i feel like obi-wan was constantly giving cody heart attacks because as the war went on and got more and more dangerous, obi-wan kept deciding “oh, i kinda feel like wearing less aRMOR TODAY”
like honestly, look at this:
early in the clone wars he had chest armor that looks like it probably covers his heart from both the front and the back and also has plating all the way up his arms as well as on his shins. it’s not perfect, but it’s definitely something, especially considering how the majority of the time, the enemy used blasters
after the time skip, apparently obi decided all that plastoid was cramping his style so he got rid of basically all of it except for his forearms. i would love to see his clones’ reaction to finding out their reckless general had now made himself even more of a target.
by ROTS obi-wan decided to basically fuck armor entirely, opting for fabric and leather alone, content in the assumption that the power of the force and pure concentrated sass will save him. he doesn’t even have gloves anymore lol. cody has long given up hope.
and it only gets funnier when you go back even earlier in the war, because he used to wear FULL ARMOR
boy even wore a helmet
no other Jedi did this, Obi-Wan just went full trooper and wore their armor, rode their speeders, wielded their weapons, “Jedi propriety” be damned (and other Jedi did comment on this). Qui-Gon would be so proud.
and then he just starts….stripping as the war goes on
What with his track record with robes, it was only a matter of time before he misplaced all his armor too.
actual photo of Obi-Wan Kenobi making himself a new home on Tatooine, post Episode III.
So if an Obi-Wan Kenobi movie does get made, there’s three different settings it could have, each with its own pros and cons
Option one: Pre-Phantom Menace, during Obi-Wan’s apprenticeship
Pros:
Would be Obi-Wan’s least stressful canon apperance
Qui-Gon
Mace Windu
Could move Xanatos from the EU into canon
Squishy baby face teenager Jedi
No Jar-Jar
Palpatine’s dickishness is all firmly backstage; if it’s even involved at all
Cons:
Ewan Mcgregor can’t play teenage Obi-Wan
No Anakin
No Ahsoka
No Padme
No R2-D2 or C3-PO
Option two: During Anakin’s apprenticeship, in the ten year timeskip between TPM and AOTC
Pros:
Ewan can and would play Obi-Wan
Anakin’s wonderous adventures in the early/mid teen years
Parenting hijinks
Mace Windu
Perfect opportunity to give some canon elaboration on normal Jedi life, as that has literally never happened beyond tidbits here and there
Plot could be Obi-Wan obliviously fucking over Palpatine’s repeated attempts to assassinate him, and almost pushing Palpatine into a stress aneurysm because how the hell does Obi-Wan not even notice the assassination attempts what the fuck
Cons:
Qui-Gon is dead
It’s all downhill from here
Still no Padme, considering she’s specifically stated to not interact with the other two until AOTC
Still no Ahsoka
We have to look at Palpatine being trusted and respected by the Republic and know that there won’t be a happy resolution for a good 20-30 years and I mean even then oh my god
Option three: Set it during the time skip between ROTS and ANH
Pros:
Still Ewan Mcgregor
It makes perfect sense for Ahsoka to be involved
It makes perfect sense for Bail to show up as well
We might actually get to see Breha Organa
Small child Luke! Small child Leia! Both viable cameos!
Rebellion era, meaning the overall tone of the movie would be ‘fuck the establishment, fuck the government, fuck fascism’ which are very positive messages that should be sent these days
Qui-Gon’s ghostly hijinks
Darth Vader
Cons:
This is the saddest possible Kenobi
Oh my god it’s so sad
STILL NO PADME
LETS JUST GIVE PADME HER OWN MOVIE THIS IS RIDICULOUS
The Jedi are dead and everything is painful
…Darth Vader
Oh my god it would be so sad
The title would probably have to be ‘Obi-Wan’s Adventures in Crushing Depression and Toppling Governments: A Star Wars Story
Seriously it would be like Rogue One but worse because we already know how fucked Obi-Wan is and oh my god
Star Wars is a family franchise but the setting would just feel wrong if Obi-Wan didn’t yell fuck at some point. lets face it he’s earned it.
