By this point I have quite a few followers who are into Star Wars. And quite a few who are into medieval literature.
Allow me to tell you about The Tatooine Cycle, or Star Wars (1977) in the style of a medieval Irish epic, which started life on Twitter in November 2015. The whole thing is on the author’s blog, The Head of Donn Bó.
Some selections:
What was the reason for the Tragic Death of Cenn Obi and the Destruction of Da Thféider’s Hostel? (1) Not difficult that.
There was once a great queen of Alt Da Rann and Leia was her name. War had sprung up between her people and those of Da Thféider. She sent messengers to ask for aid from the wildman, Cenn Obi. He lived in the wilderness far to the west. These were the messengers she sent: Síd Tríphe Óg, who knew all the languages of man and beast,(2) and the dwarf, Artú.
My favourite thing about it is that Tom O’Donnell (the author) used the name Finn for Luke, on grounds that you wouldn’t find anyone called Luke in Irish mythology. Finn is a calque for Luke: both mean white, and secondarily, pure. Tom did not know at that point that there would be a Finn in Ep VIII.
The bandits sold the messengers to a farmer, Eogan his name. He gave them to his nephew, Finn Aiércoisige, (4) to look after. Artú told Finn why they had come to the region: to seek Cenn Obi, the wild man. Their lands and people were being destroyed. Finn knew the holy man who lived in the woods. The geilt would fly from treetop to mountain peak and lived on brook lime & fresh water.(5) The next day Finn and Artú set out into the wilderness to find the wild man. They see him on a hill and he recites this poem:
Come not near to me Finn
Though I knew your father
The wilderness is sweet to me
Who has not heard your name in a long timeCenn Obi recites random and cryptic poetry throughout, it’s glorious. Also glorious: the passage that combines the passing on of the lightsaber and the death of Owen and Beru:
“This is a powerful weapon from a better age. Do not point it at your face” said Cenn Obi. With his senses returned Cenn Obi agreed to help the princess and journey east with the messengers. Finn will not leave. Da Thféider’s warriors came to Eogan’s farm. They burned it down and killed Eogan, his wife and his livestock. This is an ill omen for the hospitaller. With right on his side Finn decides to journey with Cenn Obi to Mag Eisleigh.
This is an ill omen for the hospitaller. BRILLIANT.
Look, just go and read the post, to find out about the shining eye of Da Thféider that destroys armies in a single glance, and Finn Aiércoisige’s daring efforts to throw a spear through a small window and knock over a cauldron, thus setting on fire the hostel of Da Thféider.
@abadpoetwithdreams I feel like this would be in your interests.
Bees swarm in the evil hive
Scum & villainy, no untrue speech,
In the plain of Eisleigh
Are these the messengers you seek?I still love this.
Tag: star wars
w h y were they banned from the coffee shops….. I MUST KNOW….. UNBELIEVABLE
@deadcatwithaflamethrower @dogmatix @norcumi @poplitealqueen
They kept bringing in their own booze to add to the drinks.
Who comes up with name for ships? They should be fired, cause Anakin and Padme’s ship name is obviously not supposed Anidala. It’s obviously Panakin. Cause that’s what they’re doing throughout the entire series.
xDDDD
Omg you are a genius this is totally their ship name now. I will accept no other.
@bedlamsbard @lectorel @deadcatwithaflamethrower @norcumi @dogmatix @darthrevaan
WE MUST SPREAD THE WORD.
I’m down with this
travestypun.
Don’t fire Matt😂😂😂
a ROGUE ONE / REBELCAPTAIN x whistle-blower AU for my rebelcaptain secret santa giftee, @moonprincess92nz!
‘Even if I hated you and you hated me, I’ll always trust you, Jyn. Your judgment, your competence, your conscience.’
Jyn and Cassian drifted away from each other years ago and thought they could never make their love work. But when Bodhi Rook showed up on Jyn’s doorstep one day with information that could bring down an administration, she knows there is only one noble reporter she could go to. And maybe they can eventually find it in their hearts to believe that they are meant to be together – as lovers, as partners, and everything else in between.
Return of The Jedi (1983) // The Last Jedi (2017)
they are written in the stars~♥
So For Reasons, a friend and I were discussing a scene (not either of
ours) wherein there’s a wedding between
Obi-Wan and Satine. Now, all of my shipping tendencies aside, it
takes an exceedingly skilled author to convince me that
Obi-Wan/Satine works in the long run (let’s be honest here: I
pretty firmly believe that while he loves her, only she is IN love
with him. Yeah, I take the approach of ship-and-let-ship, but I got
my opinions.)But I had been watching Leverage RIGHT before this conversation. (I met Tara. She seems like fun.)
So of course the whole
scenario strikes me as a fake wedding con. Very fancy, very public,
and I have no idea who Our Heroes are trying to con or why. Maybe
this is to pull Maul out of the woodwork? ::shrugs:: Makes just about
as much sense as anything else. This would be a VERY weird
alternative to the shit what goes down in that arc of messed up in
canon.Meanwhile, I can’t tell if Satine
is in on the plan, or ignorant of the whole damn thing. The latter
makes me cringe and it’s far too cruel, but when I consider her
being in on matters I want to have her pining after someone else.
