OKAY CAN SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME HOW THE FUCKYOU SHIP A PACKAGE OF COOKIES TO A FRIEND WHO LIVES IN NEW JERSEY, ONLY TO HAVE IT NOT GET THERE ON TIME BECAUSE IT SOMEHOW ENDED UP IN GUAM?
I JUST
GUAM?
IM CRYING REAL TEARS MAH DUDES THE COOKIES ARE IN GUAM
KATIE TRIED TO SEND US COOKIES OUTTA THE GOODNESS OF HER HEART AND JUST
“OHHHH THESE COOKIES WERE SUPPOSED TO GO TO NEW JERSEY, PHIL? I THOUGHT YOU SAID
12/27, 8:37PM CT
ITS STILL IN FUCKING GUAM
12/28, 12:18PM CT
THE COOKIES ARE IN HONOLULU GUYS THEY ***FINALLY LEFT GUAM***
12/28, 10:22PM CT
THE COOKIES ARE FINALLY ON THEIR WAY TO NEW JERSEY
also as a bonus visual here’s a rough approximation of these cookies’ journey
how the FUCK did this blow up and get so many notes
SO FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES, @homebeccer@phantomrose96@cupcakecreeper AND I WANTED TO KNOW HOW MUCH IT WOULD ACTUALLY COST THE U.S. GOVERNMENT TO INTENTIONALLY SEND THESE COOKIES FROM TEXAS TO GUAM TO NEW JERSEY AND???????????????
AND
IT’S
IT’S
IT’S NOT AN OPTION IT’S NOT AN OPTION I CAN’T I-
I COULDN’T EVEN HAVE SENT THESE COOKIES TO GUAM EVEN IF I’D HAVE TRIED
Cant believe we uncovered the Guam Cookie glitch folks
Its not even an in-game feature
Oh my god it’s back
H O W
I’ve had this sort of thing happen.
At least it explained why the package took so long to get here.
I appreciate that they have an Entire Stamp for “Missent to Nepal”
No one said “hey let’s stop missending things to Nepal” they just said “let’s make a stamp for this” and called it a day.
I’m gonna get Missent to Guam tattooed on my arm in commemoration.
How to break the USPS (and reveal how overseas USPS mail is pretty much a crapshoot) in one easy test – try to send someone cookies.
The way a group of eighty year olds judges people for not vaccinating their fuckin kids warms the cold black ashes of my heart.
I remember the camp where I went as a kid had these SCOURING, painful showers. The water pressure was such that it was like getting blasted by a firehose, only less entertaining.
You had to walk through the shower room – there was no option – it was built that way. The showers were usually not on because they were horrible and painful and we all just disobeyed the rule about showering before getting in the pool.
I was an adult before I found out why there was a shower room like that, and that when my mom was a child, no one dared to disobey the shower rule, and all the showers were horrible and scouring. It was for getting as much dirt and stray poo and whatever off you, as an anti-polio measure.
One of my most vivid auditory memories is hearing the sound of my grandmother’s leg brace, which she had worn for most of her life as the result of the polio epidemic in the 1920s.
i was babysitting a little boy and girl once and the boy asked me if i had a boyfriend and i said “no!! but i have a girlfriend!” and he said “like a friend thats a girl?” and i said “no like a boyfriend but they’re a girl instead of a boy! we still do couple things but we’re just both girls” and he said, without missing a beat, “oh ok! are you gonna marry her?”
like it’s literally that easy for kids to understand
the cutest part of this was when afterwards the kid said ‘so i could have a boyfriend if i wanted to?’ and i said yes, but to be careful because some people are mean to boys who have boyfriends and he pushes up his sleeves and goes ‘well then i’ll beat them up! if i wanna have a boyfriend i’m gonna have a boyfriend!!! i’ll even marry him if i wanna!’
fun fact about the next avengers film being filmed in edinburgh: they’ve blocked off certain areas which is disrupting one specific postal van’s delivery route which is in turn leading to an awkward stand-off at the police station because Marvel Studios might be a billion dollar company but this man really wants to do his job and apparently interfering with the course of the Royal Mail technically counts as treason so they’re at a stalemate
My grandmother is a bitter old crab with nothing good to say about anything, but she does have a few good stories. She confronted the woman my grandfather had been cheating on her with – this other woman had no idea he was married, and was righteously angry.
The two of them schemed together. My grandfather’s mistress drove her convertible to the construction site where he was working. As he approached the car, she said, “Why didn’t you tell me you were married?”
“Married?! I’m not married!” he said.
My grandmother sat up in the back seat, where she’d been lying down, and said, “You won’t be for much longer.”
the worst thing about spending your life on the internet is that when you’re playing a game like cards against humanity at a party you’re the person who has to explain what things like bukkake are
I’m the guy who literally explained what felching is to his linguistics class (and then had to clarify that no, gerbils are not involved, no that is not a real thing, wtf) as well as the guy who had to explain furries to his working group in a professional meeting.
I once had to explain to colleagues what teabagging is when a discussion of the Tea Party went awry.
