now makes things so much easier and the other werewolves being like oh man I should talk to my doctor about this.
All i imagined is some poor fucker that’s like “you think you have it bad. I got my first change at 9 and change sporadically every 4 months or so. For 2 weeks. Sometimes it happens randomly so i just gave up.”
Wake up pissed and agitated with a headache and slam some aspirin with no real thought to the matter because it must just be a shit day. Halfway through the day they just “…oh shit that explains so much fuck fuck fuck”
I learned something new and horrifying today which is… that… no submarine is ever considered “lost” … there is apparently a tradition in the U.S. Navy that no submarine is ever lost. Those that go to sea and do not return are considered to be “still on patrol.”
?????
There is a monument about this along a canal near here its… the worst thing I have ever seen. it says “STILL ON PATROL” in huge letters and then goes on to specify exactly how many WWII submarine ghosts are STILL OUT THERE, ON PATROL (it is almost 2000 WWII submarine ghosts, ftr). Here is the text from it:
“U.S. Navy Submarines paid heavily for their success in WWII. A total of 374 officers and 3131 men are still on board these 52 U.S. submarines still on patrol.”
THANKS A LOT, U.S. NAVY, FOR HAVING THIS TOTALLY NORMAL AND NOT AT ALL HORRIFYING TRADITION, AND TELLING ALL OF US ABOUT IT. THANKS. THANK YOU
anyway now my mother and I cannot stop saying STILL ON PATROL to each other in ominous tones of voice
There’s definitely something ominous about that—the implication that, one day, they will return from patrol.
Actually, it’s rather sweet. I don’t know if this is common across the board, but my dad’s friend is a radio op for subs launched off the east coast, and he always is excited for Christmas, because they go through the list of SoP subs and hail them, wishing them a merry Christmas and telling them they’re remembered.
Imagine a country whose seamen never die, and whose submarines can’t be destroyed…because no ones sure if they exist or not.
No but imagine. It’s Christmas. A black, rotting corridor in a forgotten submarine. The sound of dripping water echoes coldly through the hull. You can’t see very far down the corridor but then, a man appears, he’s running, in a panic, but his footsteps make no noise. The spectral seaman dashes around the corner and slips through a rusty wall. He finds himself at the back of a crowd of his cadaverous crew-mates. They part to let him through. He feels the weight of their hollow gaze as he reaches the coms station. Even after all these years a sickly green light glistens in the dark. The captain’s skeleton lays a sharp hand on his shoulder and nods at him encouragingly, the light sliding over the bones of his skull. The ghost of the seaman steadies himself and slips his fingers into the dials of the radio, possessing it. It wails and screeches. A bombardment of static. And then silence. The deathly crew mates look at each other with worry, with sadness; could this be the year where there is no voice in the dark? No memory of home? The phantasm of the sailor pushes his hand deeper into the workings of the radio, the signal clears, and then a strong voice, distant with the static but warm and kind, echoes from the darkness; “Merry Christmas boys, we’re all thinking of you here at home, have a good one.” A sepulchral tear wafts it’s way down the seaman’s face. The bony captain embraces him. The crew grin through rotten jaws, laughing silently in their joy. They haven’t forgotten us. They haven’t forgotten.
I am completely on board with this. It’s not horrifying, it’s heartwarming.
Personal story time: whenever I go to Field Museum’s Egypt exhibit, I stop by the plaque at the entrance to the underground rooms. It has an English translation of a prayer to feed the dead, and a list of all the names they know of the mummies on display there. I always recite the prayer and read aloud the list of names. They wanted to live forever, to always have their souls fed and their names spoken. How would they feel about being behind glass, among strangers? Every little thing you can do to give respect for the dead is warranted.
I love the idea of lost subs still being on patrol. Though if you really want something ominous, let me say that the superstitious part of me wonders: why are they still on patrol? If they haven’t been found, do they not consider their mission completed? What is it out there that they are protecting us from?
There’s been something in the water since we first learned to float on it. Not marine life, although there’s more of that than we’ll ever know. Not rocks and currents and sand bars and icebergs either, although they’ve all taken more than their share of human life.
But something deeper. Something Other. Something not natural.
Sailors have always been superstitious.
Not one of them described it right.
You don’t hear about it so much now that we don’t lose ships anymore, really, not like we did at the height of the sea trade when barely an inch of ocean floor didn’t bear some wreck or other. And better ships and GPS and weather satellites have all played their part in that.
But we have protection now that we didn’t before. They don’t interfere with war and battle, even on behalf of what used to be their country, or with rocks and weather and human stupidity. Those are concerns for the living.
But the Other Things, the Things that shouldn’t be there – They can’t get to us now without a fight. It’s a fight They haven’t won in a very long time.
As long as we remember them, as long as we call out to them – not very often, just once a year will do – they will keep protecting us from the Things that go bump in the deep.