Ok, but what if Captain Kirk did a “morning announcements” thing every day? XD
“Good mooooooorning, Enterprise! This is your dashing young Captain speaking and we’ve got a lot of announcements to get through, so sit back and listen to the melodious sound of my voice.”
(*Crew stops whatever they’re doing throughout ship to groan and roll eyes collectively*)
“First up, happy birthday to Lieutenant Ross, Ensign Jones, and science officers Chotikua, Benson, and finally, Itaaeaguchi-sloohito’niknik’ra of security, who has reached the ripe old age of one-hundred-and-thirty-seven living cycles. He should be through the worst of the violently aggressive pubescent stage by now and emerging from his cocoon any time, but if you happen to cross paths with any of the other afore mentioned individuals today, give them a big hug. Oh, and just a heads-up, if anyone has plans for birthday cake later, due to a programming malfunction, the replicators are currently unable to produce vanilla or golden fronzelberry frosting.”
(Ensign Jones: “Aw, mannn!”)
“But don’t worry, we’ve got our very own Mister Scott and his faithful sidekick Mister Chekov working on it right now.” *Muffled Scottish cursing in the background* “Apologies for any inconvenience. Next, Mister Hendorff has requested that I remind everyone of the upcoming hostile takeover drill…and to please put the phaser rifles back in order on the rack when we’re done. It’s not that hard, just go by the matching color-coded stickers. His words, not mine.”
(Random crew member: “Pfft, ok, whatever.”)
“And now, in recreational news, the ship’s book group will be meeting next Thursday for their monthly discussion. This month’s novel is the thrilling mystery ‘Who Moved My Tribble”, by the best-selling author Otis Skyflip. There’s still time to read it if you haven’t already, and you really should. I did and it changed my life.”
(Random fangirl crew member: “I love you Otis! I love you! Save the tribbles!”)
“Also, the championship tournament of the interdepartmental volleyball league will be happening Friday night between engineering and medical. It’s sure to be a nail-biter and keep you on your toes, so don’t miss out! Speaking of toes, the Dinerian swing-dancing/karaoke/vegetarian potluck is the night after. The last one was a huge success, although, may I remind everyone that the carbonated froos-fassang flavored frappe…you know, the one with the rainbow sprinkles and whipped cream, is no longer allowed in the rec hall due to last week’s little ‘incident’. It took three days to get that stuff out of the carpet. I’m looking at you, Lieutenant Lester.”
(Lieutenant Lester: “Hey, I didn’t do that! I was framed!”)
“And…” *Someone else whispering in background* “Oh, yes, thank you for bringing that up, Uhura. Ok, would whoever keeps writing ‘command rules and operations drools’ on the walls of the deck three bathrooms please stop? It was funny the first time, but now it’s just stupid. And also it’s vandalism. Again, I’m looking at you, Lieutenant Lester.”
(Lieutenant Lester: “Wha–why do I get blamed for everything?!”)
“Anyway, before I get to the menu, a few housekeeping issues. It has come to my attention that the ship’s lost-and-found is starting to get a little out of hand. If you don’t claim your missing items by the end of this week, especially whoever misplaced the tank of flesh-eating cacti, everything will be donated to the Rigel colony. Well…except for the tank of flesh-eating cacti. And lastly, people are forgetting to turn the headlights off when they’re done using the shuttles. Turn the lights off, guys. We can’t have low batteries when the Klingons decide to attack again. Bad news.”
(Lieutenant Lester: “…..Ok, I may have actually done that.”)
“Alright, now the moment you’ve all been waiting for…”
(Random crew member: “Just say it already, geez!”)
“…the menu! Today we will be having Andorian-style enchiladas with the options of mild, medium or volcanic hot-sauce–there will be medics on standby, of course–purple guacamole, mixed galactic fruit salad, chocolate chunk cookies, and, by popular demand, Kaferian apple juice.”
(Entire crew: “YESSS!”)
“That’s all I’ve got for now, folks. Thanks for listening, I’ll be here all–”
(*Mic crackles*)
“Vaccines for Regulan blood worm-transmitted flu have arrived and are mandatory for all crew members, so get down here and–”
“Yes, thank you, Bones. As I was saying, keep being awesome, live long and prosper, have a wonderful day, all that stuff. Kirk out!”
