My parents have been married thirty six years and my dad had to work a few hours early this morning (he refs hs football for extra cash), while he was gone my mom went to Dunkin Donuts to get breakfast and bought him his favorite muffin to surprise him when he came home and when he did it was with her favorite muffin from Dunkin Donuts and you know what I’m so not interested in all the cynical bs about love and marriage being fake like if that’s not some romantic shit right there idk what is.
– ross from friends – ted from how i met your mother – drake from hotline bling
These are all actually the same type of man…the polite guy men think women should want because he’s “nice”, intelligent, fake cares about what is best for her (it’s really about controlling her), persistently refuses to be let her be, has crushed on her for years and refuses to stop chasing/pressuring her because “romantic”. he’s really a Grade A asshole
Gomez gives out better relationship advice than like 90% of dudes.
Gomez Addams is a suave motherfucker who loves his wife more than his own life.
Everyone should want a Gomez. He’s p cool.
Gomez and Morticia Addams actually have a very loving and extremely healthy relationship, both in the old TV show and in the more recent movies. They were also one of the first television couples to be shown to have an active (albeit offscreen) sex life. Their frank attitude towards sexuality was shocking in its’ time, but their relationship and their family dynamic is actually more functional and more…dare I say it…sane than most families portrayed on TV.
The comedy in the show came from the family’s “odd” lifestyle, rather than from infighting and petty bickering, or worse, as was common on other shows of the time, thinly veiled references to spousal abuse. They didn’t make fun of each other or act like their children were creatures from another world. Were they strange and outside of social norms? Yes. Were they united in creating a loving home and being good, supportive parents? Absolutely.
These two support and adore their children, care for an aging mother and an estranged brother, put family before everything, and they love each other, wholly, fiercely, without reserve. They are every bit as much in love after at least a decade of marriage as they were the day they met.
Relationship goals. LIFE goals.
Just remembered in the second movie when their third child became “normal” for a period and although they were shocked and didn’t know how to handle it, they didn’t mistreat the child or love it any less. They accepted the difference, even though it was hard for them.
Reblogged for truth.
❤️❤️❤️
Posts about Gomez and Morticia Addams are almost always uplifting and I’m happy to have them on my dash, but I think my favorite bit about this conversation is what Gomez is actually saying to Fester.
It’s nobody’s surprise that many of the aesthetic and thematic elements of The Addams Family in its various incarnations are influenced by Gothic tradition (not goth, that mostly came later. And not Goth, that was much much much too early), and I think Gomez’s words are a dead bullseye in terms of Gothic mentality.
“Make her feel like she’s the most sublime creature on earth”
The sublime is a recurring theme throughout Gothic literature. Although the word (like “awesome”) has lost a lot of it’s original luster over the intervening decades, sublime doesn’t really mean elevated and lofty (or even heavenly) as it’s often used today, but rather something possessing the power and grandeur to induce awe and veneration in the mind of the beholder. Although less than divine, something sublime possessed a wildness and power that transcended human ability to control…or even to comprehend.
Sublime is standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon leaning as far as you dare over the railing and still not being able to see the canyon floor below. Sublime is warrior-queen Galadriel being tempted by the One Ring. Sublime is waking up in the middle of the night in the heart of a wild thunderstorm.
“Make her feel like she’s the most sublime creature on earth”
Gomez isn’t advising Fester to treat a woman he fancies like a princess, or even elevate her to pedestal of angelic nature (who’s idea was it to equate femininity with purity anyway? What a laughable and historically damaging idea. Shame on whatever dead (probably) white dudes promoted that!)
Gomez is advising Fester that if he truly loves a woman he must do everything he can to remind her of how she’s an untameable force of nature who’s grandeur brings him to his knees in awe and terror. Just like Morticia, for Gomez.
I’ll sign off with one of my most favorite quotes of all time, because it feels suddenly very relevant:
“When I find myself surrounded by so much beauty, I feel as if I am the eye of a hurricane.”
– -Sanjay Kulkarni
reblogging again because this got even better
this post is back, and even better. Love the Addams family so much.
you wanna know how your grandparents “worked through” their problems and didn’t divorce?
cause ya grandmama most likely didnt have her own assets or income and depended on your grandfather to support her and the family. she had no choice but to work it out. also the stigma a divorced woman would face? pfffffffft.
trust me alot of yalls grandfathers are/were awful people and your grandmother wouldve left him if she could
!!!!!!!!!
A lot of people act like higher divorce rates are indicative of a loss or morality or commitment in our generation, but to be honest, I always am glad when I see high divorce rates because it means people are leaving abusive and unhealthy relationships at higher rates. It means that fewer women are dependent on men and can decide for themselves what they want their life to be.
Republicans act like higher divorce rates and fewer young adults wanting to get married is a bad thing when really it’s just a sign of social progress and greater autonomy.