Considering I usually pick Padmé for those circumstances, it becomes
an unholy mess.I have no idea where any of this is
going, nor what it might be, but I’m tossing the plunnie out for
adoption and tagging @dharmaavocado because it might be their jam or at the very
least amuse them. Also for egging me on with regards to Leverage. ❤First of all I’m so excited you got to Tara. She’s great and I love her. Second, fuck yes this is my jam! I realized I’ve never technically written Satine and Obi-Wan interacting, which is a shame because so much grade A bickering happening.
Satine is definitely the Tara. She spends most of her time in Europe grifting the aristocracy but she pops now and again to help out on a job but mostly to disparage Obi-Wan’s technique. So a con requires a wedding for Plot Reasons and it goes off as well as expected when requiring Satine and Obi-Wan to give heartfelt vows while looking lovingly into each other’s eyes, which is to say Anakin has the entire thing saved on video.
“Those really look like tears of happiness instead of suppressed rage,” he said, passing Ahsoka the popcorn.
“I like how she still insulted your everything,” Ahoska said while Obi-Wan tried to murder them both with his brain.
Skip ahead a few years to happy criminal family and the whole wedding thing happens to come up because Anakin pulled out the video.
“I like your suit,” said Rex, who was an utter bastard. “The blue really brought out your eyes. When’s your anniversary? I’ll get you something nice.”
“You do realize we’re not actually married, right?” he said.
Anakin raised a hand. “Are you sure about that? Because that is definitely a priest pronouncing you man and wife.”
“We’re not Catholic,” Obi-Wan protested.
“And I did get you guys a marriage license. I have a copy somewhere.”
“It was for our fake identities,” Obi-Wan said. “That doesn’t count.”
“Pretty sure the state of New Jersey doesn’t see it like that,” said Anakin, tapping on his phone. “Oh, hey, found your tax returns. She’s been filing jointly for you both. Nice.”
“Excuse me,” said Obi-Wan. “I need to go make a call.”
“Give Satine my love,” said Rex.
And then, obviously, they need to throw another wedding for more Plot Reasons, and hey, technically Satine and Obi-Wan already got married once so might as well go around for the second time.
“Honestly, Obi-Wan,” Satine said as she tucked a stray strand of hair back into place, “you act like you’ve never done this before. Rex, be a dear and fix his tie.”
“My tie looks fine,” he said, but tipped his chin back as Rex straightened it. “Is everyone in place?”
“Yes.” Rex’s touch lingered at the hollow of his throat. “And we’ve made sure Hardcase isn’t in the van with Anakin.”
“Good,” Obi-Wan said. “I’m needed at the alter.”
“The people are expecting a wedding. We shouldn’t disappoint them.”
“You know, Rex,” Satine said in the tone of voice that never meant good things for Obi-Wan, “I did say you should be taking my place for this job.”
Rex stepped back. “No. When we do get married it’s not going to be for a con.”
“You–I–what?” Obi-Wan managed.
“You broke him,” said Satine, delighted.
“You know he doesn’t deal well with feelings,” Rex said, unbearably fond.
Gathering what remained of his dignity, Obi-wan said, “I am going to do my job now as the only professional here.”
“You do that, dear,” said Satine. “Rex, I have a Monet that is going to make the perfect engagement gift.”
The job was a success because they were good at what they did, and afterward Obi-Wan found Rex and asked, “I suppose it’s too much to hope you were just making a joke in poor taste?”
“You know me better than that,” said Rex.
On the other side of the room Anakin rewound the video of the ceremony and said gleefully, “I can’t believe she dipped him!”
“I have one condition,” Obi-Wan said, holding out his hand. “We elope.”
“Done,” said Rex, and let Obi-Wan pull him up and away.
I love you and I love your writing and this is basically made entirely of squee. THANK YOU!
*totally adding to the SQUEE pile*
Prompt: What was Lando up to during Last Jedi?
His damn job, that’s what.
It’s all very well for Leia to be running the ship and for Luke to be doing…whatever the hell he’s doing, Leia messaged him something about an island and a kid and how they’d gotten the Falcon back, oh and Han was dead, like that was going to stick, Lando’s personally attended no less than five of Han’s funerals and he stopped crying after the third. But someone’s got to make sure the ship’s still running, that the Resistance still has allies and resources and funds, those morons have been under the impression for the last three dozen years that rebellions can be run with a wink and a smile and an inspiring speech.
So Lando manages to escape the disaster at Coruscant and works from the Naboo satellite offices and when Leia’s distress signal comes in, he just rubs his eyes and gets back to work, because the last time she sent him one of those it was because she and Luke had been arguing about whether or not she should get Jedi training and Han had taken his side and Chewie hers and they needed a tiebreaker. He’s not willing to find out what she thinks is an emergency right now, not when he’s got to flip the junk bonds in order to boost the Resistance capital before the whole market crashes.
Fucking Skywalkers.
Lando Calrissian is the Responsible Adult of the Resistance, who knows when to call a plumber, understands mortgages and has insurance that actually pays out when shit happens; he invested in space!Bitcoin in 2011 and now he’s sitting on an untraceable FORTUNE that could pay for like, seven Dreadnoughts and an entire Resistance army earning way above minimum wage
Bless this post.
Steel Phoenix Studios 