i just saw a fb post where a man was arguing with a woman about the best way to make macarons and he kept insisting that she was wrong, and then eventually he was like “I’ve never personally made macarons, but if you think about it what I’m saying makes sense, i’m simply stating the obvious. i’m sure there are plenty of youtube tutorials that would show you the same thing.” and the woman replied by linking him to her instagram business page and she makes fuckin macaron towers for parties for a living and i’ve been laughing about it for a solid 5 minutes.
Men automatically assume they’re more of an expert on something than any woman on account of their dicks. I’ve never met such an ignorant and narcissistic creature as a male
I’ll never forget a time when a fb friend of mine posted that she’s on her way to hospital to give birth. Women commented with “good luck” and other encouraging messages. A man’s comment was advice on how to give birth.
You have got to be kidding me
So I was talking about Jekyll & Hyde (the book) at a writer’s museum while we were looking at an Robert Louis Stevenson exhibit. I was giving my take on Jekyll, and my brother tried to counter it. I countered back easily, and then he said “well I’ve never read the book”
My dude………..stop
my ex, whose baking experience was pretty much limited to frying premade biscuit dough in boy scouts to make ‘donuts’, would constantly try to correct me or give me advice on baking
i’m a fucking pastry chef
met a dude at a party who was talking about physics and asked if i’d ever listened to any online physics lectures bc he listened to all of this one series and they were so helpful and maybe i could learn some physics too
YOU DONT UNDERSTAND —- MY UNCLE IS A FARMER AND ONE DAY HE WAS GOING OUT TO CHECK HIS CROPS HE NOTICES A TRACTOR JUST GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES Thinks, “That’s weird, I go check it out” HIS FUCKING NEIGHBOR FELL OFF HIS TRACTOR AND GOT RAN OVER But he was on a slope So the tractor went around and around in circles Running him over each time and he was pressed into the ground like a fucking cartoon How long had he been there? Maybe an hour. He was alive, and fine. Just pressed into the dirt like Wile. E Coyote and was so stuck in there that he couldn’t move so he just kept getting run over until my uncle found him
Today is National Coming Out day and I wanted to reflect on my personal experience coming out.
If you would have told me 10+ years ago, that I would be an out and proud Transman inspiring others to live their authentic lives… I would have said, “You must have mistaken me with someone else.”
You see, courage doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, and for me it took over a decade. I was in your shoes at one point, terrified of what the world had in store for me as a member of the LGBTQ community. I would pray to not be the way that I was and hope to wake up the next morning “cured.”
When I realized that wouldn’t happen, I had to figure out ways to be happy the way that I am. I began to love myself for me and found pride in my identity. I took baby steps coming out to trusted friends and made my own little support system. Through them I gained my strength and am able to stand in front of you today unafraid and unapologetically myself.
Was coming out difficult?
Extremely.
Was it worth it?
Every second of it.
My only regret in my coming out process was that I didn’t do it sooner.
To anyone that has come out: I applaud you on your courage and wish you all the best on your journey.
To anyone who has yet to come out: Know that in time you will find your strength and that you have a whole community waiting for you.
do y’all wanna here about some ridiculous celebrity drama my family is caught up in right now because I am LAUGHING
OKAY SO I’ve mentioned on here before that my uncle owns a business that caters for a bunch of concerts (see: me almost accidentally killing Will Smith, me accidentally getting a private concert from Leslie Odom Jr, my mom eating dinner with Ed Sheeran, my cousin trying to hook up with someone who tours with Panic at the Disco, my mom getting backstage when Woody Harrelson was denied access, etc) but anyway. It’s a really successful business! He knows a ton of random celebrities, and apparently now Netflix is interested in making a docu-drama about when he toured with the Grateful Dead a million years ago???? So that’s fun.
Anyway. Upcoming is Jay-Z’s big concert on the parkway- and for years my uncle always worked it. Because he’s like, a highly recommended company and he’s Right There, so it was just natural for him to work it. But then, last year, he decided my uncle was charging too much money.
Two Things:
My uncle FAMOUSLY undercharges people!! A couple years ago, Kevin Hart did a huge comedy special for HBO and my uncle worked it- when he got the bill, Kevin Hart literally told my uncle he wasn’t charging enough money, paid what he believed to be the correct amount of money, and then tipped an obscene amount of money, leaving my uncle with like 10k more than he was expecting, and that’s the story of the time my uncle Survived The Winter
AM I SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE JAY-Z CAN’T AFFORD IT??? He’s Jay-Z! Isn’t he a billionaire! Isn’t he married to Beyoncé! He can definitely afford to feed concert performers and workers! Like dude!