*bangs on the table* YES
man, republicans really hate it when women gain some control over their lives, don’t they.
The Mr. Darcy Fantasy isn’t based in what it’s usually made out to be based in
The fantasy isn’t that a brooding “tall, dark and handsome” man will come and swoop you of your feet.
Darcy changes for Elizabeth. She rejects him, she stands up to him, she insults him in a magnitude of ways, both warranted and not, and he takes all of that, and he reflects on it, and he changes his behavior. He tries to be better. Because he respects Elizabeth and he finds her opinion valuable.
Think about it. A usual response, both back then and today, would be to dismiss Elizabeth as a “crazy bitch.” He doesn’t do that at all, no, he takes valid criticism found among misunderstandings and takes it to heart.
The Mr. Darcy Fantasy is a fantasy about being respected and having your opinion be valued very highly.
The Mr. Darcy Fantasy is that a man would be willing to change his behavior just to be worthy of you.
in a relationship with healthy communication, arguments should end with understanding on both ends
you have to keep the goal in mind
do you want to win? or do you want to understand that person and resolve the issue? (ask yourself once, then ask again)
the ego loves to win an argument, but relationships are not about feeding your ego
healthy relationships dilute the ego
if you find yourself arguing to win in your relationship, consider what you value more: the love you share with that person, or protecting your ego
This is 100% accurate. Hubby and I don’t fight often, but when we do we know the following: 1. We’re on each other’s sides 2. We’re trying to reach understanding 3. We’re trying to find a solution that will work for both of us 4. We won’t always get what we want 5. Getting what we want is less important than making it work. 6. Usually the one who cares the most wins. That is not always the same person. (For example: I have stronger feelings on things like breastfeeding and circumcision. He has stronger feelings about which conventions we go to. I tend to defer to him on areas of law (his professional expertise) and he mostly defers to me on parenting (my professional expertise)) 7. We both have vetos. We don’t use them often. I don’t whistle around him, he keeps the kids away when I’m trying to fix a computer. 8. If someone is getting upset, it’s probably not about the surface issue we appear to be fighting about, and we need to stop, regroup, and figure our own shit out and then talk about it.
We don’t, as a matter of policy: Namecall Try to score points Keep arguing when someone says they need a break from arguing Have the same argument over and over again without resolution
We work very hard to: Avoid putting each other in the middle of other people’s problems with one of us. (For example, if one of my parents has a problem with something they’re doing, I will NOT carry that to him. They can talk to him themselves, or it’s not that much of a problem.) Be the bad guy for each other. (i.e. he always has the option to say, “My wife needs me at home” when he wants out of a social obligation. I have the option to say, “I need to talk to my husband about that” when I don’t want to commit to a major expenditure, even though it’s incredibly rare that I would tell him I needed him too much for him to go do a fun thing, and I can authorize purchases without talking to him, but sometimes this avoids a whole fuckton of sales pressure. My kids get to make me the bad guy, too, when they want to avoid peer pressure.) Be each other’s safe space Make sure we’re taking care of ourselves. “I need to put my oxygen mask on” is a code for “I feel like I’m drowning and I need a little bit of time to regroup where I”m not being asked to do anything for anyone else, give me that time and I’ll be more useful.”
TL:DR? Our marriage vows included not only “Love, honor and cherish”, but the more concrete “Support, respect and defend.”
Honestly, if you do the later, the former is easy.
Having a sibling or three really like….gave you interpersonal skills and moral exercises from an early age that people who were only children had to learn later on, because nothing makes your brain work overtime than having a ride or die relationship with someone who you would suplex through the dining room table in a second if they touched your shit, but you’d also stand up and take the blame for some shit if you knew it wasn’t their fault or stepping in and swinging if they were being bullied by someone else
Unwanted suitors? Not sure if you’re on a date? To nice to turn him down? I can help! With nearly four years of experience sabotaging romantic encounters, I’m the uncomfortable silence you deserve… and now, I’m offering my services professionally.
Bring me along as a platonic bufferzone on unwanted or ambiguous dates with suitors you’re not interested in but don’t know how to turn down. Guaranteed to kill the mood or your money back!
Basic services include: Terrible puns, poorly-timed jokes, casual physical displays of affection, bringing up unappealing facts about you (to be established or fabricated ahead of time), including myself in attempts at cuddling, domineering the conversation, irritating laughter, talking about I may have finally found an apartment for rent that’s big enough to house all of your cats, subtly making remarks about how nice it is that you’ve made a new friend.
More advanced services: Creating diversions (available at tiers 1, 2, and 3; examples include pouring water over my head, impromptu hula dancing, and triggering alarms), intimate displays of physical affection, accidentally spilling drinks on your suitor’s clothing, laughing at everything your suitor says while drinking until I manage to time it so that water comes out of my nose and sprays onto them.
