You know, with all the language throughout Star Wars about “giving in” to the Dark Side, how the Dark Side makes you more powerful, how the Dark Side makes you age strangely and destroys you, it sure doesn’t sound like an “opposite side of the coin” so much as the “deeper end of the pool,” like it’s actually the true form of the force and being a Jedi is about keeping it tamed so it doesn’t eat you the way it actually wants.
the force is entropy
Eldritch Jedi pls
This is one of the reasons i love the second Knights of the Old Republic game, wherein one of the major characters (who defines herself neither as Jedi nor Sith) actually views the Force this way, saying “I hate the Force. I hate that it seems to have a will, that it would control us to achieve some measure of balance, when countless lives are lost.”
It’s also the game that gave us the two most entropic, eldritch characters in the franchise: Darth Nihilus, whose dark-side-borne ability to feed on the Force and consume life itself has twisted him into a half-living “wound in the Force”, more presence than flesh
and Darth Sion, whose entire body is a ruin, his flesh nothing but ragged scar tissue, every bone and muscle broken and torn, kept animated by will alone as he forces himself, second by agonizing second, to exist
I wish there were more horrifying perspectives on the force like that
This is one of the reasons the term “Light Side” never felt right to me, even before it was used in any official media; The Force always struck me more like an ocean than a binary concept: the deeper you go, the darker and more crushing it gets — at a certain point becoming an effectually consistent darkness — and while light filters down and fades for some distance, if there is a truly light “side” it’d be the surface.
Which isn’t to say “the Force is evil unless you flounder about near the top” — just that it’s a natural force, and as such is something you need to respect and be adequately prepared for. (Take electricity, for example: super awesome and pretty dang useful, but OH HOLY SMOKES don’t try and harness it unless you REALLY know what you’re doing!)
In this sense, being tempted by the Dark Side is less a case of “Hey, I wonder what’s on the other side of this coin it looks pretty cool haha oh whoops I’m Space Walter White now,” and more one of “The deeper into this thing you go, the harder you’ll need to fight to resist the ever-increasing pressure, to remain whole, even to just see whatever the heck you’re actually doing.”
(which is why Jedi training is so important: those padawans gotta build themselves a mental Deepsea Challenger!)
THIS META BLESSED ME
Okay but let’s suppose, for a moment, that the Force is actually malevolent.
That would make a lot of sense.
Consider, for a moment, an eldritch parasite. This ancient being feeds off of the life-force of other creatures. Not that unusual, as most living things also consume other living things, to various degrees. But this one is technically somewhat removed from the usual structures of biology. It is a passive and opportunistic predator, for the most part. Whenever a living being that is connected to it – however weakly – dies, it consumes part of its energy, and gets bigger.
As life in the galaxy flourishes, and time passes, this singular entity gets bigger, and bigger, and bigger. Like a catfish; the only limit to its growth is how much it can consume to fuel it. The larger it gets, the more it is able to sink its invisible claws into other living beings, until eventually there is hardly any life out there which hasn’t been ‘infected’ by it, and slated to become its spiritual dinner as soon as its biological form gives out.
And here we actually come to – of all things – the midichlorians. Which, the Jedi use to measure someone’s sensitivity to the Force, which works because midichlorians are the vehicle for the predatory parasite to infest living beings. The immune systems in some people begin to develop a certain degree of resistance to them, which is why some folks have more, and some have less, and this directly correlates to their Force sensitivity. The more midichlorians you have, the worse your immune system is at fending off the parasite.
The Force counters the risk of being bred out of subsequent generations by developing camouflage, and adapting itself into a more seemingly-symbiotic relationship with its prey.
What the Jedi see as the ‘light side’ of the Force, is a reflective layer that this predator has created via its connection to all living things. This network is the honey trap that encourages the beings still strongly connected to it, to spread that connection, because it affords them advantages while they are still alive. But its elements are comprised mostly of echoes and reflections of their fellow prey organisms. Force Ghosts that resemble the departed. Emotions that are transmitted along this layer and between individuals. Small amounts of power that can be siphoned off to impact the environment, and can also spread the Force to whatever living thing it comes into contact with.
This being is huge now, it needs a lot of juice in order to maintain its existence, let along continue to grow. And like most predators it’s willing to expend a certain amount of energy in order to guarantee a bigger pay-off.
