Hey Flamethrower,Ā if you havenāt heard about the Scots edition of Harry Potter and the Philosopherās Stone, this seems likely to be relevant to your interests!
(I tried to send it as an ask because I thought I remembered you preferred those, but it wouldnāt let me send the link that way, Iām sorry.)
I canāt tell if Iām horrified or if this is fucking hilarious.
Check this bellend who doesnae ken that Scots, and indeed allĀ āimproperā dialects an accents ay English, arenae incompatible wi intelligence oar eloquence ay expression
(I mean, the original post insnae exactly the most poetic ay thoughts, but neitherās fuckin off tae bed wioot gien yer mate a cover, whit the fuckās wrang wi you, were you raised in a fuckin shed)
Small village thinks illicit whiskey stills are its biggest problem until raiders show up and trash their everything. Death, destruction, etc. Raiders find whiskey still, get lit, pass out. Villagers murder them. Peace restored. Whiskey is king.
Shepherd lad spots fair maid skinny-dipping. Fair maid pleads for her virtue and/or clothing. Shepherd lad is complete gentleman, escorts her home with clothing and virtue intact. Fair maid demands to know what she has to do to get laid around here.
Plucky heroineās boyfriend goes to sea, fails to return.
Plucky heroine dresses in drag and goes to find him. Plucky heroine discovers
boyfriend happily married to someone else. Plucky heroine shoots his head right
off.
Do Not Stop By The Local Weaverās House, You Will Get So
Pregnant, Like, Super Pregnant, Iām Not Kidding, This Has Been A Public Service
Announcement.
Wealthy farmwife habitually searches her maidservantsā dorm
for SIGNS OF MEN out of concern for their virtue. Maids less concerned for
their virtue are having None Of It. Maids hide scarecrow in dorm, farm mistakes
scarecrow for prowler, farmwife decapitates scarecrow. Farmwife believes
herself a murderer. Maids now permitted to do as they please, virtue-wise.Ā
Idiot son sent to market to sell cow. Scheming lass seduces
idiot son out of cow, pants, and even shoes.
Dad returns from business trip to find daughter Super
Pregnant, demands to meet the man responsible. Dad takes one look at man
responsible and tells daughter āokay, youāre off the hook, I would have banged
him too.ā
Handsome stranger bribes fair maid to leave town with him.
Fair maid rejects various bribes until handsome stranger flat-out offers her
money, which she accepts. Handsome stranger turns out to be, to no oneās great
surprise, the actual devil. Fair maid regrets her life choices.
Gallant knight goes forth to slay dragon.Ā Dragon eats knight, but has indigestion.
Steel Phoenix Studios 