Conclusion: Make an Obi-Wan trilogy. Don’t let George Lucas write the dialogue.
Personally I want a post-ROTS-pre-ANH movie that starts with Obi-Wan, Bail, and several of Padme’s handmaidens kicking the Rebellion into gear, finding Ahsoka on the way and dragging her into the mess, all with everybody running themselves ragged trying to keep various secrets from various other members of the squad—and from Vader, who eventually shows up to take issue with their attempted revolution.*
Obi-Wan trying to keep from Ahsoka that Darth Vader is/was Anakin.
Bail trying to keep Leia’s origins from everybody.
Obi-Wan trying to keep Vader from finding Ahsoka without letting Ahsoka know why.
Everyone trying to avoid Darth Vader.
Everyone trying to figure out who the fuck Darth Vader is.
Seriously, freaking scary-powerful Force user shows up out of nowhere already high-ranked in the Empire, what’s up with that?
The handmaidens looking for Padme’s missing baby.
The handmaidens looking for Padme’s missing husband.
The handmaidens looking for Padme’s missing killer.**
Clone troopers joining, supporting, working for the Rebellion.
Clone troopers suffering over their part in the Jedi massacre.
Clone troopers doubling down on their loyalty to the Empire to shut up the cognitive dissonance and bury the guilt.
Who’s who?
Have fun guessing.
Saw Gererra, Steela Gererra, Cham Syndulla, Mon Mothma, Bail, Breha, Draven, other Rebel group leaders all joining forces to coordinate this massive push and arguing over how to do it and what’s okay to do.
Is Maul still alive?
Maul conflicted as to whether to kill the Emperor, kill Vader, kill Obi-Wan, all of the above.
Maul offering his services to the Rebellion in the assassinating-the-Emperor field.
Hondo.
Boba Fett.
Vader has been sulking growing strong in the Dark Side and wants to end this rebellion and prove himself to the Emperor, and will hunt down everyone involved.
Fuck why do all these Rebel ladies look so damn much like Padme?
Vader vs Feelings.
Vader vs the not-so-vague suspicion that there are some Force-users scurrying about behind the scenes.
Anakin’s former friends and colleagues and soldiers agonizing over what they find out about Vader’s origins.
The Canon Ping-Pong of keeping people who aren’t supposed to meet yet from meeting and recognizing each other.
Ahsoka in face paint pretending to be an entirely different Togruta when she encounters Vader.
Boba Fett taking off his armor and going undercover as a clone.
Seriously massive large-scale conspiracy to overthrow the Empire.
That comes crashing down on them hard enough that people think each other killed, to explain why they aren’t in contact by ANH-time.
Clone rebellions as the primary reason why troopers in the OT-era are mostly recruited regular citizens.
Clone rebellions as the primary reason it’s referred to as the Clone Wars and not the Clone War.
The handmaidens figuring it out and trying to kill Vader.
Vader probably kills the handmaidens.
It probably fucks him up a bit.
*Yes, revolution. I want there to be plans in the works for a full-on, top-down HULK SMASH level attempt to gut the Empire and reinstall the Republic. None of this passive waiting on their meta-destiny as though they’re aware of the restrictions of canon. I want the Rebellion to throw almost everything they’ve got into this, and fail hard enough to put years between them and fighting strength again, make them hesitant and dubious of each other, explain why ANH seems to act like the Rebellion is a newish threat rather than one that’s been at their throats for twenty years.
