Tag: star wars

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Here he is in all his glory, guys: Accidental Space Pirate Obi-Wan Kenobi.

I hold each and every one of you personally responsible: @bodirooks @resistancepilots @albaparthenicevelut @fireflyfish @writegowrite @forcearama @bloodlyshiva
 
Shame on you for encouraging me!! 😉

AMAZING!! I dunno what my favorite part is?? The tiny braid in his swooshy hair. (And the lil bit of grey!!) The gaping tunic. The CLOAK. The half circles symbol on his remaining armor. The definitely non-regulation blaster and the Thigh Holster. Gosh.

This is truly the Obi Wan who accidentally liberated Tatooine from the Hutts. This is truly the Obi Wan who someone gifted a Moon (I mean. Look at him. I too, would give him the moon). This is truly the Obi Wan who is also secretly the Duke of Mandalore and has accidentally started accruing his own empire. Hondo Onaka is Ecstatic.

ACCIDENTAL SPACE PIRATE OBI WHO IS SECRETLY THE DUKE OF MANDALORE!! AND WAS GIFTED A MOON THAT HE DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH EARLIER BUT NOW USES AS A BASE OF ACCIDENTAL SPACE PIRATE OPERATIONS

Listen. He does the one soresu stance. You know the one.

Except this time, instead of two fingers, there’s this ridiculous non-regulation uncivilized blaster. Mostly sentients are smart enough not to stay and fight, though a lot of them swoon and it’s a bit of a problem, really. Obi Wan wouldn’t just leave someone unconscious in the desert like that, so now they have to be taken care of. With plenty of fluids and the occasional smelling salt, naturally.

Guys… theoretically… if I were to draw a comic-book cover of the imaginary ‘Obi-Wan Kenobi: Accidental Space Pirate’ issue 1… which character/s would be on the cover with him??

Part of me is thinking Jabba’s palace on fire in the distance…

😬

Dear Lord in heaven I love all of these comments. And I am still 10,000% on board with Accidental Pirate Obi-Wan being gifted a moon. 

And yes, @jerseytigermoth, he is totally running from some kind of burning building/explosion in this comic cover. 

I do love the idea of Ahsoka being part of his pirate crew. Or a tiny, sassy little Luke Skywalker who’s been brought into the fold. Obviously Hondo would be a strong contender for inclusion here, too. He is LOVING Obi-Wan’s pirate years.  

Vader is going to faint when he lays eyes on pirate Obi-Wan. The Empire does not stand a chance. 

When Lira Tideen was first assigned to Darth Vader’s personal squadron aboard the Executor she had been so proud that she’d rushed straight back to her bunk and commed her parents. Only best and brightest of the Imperials were assigned to Vader’s detachment (only the most reckless and foolhardy as well, which accounted for Lira’s lack of concern over the future integrity of her windpipe).

Her parents had been less than thrilled of course but that was par for the course. 

“Couldn’t you come home and find a career planetside?” Here her mother paused to think of something that might tempt her adrenaline junkie of a daughter into leaving the Death Squadron.

“I hear that stunt podracing is becoming really big.” She’d finished. Her voice didn’t hold very much hope. She’d done her best. Her father had just pinched the bridge of his nose and tilted his head back. He’d largely given up on attempting to prevent his youngest child from finding new and creative ways to die.

Lira had ignored their lack of enthusiasm. Life was going to be properly exciting now. Death defying chases, skirmishes with the really dangerous rebel cells, dogfights… everyone knew that Vader’s personal squadron saw the toughest action. That had been what she thought anyway. Then Republic high general turned rebel, Obi Wan Kenobi had reappeared. 

Suddenly the Empire’s toughest troops were reduced to tromping around dusty Outer Rim backwater planets with their blasters set to stun (”The emperor wants him alive,” Vader insisted defensively) collecting “evidence” of Kenobi. This evidence mostly consisted of security footage, ‘Wanted’ signs and suspiciously, issues of the wildly popular flimsi-comic ‘Jedi Master Obi Wan Kenobi: Pirate and Gentleman’ that had sprung up since Kenobi had reappeared.