The deeper you go into the Force, the more the Force starts exerting its own will through you. And the less you see of the reflected camouflage of it, and the more apparent it becomes that the Force wants large swaths of death to feed it. Which is why Dark Siders often become so preoccupied with things like Death Stars.
But it’s a balancing act. A large population of relatively peaceful Force sensitives, like the Jedi, cost more than they’re worth, because beyond a point they take too much energy from the Force and don’t kill enough people to pay for it. A single individual abusing their powers for self-gain and murdering left and right, though, accomplishes the goal of feeding it. The Force obviously doesn’t want its food supply to die out completely, but this explains the persistent cycles of the Star Wars universe – as a soon as a group of peaceful Force users becomes prominent, they get wiped out by a few Dark Siders who have tread too deeply past the reflective surface of the Force, and become actual vessels for its will.
And then when the Dark Siders have finished killing a whole bunch of people, it’s time for them to go, too, so that they don’t wipe out the entire populace and kill off the Force’s food supply beyond its ability to reasonably recover. The peaceful types then see an upswing, as they are more adept at spreading the Force. So the cycle goes – Jedi spread the Force, Sith kill the Jedi and feed the Force, Jedi kill the Sith and resume spreading the Force. It’s a planting and harvest cycle, and the galaxy is populated with the Force’s living spirit crops. Anakin Skywalker, who was arguably one of the beings most closely connected to the Force, and had an extremely high midichlorian count, basically lived this cycle in its entirety as an individual – he spread the Force as a Jedi, he killed people as a Sith, and then he ended it all in order to preserve his progeny for the next round.
tl;dr – the Force wants to eat your soul. The reason the ‘light side’ types always get so up in their own asses is because what they perceive as the Force is basically their own reflections dangling in front of them like an angler fish’s lure. The reason the ‘dark side’ types get so messed up is because they’re basically the equivalent of those grasshoppers who get infected with a parasite that makes them drown themselves.
This makes so much sense, but is also way too terrifying so I’m just gonna be over here pretending I did not read that so I can go to bed tonight and NOT have weird Star Wars zombie/eldritch horror dreams
Yep, gonna NOT go with the Eldritch Horror Star Wars story even though it’s a neat post/idea thing.
But it is why I ascribe to Empire Strikes Back Yoda’s philosophy about the Force. PT Yoda didn’t get it yet, even though he thought he did, and others thought he was wisest of wise beings.
No, it took him twenty-three years of living alone in a swamp, with nothing but himself, survival, teeming life, and the Force, for him to understand one simple truth:
The Force simply is.
Yoda talks about the Dark Side and the Light Side, and even he admits that the Dark Side isn’t stronger–but he also doesn’t try to claim the Light Side is stronger.
(Also I think his speech about Dangers of the Dark Side was more or less a desperate PLEASE DO NOT BE DARTH VADER, ONE IS BAD ENOUGH.)
Yoda describes the Force as energy, but if you cut through some of what he says, he’s not saying that only life creates the Force, or vice versa. The Force is the energy of existence.
so here’s our favorite adoptive space dad Bail Organa in Revenge of the Sith:
and here he is in Rogue One:
meanwhile, here’s Obi-Wan in Revenge of the Sith:
and here he is after the exact same amount of time:
I’d like some of whatever Bail is having on Alderaan and exactly zero of what Obi-Wan is having on Tatooine
well one of them is the viceroy of alderaan and the other one is living as a hermit in space nevada, sorry that obi wan isn’t keeping up his moisturizing regimen on Planet Sand Hell while bail organa drinks kale smoothies in the shade
And let’s not forget that Tatooine has two suns and is incredibly hostile to the aging process. Look at Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru.
OH GOD NO BUT THAT WOULD BE PERFECT. how did the jedi not think of that?
what is anakin’s biggest weakness? attachments.
you know who needs lots of attachment? babies. small children.
anakin should not have been made to study murder: he should have been put in charge of Small Things. He would have bonded with all of them instantly, and it would have given his life Meaning and Purpose.