I felt that the [TNG] writers and producers could not escape from their own essential rigidity in their attitudes to women. They were continually featured as sexual objects, as softer, weaker, and therefore – it always seemed to me—second-class individuals. And because I believed and still do that the show represents what our underlying philosophies are, it doubly irritated me that in that area I thought we were failing.
There is a kind of boys’ club about Star Trek, do you understand? It’s in the air all around the show, in the producers, in the front office, in the writers’ building. Our actresses were not finding sympathetic ears for the things they had to say, and I think at times they simply got exhausted by the battle.
I know Gates McFadden and Marina Sirtis both found it ridiculous that in episodes with combat scenes they did stupid girly stuff like drop heavy objects on enemy heads while their male colleagues were using weapons. Gates in particular had a whole lot of combat training as an actor. As Stewart says, their protests were not heard by the higher ups. It got better in later seasons, but clearly there was a presumption about gender roles that treated women differently from men.
Her Twitter mentions is full of people saying stuff like “You have always been able to cosplay a Captain!”. They just Don’t Get It. Please, Tumblr Star Trek fandom – go to her tweet and give her some love.
This made my day
Go off laura!!!!
Jim: Can the sarcasm.
Bones: Please, I never use canned sarcasm, only fresh.
(Sisko the Thunder God storms in and hits Garak,
sending him flying.)
Sisko: Get up. You killed him.
Garak: That’s right.
Sisko: That’s what you planned to do all along, isn’t it. You knew the data rod wouldn’t hold up to scrutiny. You just wanted to get him on the station so you could plant a bomb on his shuttle.
Garak: It wasn’t quite that simple. I did have hopes that the rod would somehow pass inspection, but I suspected that Tolar may not have been up to the task.
Sisko: And what about Tolar? Did you kill him too?
Garak: Think of them both as tragic victims of war.
(Sisko punches Garak again.)
Garak: If you can allow your anger to subside for a moment, you’ll see that they did not die in vain. The Romulans will enter the war.
Sisko: There’s no guarantee of that.
Garak: Oh, but I think that there is. You see, when the Tal Shiar finishes examining the wreckage of Vreenak’s shuttle, they’ll find the burnt remnants of a Cardassian optolythic data rod which somehow miraculously survived the explosion. After painstaking forensic examination, they’ll discover that the rod contains a recording of a high level Dominion meeting at which the invasion of Romulus was being planned.
Sisko: And then they’ll discover that it is a fraud!
Garak: No, I don’t think they will, because any imperfections in the forgery will appear to be a result of the explosion. So, with a seemingly legitimate rod in one hand and a dead senator in the other, I ask you, Captain, what conclusion would you draw?
Sisko:That Vreenak obtained the rod on Soukara and that the Dominion killed him to prevent him from returning to Romulus with it.
Garak: Precisely. And the more the Dominion protests their innocence, the more the Romulans will believe they’re guilty because it’s exactly what the Romulans would have done in their place. That’s why you came to me, isn’t it, Captain? Because you knew I could do those things that you weren’t capable of doing. Well, it worked. And you’ll get what you want, a war between the Romulans and the Dominion. And if your conscience is bothering you, you should soothe it with the knowledge that you may have just saved the entire Alpha Quadrant and all it cost was the life of one Romulan senator, one criminal, and the self-respect of one Starfleet officer. I don’t know about you, but I’d call that a bargain.
I’m sorry anon. I realized belatedly that I basically just told you “turn to Jesus!” and walked away without explanation. I’m absolutely not kidding, though: Star Trek. Especially in times of difficulty and change: watch Star Trek.
I was sixteen in the 90s, which was a much more hopeful time than now in most ways, but was also a far more isolating time for anyone atypical. I had no idea where to go to get information about what was wrong with me, or reassurance that I wasn’t alone. Without the internet, alone is pretty damn lonely.
So I found myself turning to Star Trek captains to hear the messages I knew I needed to hear from an authority figure, but couldn’t find around me.Anon, I don’t know your situation or whether you’re among my Trek followers, so let me offer you a variety of options:
Steel Phoenix Studios 