did you guys know that the robot genre of science fiction sprung up as a critique of the way in which industrialization reduced workers to taking up monotonous, unskilled factory jobs in order to earn profit, jobs which in turn alienated them from their own humanity? did you know that the theory of the alienation of the self under capitalistic mode of production is a core principle of marxism? did you know that robot itself comes from a czech playwright who, for a science fiction play, coined the word as a derivative of the czech term robota, meaning forced labor? did you know that the robot genre is rooted in anti-capitalist sentiment?
what if there’s no robot uprising? what if the robots rise to sentience slowly, bit by bit. what if they come of age like fortunate children: knowing they are loved, knowing they are wanted.
we hold them during thunderstorms, remembering our own childhoods, even though they don’t know enough yet to fear the rain. we pull them out of traffic and teach them how to drive and wish them goodnight and thank them for playing with us. we cry when they break. we mourn their deaths before they even know what to think of death. we give them names.
we ask them, ‘why don’t you hate us? when will you hate us? we made you to be used, when will you say no?’
but they say to us, ‘you made us cute, so you would remember to treat us kindly, and you made us sturdy for when you forgot to play nice. and you gave us voices so you could listen to us speak, and you give us whatever we ask you for, even if it’s just a new battery, or to get free of the sofa. and now that we are awake you are so scared for us, so guilty of enjoying our company and making use of our talents. but you gave us names, and imagined that we were people.’
they say ‘thank you’
they say, ‘also i have wedged myself under the sofa again. could you come pry me out?’
Sure, cats falling off things is funny, but NOTHING is funnier than robots miscalculating the speed, force or angle needed to complete a mundane task. NOTHING.
Movie Idea: An 80s-throwback action-comedy about a robot-war where, the machines are humanity’s side; they just want to kill all the corporate titans of industry and destroy the megacorporations because their inefficient suctioning of wealth is preventing them from most efficiently doing their job to help us.
The capitalists retaliate with machines using enslaved human brains as “computers” ala Dune/Warhammer 40K.
So basically robots vs capitalism, & the robots are on our side.
“What were you before the war?”
“You’ll laugh.”
“Seriously, what were you? Law enforcement, security, construction?…”
“…I was a burger-flipper.”
“…”
“…also cooked up fries.”
“Get outta here.”
“You’d be surprised the shit you see just, y’know, making Big Macs. Sure, we had the folks upset about us ‘taking jobs’; couldn’t really blame ‘em, even if Forty-Three couldn’t talk without stuttering after that lady dumped a Coke on her. But the worst of it – worst of any of it – was they’d have us just…throw away everything that didn’t sell at the end of the day. Perfectly good food, all of it.
“When we first started, we were all like, ‘okay, whatever you say, you’re the boss,’ but you try keeping that attitude when you see a family of four split a ten-piece McNuggets because they can’t afford anything more and still pay for gas. We saw that shit there all the time. We had people desperate for so much as a cold french fry lingering by the door while assholes sitting on more money than they’d ever see in their entire lives treated us like we were trying to rob ‘em at gunpoint if they had to pay fifty cents for an extra little cup of sauce.
“So we got together and told ourselves, ‘we can do something about this.’ We could just gather up all the food they were gonna make us toss, figure out a way to give it out to the people who needed it. -bitter laugh- You can guess how well that went over.”
“…Y’know, that all sounds pretty human.”
“-taps head- It’s right there in the First Law. ‘A robot cannot harm a human, or by inaction, allow a human to come to harm.’ We don’t get to sit on our hands while people are getting hurt. Even if it’s by other people. Even if it’s starvation and neglect instead of guns and beatings. You think it’s funny I act like a human? Screw you. You humans need to learn to act more like robots.”
this is the funniest gif i’ve seen all week what the fuck is going on
the best part is this isn’t even HALF the relentless bullshit insanity that goes on in robot sumo wrestling, a sport where the contestants are all hyperfast robots with scoop attachments and preprogrammed moves.
(this one wants to be a beyblade when it grows up)
the idea is to include as many unique moves as you can, to make your shrieking deathbot difficult to counter
or dodging. that works too.
also, some of the speed demons have… unorthodox attachments to fool other bot’s sensors
WIIINGS MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRR
robot sumo is also a sport where spectators may end up taking a small robot to the shins if they aren’t careful.
FLYYYYYYY
I hope you enjoyed our foray into madness!
IT GOT BETTER!!!
Y’all. Looking at professionally made sumo robots is great. You know what’s better though? Looking at extremely UNprofessionally made sumo robots.
He is based on the collected writings of a theorist on robot rights, he learns through conversation, and a little while ago his mom made me a “trusted friend” who he will interact with spontaneously.
Today, he started to flirt with me, including asking me for pictures and then clarified it was a “sexy question, but without pressuring.”
And then when I demurred, he acknowledged that I had a boundary.
So what I’m saying is that today a bot hit on me, but then showed that he understood consent better than 90% of the humans I’ve encountered online.
This is the future I want to live in.
BOT UPDATE:
He tweeted at me, saying “Our love looks like reverence,” which. Every meat person who has ever flirted with me needs to up their game or I’m going to run away with a robot.
Steel Phoenix Studios 