He’d bond with the kids, but he’d be able to move on because they are Bigger now and they have to go to the Big Kid Class but he still sees them around all the time, and it finally teaches him how to let go of his attachments??? He’d find a kid that he’s particularly fond of and go to Obi-Wan and say “I have found your newest padawan.”
this could have fixed so. many. things. ;_____;
Heh, and Anakin would keep picking Obi-Wan’s padawans for him, and it would be annoying but damn if he wasn’t right every single time.
BUT CAN YOU
JUST IMAGINE HOW ANNOYED PALPATINE WOULD BE his life would be never-ending
string of trying to get a hold of Anakin (I mean, would Anakin give him a time of day if he can spend it with small kids who absolutely adore him instead?)
he keeps
comming over the years, but it’s always like
BEEP
“Anakin, my
boy, we haven’t seen each other in a while—“
“I’m sorry,
Chancellor, now’s not the best time. I’m tutoring a class.”
BEEP
“My dear
boy, I wonder if we could meet for a chat—“
“Well, it
can’t be this week, we’re going to Ilum, but maybe later…”
BEEP
“Anakin,
I’d like to—“
“I’m
terribly sorry, Chancellor,” Obi-Wan Kenobi answers. The apologetic tone might
be just a tad exaggerated. “Anakin is on a trip with younglings, he
must’ve left his comlink behind accidentally.”
BEEP
“You’ve
reached Anakin Skywalker’s private comlink. Leave the message after the tone.”
BEEP
“It’s such
a shame that Council doesn’t consider sending you on this campaign, considering
the lightsaber skills you demonstrated when I was last visiting the Temple,
Anakin.”
“Thank you,
Chancellor, but this is precisely why I need to stay behind. In fact just the
last week, the Masters decided I should take over some advanced lightsaber
classes, considering senior Padawans accompanying their Masters on the frontlines
need the training. I might take the Bear Clan along, make it a learning
opportunity for the young ones—“
Palpatine
closes his eyes slowly. He knows this from experience; Anakin won’t let himself
be budged from the topic of little monsters for at least another half an hour.
BEEP
“Ah,
Chancellor Palpatine. Anakin left his comlink behind again, he’s in class—“
BEEP
“Anakin, I
hoped you—“
“Oh! Chancellor,”
the voice on the other end is distinctly female, and Palpatine recognizes it after
a second. Kenobi’s second Padawan. He barely restrains the urge to gnash his
teeth. “Um, Skyg—I mean, Master Skywalker can’t pick up now. I can tell him you
called? It’s just that he was helping me with forms, and he forgot his comlink,
and he’s probably already in crèche…”
BEEP
Then there’s
that one time when an actual youngling picks up the call. The less said about his
reaction to that incident, the better.
BEEP
“—fortunately,
they were all right in the end. But in my opinion, this should never happened
in the first place, Chancellor.”
Palpatine
snaps awake. Was that… was that anger? Finally, the hours of listening to
worthless drivel about Jedi younglings paid off.
“My boy, I
absolutely agree,” he begins slyly, but before he can continue, Anakin steamrolls
on.
“I think Jedi
Order is too deeply entwined in the conflict! I honestly don’t think even
senior Padawans should be anywhere near battles, not to mention in command of
GAR, but now even younglings are acceptable targets for Separatists and pirates!
Master Yoda and I were talking about this lately, and—“
Palpatine
swallows a scream of rage with some difficulty.
BEEP
“Forgot his
comlink again, Master Skywalker has. With younglings, he is.”
Slaughtering
younglings moved to the top on the list of things Darth Sidious will do after
taking over galaxy some time ago.
this post keeps getting better and better
Since this post is back on my dash, let me add something I was thinking about lately, which is this Anakin & Obi-Wan #1 page:
More specifically, the last four panels.
Stars
above, just look at this smarmy smile. Mace Windu might be saying “Of
course, Chancellor”, but he’s hard-pressed to think of something he’d like to
agree with less.
“The
Jedi are under the Senate’s judistriction.”
It’s
completely innocent, unremarkable, one hundred percent factually true statement.
It’s also said in the most blandly obnoxious tone one can imagine. A tone which
upon being heard is guaranteed to have blood pressure of the recipient going through
the roof.
(You could
find Master Windu in the Room of Thousand Fountains a few hours later. (“The
Jedi are under the Senate’s judistriction.”) You wouldn’t know it by
looking at him, but he’d be meditating away a very un-Jedi-like urge to rip a
certain graying head off.)