I used to work customer service for an MMO dealing with reports of players violating the ToS; everything from hacks to harassment to using banned language. The team was international and sometimes people didn’t know why something was reported as offensive, and I was always the one in the group chat trying to be professional while saying things like “it refers to hairless female genitalia” or “it’s a word for a sex act best not described here.”
once upon a time young young teenage me used to write fan fiction like my life depended on it, new fics every week and I had no idea there was someone out there printing out my fics and putting them in a box to read when they needed something to cheer them up
anyways fast forward to 20 year old me on my third date with Emily and she mentions offhand that she’s got this box of fic she printed out and saved
it’s a few months later after that and she shows me one of the fics in the box and holy shit that’s my garbage fic from so long ago
anyways my point is life is a fucking trip my dude
i still remember when we found this out. i don’t think either of us stopped yelling for hours
look it’s been eight years and I’m still like LMAO I MARRIED A FAN
This is the cutest thing I’ve ever read in my whole life
I really try to challenge Canadian stereotypes at every opportunity but today I was walking down Young St. in Toronto and a firetruck honked very loudly and I clutched my chest and said “MY WORD” and as it drove past, a fireman leaned out of the window and apologized to me so I just don’t know
Once I went to the pub with my Canadian friend and my Irish friend and they both offered to go to the bar and ten minutes later were still politely arguing over who got to buy the round.
i went to the local shakespeare festival (and by local, i mean on the other end of the state) and during the day i convinced my mother to go hiking with me because we were in the center of like four national parks
so we end up hiking this trail that sort of jack-knifes down the mountain and I end up climbing partway up a tree on the edge of the trail to see further out, so my smartass mother asks “legolas, what do your elf eyes see?”
and i, in my smarmy glory, go “they’re taking the hobbits to isengard!”
which is funny enough as is, but then the entire mountainside of hikers hidden in the trees goes “THEY’RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD-GARD-GARD-GARD-GARD! THE HOBBITS, THE HOBBITS, THE HOBBITS, THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD, TO ISENGARD!”
and that’s how an entire hiking trail of people who never actually saw one another convinced my mother i’m some sort of meme-summoning mountain troll
One of my favourite lecturers at vet school was an old cattle vet. Retired from practice long ago, his demeanour was best described as “jolly but practical” and he had seen many years of students pass before him.
Many years. It used to be he would be teaching bovine obstetrics to a room full of strapping Aussie blokes, each more than capable of lugging a 40kg jersey calf around on their shoulders. Nowadays most of our class were women, and a fair chunk of those were petite international students, barely bigger than the aforementioned 40kg jersey calf themselves.
He knew very well that most of these smaller women were likely to end up in small animal practice, but that wasn’t going to stop him from trying to convert them to the joys of cattle medicine.
I remember him very clearly in the bovine obstetrics lectures,pulling a calf is a seriously physical task. Cattle are BIG and they are all muscle. When a cow decides she is going to push a 40kg calf at you the simple fact is that you cannot push against her. That uterus of hers is stronger than your forearms, and she’s prepared to push all day. Fortunately, there are drugs for that.
Our lecturer would merrily tell us some very colourful stories about pulling calves and the sorts of farmers he had encountered, including their unfortunate tendency to try to pull a calf first, using a tractor if need be.
Attaching a calf to a tractor and then driving away from the cow does not, in fact, make it any easier for her to give birth. If it’s stuck, it’s stuck, and no tractor is substitute for a lot of lube and some intra-uterine calf leg Tetris.
So what do you do, he specifically asked the international girls huddled down the front, when you show up at a farm, and the farmer, built like a brick house, and his son, also built like a brick house, have already tried and failed to pull this calf?
You walk up there, and you show them how it’s done.
You have a veterinary a science education and ten litres of lube. You can get the calf out. Use your brain, then give them the ropes to pull and use their muscles. Take control. Tell them what to do. Climb onto a box if you have to. If you’re particularly little, you can get both hands up there. You CAN pull that calf.
Up until that point, I don’t think those students actually expected to be able to really do it. But he expected them to.
And if all else fails, he continued, do a Caesarian. They won’t be judgemental if you didn’t pull a calf if they’re already tried anyway.
And you know, I personally know at least one of those petite little students ended up in cattle practice.
You can do it.
Reblogging old content for the Disenfranchised Duckling.
This is important for us, the
petite vet students who normally look tiny next to a Angus bull and a
Percheron.
Honestly, a big bull will send any human flying, no mater how big they are. 400-800kg of opinionated beef will always be stronger than a human, no matter how ‘beefy’ the human is.
If you are shot, you are less likely to injure your back when working on the feet of cattle and horses.
If you are petite, you may get both hands into the birth canal of a large animal, and you may be able to treat dystocia in alpaca or sheep without resorting to caesareans.
If you have thin arms, you wont feel nearly as bad about preg testing cattle.
Large animals are always going to be bigger than you, but they will also be bigger than your largest classmates
Steel Phoenix Studios 