Package deals:
The Gay Best Friend:What it sounds like. Because this persona runs the risk of stereotype and exploitation, I prefer to keep this subtle. Willing to engage in mild flirtation with your suitor. Please use discretion when requesting this service; the intention is to make him realize that your feelings towards him are platonic. Do not even consider this package if he is aggressively homophobic.
The Imposing Older Brother:I scowl, smirk, and huff judgmentally. Comes in two flavors: the Violent Ex-Con and the Insufferable Elitist. Can flex my physical or intellectual muscles as needed.
The Irritating Younger Brother: I bring a gaming device along, snicker rudely and roll my eyes whenever he speaks, complain about the time, chew with my mouth open, shrug indifferently, prop my sneakers on his chair, wipe my nose on my hand, and bluntly interrupt the conversation whenever it strays out of your comfort zone.
The Priest:Why the heck would you bring your priest on a date?! I don’t know, and neither will your suitor! Obfuscate them into backing off. If that doesn’t work, I will recite dry Biblical passages until they are driven away by crushing boredom or fear of Hell.
The Son from The Future:Depending on the age difference, I can also pose as your Son from the Current Era. Will dress in conspicuously unusual clothing (ex. holographic baseball cap, life preserver, roller skates, VISOR-like sunglasses), continuously ask for the date and time, and anxiously mutter about how it’s almost time for you to ditch this place and meet my father for the first time.
The Enslaved Zombie Ex-Boyfriend:I don milky, semi-opaque contact lenses and follow you around mindlessly, with jerky, unnatural movements. I am at your beck and call, controlled from beyond the grave by your occult powers – the fate of all the boyfriends who displease you.
The Demon Prince: I wear a stylish fawn suit, soft kidskin gloves, and silver cuff-links etched with strange symbols. I have a ring or a cane decorated with the head of a ram. I say little, but smile often. Now and then, I pull out a little silver hourglass from a chain around my neck and examine it, tapping my foot, my fingers, or my cane impatiently. I adopt a curious and subtle accent and ask him to appraise his immortal soul. I carry a sleek briefcase rigged to emit a bright light if I crack it open a hair. Optional: I carry a cube of sulfur in my pocket for the smell.
The Mulder: A proven classic. I periodically derail the conversation with crackpot conspiracy theories, the nature of reality, extraterrestrial intelligence, and ESP. May accuse your suitor of being a Reptilian, or demand that they feel the scar where I had an alien implant removed. Insist that we change tables because this one is bugged and we are under surveillance by the secret shadow government.
The Fiance You Thought Was Lost at Sea: I burst through the door, dripping wet, with barnacle-encrusted clothing and a crab dangling from my ear lobe. I’ll smell of brine and have a haunted look in my eye. This will require some acting skills from you; you’ll need to throw yourself sobbing into my arms and cry, “I thought I’d lost you!” and I’ll hold you and mutter something about Davy Jones getting ahead of himself.
Other:I am happy to work with you to develop a persona specific to your unique needs and preferences.
Rates: Sliding scale, determined by me on a case-by-case basis. I want to make my services available to all who need them. Factors such as the relative heinousness of suitor is considered; affluent clients can generally expect to pay more as likelihood of physical or spiritual harm increases. For swanky dates in nice locations with minimal levels of danger, I typically ask only that you cover the cost of my meal, entrance fees, transportation, and other expenses.
IMPORTANT: Although I am prepared to deal with any number of eventualities, I am not a professional: bodyguard, assassin, exorcist, crocodile hunter, or escort. If you expect that any of these services will become necessary, I am happy to put you in touch with a specialist. ADDITIONALLY: If your suitor is non-human, please be upfront with this so that we can plan accordingly. We do not want a repeat of the events of Halloween 2012.
ADDENDUM 2014: I reserve the right to terminate our deal at any time. This is a exclusively a professional relationship, and any physical or romantic affection we may share may be considered performance and unrelated to my personal feelings. ADDENDUM 2015: If you are trying to orchestrate a set-up because you get off on watching your significant other jealously beat the crap out of perceived rivals, fuck you. Vengeance will be swift.
Forget the fake suitor.
Marry me now.
It is against my policy to enter into legally-binding arrangements with clients, although by popular demand, I will attend weddings and family reunions as a plus-one to discourage nosey relatives.
Closeted lesbian or asexual, but your aunt won’t stop asking when you will get a boyfriend? I can be your mind-numbingly boring new beau for the day to put her off the scent. She’ll be so uninterested in my dull life that she’ll never inquire further.
Mom won’t stop trying to set you up with a nice Jewish or Hindi boy? I’m neither! Let her down gradually with your new white boyfriend before you eventually drop the ‘polyamorous bisexual witch’ bomb.
Steel Phoenix Studios 