But ANYWAY, he like. Proposed a lower price??? And my uncle was like “that’s enough to get maybe half a hoagie from Wawa and one can of soda for everyone working” lmao that’s how bad the price cut Jay-Z wanted was. I’ve worked for my uncle before- usually backstage there’s like an Array of main course meals, snacks, desserts, and drinks (water/soda/alcohol). Just a shit-ton of food, most of it prepared by his own company. Plenty in case people wanted second helpings. But with this proposed price drop, the best they could budget was half a sandwich and a can of soda like!!! Come on.
So he refuses to do it, so Jay-Z just…either Creates his own catering team on the spot, or used whoever he uses when he goes on tour, idk, but they agreed to that budget and my uncle moves on with life.
Except EVERYONE who worked that concert ended up complaining about the catering! lmao
So NOW he’s trying to get my uncle back this year (the concert is like…this weekend, mind you) but my uncle isn’t answering any calls because he’s currently hanging out….with Ozzy Osbourne.
They’re old friends because my uncle toured with him Back In The Day, and during most of the tour Ozzy was terrified of my uncle, because, like, the drugs made him think he was trying to steal his family or something, but by the end of the tour he had practically fallen in love with him, and when he learned my uncle was leaving he reportedly demanded “You’re LEAVING me??? Why??? Did Sharon do this?!?!?!” and listen idk they’re still friends and Ozzy’s still in love with him. Ozzy’s got a concert in the city or surrounding area right now, so my uncle’s out working that.
Now, the other thing about my uncle- remember how I said he famously under charges? Well he also famously over pays his workers, and like half of them are assholes who take advantage of that, so despite the fact he runs a hugely successful business and should be rich and with money to spare, he’s actually just…a terrible business man who is always borrowing money off people. Specifically, my mother and grandmother. Like, he’ll get a job, and then be like ‘oh shit! 5000 dollars short!’ and they have to transfer money into his account (my mom works in banking and handles pretty much the whole families money) and wait until he gets paid for the job to get the money back, it’s ridiculous. But because of this, my mom is more involved with this company than she’d like to be.
Now my uncle has this business partner, except he’s not really a partner because he refuses to let my uncle pay him, and he’s this aging hippie who I’ve never seen not high, and he may or may not live in his car, but he’s also Super Fucking Rich, but he’s not a dealer so no one knows for sure where the money is coming from, my mom went to high school with him and says he’s literally always been like this- but anyway, he ALWAYS has my uncle’s phone for some reason. You wanna call your uncle and wish him a happy birthday? Nope, it’s Victor, fuck you. Literally ALWAYS has his phone unless my uncle takes it so he can call his mother or sister for money lmao. But so that means…if the Hippie Friend needs to get in touch with my uncle….he has no way of doing that. So hippie friend, armed with my uncles Only Phone and access to his email, is getting a barrage of messages from Jay-Z’s people trying to hire him by??? fucking tomorrow??? to cater a weekend long event??? and the Aging Hippie is like ‘maybe his sister can get a hold of him!’ so he calls my mom- with my uncle’s phone- to tell her she needs to get in contact with my uncle- who does not have a phone on him right now- because Jay-Z wants to pay him money finally- ‘how will I be able to tell him that Victor’ – ‘well you can just leave a voicemail he checks those a lot’ – ‘you are using his phone Victor’ – ‘well we can hang up so you can call him’ – ‘VICTOR’-
so basically my uncle’s blowing off Jay-Z to flirt with Ozzy Osbourne, and I think that’s rather iconic of him
AZHSJSSK UPDATE:
Jay-Z just went with his own people like last year and the food is SO BAD- reportedly stale sandwiches with expired ingredients and brownies that are so rock hard they’re impossible to eat safely- and we know this because the STAGE HANDS STRAIGHT UP CALLED MY UNCLE!! WHO FINALLY HAS HIS PHONE BACK!! Like the people who handle the stage and lights and sound and are used to his catering literally called him to complain, to beg him to come Fix This, and he’s like ‘this is LITERALLY not my job??’
So now they’re demanding to just. Order food like from a pizza place or something and they want Jay-Z to reimburse them for that- but Jay-Z doesn’t want to reimburse them if they order edible food….except stage hands are literally in a Union and legally, if they turn the stage dark, no rehearsals or show setup is allowed to happen- So straight up if Jay-Z doesn’t just buy these dudes pizza they’re threatning to darken the stage so nothing can happen- the show starts Tomorrow
So now because my uncle is off getting lit with Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, Jay-Z’s workers are threatening to strike on the EVE of his big music festival…I’m screaming
Every time my extended family gets together in upstate ny, we (the Adults) all get wasted & at least 1 giant Family Scandal comes out…..tonight is that night..