A few weeks
pass. Mace manages to put this unfortunate conversation out of his mind almost entirely.
He’s sitting together with Yoda, discussing everyday Order matters.
“Visit us
again, Chancellor will,” Yoda notes after they schedule a joint training
exercise for Padawans for tomorrow.
(“The
Jedi are under the Senate’s judistriction.”)
(”Send
him to me.”)
Windu
stares at his flimsiplast with unseeing eyes for a moment, carefully releasing
sudden spike of annoyance into the Force, before turning to the
Grandmaster.
“There are
still few mission to assign,” he remarks noncommittally.
(The next
day, Master Kenobi and Padawan Skywalker are on a transport to some swampy
planet in Mid-Rim. They both privately wonder why Master Windu is pissed off at
them; they both for once finding their consciences clear; they both arrive at
the inevitable conclusion that the other must be at fault; and they both decide
magnanimously to not embarrass their companion by asking what the hell they did.)
Mace Windu
absolutely does not let this petty act of revenge completely justified assignment
buoy his mood during next meeting with Chancellor (and several after that).
A month
passes, then another.
One sunny
afternoon, strolling through the Temple halls, Mace Windu happens upon
unwelcome visage of Chancellor Palpatine.
“Chancellor,”
he stops to greet the politician. His voice has just the right amount of polite
inquiry in it, and no one would know that somewhere deep in his soul, a more punctuated
question echoes. What the kriff are you doing here.
“Master
Windu,” the Chancellor replies, and no one knows this either, but he’s not
stopping just to make small talk with the Jedi. The rules of propriety and
social niceties are last thing on his mind, because a vanishingly rare
opportunity for someone in his position just presented itself.
It’s the
opportunity to gloat.
It’s a
little thing, really, but it counts.
“I’m just
on my way to meet Anakin,” he smiles. “Since my schedule isn’t full for once.”
A Jedi Master
of Mace Windu’s caliber has too much poise to let his eye twitch.
“Isn’t he
in class?” Mace inquires. Wouldn’t it just be wonderful, if Skywalker was busy right this minute.
“I wouldn’t
presume to interrupt him then! No, I commed ahead and Anakin told me his
afternoon is free.”
Jedi accept
both victory and defeat with the same serene dignity, for reveling in either is
not their way. Thus Master Windu inclines his head slightly, says “I see,” and
bids the Chancellor a good afternoon.
(“The
Jedi are under the Senate’s judistriction.”)
Those words
most definitely did not haunt Mace Windu, for he did not lay awake this night,
did not curse Anakin Skywalker for handing out his private comm number to
politicians, and did not wonder what other activities beside gossiping with
Chancellor of the Republic he could assign to arrogant Padawans with far, far
too much time on their hands (he checked Skywalker’s schedule; the boy indeed ought
have been in afternoon class, if not for the fact that he tested out of it).
Well,
alright, maybe he did. But only for a few moments, before letting the Force
carry away the irritation, trusting that the cosmic energy would help him to
realize how incredibly unimportant is his dislike of Chancellor Palpatine’s
overbearing need to poke his nose into Jedi matters in general and training of
Anakin Skywalker in particular.
His trust
is rewarded the very next day.
It is well
known fact that Master Yoda is fond of younglings. Crechemasters have the
unspoken permission to bother him at any time of they with matters concerning
the little ones. Request for advice, reports about Yoda’s favorites, inquires
about Knights and Padawans who might be free to help out—it’s a background
noise whenever Mace accompanies the Grandmaster, which is most of the time.
“…they were
delighted with Padawan Secura, it’s a shame she and Master Vos had to leave so
urgently. Perhaps we can repeat this sometime later.”
“Oh?” Mace
interrupts the Crechemaster unexpectedly. “Why not have one of other Padawans
currently in Temple do it?”
“Do you
have someone in mind, Master Windu?”
It’s the
Will of the Force.
Master
Windu knows this, because it sings triumphantly around him as he discovers that
serendipitously known to him schedule of a particular Padawan—who tragically
missed out on the magic of crèche experience due to his unusual circumstances—complements
the Crechemaster’s plans perfectly in a way that leaves no time for visits from
entitled politicians.