Even more suspiciously, Vader insisted on spending hours “reviewing” the “evidence” they collected personally. Rumor had it that a stormtrooper had walked in on Vader stroking the hair of a particularly dashing illustration of Kenobi muttering about how “swooshy” his hair was. The trooper had managed to back slowly out while Vader was distracted and thus escaped with his life.

The final straw for Lira though was when they finally caught up with Kenobi. Vader had spent hours locked in his quarters and had come out looking especially dramatic and imposing. Every line of his clothing was immaculately black and straight, it looked like he’d ironed them, his cape was new and made out of a heavier, richer fabric than usual, which allowed it to fall around him in especially dramatic folds, his helmet gleamed.

“Move out,” he’d ordered and he’d sounded almost giddy. Then he’d proceeded to draw out the raid in such a dramatic fashion that there’d been zero rebel casualties. Instead, he and Kenobi had flirted while “fighting” for a solid forty-five minutes. The rebels and stormtroopers had been reduced to shooting each other desperate looks, united in a profound desire to be anywhere else.

“We meet again, Obi Wan, but now the student has become the master,” Vader said. Kenobi had winked (kriffing winked, Lira had to admit, it had been extremely attractive) and flourished his lightsaber in a way that was somehow both deadly and filthily suggestive.

“There is still much I could teach you, Darth,” he said and oh Force his tone was even more suggestive than his, ah, lightsaber. The Togruta female behind him actually face-palmed. Lira sympathized. Stars, did she sympathize. That night, she submitted her resignation to the Imperial fleet and took the first shuttle home. Maybe her mother had a point. A woman could go far stunt podracing these days.   

HAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD THEY WOULD THOUGH. 

Can you even imagine what a menace to society PIRATE Kenobi would be though? Like, the winkity-wink flirting stuff would be OUT OF CONTROL. There would be galaxy-wide WARNINGS about this.

I legit laughed out loud at the idea of DARTH VADER SOUNDING “GIDDY”. Also that there would be dimestore novels or comics written about the saucy exploits of Dashing Pirate Kenobi IS KILLING ME. SOMEONE WRITE ONE I WANNA READ ABOUT HOW HE FLIRTS HIS WAY INTO VAST RICHES. 

Guys stop I am CACKLING IN THE MIDDLE OF LIFE DRAWING CLASS DURING THE TEA BREAK

THIS IS VERY INAPPROPRIATE

Making people laugh about Star Wars with me is like…pretty much one of my favorite things in the entire world, so…I do not apologize. 

If you didn’t want to read about Pirate Kenobi’s Saucy Dime Novel Adventures, then you shouldn’t have drawn him in the first place! I mean, look at that guy! He is Legendary. 

He makes men and women swoon from one end of the Galaxy to the other! He liberated Tatooine from the Hutts! His hair is the swooshiest! He owns a moon! At least twelve drinking songs/sea chanteys have been written about his daring adventures across the Outer Rim!

There are all kinds of crazy stories floating around about how even the terrible Sith Lord Darth Vader is not immune to his saucy, flirtatious winks and stirring renditions of old Tatooine love ballads (some claim it’s through Kenobi’s, er, influence that the Empire’s just never seemed to quite be able to finish that long-rumored Death Star project. Vader’s reps had no comment.)

Some say that Kenobi and Ahsoka Tano – one of the most trusted members of Kenobi’s pirate crew and a legend in her own right – were the ones behind the daring heist of the artifacts at the Sheev Palpatine Museum on Naboo. (The artifacts have never surfaced on the black market. Some say they stole them just to burn them.) 

For years, gossip columns have said Kenobi is a frequent guest in the bed of the Duchess of Mandalore (there are even rumors that they may be secretly married, and that technically Kenobi is not only a Pirate King, but an actual Duke as well.) The Duchess, for her part, has declined to elaborate as to why so many of the storied pirate’s adventures seem to take him through her part of the galaxy, though she does admit that she is grateful that Kenobi’s crew has gotten the Death Watch out of her hair once and for all. 

DUCHESS OF MANDALORE SHENANIGANS!! yes she’s declined to confirm or deny any rumors, but what about the one time the space paparazzi saw her arriving on Kenobi’s moon? they camped out in space around the moon forEVER, and everyone swears the duchess didn’t leave for a week. What were they up to? why was Ahsoka Tano flying up to join them three days after she landed? why was Senator Organa and his family involved too? did this mandalorian retreat have any connection to the rumors of Vader throwing a fit about “not being invited, damn you, Kenobi, I waited for yEARS—”? and if we listen to the more. enthusiastic space tabloids, was this a renewing of their vows or did they only now tie the knot? 