We’ve Got A Winner Folks, And It Involves Arson AND A Nun!
So apparently my aunt cecelia (not really my aunt, just the best friend of my dads cousin, whomst we also call aunt) once married a dude referred to only as Florida Asshole. He was named such because he apparently left my aunt cecelia while she was in the hospital, stole all of their stuff, and fucked off to florida. Aunt cecelia then hired a p.i. to find him, as u do, and went down to florida with my dads cousin (who was going to florida for a work trip, and had no idea Florida Asshole was there). Apparently the p.i. told aunt cecelia which city the guy was in, but hadnt found the exact address yet, so ofc aunt cecelia did what any other able bodied half insane scorned person might. She went to a costume shop, bought a full nun costume, and went door to door under the assumption that she was collecting charity. (She did, in fact, donate everything she collected. This was an important fact to her). At one of the houses, she looked in the window and noticed an awful lot of furniture that used to be hers. So she, obviously, went to a gas station and bought several cans of gasoline, threw a molotov cocktail through the front window, and began pouring gasoline over the rest of the house. At this point, Florida Asshole came outside, recognized his ex wife looking like a renegade nun sent to punish him for his sins, and began beating her. The neighbors, seeing the strange new man beating a nun in his front yard while his house was on fire, did the only sensible thing in this story and called the police. Who promptly arrested Florida Asshole for assaulting a nun. Aunt cecelia did not get arrested, came clean to her best friend, and was immediately sent back to new york with a ticket bought under my other aunt’s name. We don’t know if she still has an arrest warrant out for her in florida, and that’s tonight’s Family Scandal!
He was white, middle-aged, nothing terribly exciting. But he was very friendly and we talked the entire time about what he does (works for a company that manufactures cable) and what he was doing down here (a conference) and that segued into where we’d visited and where we’d LIKE to visit and I mentioned I wanted to move to Canada, so we talked about that—it was a good 20 minute drive.
And then we got downtown and he was like “damn, where’s this traffic coming from” and I told him it was the football season opener but not to ask me anything else because all I could tell him was football had a pointy ball.
Me: “Ask me about HOCKEY and I can tell you some stuff.”
Him: “I USED TO PLAY HOCKEY!”
So then he said he wasn’t exactly agile enough to do it anymore and I said yeah, that’s why I write about it instead and I’d just written a hockey romance.
Him: “Wait, what, you’re published? Where can I find your books??”
Me: “Well, that depends, are you okay reading gay romance?”
Him: “You mean male/male?”
Me: “Yes.”
Him: “Well… I’m married.”
Me: *braced for him to have some kind of bullshit excuse about it makes him less of a man or his wife doesn’t like it*
Him: “And my husband’s name is David.”
No lie, we looked at each other like:
So then I gave him my card and he promised to look me up on FB after he’d read my stuff and told me I was “the actual best” and he was giving his husband my books and tipped me 50% the end
This whole thing started out with ‘white middle-aged male’, and ngl, I braced myself for the bad, but instead this adorable thing happened, and thank you OP. Good way to start a Monday.
like seriously their brain-to-body size ratio is equal to that of a chimpanzee
They vocalize anger, sadness, or happiness in response to things
they are scary smart at solving puzzles
some crows stay with their mates until one of them dies
they can remember faces
SIDENOTE HERE BECAUSE HOLY SHIT. They did an experiment where these guys wore masks and some of them fucked with crows. Pretty soon the crows recognized the masks = douchebag. But the nice guys with masks they left alone. THEN, OH WE’RE NOT DONE, NO SIR crows that WEREN’T EVEN IN THE EXPERIMENT AND NEVER SAW THE MASK BEFORE knew about mask-dudes and attacked them on sight. THEY PASSED ON THE FUCKING INFORMATION TO THEIR CROW BUDDIES.
They remember places where crows were killed by farmers and change their migration patterns.
A colleague of my dad’s lives next to a lake, and looked out the window one morning to see a duck trapped in the ice. A crow swooped down. “Oh hell,” she thought, expecting carnage, because crows are opportunists. But the crow chipped at the ice with its beak until the duck was free.
Idk of this counts but a few crows saved me from a magpie swooping attack once ,they’re bros who can tell when magpies are being unreasonable and need to chill
I love crows so damn much. When I was fifteen, I hit a pretty serious bout of depression, to the point I was in my room for months. Well, a family of crows made a nest in a tree outside my window. There were two parents and two chicks. One chick was healthy and strong. One was weak, and had a caw like something being strained. It sounded more like a rooster crowing and so my parents jokingly named him ‘Buck’.Well… months passed and Buck’s sibling was taught to fly. His parents focused on the sibling because the sibling was strong. The father stayed behind to try and teach Buck, but I saw him try to fly, fail, and crash to the floor. His father helped him back up into the tree.