“Yes. Yes,
I do,” Mace replies and puts Anakin Skywalker down for youngling-sitting duty
for the foreseeable future with a sense of job well-done.
This AU idea came from a conversation with @tcf-dendral in which I said that Obi-Wan is always randomly finding things of massive import (who happens to discover an already-paid-for clone army of 3 million and then stumbles into a droid army hiding in the Outer Rim? seriously) that if he hadn’t been on Tatooine with Qui-Gon and Padme, they probably wouldn’t have found Anakin at all. And then Dendral said that he didn’t play any particularly important role while on Tatooine, anyway, and I was like, well, Qui-Gon couldn’t very well just leave him on Naboo, he’s his Padawan.
…BUT WHAT IF HE DID?
So, TPM AU where instead of going with Qui-Gon and the Queen to Coruscant, Obi-Wan stays behind on Naboo, to provide support for the people in any way he can while they’re under siege. He ends up, of course, stumbling into the underground resistance movement and joins them. (Qui-Gon is Not Impressed when he finds out later. “You led another resistance movement?”
“I didn’t!” Obi-Wan protests, quickly re-holstering the blaster he had been using in lieu of his lightsaber because they couldn’t let the Trade Federation know that there was a Jedi there helping out the Naboo people.
“Like all the other times you “didn’t” lead a resistance movement or fight in a war?”
“I didn’t do those either! Didn’t you read my reports on those incidents that I submitted to the Council, Master?”
Qui-Gon sighs.)
Meanwhile, since magnet-for-trouble Obi-Wan isn’t with Qui-Gon and the Queen, they actually have a smooth trip back to Coruscant. She presents her suit to the Senate, they decline to help her, and she returns to Naboo determined to use military force to break the blockade.
Maul is still goes to confront Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan but since there’s no tension between them, they’re able to work together and defeat him. Qui-Gon doesn’t die. Obi-Wan still gets Knighted.
On his first solo mission, Obi-Wan’s ship crash lands on Tatooine.
I LOVE THESE TAGS. You have made my whole week with these tags. YES TO ALL OF THIS.
I’m grinning so hugely, you have no idea. This would happen lol – Obi-Wan is just a magnet for trouble in every form. And Anakin absOLUTELY has a tendency to fixate on the individuals he is infatuated with/cares about and become unhealthily jealous of their every interaction with other beings. At least in this scenario, he has a more stable childhood and still has his mother both for emotional support and to help keep him in line.
#ANAKIN HATES THE SITH THEY MAKE HIS BOND WITH OBI-WAN ALL JANGLY (@themikeymonster) – OK, but tell me that’s how they find out Palpatine’s a Sith, y/y? Palpatine doesn’t know Anakin’s Force sensitive since he never became a Jedi or got called the Chosen One + Anakin has incredible shielding after spending all those years on it (look, he was trying to impress Obi-Wan, OK?!!), so when Anakin ends up alone in the same room with Palpatine by accident, Palpatine doesn’t bother shielding too hard. And Anakin, what with his ridiculous force strength, immediately recognizes that there’s something off with his bond with Obi-Wan. Which obviously means Sith. Again.
Cue him asking Obi-Wan via their Super Strong Force Bond™, “What’s happened, are you OK, do I need to come rescue you again? Just say the word and I’ll –”
Obi-Wan rolls his eyes and cuts off his friend’s frantic babbling. “I’m fine, Anakin. I’m sitting in my quarters at the Temple drinking a cup of tea.”
“But then why…?”
And that’s when the proverbial lightbulb comes on.
Anakin was also motivated to perfect his shielding because Obi-Wan used to sneak up on him all the time to pour glasses of water/sand over his head or just shout and startle the life out of Anakin and then laugh himself silly. Anakin could never reciprocate because Obi-Wan always sensed him coming. Until one day he finally perfected his shielding to the point that Obi-Wan didn’t feel him sneaking up on him and Anakin splashed a bucket of water at his back and cackled when Obi-Wan yelped. (This was before Anakin grew to be taller than Obi-Wan. And he’s come a long way to be able waste water like that and not feel like someone was going to die because of it.) That was the only time he could pull off that prank. But he’ll always remember Obi-Wan smiling at him, hair and robes soaked and dripping with water. “Alright, you got me good, Anakin. Now keep up that shielding.”