It was a beautiful ceremony. Hondo Ohnaka officiated (he got a license on the holonet, I ’s completely legit for sure). Everyone cried when Satine dipped Obi Wan into a long kiss and then the kiss kept going, and going… and going so the crying did turn into wolf-whistling but that only detracted from the dignity of the ceremony a little. Vader did crash it but he was polite and brought a bottle of fine wine and only one squadron of storm troopers, which everyone agreed was pretty restrained of him.

It was the event of the century! Even Bail manages to attend, and with him a tiny princess doing a terrible job of trying to hide her excitement (pirates! ) right up until Flower Boy Luke manages to dump a bucket of space-rose petals on her head. ( they’ve managed to keep his last name hidden, but Kenobi’s tiny accomplice has become rather infamous  – mainly for his ability to turn up where least expected. Speculation abounds about his origins – orphaned urchin, the newlyweds’ secret love child, spawn of chaos… )

 Leia is of course outraged,  and demands he show her around a genuine Pirate ship as recompense. Which is how they discover what is CLEARLY a map to  secret treasure and decide it would make the perfect wedding present so they steal Vader’s shuttle and that is how we lead into an epic, galaxy spanning adventure in which Pirate King Kenobi races to recover both the children and the map (it leads to Dagobah) before Vader takes them into custody (even without knowing his identity he knows Vader’s jealousy and Luke’s adorableness means he’ll want to keep Luke as his new apprentice, and that will not end up well for anyone). 

There will be firefights! Daring space manouvers! Bounty hunters! Exotic locales full of shady lowlifes and dingy bars!  Epic taunting via holocom! Flirting across bottomless chasms while explosions whip capes and hair dramatically behind them! 

And in the end Ahsoka and Korkie save the day with the assistance of an ex clone trooper or three 🙂

FLIRTING ACROSS BOTTOMLESS CHASMS 😂😂😂

Now that’s the kind of quality content I’m looking for. Quitting my paying job to spend all my time writing the SW fan comic of the exploits of Accidental Space Pirate Obi-Wan Kenobi for absolutely no income is starting to sound like A Good Life Choice at this point tbh.

… given how amazing your artwork is I could see that working actually!

Look, there are soooo many cliche movie scenes that can be made better with Accidental Pirate King Kenobi : 

– the dramatic sword fight lightsaber duel across the deck as the ship sinks disintegrates and splits with Vader on one piece clutching a torn piece of clothing armour and Obi-Wan on the other, shirtless, as they slowly drift apart. 

– Obi-Wan and Vader tied back to back in a crude net as cannibals Ewoks dance around a fire beneath them

– Obi-Wan and Ahsoka dressed up as nobility imperial higher-ups in order to infiltrate a ball social gathering for information. Vader is there in his fanciest cape.

– The time they have to infiltrate a brothel  seedy cantina and Obi-Wan ends up in a lacy dress

– a heart-racing​ chase through a crowded marketplace, Obi-Wan bouncing off stalls and fruit carts and turning back occasionally to launch sassy quips and shoot down convenient canopies to hinder Vader’s bullish pursuit. Vader of course ends up covered in various foodstuffs while Kenobi gives a jaunty salute as he hangs precariously from his getaway vehicle

– the comedic interlude where Hondo is babysitting and loses Luke in a bar and has to find him before he gets arrested is accidentally sold into slavery starts a riot only to have Kenobi turn up holding the little terror saying “Missing something?“ 

– the drinking contest where Obi-Wan drinks everyone including Rex under the table and waking them up the next morning with cheery singing and banging pots (he cheated of course)

… And many more! I could go on forever 🙂

BRILLIANT @lurkingcrow. And all these scenarios need an artist with the genius to capture Obi Wan’s swooshy hair, artfully exposed chest hair, and sassy expression. *waggles eyebrows @jerseytigermoth* 

I am actually jotting down ideas for lyrics for a pirate!Kenobi song, in the spirit of the The Rodian and The Ghest.