**They are Padme’s bodyguards and sisters and confidantes and they know a lot more about her than anyone expected, and they know how to investigate and read signs and read between the lines and they prepared her body for burial, they know there’s a baby that didn’t die with her and they know Anakin Skywalker was the father and they know Obi-Wan was lying when he said Anakin was dead and they know she didn’t just randomly up and die, and their priorities are 1) get baby, 2) find baby’s (loved, trusted, loving) father and reunite them, 3) figure out who killed Padme and kill them. Isn’t misinformation fun?
obi-wan is coincidentally married to like, 12 different people, and just hasn’t gotten any of them annulled
at one point cody was carrying him off of a battlefield because he was Severely Wounded, As He Is Wont To Be, and obi-wan, on like 34 painkillers, looks up at him with a dopey grin and just ‘did i miss the wedding?’ and cody, a little shit, pulls a wounded look and says ‘you don’t remember it?’ and obi-wan DEMANDS to re-do the paperwork when he’s sober because dammit if he’s going to be married he’s going to do it PROPERLY, ahhhnakin, you can’t just half-ass these things
ventress and he fought once on a mandalore-type planet, where it turns out that fighting in This Specific Area/Grounds is actually like a marriage ceremony so they just kind of run with it to avoid provoking the locals every Single Time they fight, one of them ends up threatening a divorce, but they have yet to actually annul the marriage
satine and he got married on the run as part of one of their alibis so they could actually hunker down in one place for like,,, more than a month, and satine never annulled it so she wouldn’t have to deal with the suitor game bc she legally already has a husband, and no one’s going to argue with a jedi master
plo koon was trying to legally adopt the wolffepack but there’s a law on coruscant that says if you’re adopting over x number of children you have to have a spouse or co-guardian, so obi-wan, master of dramatic and unnecessarily complicated solutions, suggested he just add one to his increasing list of spouses
quinlan and he got married once in space vegas and quinlan has never and will never let it go
hondo listen obi-wan as his spouse on an arrest report once or some such to get out of a penalty / to charge his bail to the jedi council instead and it turns out due to some red tape that that’s actually legally binding: hondo is hugely amused by this
Okay but you forgot the time he married Jango Fett, when Jango aggressively shouted the Mando marriage proposal at him, thinking it was funny that he was threatening Obi-Wan with those words since Obi-Wan didn’t know a lot of Mando’a, and Obi-Wan shouted it back to him in an attempt to appear in control of the situation.
Given how canonically difficult it is to get anything done through Republic courts, it’s probably easier not to bother with divorce when you might actually die before the case is even seen.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, the amazing @jerseytigermoth drew Accidental Space Pirate Obi-Wan Kenobi. A slightly less long time ago I decided to try to cosplay him based on her designs (chest hair and all!).
T_______T I WILL NEVER BE OVER THIS.
It looks so amazing and you did such an incredible job and I still can’t quite believe you liked my artwork so much you spent time, money and so much effort on making it a reality!!!! YOU ARE EXCELLENT.
Obi-Wan
glanced up from his datapad, blinking in confusion. Anakin thought Obi-Wan
looked rather like a new-born bantha with his spiky hair sticking into every
direction; it was only three months after the battle of Naboo and Obi-Wan was
still weird around him.
“And you
question this eras-long tradition exactly why…?”
Anakin
frowned.
“Never mind.”
The young
man pierced him with a long inquisitive look. Anakin thought that his eyes were
like Coruscanti sky, changing throughout the day. They were blue when he woke
up, grey when he set for bed. Green when he gazed into the sunset.
“I know I
am… not what you imagined when you accepted Master’s offer… I understand it is…
difficult to view me as a teacher-”
Ok this is SUPER quick and dirty, like threw it together in about 30 mins quick and dirty, but I didn’t want to finish the weekend without getting this drawn somewhere ha!
PS. It’s obviously based off the famous shot of Indy with the golden idol, but I felt it most necessary to open up Obi’s shirt way more because… you know, artistic license and stuff. C:
Bonus round: Get You A Man Who Can Do Both™ edition. 😉
What has two thumbs and isn’t ready to give up the concept of Obiana Jones yet? *this guy*
IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER, also I think this might be too much handsome for me? Like, Obiana Jones as a concept is already enough to give me a bit of the vapors, but OBI-WAN IN A TUXEDO, THAT HALF SMILE ON HIS TOO HANDSOME FACE, AND THE SWOOSHY HAIR.
I’m not sure I’m going to be able to handle this, IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE.
Steel Phoenix Studios 