Every day, I would watch Buck from my window until one day I opened it and started talking to him. He was small and gangly and he couldn’t caw right. His feathers were all over the place and I felt a kinship. So I made a deal with him. I told him that if he could do it, if he could fly, then I could find the strength to get up. Well… near the end of the season, after talking with him every day, I finally saw him get out of the nest. He went to the edge of his branch, braced himself, and jumped… and just before he hit the ground, he soared back up into the sky. I cheered harder than I ever had before.
That winter, Buck left the area. I was crestfallen. I felt like I’d lost a friend. But I was so damn proud of him.
Cut to the next spring? I’m walking up the driveway one day when suddenly I hear a sound… a broken caw. I look up, and Buck is sitting in a tree above my head. He stared at me and puffed his feathers, then hopped down in front of me and cawed again. I was so damn thrilled, and I told him how proud I was of him. He ruffled his feathers and then soared off into his old tree.
That summer? I heard two broken caws. One from Buck… and one from his chick.
Cut to ten years later? We have a family of crows who all have a very distinct caw and they come here and spend every spring, summer, and fall on our property. Buck still greets me every spring.
that last reply made me wanna cry. that’s so beautiful.
this one morning i kept hearing really loud caws, i remember it was like 5am, LIKE REALLY LOUD AND ANNOYING AND AGGRESSIVE, so loud that i could hear it through a closed window, and i eventually went outside to check it out. there was a crow on my front lawn, it had an injury on its head and couldn’t fly and there were two other crows circling right above it, and they were cawing like mad.
i tried to get close and take a better look and one of them dived super low and tried to attack me. so i went back in the house and chopped some sliced raw meat and tossed it at him from a distance.
a few more times later, very soon after, they could tell i was trying to help, and did not attack me. i was “allowed” to walk up close and pick him up, he couldn’t drink water properly so i had to dip my finger in a bowl and stick it in his mouth.
i did this few times a day and it went on for about a week before he disappeared, i thought he recovered and left, but he came back the next day and lands on me, and i see him around the block quite often, and he would come sit on my shoulder for a few minutes and then fly away again. i feel like i’ve adopted a son.
Best birbs !!
your son is Beautiful and Strong
every time I see this post it has different crow stories and every time I reblog it again because all crow stories are good stories
Like, I wouldn’t want to be on bad terms with a crow, but they are a really smart animal, they aren’t scary You just want to be nice to them because they will know and they will remember, and they will pay you back if you treat them a certain way.
As a side note, I volunteered at a rehab (Hope for Wildlife), where they were rehabbing a crow with a broken wing–who was named Russell Crow. He kept pulling his bandage off so a sleeve was cut off some old clothing and put on him like a little sweater.
!!!!
I don’t think I’ll ever not reblog this. This posts makes me cry and smile at the same time.
So a tiny story: on Black Friday a few weeks ago I went to Gamestop to buy my brother a game for Christmas, and I noticed this older man was watching me like a hawk. He was loitering around the front of the store without really buying anything, and every time I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye he was looking at me. I went to look at the PS4 games, and he was looking at something right behind me. I checked out the Nintendo games, and he was looking at them too. I was the only woman in the store, by the way.
By the time I got in line to pay he was loitering at the front of the store again, and I just had that feeling that he was going to try and take the game I just bought, or steal my purse, as soon as I left the store. OR, he was going to try and follow me home. And I know I don’t have to explain that terror to any woman reading this, but all I could think was that I’m in this Gamestop alone with at least twenty other men and something is about to happen. I’m beginning to freak out, to the point where I’ve just pulled my pepper spray out of my purse and into the pocket of my coat.
So there I am, next in line to pay, and there is this GIGANTIC dudebro right behind me, and I say gigantic as a 6 foot tall woman. He says, “Ma’am? Don’t be offended, but would it be alright if I walked you to your car?” and I was like “Are you serious?” and he was like “There are some weird guys in here right now. Have you noticed that guy watching you?” and then I showed the dudebro the pepper spray in my pocket and he was like “Right on. Would you still let me walk you to your car?” and I said yes.
So I paid, and waited while HE paid, and he walked me to my car. And just as I was getting in, the weird guy who’d been loitering came out of the store, saw me and my dudebro, and turned around and walked away in the opposite direction.
In short: men who recognize that women are unsafe in dark alleys, college campuses, grocery stores, gas stations and retail stores and do something about it are the kind of quality men that this world needs more of.
Steel Phoenix Studios 