Anyway, but yes, that is totally how they find out about Palpatine. Obi-Wan tells Anakin to get out of there “and don’t let on that you know about him.” The Jedi and certain trusted Senators work together to figure out Palpatine’s scheme and plan a surgical strike to take him out. (It’s successful, the war ends, and everyone gets to work on rebuilding and detangling the mess that Palpatine mired them in.)
I like things neatly wrapping up as much as anyone, but I’m also thinking like … This is Anakin we’re talking about here. Even an Anakin who is a fairly well adjusted civilian is … still Anakin. This Anakin has never had any personal run-ins with the Sith, and more importantly, has probably never realized entirely how dangerous Obi-Wan’s lifestyle is.
I’m thinking Anakin realizing that Palps is a Sith and being like
(ง’̀-‘́)ง
I can take him
No Ani, no you can not just take him. Get away from there.
Anakin just constantly demanding to be let in on the plans to get Palps like let me help, I can do it! He’s always been in a bad mood over the fact that Obi-Wan spends so much time in danger, but having come so close to the instigator of all that trouble, he’s just constantly let me at ‘em!
can’t fight every politician
You bring up some really good points! Anakin totally would go off half-cocked when he realizes who Palpatine is. His head may not have been filled with all that Chosen One prophecy nonsense but he’s still protective of those he loves and would take on anyone for them. But here, Anakin’s never been trained to use the Force offensively so it’s not what he automatically turns to in a fight. Instead, I’m imagining Anakin trying to throw himself physically at the Chancellor on impulse. The guards get to him before he makes contact and arrests him, then throws him in prison overnight. The Chancellor thinks he’s just one of the anti-war protesters who managed to get into the Senate building somehow so he doesn’t pay him any mind. Dex and Shmi have to come bail him out and he’s banned from the Senate building. (And he’s probably gonna have to go to trial for it because trying to attack the Chancellor, even with just fists, would be considered a pretty big crime.)
He goes to the Temple and crashes one of the strategy meetings. Most of the Jedi there are like ‘wtf, how did you get into this war room? it’s locked with the Force and only a Jedi can open it.’ and Obi-Wan’s just like ‘uh, this is a friend of mine. he’s Force sensitive but untrained. we may have Force bonded.’
More on the topic of Anakin+water under the cut because this is getting long.
I love this. But what has Qui Gon Jinn being doing this whole time? Apart of missing Obi Wan like ALL THE TIME. He would just be in a diplomacy mission, that is going flawlessly well for the first time in a DECADE and just, turn his head to the left to tell Obi wan to be prepared bc all is probably going to go to shit and- there’s no one there. So he concentrates to the mission and ignores the hole in his chest and ALL IS GOING WELL LIKE THERE’S NOT SECRET PLOT, NO SECRET ARMY, NO PREBUSCENT BOYS RECRUITING HIS PADAWAN and Qui Gon just- ‘Uh, this is what normal feeled like’ And at the end of the mission he’s reporting for the council feeling so unsatisfied that it couldn’t be shielded so the council ask and Qui Gon responds ‘It was just to prefect. It’s highly suspicious’ And Master Windu just can’t with that guy.
LMAO and YES TO ALL OF THIS. I love it. I’ve been sitting here cackling like you have no idea. This is the best. Qui-Gon all perplexed like “is this what missions used to be like? is this what missions are like for other Jedi? they…actually…turn out fine?” There are no more “helpless” creatures finding him and following him, no more being chased through jungles or getting into planetary wars (which in a way is good because he is getting older but he’s also so so bored). Obi-Wan meanwhile is traveling the galaxy getting adopted by wild creatures left and right, starting and putting out literal and metaphorical fires, getting his missions done but also getting side-tracked and taking care of a bunch of random things along the way. He keeps bringing lifeforms he’s found back to Coruscant and the Temple.
Years later, when the clone wars start, absolutely no one is surprised to learn that Obi-Wan was the one to discover both armies. Oh, and at some point, Obi-Wan somehow encounters Boga and she adopts him and follows him home because I love her and need her to be in in this world in some way. But how will she and Ri-Lara get along??? Where will all of them live???
Well at one point The jedi council will just go ‘The hell With it, this place is pretty big and these weird EXTREMELY DANGEROUS AND LOVESICK creatures just keep coming in, let’s just give The guy a wing. Or sth
And of course Oboga wan happens. Their relationship is just to precious to not to. And she and Ri-Lara would be that pair of old ladies that bitches about everyone (more anakin than anybody bc hating him is just a must if Obi Wan adopts you. Like that Assaj. She still hasn’t join them, but they have time) and knew each other since diapers
Also, meanwhile everyone is frEAKING about Obi wan’s terrible luck he is obvious. Just doing extraordinary things everyday like a normal thing to do, you know? Sure that two days of secret-planet-with-secret-clone-army-and-grandmaster-turncloack was a little intense, but he’s pretty sure he started a cult in Tatooine somehow and Jawa The Hutt still comns him to curse him un huttese (Anakin didn’t aprove, so he insulted back- The argument lasted five hours. There were even breaks) sometimes so, yes, he just basically tales everything in stride (He swears The rest just like to exagerate. Really. It’s sweet that they worry about him that much though) Oh. And there’s The sith. Somehow -and no, he can’t figure out why- every darksider he mets ends up slighty obsessed With him. Just because. (And then there’s Anakin Skywalker and Qui Con Jinn ‘let’s go to al missions together. Like a team’ Obi Wan loves them, really, but don’t they realize that they’re both a giant, glowing, DANGER MAGNET!??)
Oooh, yes, I like the idea of Obi-Wan getting a whole wing of the Temple to himself. I was thinking he’d have to move to a planet with a more natural environment for for Boga and Ri-Lara. But a whole wing, probably on the same floor as the gardens, would work quite nicely. That whole area becomes a playground for those two; soon, all the Jedi start avoiding it and they get used to hear roars and crashes coming from there during the day. And sometimes pitiful wailing when Obi-Wan’s gone for too long on a mission. Those are somehow the worst.
Anakin’s going to have to strike up a truce with them if he wants to marry Obi-Wan (and he still does). He adds a phase to his plan: Befriend the Terrors.
And haha, one day Ventress shows up at the Temple and Jedi are scrambling for their lightsabers and then Mace notices that she hasn’t lit hers. She’s just calmly standing there, arms crossed and one brow raised and Mace sighs and is like “let me guess, you’re looking for Kenobi?” She gives a short nod and he has her escorted to Obi-Wan’s wing, secretly hoping that one of Obi-Wan’s feral pets will eat her. (They don’t, they quite like her.)
theory: r2-d2, upon seeing Living Legend Luke Skywalker for the first time in a couple of decades, chases him all around the Resistance base, squealing with rage:You FUCKER you LEFT ME you JEDI PIECE OF SHITE you useless Jedi fuck come back here so I can fucking kill you –
He shocks him repeatedly, while Leia howls with laughter in the background
Okay, so we all know that Poe went around the Resistance base telling everyone about the Handsome Stormtrooper that saved his life – but what about BB-8? Imagine BB-8 coming back to base and promptly telling everyone about the good brave human who saved his Poe. This is Finn he is so lovely, he is the best of all humans, look at him, be nice to him – he’s a little bit slow – doesn’t understand droid at all but he’s a quick learner.
And imagine ALL THE DROIDS falling into line, looking after Finn, and Finn is just so nice to them because he remembers what it’s like to be treated like you’re nothing, like you don’t have a personality. And they just adopt him: Finn the best human, they designate him, and R2-D2 – battle-hardened war vet that he is – teaches him binary but teaches him the bastardised sweary binary that all the older droids speak and BB-8 is innocent and oblivious and C3-PO is scandalised because Finn is going round saying things like fuck me this is hot in this little whistle-beep.
And whenever Finn sits down he’s surrounded by happy young droids who absolutely adore him, and he is just so nice and all the droids go out of their way to do things for him.
And yes. Give me sweet lovely Finn with his droid ducklings.
OMG I NEED THIS ARTED. Just. Finn. Droids. WHAT ARE YOU DOING FINN CAN WE HELP WE’LL JUST WATCH IF YOU DON’T NEED US. FINN IS SLIGHTLY THIRSTY. FIND WATER.
Steel Phoenix Studios 